SURPRISE!!! CONTROL UPDATE HOT AND READY!!!

Somehow, this turned out really fucking long so enjoy!

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Hagen’s P.O.V

“Hagen

“You’re scared.”

“Not scared, just nervous. I don’t know what it’s like without it, ya know.”

“Nothing will change.”

What a fucking lie.

Pain jolts me awake. An awful, soul-deep pain that only one person could cause. I pop my eyes open, searching for him, but it’s too late– he’s already gone.

My heart seizes from the horrible ache that grows quickly, getting worse with each step he puts between us until there’s a physical hole inside my chest where I know he’s supposed to be.

Why was he doing this? Again? Why did he have to do this every night?

Inside, Zyair whines, lost as I was between staying put or going after our mate. The pain made it simple; I should go after him, but then there was that terrible, tiny niggling thought… what if he was trying to get away from me? Zyair’s whine grows pitiful, almost slipping from my lips as I curl under the sheets, my heart tearing in opposite directions.

Something was wrong with Nikola, and not just now or tonight. Something was wrong; I just didn’t know what.

“Nothing is going to happen.” My thoughts stall the moment Nikola’s voice fills the studio. It’s a whisper, the words barely there from hid gruff voice, but in the dead of night, I hear every syllable.

“We won’t do anything but–” He pauses, and there’s a beat of silence. “But?” More silence. “But wait for the stupid awareness to pass.” He’s quiet for a minute, and then, “Nothing is going to happen.”

Frowning, I listen carefully as Nikola repeats the sentences over and over again, his voice dipping in and out as he talks to himself. Except he wasn’t, not entirely. It sounded like it, but really, he was repeating the one we’d had on New Year’s night when I’d basically asked him to move in with me.

He repeated my words and his own, saying them with the exact tone and cadence we had, but I didn’t get why. Why was he was thinking about that now and why the hell was he saying it out loud by himself in the middle of the night?

My fingers curl tightly around my sheet as worry fattens inside of me.

I should go. Something is definitely wrong. What if he needs me? Did he need me? I didn’t know.

Nik sounded fine, he sounded like himself, and even though the repetition was odd, he didn’t sound scared or anxious, so what if I made it worse by intruding when he thought he had privacy. Goddess knew it was hard enough to get a moment to yourself when we were always one step away from one another.

But what if he wasn’t?

Biting back a groan of frustration, I stay in bed a little longer, waiting or maybe stalling, as minutes pass with Nikola voicing a constant loop of our conversation, and then, he just stops.

Without warning, he stops talking entirely, leaving silence to drape itself over the studio. I barely allow myself to breathe as I wait, listening for anything other than my carefully measured heartbeat. Nothing comes.

It’s almost scary– the horrible silence, and for a moment, I feel like I’m watching a horror movie and waiting for the jumpscare you know is coming any second. The one that would scare you, even when he prepped for it.

I hold my breath, Zyair practically on the edge of his seat, before—

The bed dips from Nikola’s weight, and I almost have a heart attack.

He came back to bed. Nikola never came back to bed.

The thought sends all sorts of new heated thoughts racing through my mind, the type that makes my breathing falter while my mate settles in behind me. For a second, I’m a tangled mess of pure joy at having him so close again, and I find myself melting into the bed, delirious thoughts telling me that he’d come closer.

But he doesn’t. Nik doesn’t come any closer, and I almost hate him for it until I remember my own rules.

Rule number one – no trespassing the bed’s borders.

I didn’t think it was possible to hate myself any more than I do right now.

Stupid fucking pillows! If they weren’t there, maybe Nik would’ve laid closer to me, close enough for me to feel his warmth and smell him so strongly that I wouldn’t be able to help myself from plastering us together. I wad the thought away, but a second later, it returns, drugging my mind with visions of Nikola wrapped around me, his face buried into the crook of my neck, his mouth lapping at the skin there… licking and biting… and claiming.

“Nothing is going to happen,” Nikola whispers again, but this time, it sounds different.

Before, he’d said it like I had that night. With feigned confidence and even the doubt I’d tried to hide in my own voice, but now, he said it like a joke.

“Nothing is going to happen,” he repeats slowly just as the familiar chill of his magic comes over me, sweeping over my skin, tracing it like fingers with a touch so intimate my skin heats. Moving higher, it slips between my thighs, and I barely muffle my whine as I shift automatically, legs spreading for more, but then it disappears, returning to Nikola, who lets a strained breath out.

