For those who like music, there’s a scene in here that I wrote to First Date by Frad, it’s best to play it when I say to. It’s also now in the Control Playlist on Spotify.

—–

Hagen’s P.O.V

I didn’t think it was normal for my heart to be racing the way it was.

It wasn’t as if anything exciting was going on, or anything equally terrifying. I was in a corner cafe with my sister, listening to her talk about her week, not on a battlefield fighting for my life or some shit.

But I might as well have been with the way my heart was charging in my chest as if it belonged to a thoroughbred that had just come off the tracks.

“I just had a bad day I think,” Josey continues, “I’m usually in better shape,”

“Mhm,” I hum with a nod.

Maybe I’d just had too much coffee.

It is not the coffee– Zyair interjects before I even had a chance to enjoy that little lie.

Okay so maybe it wasn’t the coffee, or how busy the cafe was, but something else entirely.

“And then I got on a unicorn and flew to the moon,”

“Is that so-” I stop myself as her words actually lock themselves in causing me to snap my head up, “wait, you did what?”

Josey smiles knowingly at me as she circles the straw inside her iced macchiato, “You’re not listening.

Shit.

“I’m sorry,” I reply earnestly while I run my hands through my hair in a feeble attempt to get a grip on something since the rest of my life was stuck in a shit storm, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, I know you have a lot on your mind,” she replies with a shrug, “it’s why I came down here, to get those things off your mind and help you relax, but maybe I’m not doing a very good job of that.”

“No, you’re not,” I tease which makes gets me a playful glare from her, “but seriously, I should’ve been listening.

“Yeah, you should’ve, but you can’t help but feel anxious.”

I hear myself release a weak chuckle while I drop my gaze to the table’s lining. Tracing the carved in design with my finger, I try to keep the pitiful doubt out of my voice as I ask “Is that what this is?” I risk a peek at her, “Anxiety?”

“I think so. I mean, you’ll be spending your with the guy who tormented you for more than half of your life,” Josey deadpans, her empathy not hard to hear despite the cold casing it’s delivered in, “if you weren’t anxious, I’d think you lost even more of the few brain cells you have left.”

A real laugh leaves me as I feel our bond warm, tightening with the love and support she sends my way.

Josey was the only person I knew who seemed to understand my reservations about my mate.

It was probably because she’d been right there to witness every awful thing he’d done in my life to keep me to him, or maybe it was because she’d been the one to hold me on the nights I couldn’t help but cry because of him, but Josey understood my reservations.

Everyone else liked to pull the mate card as if mates was the magic fix-it tool to every issue.

Not Josey. Josey didn’t give a fuck about the importance of mates, she’d never really liked the concept of having no choice of who your other half would be, and so, she’d always been ready to listen to my side.

Knowing that, I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was this morning when I opened my door and found her waiting on the other side with a wide smile and open arms.

I needed someone to talk to, to keep my mind busy so I didn’t self-sabotage and she’d known, she always knew.

“You know you don’t have to see him,” she whispers as if someone were listening. I’m sure she thought Nikola might be, but he wasn’t, I could feel his magic when he was near. “If you don’t feel comfortable around him, you do not have to spend any time with him.”

“I know, but I think I owe it to both of us to see who we are now,” I admit with a little shrug while I palm my steaming mug, “he’s stopped fucking with my life and he’s kept his distance since we turned 18. If I’m not going to reject him, then it’ll be cruel to avoid him.”

Josey nods her head with begrudging understanding while I sneak a sip of the only thing that was keeping my eyes open.

My addiction to coffee was in a league of its own.

Coffee, alcohol– Zyair lists mournfully, adding a dramatic sigh in his usual flare –this body is a barely functioning carcass you’re rotting from the inside.

“And you’re not going to reject him?” Josey asks carefully, the words seeming difficult for even her to get out.

And just like that, my heart was trying to off itself again.

Was I going to reject Nikola? That was the big question.