“Nothing… is going… to happen.”

───────────────────

I wake up to an empty bed. Again.

I stifle a sigh.

A small part of my brain tries to remind me that I’d woken up to an empty bed all my life and had absolutely no problem with it before now, but I don’t listen to it cause this was different.

Plastering my hands over my face, I try to dismiss the annoyance mounting in me, but it’s impossible. The frustration was as piercing as the loneliness I felt every morning when I stirred for the second time, only to find his side of the bed perfectly made and empty.

I knew that I should’ve been grateful to be spared the typical awkward morning conversation when our breath still smelt like stale cheese, but I don’t know! It bothered me! Which was insane because it wasn’t like I wanted to wake up with Nikola. I guess, it just wouldn’t have sucked either if I did. I think.

I didn’t fucking know. All I knew for sure was that waking up alone for a third day in a row pissed me off.

He still thought I didn’t know– that I didn’t wake every time he crept out of the room in the middle of the night, but I did. Each night he left the room, left me alone, the pain would come, urging me awake for my mate, but he was never there.

At first, I’d thought it was because Nikola was one of those early riser psychopaths, so he was up and about while I was still playing hopscotch with the Deku in my dreams. But whenever he slipped from the bed at night, the moon was still at its crest and that was too early, even for him.

The first night, I’d thought he’d come back, so I waited and waited until I’d ended up falling back asleep because he never came back. The second, I’d spent the whole night contemplating whether or not I should go to him, but morning came before I’d made a decision. And last night…

I swallow, trying to breathe around the ache that rises within me, this one made from the need that was getting stronger every day.

I didn’t know exactly when it started, but being away from Nikola was starting to feel like hell on earth.

With a tired sigh, I stretch my limbs as far as I can manage, mouth parting for a yawn. Thanks to Nikola’s midnight escapades, I hadn’t been getting my usual ten hours and it was taking a toll on me. Even when I managed to fall asleep again, it was restless and uneasy, cause well… cause he wasn’t there.

Groaning, I roll over and kick at the sheets until I’m free from their prison. The heavy things felt great at night, but the second I woke up, I couldn’t stand to feel it on my skin. Plus, I just needed something to kick right now.

Nikola probably knew I was up by now so I couldn’t hide here for long. I had to go out there and pretend I was the same ol’ Hagen when that couldn’t be anything further from the truth.

When our bond had been freed, there hadn’t been anything initially like I feared. It was actually kind of chill, and I thought, ‘Wow, I was worried for nothing’. And then a few hours later, we’d been talking, Nikola had laughed, just a little, and my heart literally skipped a beat.

I’d waved it away, thinking I’d just had one of those mini-strokes, but then he’d smiled at me, and it happened again. Then, minute by minute, with every little thing he did, my reactions to him got a little stronger and a little stronger, and now… now I had to prepare myself to see him.

So, I take my time, staying exactly where I am, in a pathetic attempt at prolonging the inevitable.

Pathetic is the perfect word because that’s exactly what this is. Pathetic.

Thank you, Zyair – I reply sarcastically while I stretch my limbs. Your support, love and care are always so deeply appreciated.

Before the serpent has a second to reply, I push him away and gift myself a minute more in bed. Sixty seconds and then I’d face the music.

Stretched over the familiar comfort of my wide mattress, I toss and turn, rolling around like a cat until I suddenly find myself nose-deep in a pillow carrying his scent.

I freeze like if someone had just pressed a gun to my head.

Faster than I can think, I quickly become all too aware of how my body was now stretched over Nikola’s side of the bed, and my face was currently hovering over his pillow.

I don’t dare another breath. I don’t even blink. I just stay there for a moment– paralysed, my muscles turned to cement as I try to gather the strength to pull away.

Nice and easy, Hagen.

Just roll back over and we can pretend this never happened.

Yeah, I just had to ease my way back to my side of the bed and then I’d be scot-free.

I breathe in deep, and my body goes haywire.

Stifling a groan, I fill my lungs to the brim with rum and leather until my brain shuts off completely, and I fall apart. The world turns to white noise as raw hunger takes over me, forcing me to wrap my hands around the pillow and bury my face into it until I’m drowning every time I suck in another greedy lungful.

Fuck, it smelt so good, smelt so fucking good– smelt like him, my mate.