When we were young and I had those low moments of wondering if we were true mates like he always claimed, I’d always thought that I would reject him if it were true, and free myself from his shackles.

But when I turned 18 and was actually there in the moment, Nikola had disappeared before I even had the chance.

It was as if he knew it was a possibility and removed himself before I even had the chance to consider it.

It hardly mattered when I’d packed up that same day and left the only home I ever knew, overwhelmed by what it all meant and terrified of having to actually speak to my mate, who was only 13 at the time.

Confusing didn’t even begin to cover the torment that had taken over me that day.

I’d stayed awake for days on end, thinking that each day would be the day I woke up from this nightmare. When I didn’t, my fear switched gears to mourning the day that Nikola would appear in the tiny hotel room I’d found myself in San Fransico, but he never did.

He’d stayed away, and he’d kept his distance ever since.

Of course, we’d seen one another in the five years since then, but it had never been like it used to.

Nikola wasn’t pushy anymore, in fact, he was heartbreakingly sweet and awkward.

At the same time, I’d been learning to accept that he was in fact, my mate.

Eventually, the thought of rejecting him had just floated away, a thing I’d deal with when he was older, but now he was.

“I don’t plan to,” I admit knowing that Josey would never judge me for my feelings or thoughts.

Make fun of them, tease me endlessly and ruthlessly? One hundred per cent, but she’d never make me feel like I was stupid for feeling the things I did.

“I mean, the Nikola I’ve seen these last few years hasn’t been anything like the kid we grew up with,” I explain while I shift in my seat, trying to voice all the jumbling thoughts circling in the back of my head, “he’s left me alone and he’s been kind to me. It makes me feel like… I don’t know… like I could handle getting to know him and maybe figuring out a relationship with a guy if that’s who he is.”

“A relationship with a guy,” Josey repeats with a grin, “like you think maybe you’ll be able to fuck him eventually?”

“Maybe,” I admit despite the uncomfortable shudder that runs through me, “if not, if he’s the person he seems to be now, then maybe we can be in a relationship without anything like that.”

“And if he’s not?” Josey presses, never one to beat around the bush.

“If he’s not, then I’m not sure,” I reply honestly, “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who won’t let me live.”

That was the crux of it all.

If Nikola was the overbearing dick that had made my life hell growing up, then I would have to protect my own happiness. It was a terrifying thought to reject your mate, barely any survived it, but I would do it if it came down to it, and I didn’t care what anyone else thought of that.

I was entitled to having my own life.

You are – Zyair agrees supportively even though I knew the thought tore him up inside.

Zyair had always been so supportive of me, of my wants and dreams, always there as a wolf should be. I loved him more than words could express, and though I knew he’d fight me about it, if he and Nikola’s wolf, Neo, fell in love, for each other and not the bond, I would never dare to tear him apart from his mate.

Josey takes another sip from her drink and I do the same, greedily gulping down the steaming liquid that rolling down my throat like a hot flame that settles the best type of fire in my stomach.

“Sounds to me like you’ve managed to round up your three last working brain cells and come up with a decent plan,” Josey replies with a wicked grin that only grows when I kick her shin under the table.

The bitch doesn’t even wince.

“So then why am I shitting bricks?”

“I don’t know, I’m not your fucking therapist,” Josey snaps back, “maybe you’re nervous because you’re a normal person who gets anxious about going on a date?”

Or maybe you’re scared that it will actually go well? – Zyair sings in my ear like the busy bee he

My heart kicks up another gear as the terrifying thought takes root in my head.

If the date did go well, what happened then?

It was easy to prepare for the worst, the expected, but the best… I didn’t know even know what to do there.

“Whatever it is, doesn’t matter now. You can only deal with shit like that in the present, worrying about it is a waste of valuable time,” Josey declares before she finishes her drink in one go that makes her shake her head violently to get rid of her instant brain freeze, “I say we get out of here and spend the day using our time violently.”

“Violently?” I ask with a snort.

“Yes, violently,” she confirms without fault.

“And you actually want to spend the day with me?” I question with a raised brow, “me the ‘disgusting booger that somehow was birthed with you’?”

Josey snorts as well before she nods her head eagerly, “I love that you know your place, little brother.”

I groan as loudly as I can, “I’m like 12 minutes younger than you.”

“Still makes you younger,” Josey declares as she stands and gets her purse, “now come on, I want to shop in the city that you abandoned me for.”

Rolling my eyes, I get to my feet and let Josey steer me forward with a smile on my face that only she had the power to put there.

I knew lots of twins didn’t get along, it wasn’t the promised friendship lots of people thought it was, but Josey and I had been one of the lucky pairs that had it.

From the minute we were actually conscious of each other, it was hard to stay apart, harder still when our wolves were paired like we were, making our bond stronger than any other in the family.

Josey was my other half, literally, and even when she drove me crazy and made me wish I was strong enough to strangle her, she was the most important person in my life.

Life without her wouldn’t be a life worth living.

───────────────────

Josey and I spend the day together as expected, travelling from shop to shop to expand her evergrowing closet while we caught up on the little things we’d missed that we forgot to share when we talked over the phone.

There wasn’t much though since we made a point of talking at least once every few days, but it was nice to hear that things were fine home, that she was on track for her application date and that she was happy.

For as long as I could remember, the Academy had been Josey’s future.

She never talked about anything after, only what she’d do once she got into the most prestigious institution for supernatural beings. We all knew she was a shoo-in, but you only got one chance at the Academy and Josey had enough patience to wait until she was 100% sure that she would get in.

I wish I had her patience or her drive, or literally any of the countless things that made her the amazing woman she was, but I didn’t. It was like she’d taken all of it in the womb and only left me with enough parts to function.

But I guess she functioned enough for the both of us because like always, Josey was sure to get new clothes for me so I’d stop wearing my ‘rags’, and returning home without stopping for groceries was not acceptable according to her because ‘I was getting too skinny’.

It was only in the little actions like those that I really felt as if she was my big sister rather than my twin, but I would die before I admitted that.

“Jo, I’m done,” I call as I shove my broom into the cleaning wardrobe.

“Oh, awesome,” Josey says with a nod as she looks away from the TV to the rest of the apartment she’d forced me to clean, “it doesn’t look like such a pigsty anymore now, you’re welcome.”

“I did the cleaning, you just watched Real Housewives.”

“Umm, I forced you to clean so technically, I did all the work,” she replies before she checks the time on her phone and grimaces.

“Got somewhere to be?” I ask when I watch a frown form on her face.

“Yeah, unlike you, some of us have a life,” she shoots nonchalantly, completely unaware of how deeply that comment cut before the bond made her feel it.

Our bond worked like that sometimes, it was kind of random the things we felt from one another unintentionally. Dad always said we shared our own channel and sometimes, our emotions and thoughts would filter through for the other to pick up on, even if we didn’t mean for it to happen.

I liked to think of it as the Snitch Channel.

Josey’s eyes fill with guilt as she comes over to me, her dark brows pulling in tight with shame, “Sorry Hagen, I was just joking. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s fine,” I say quickly, not wanting this to become a thing, “it’s weird when you’re nice to me.”

Josey doesn’t take the bait, her expression stubbornly serious, “You have a life, Hagen. Just because you’re still piecing it together, doesn’t mean you don’t know what it is.”

“I know,” I grumble, trying for a smile but it breaks apart on the way up, “it’s just hard sometimes.”

Pulling me into her arms, Josey hugs me with all the perfectly toned muscles she’d been working at since we were preteens, holding me so tight to her, air barely wiggles into my lungs.

“Is this what you call hugging?” I wheeze even while I squeeze her back, “I can’t breathe.”

“Oh, shut up,” she grumbles while she sways us.

I hadn’t been joking when I said it was weird when Josey was nice to me.