Oh Goddess, my mate.

Breath staggering, I try to get a grip, to shake off the need making lust stir inside of me, but my knees dig into the mattress beneath me instead, driving me further up until I’m stretched across Nikola’s side of the bed. I breathe in deep again, overwhelming every nerve inside of my body with his scent until my limbs have no choice but to unwind and relax into the mattress as if it were his arms.

It takes biting my lip to stifle my moans.

Goddess, this was wrong and weird. I needed to stop now before my hips started moving in the way they ached to— and Goddess have mercy, right now I wanted nothing more than to thrust against the sheet and– no! Fuck, I needed to stop before I really lost it, and Nikola found me like this.

Oh shit, Nikola! The thought is enough for me to free the pillow and scramble back.

I look up, heart pounding with fear as I search the room, but I don’t find grey eyes fixed on me like I’d expected. There’s nothing but the familiar backdrop of my now too-still bedroom and my reckless breaths filling it.

Holy shit… what the fuck was that?

I stare at the rumpled half of the bed, fingers trembling as I scurry back even more, trying to put distance between myself and— Goddess, what the actual fuck was that?!?

I risk another glance around my room, this one a little closer in search of hidden magic, but those grey eyes are still nowhere to be found, only curious black ones.

Knots’ tongue slips out as he peers at me from the base of my bed, his head only slightly visible from where he peers at me.

When my gaze lands on him, he ducks a little in a poor attempt at hiding. Instead of screaming, I release a breath of relief because in this alternate dimension I was trying to survive in, waking up to a python staring at me was far less scary than waking up to my hybrid staring.

“Hey,” I greet with a wave and he rises a little, his hope impossible to miss.

I still found him scary as fuck, especially when I saw all of those yards of him dragging around the place, but I couldn’t deny that he was cute… in a snake way. He had these big black eyes that didn’t track me like I was a meal, but like a friend he very much wanted to make.

I swipe my hair from my face, and add, “Morning, Knots.”

At his name, Knots straightens and slithers forward with palpable excitement, but he stops when I stiffen. Sensing my unease, he remains stationed at the bottom of the bed, looking a lot happier than he’d been since he got here.

“Guess I should get out of bed,” I say mostly to myself as I slide from the mattress.

I could hear Nikola’s steady heartbeat coming from the living room, so I knew where to find him, but just the thought of seeking him out made my insides jumble, especially after what had just happened.

Don’t think about it. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.

That isn’t what ignorance means–

IGNORANCE IS BLISS!

Following at my side, Knots keeps me company as I start making the bed in an effort to hide the rumpled evidence of my momentary psyche break, but I stop halfway and strip it instead. It wasn’t laundry day, but there was no way in hell I was letting Nik find my scent where it wasn’t supposed to be, so fresh sheets it was.

Once I’m done and slightly out of breath, I venture out into the apartment in search of my mate so I can just rip the bandaid off. I find him seated on the centre of the couch with one leg crossed over the other and what looks like a hefty grimoire in his lap.

That was it; he was just sitting there, reading, but when he glances up with a hint of surprise and our eyes meet, the ground beneath me suddenly becomes very unstable.

Nikola’s lips twitch, beginning to form a smile as he folds the grimoire closed, “Good morning, Hagen.”

Fuck.

I’m not doing well — Zyair reports, panting so much that my fingertips become a little slippery. Hagen, I am not doing well.

So, what are you here for?! — I retort while I wipe my sweaty hands against my legs. Zyair, stop sabotaging me and help!

Help you? — he repeats, sounding slightly baffled. You’re lucky we’re not hard right now.

“You’re up early,” Nikola states, cutting in before I could tell Zyair just how much of a useless gnat he was. “I would’ve started breakfast by now if I’d known you planned to be.”

“I didn’t, and it’s fine,” I promise before he could try to remedy that. “I already told you that you don’t have to make us a feast every morning.”

“As I believe I already told you that I enjoy doing it,” he replies smoothly, his grey eyes clouding with amusement before they track lower.

I feel his gaze move over my body like a lingering touch, and goosebumps immediately race up my skin as I remembered last night. I shift a little in my place, trying to shake the feeling off, but it’s a lost cause.

‘Shaking off’ what Nikola did to me was like trying to mop a beach.

“I was thinking maybe we could eat out today,” I blurt out, making one of Nik’s thick brown brows rise. “We’ve been cooped up in here,” and I think I’m slowly going crazy, “so how about we get breakfast, and I can show you around the area.”

Nikola’s gaze settles on mine and my belly warms, “That sounds nice. While we are out, would you like to visit your campus beforehand to finalise the circumstances of your leave?”

My leave. After that day, Nikola had told me about the option, we’d spent the afternoon doing some research that revealed how easy the process was. I thought there would be a bunch of shit to do or prove– I don’t know– but turns out, once you put a request in, that’s it.

I spoke to my dads about it the same day and they were completely on board, already listing things I could try within the pack while I figured out what I wanted to do. I thought they might be a bit against it, especially Dad, but all he kept saying was, “Why didn’t I ever think about that?“.

So, with no reason to wait, I’d put in my leave and the only step left was to ‘submit my formal request in person’, which was basically to sign a document with a campus official watching so they knew it was me and not someone trying to ruin my life– apparently that kind of shit happened.

Anyway, the admissions department told me I could pass by anytime between seven and nine this week, something I hadn’t done yet because, well… I didn’t usually rise before ten because I wasn’t a fucking psychopath.

“I guess we could,” I reply grimly. “Might as well if we’re out. The office opens at seven.”

Nikola glances at his watch, “We can make it if we leave within the next hour.”

I shrug, “I can be ready in twenty.”

Nikola nods, “I’ve already showered, so I’ll change while you get ready.”

“Cool,” I say, already heading back to do just that.

“Hagen.”

I stop, turning back to face him, “Yeah?”

His lips part, but then he pauses, waiting for a moment before he asks, “Did you sleep well?”

I frown, “Yeah, fine. Why?”

His eyes narrow a little as he tilts his head in quiet contemplation, studying me as if he didn’t believe my words and was looking for the lie.

Shit, could he tell what I’d just done?

Did he hear me rolling around in there and somehow knew that I’d been inhaling his scent from his pillow like a cat high on catnip?!

“No reason,” he mumbles eventually, steel eyes giving nothing away. “Twenty minutes.”

Nodding, I turn and head straight for the bathroom. With mate awareness keeping us constantly in the same space, the bathroom was the only place for privacy, thanks to Nikola’s magic.

He’d put together a spell that kept all sounds private while acting as a blurring effect for the constantly open doorway. Once the bathroom was in use, no one on the outside could see in, so we got all the privacy we needed.

I take advantage of that privacy now as I release an audible breath of relief along with a string of “stupid, stupid, stupid”. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and point a finger right at the idiot, “You’re fucking this up!”

Turning away, I pace for a moment as I try to calm my crazy thoughts.

Nikola didn’t know– he couldn’t because if he did, then he would’ve said something, right? Right.

Nik took advantage of situations, and there was no fucking way, he would ever let the fact that I’d been seconds away from rubbing off on his side of the bed slide.

So I was just panicking because obviously I was going crazy!

Releasing a heavy breath, I stop at the sink top and face my reflection in the mirror.

I looked fine, looked just as I’d had for the last twenty-three years, but I didn’t feel the same.

Inside, I felt just as chaotic as I always did, except now, those unchecked sensations were all circulating around the guy sitting on the couch outside– the one who had promised this would happen our whole lives.

I knew the bond was the cause but was it supposed to be this intense?

As far as I knew, the mate bond didn’t fabricate any feelings. People still had a free will of mind to make their own decisions. The bond could only work on what was already there. It was why some mates broke their bonds and never worked out.

It didn’t feel like that for me— as if there was anything other than liking something about my mate every time I laid eyes on him. Wanting Nikola, in some way or form, was the only thing I could feel now, and it was driving me out of my mind.

Nikola. Goddess, he looked good earlier– seated with his legs crossed, his grey eyes knowing, those large hands clenched firmly around his grimoire like they’d been around my—

Shaking my head, I strip myself quickly and head into the shower. I turn the handle as far left as it can go and close my eyes, escaping under the stabbing cold until the fire surging inside of me is smothered.

I just had to get a handle on this, like Nik had. I’d asked to feel the bond, and now I was, so I had to learn to live with it. Cold showers, distance and no more sniffing pillows like a crazy person sounded like a good start.

Heady bent, I stay under the icy spray for a while, letting it clear my mind until I start to shiver and I’m forced to get out.