She’d always been so brutal with her words growing up, still was honestly, but that hadn’t been her fault. In our family, sparring words were our warped version of a love language and she just happened to excel a little too well at it.

But as we got older and all started picking up on the things we could improve, she’d learned like we all did to be careful with what we said.

That didn’t make it any less jarring to hear her apologize after striking a nerve now when before she’d tell us to stop being a little bitch.

“Where did you have to go?” I say when we pull apart, desperate to change the subject before she could ask me any questions about how my courses were going.

That was a subject strong enough to make me end it all.

“Yeah, Nia, Idowu and I are going out for drinks later,” Josey says as she grabs her phone and purse before she looks at me again, “are you going to be okay without me?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I reply sarcastically.

It wasn’t as if I only had hours now before I’d have to see my mate.

Insert internal meltdown here.

So dramatic – Zyair chides.

I know you, YOU, aren’t calling me dramatic – I retort which makes Zyair huff as he turns his head.

“He’s not some monster you can’t defeat,” Josey reminds me as she rests her hands on her shoulders and looks me in my eyes, “he’s just your mate, who likes you a little too much, but you don’t have to do a thing you don’t want to.”

“I won’t,” I promise to both her and myself.

I knew how easily I could be swayed, especially when food was involved, I didn’t want that happening tonight.

“If he tries anything, I will not hesitate to beat the shit out of him. I will literally make him eat his own shit,” Josey promises not for the first time and I knew like Nikola probably did that she’d find a way to make it happen. “Call me after?”

“Sure,” I reply before giving her one last hug.

I watch as Josey calls on one of the pack’s witches to bring her home, sharing one last wave before she disappears before me, leaving me alone just as the sun finally set.

7:16 pm – a peep at my clock reveals.

Josey had kept my company for as long as she could, be there was still time to burn before Nikola would be at my door.

I couldn’t hope for him to be late, Nikola was notoriously punctual with a burning hatred for tardiness, which surprise surprise, was one of my most consistent habits.

But I couldn’t be late tonight, I wouldn’t let myself. If I was going to give Nikola a chance, a real chance, then I needed to at least meet him halfway.

“Goddess have mercy, what have I become,” I groan as I wipe my hands over my face.

An adult – Zyair answers gently.

I can’t help a snort – This adulting shit is a bitch.

Zyairs laughs as well as he tries to settle us, calming the parts of me that wanted to make a run for it – Why don’t we have some food, maybe watch a show? Fill in the time?

I nod my agreement as I get moving, I just had to keep myself busy for the next few hours and then, I’d be okay.

I’d avoid all the encouraging texts coming in from the family and keep my mind off of all things Nikola-related.

Once I did that, I wouldn’t overthink things or worry about how this might all be the biggest mistake of my life, or that Nikola might be even worse than he used to be and try to keep me with him if I wanted to leave.

If I got upset, would he listen or would he just keep repeating that I was his mate as if that was the balm he believed could fix all wounds… all the pain…

There was no telling with him, not when it came to the things he wanted and I was the thing he wanted most of all.

On second thought– Zyair interjects quickly –how about I take over until it’s go-time and you just hide in our head.

I love you.

───────────────────

(A/N – Play song for the rest of the chapter if you can)

While my eyes scrutinize my reflection for imperfections, I run my shaking hands over the ends of my clothes.

I wasn’t used to looking this… nice.

My closet was made up entirely of hoodies, graphic tees, two pairs of jeans and sweats, things that were comfortable and dark enough to hide stains. Nothing like the loose, white short-sleeved button-up and dark brown slacks Zyair had chosen for me.

I wanted to complain that it wasn’t me, but it was, just a little more formal than usual.

I look down at my feet, twisting them from side to side to examine the dark brown, bit loafers that were a far stretch from my usual dirty converses. But they were comfortable and admittedly the perfect fit for the rest of my this getup.