I almost paint the walls yellow when I spot Knots waiting at the door for me, but my bladder somehow manages to keep itself together.

“We need to have a very long talk about jumpscares,” I tell him seriously while I dry my head, another towel wrapped around my waist.

When he realises he isn’t getting the boot, Knots slithers closer, joining me in front of the sparkling sink top. I frown at it– since when had this shit been white? I could’ve sworn it was a different colour, but now the thing was white and so fucking clean that I could see my reflection in it.

I glance at Knots, and the look he gives me says it all.

“So this is normal for him?” I ask, and Knots hisses what I was guessing was an affirmative. “Well… it could be worse, right?” I receive another hiss.

Wiping at my eyes, I pluck my toothbrush free, being careful not to shift any of the perfectly aligned bottles beside it before doing the same with my tube of toothpaste. Usually, the pair ended up wherever they landed when I finished using them, but with Nikola here, they’d each seemed to be given a new home.

If someone asked me to describe living with Nikola Amorenia in one word, I’d say it was an ‘adjustment’.

Not to say it was bad, because it wasn’t, it was just one big adjustment.

I knew beforehand that Nikola could be quite particular about things but holy fucking shit, past Hagen didn’t have the first clue just how deep it could get.

Today, it was the shit in my bathroom, but yesterday I’d watched him fix the pillows on my coach over and over again, tilting it just so before deciding it wasn’t right and starting all over again. I didn’t know what he was trying to achieve, but each position had looked fine to me, but nearly an hour passed before Nikola finally let them be.

That happened all over the house; he made these little tweaks to the positioning of things in my place, not that I minded. I’ve never been the type to lose my shit over where things were, once they were there, so I was happy for Nikola to play interior designer– it was just interesting to watch him.

I mean, not just him. It wasn’t like I was just watching him because I wasn’t. I’d just been watching the way he worked. Not the way his body worked! His brain! I watched the way his brain worked!

“Hagen.”

My soul drifts to the plains as I jump in my place, almost dropping my toothpaste on Knots’ head. We turn together, looking towards the open bathroom door where Nikola stood. Somehow, he was already dressed while my two brain cells were still doing their best to wake the rest of my body up.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, but—” he stops, shooting a disapproving glare Knots’ way.

“It’s okay,” I say, half-stepping in front of the python, who shrivels up like a raisin under his owner’s unrelenting gaze. “He’s just… keeping me company. I don’t mind.”

That was a lie, but Nikola didn’t need to know that.

Humming, Nik looks from Knots to me before his gaze softens enough to make my heart melt, “I just wanted to let you know we have ten minutes before we leave.”

“Okay, thanks,” I mumble. “I’ll be ready.”

Nikola sweeps his gaze over me from head to toe, the doubt in his eyes silent but loud at the same time.

“I’ll be ready,” I insist while I squeeze the blue paste onto my toothbrush. “And it’s not like we have a reservation to make. We can just leave whenever.”

“But we agreed to leave here in twenty minutes,” Nikola replies, sounding uncharacteristically anxious.

“And we will,” I promise as I shove my toothbrush into my mouth and scrub quickly. “I’m jusht brueshinag my teieth and througwing on some cklothes.”

Nikola grimaces, but he nods stiffly and steps back, “Nine minutes.”

“Yeah, Yeagh,” I drawl, brushing faster.

Following after his owner with a parting hiss, Knots leaves me to get ready in the nine minutes I had left.

Spitting, I clean up and place everything back as I’d found them before hurriedly washing my face. I would’ve liked to take my morning shit, but when Nikola had said we’d be leaving here in twenty, apparently he meant in exactly twenty minutes.

So I skip that and head to my wardrobe to dress instead, pulling on the first things my fingers can grab. With a grandfather clock ticking in my mind, I wrestle my dirty Converse on and tug a baseball cap over my hair before I head out to the living room.

“See? I made it… on time….”

Goddess, thank you for your many, many blessings! — Zyair declares as he practically gets down on his knees and spreads his legs wide open.

I thought he looked good before but now…..

Nikola looked… good… really, really good.

For the days we’d been in the apartment, he’d kept his hair down for the most part, but today, it was tied back up in a braided bun, making those stormy eyes even sharper. And where he didn’t usually wear accessories of any kind, two woven leather bands wrested on his wrists, easily visibly with the sleeves to his thick dark green sweater rolled back.

I almost swallow my fucking tongue.

“With three minutes to spare,” he replies as he stands to his feet, the hefty grimoire from earlier disappearing from his hands. I hardly notice that though– couldn’t with the way his thick thighs stretched his dark trousers.

I didn’t know at what point I’d started noticing things like that about Nikola, but it was now impossible for me to miss the fact that his body was a carefully constructed package of muscle, and I liked it.

Where I’d felt nothing before, there was now this surfacing attraction and need— so much fucking need.

It has begun! — Zyair choruses excitedly — It’s about time you started appreciating how fucking delicious our mate is!

Yeah, yeah, Zyair, can you crank the horny down for one day? — I beg, plead.

I physically can not. I’m sorry, Hagen. I really am.

It’s only when I stop talking to the incubus in my head that I notice the frown lines between Nikola’s brow as he stares at me, or more specifically, my clothes.

I’d gotten used to that look over the last three days. It usually meant that there was something about me Nikola was judging but was trying very hard not to comment on.

With anyone else, I would’ve hated it, but it was just comical to watch Nik’s failed attempts at being nice.

“What?” I ask, glancing down.

Nik’s lips part, but then he stops himself, hesitating on his response. “Your socks,” he manages eventually.

I look down to make sure I put on two. Yep, I did.

“What about them?”

“One is long and orange, the other is short and yellow,” he states and his pout is almost adorable.

“Oh yeah, I don’t remember the last time I owned a pair of matching socks. I’m lucky I found these,” I reply with a snort as I grab my keys from the counter. “Doesn’t matter anyway.No one will notice unless they’re nosey, and in that case, that’s their problem.”

“I suppose,” Nik replies, but I can see with how concerned he is that that response was directed towards him. “You should have a glass of water.”

“I can have a shot,” I tease, but Nikola doesn’t laugh, so I do for the both of us. “I don’t need water.”

“We all need water,” he retorts smartly, making my eyes roll.

“You know, that’s true, and I totally would, but that would cut into my three remaining minutes,” I reply with a dramatic wince, “and we just can’t be late.

Nikola narrows his eyes, his lips twitching a little, “Two, and I’ve seen you consume meals in five seconds. I’m sure you can do the same with water.”

“So I’m a fast eater?! I’ll have you know that that is a skill in some countries!”

“Is that so?” Nikola replies calmly, a glass of water appearing in his hand.

I snatch it from him, only to shut him up… and also because I was a little thirsty, not that I’d ever admit that.

“It is,” I report while I tip the glass back and gulp down the water until it’s empty.

Over the rim, I catch the way Nikola’s attention falls to my neck and then stays there. As if hypnotised, every time I gulp, he swallows too, until his jaw locks up like a rope about to snap.

“Good,” he whispers once I lower the glass, his voice like granite.

My body reacts to it without permission, flooding with pleasure that makes lust warm my belly. I offer the glass, and Nik takes it, but not without brushing his fingers over mine in the process.

The touch is fleeting, nothing in comparison to all we’d done before, but it still sends almost blinding bolts of pleasure shooting down my spine.

“Can we go now?” I ask voice pitched slightly higher. “Please.”

Blinking rapidly, Nikola nods as he clears his throat, “Yes, you only need your coat.”

We both head for it, but with his build, he gets to the hooks in my hallway first and plucks my winter coat free. When he turns, he holds it up for me expectantly, and I shake my head.

Nikola liked doing things for me, and I’d never mind cause who would mind that, but that had been before I’d become fully aware of the bond.

Now his actions weren’t just sweet and caring– they were overwhelming, and I didn’t know how long I could keep pretending he wasn’t pulling me apart with each one.

“I can do it myself,” I stare while I try to snatch it, but he pulls it back swiftly.

“I know you can. I’m just helping.”

“You hate helping people, that’s a fact,” I reply, jumping for it, but Nikola sidesteps me easily.

“It is,” he admits while he continues dodging my grabs. “But you’re not just anyone. I like helping you.”

My heart takes off within my chest, so quickly that it physically hurts, and I can’t help but worry that he’s going to kill me one of these days.

“That’s cool, I guess, but I don’t need your help to put on my coat,” I grind out as I try and fail again to get the stupid thing. Giving up, I groan and glare at him, “Nikola.”

“Hagen.”

This fucking prick.

I cross my arms, “I’m fine standing here for however long this takes, but we both know you aren’t.”