This getup – Zyair retorts with a small growl – is what is making you look like a sexy one-of-a-kind hunk right now. So stop complaining and say thank you Zyair.

Thank you, Zyair – I reply, meaning it despite the way I draw it out.

You’re welcome, young grasshopper – he replies knowing exactly how gleeful that would make me.

Risking another glance up at the clock, I almost swallow my tongue whole when my eyes meet the blaring time waiting for me.

9:55pm.

Five more minutes.

“No reason to freak out Hagen,” I whisper to myself as I hold my eyes in the mirror, “this is just a dinner with Nikola… your mate.”

My heart does that annoying lurching fluttery thing again as the words whirl around my mind.

My mate. I was going on a date with my mate.

It seemed like the day would never come, when it’d just be me alone with the most confusing and deprecating thoughts to keep me company in this apartment, but it was here now and while I was undeniably losing my shit on the insides, I was excited too… maybe.

At least, I assumed that that was what that frantic buzzing under my skin was.

Either that or I was going to be sick.

Shaking my head, I set into a pace I can’t help while I try to breathe slowly.

“It’s just dinner,” I remind myself, “we’ll have a meal, talk and then…we’ll figure it out…”

…hopefully

We will – Zyair promises. But that was easy for him to say when he believed Nikola’s wolf, Neo, hung the moon. No, it’s easy for me to say because scared as you may be, we both know that Nikola would never hurt you.

Not physically, no. But we both know all the ways he’s hurt me over the years.

Zyair whines a little, sinking into me in the way he couldn’t help when the pain our mate caused us for so long flares up again.

He was young then – Zyair reminds me as he did so many times before – he’s changed.

Again, hopefully – I reply before I try to clear those thoughts from my head.

I didn’t want to go into this spitefully. I’d accepted a long time ago that if I wanted this to end well for the both of us, then I’d have to give Nikola a chance and to do that, I couldn’t hold onto long-time grudges.

So an open mind, it was… I just hoped I wouldn’t regret it.

“We’ll figure it out,” I repeat to myself again, giving myself a firm nod as I catch my eye in the mirror again.

I dressed nice.

It’s the last look I’m allowed before a knock sounds against my door, sending my heart rate into the stratosphere as I jump a little in my place.

My eyes immediately dart to the clock, not willing to believe five minutes had flown so quickly but the number didn’t lie.

10:00 pm, on the dot.

Wiping my suddenly sweaty hands against my slacks, I shake my arms out and try to swallow my fears before I head for the door. Each step felt like a fight with my lungs becoming freakishly tight, my muscles awfully stiff and my legs turning to jelly, but I manage.

At the door, the first wisps of his rich scent, dark rum and leather, tickle my nose, making my insides melt while Zyair mentally rolls over, already salivating at being this close to our mate.

I can’t help but feel the same, my excitement surging up, past my worries.

Twisting my fingers over the locks to my door, I stall just a little each time the suddenly loud sound of released steel snaps free, bringing me one step closer to the man on the other side.

This was just dinner, I remind myself. A meal between two werewolves, nothing else.

Resting my hand on the doorknob, I suck in a deep breath as my fingers tighten around the knob, allowing myself a second more before I pull the door open.

No turning back now…

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I’m sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! I promise I did not plan this cliffhanger!

Thoughts??????

What did we think of the Josey conversation at the start? Hagen’s nerves, the little cute moment before he went for the door!!!!

I want the date to be from Nikola’s POV which is why I stopped here, and I actually wanted to surprise you guys with a double update with the whole thing, not a cliffhanger. But I couldn’t get it done in the deadline I set myself, and I didn’t want something so important to be rushed, so please don’t hate me too much!!!

Hopefully, you guys enjoyed this chapter!! It made me feel all nervous and squirmy inside like I was the one going on the date lol.

I’ll be updating Patreon next so I can’t promise a date for the next Control chapter, but I’ve already written half of Chapter 4 so hopefully, the wait won’t be too long.

Please vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeeee Humansssssssssss