Nikola’s eyes harden and Goddess, my body fucking burns for him, melting in an instant as those faint traces of want flare to life again.

There were five years between us, with me being the older one, but sometimes it was like Nikola forgot that. His eyes turned stern, his jaw locked and he looked at me like an alpha did in the face of challenge, as if he were daring me to go against him, and every. fucking. time, I folded.

I try not to this time though, despite the way Zyair happily submits to our mate. I try to stand my ground because, well… I was the older one, damn it! I shouldn’t be submitting to him or giving anything up, even if it was just my coat.

“We leave here later than we planned, you’ll lose your mind, and you’ll deserve it,” I state plainly, and Nikola’s harsh stare crumbles just a little.

“Is it so wrong that I wish to help you?” Nikola asks, tone deceptively soft and innocent.

THIS FUCKING PRICK!

What could I even say to that?! What the fuck could I even say to that? Nothing! The answer was that there was fuck-all I could say without sounding like a complete asshole.

“Whatever,” I grumble, turning around and shoving my arms into each of the sleeves as he helps fix it on my shoulders. “Happy now? Did that make you happy, Nikola?” I ask as I turn to face him.

Nikola smooths the material over my shoulders before his hands tug the sides close. Those stormy eyes find mine as he zips me up in one swift motion, “Exceedingly so.”

I’m cumming.

ZYAIR! PLEASE!

“Time to leave,” Nikola declares as he steps to the side, gesturing for me to go first.

This time, I don’t argue, too damn desperate to get some air between us, so I shoulder past him with a glare and head for the front door. I reach it first and manage to unlock it before Nikola leans over me to pull it open for me.

That wasn’t what made the air become suddenly thin, though it was almost enough to make me slam this door shut and forget going outside. No, it wasn’t him opening the door for me, it was the hand he settled on the centre of my back when he’d done so.

A literal furnace combusts at the spot, and I feel its fire burning all the way to the tips of my ears.

I wait— praying for him to drop it while silently hoping he’d tighten his grip, but he does neither. His hand remains just atop my back with a somehow heavy yet gentle pressure that actually makes my knees weaken.

This close, his scent ruled me; rich and strong and so fucking good. It was hard enough having it grow stronger each day in the apartment– how the fuck was I supposed to function like this?

“Did you forget something?” Nikola asks, and I jump away, his breath against my ear too much.

“Nope! Nothing! I forgot nothing, just had a brain freeze there,” I reply as I scramble out the door, putting as much space between us as I can without it being weird.

Nikola frowns at me, head tilting with confusion, but he chooses not to comment on it— thank Goddess.

Sometimes, Nik did things on purpose to get a rise out of me, like that shit with my coat, but most times, like this, it was just Nik being Nik and the little unconscious things he did, drove me out of my mind.

When he steps out and shuts the door behind him, I lock up behind us, all the while trying to resuscitate Zyair who’d been out the moment Nik’s hand settled on my back.

“I still do not see why we must walk,” Nik says once we’re out of the building and heading down the salted pavement.

“You have to get to know the area, or else you’ll get lost on your own.” I look around and point at the small mini-mart. “If you need anything, they have lots of stuff to keep you going through the week, and they’re cheaper than the grocery down the road.”

Nikola follows the direction of my finger with his gaze before he looks back at me, expression blank, “Hagen, I won’t get lost on my own because I’ll never be on my own.”

I frown, “What? Of course you will be when….” I trail off as I remember the state of our bond, “oh yeah.”

In the apartment, it was easy to forget about what brought us together in the first place, but I guess Nik was right; there was no need for him to get to know the area while we were stuck together.

“Well, I don’t fucking know. Stop being so smart and just take in the scenery. Don’t you like nature, or do you just fake having earth magic?”

Nikola chuckles, “I appreciate nature,” he takes a look around. “I especially enjoy the constricted lines of concrete buildings as far as the eye can see.”

“Ah, that’s crazy, so do I!” I declare in mock sarcasm.

Nikola’s grin widens as he laughs and I feel my smile grow aswell as I look down at my shoes.

It doesn’t take us long to get to campus and thanks to Nikola’s meticulous planning, we arrive to the main admissions hall building at eight on the dot. That makes him visibly relax for some reason, as though he’d been secretly counting down the seconds and fretting that we wouldn’t make it on time.

I walk through the familiar arching hallway without needing to look for direction; I knew exactly where the admissions office was and had no trouble finding it at this point. Usually, I made this walk of shame with my head down, feeling like utter shit for having to return, but it wasn’t that bad this time.

Maybe that was because I wasn’t just going to sign up for something random, knowing in my heart it would end just like the rest. Maybe it was because I was pressing pause on my education for the first time, and it was a bigger relief than I’d ever dreamed. Or maybe… maybe it was just because I was doing it with my mate… with Nikola… maybe just having him at my side made it so much easier.

I usually felt ashamed when other people saw how much of a mess I was. With my parents, I always felt like a letdown and with my friends, the idiot who couldn’t figure shit out, but not with Nikola. I mean, it was there — how could it not be — but it was almost a good thing. Like a relief?

Nikola knew me. Whether or not I liked it, he did. He knew the good, the bad and the ugly, and he still looked at me the same way, so having him see this part of my life wasn’t that scary. How could it be, when he was… well, him.

Nik’s quiet but observant as we tread deeper into the building, his sharp gaze weighty until I stop us in front of an old door in the centre of a random hallway. We head in together, the file clutched in my hand, prepared for whatever might come.

It took five minutes.

It took me signing one document, and that was it. Five minutes.

I missed my morning shit … for something that took five minutes.

This was my villain origin story.

“So, where are we eating?” Nikola asks as we head out of the building.

I knew he was just trying to brighten my mood, and fuck, even knowing that, it still worked.

“We could maybe try this place called Vines, but I really don’t know what the crowds are like at this time. I’m usually—”

“Hagen!”

I stop, head turning in the direction of the voice that leads me to two of the incels I called friends. I raise a hand at Max and Ruben as they head over.

“What are you guys doing here? The sun’s still out, Max. You should be going to bed.”

“Yeah, I should, shouldn’t I?” he repeats, looking pointedly at Ruben.

Ruben ignores Max’s glare completely, pretending he wasn’t mauling him with his eyes, “We ah get ketch up inna sum nonsense las night, we now meking it back”

I look between the two, knowing all too well the trouble they found when they went out without Max or me to babysit.

“But enough about us….” Max waves, eyes drifting over me. “Who’s this?”

I turn, wondering who was apparently behind me, only to pale when my eyes land on Nikola.

Nikola! Shit!

For a second there, I’d completely forgotten why I was here in the first place, along with who I was here with. Alarms sound loudly in my mind as I look between Nikola and my friends, witnessing the unintentional clash of two of my worlds.

“Oh, s-shit, my bad,” I stammer out while I wipe my sweaty hands on my legs. “Nikola, this is Max and Ruben. Max, Ruben, this is Nikola.”

I knew that at some point I’d have to cross this bridge of figuring out what I’d tell people about Nik and me, but I’d thought that I’d have more time than this! We were barely in the hand-holding stage, for fuck sake!

Nikola’s expression had returned to its blank factory setting, but it was slightly colder, his discomfort obvious.

Shit times two.

“I remember y,” Ruben says, wagging a finger Nik’s way while his lips stretch into a friendly smile. “Yuh did here the other day when Hagen did all sad and shit”

“I was not sad,” I dismiss quickly, “I was just having trouble breathing cause you smelled like piss.”

“That’s rude,” Ruben says, the look he sends me one of true disappointment. “Yuh know how me feel about stink-smelling people, Hagen. Don’t lump me with dem, even as a joke ting.”

“Who said it was a joke?” Max mumbles before he steps forward and offers a hand to Nikola. “Excuse these two vagabonds, it’s nice to meet you, Nikola.”

Nikola eyes Max’s hand for a moment before he reaches forward and shakes it. My eyes linger on their clasped hands until they part. But then Max’s grin grows, his eyes gleam, and mine narrow.

I knew that look. It was Max’s hunting look.

“How do you know Hagen?” he asks conversationally. “Do you study here?”

Nikola glances at me, his eyes showing nothing on the surface, but I can spot hesitance there, “No. I studied engineering elsewhere.”

Internally, I breathe a sigh of relief, but I hardly savour it before Max continues.

“Oh, engineering, that’s interesting,” he replies coyly. “Civil? Chemical? Mechanical? Electrical?”

Nikola’s brows inch up just a little before he replies, “Chemical.”

Something inside me shifts, and Zyair growls lowly as I settle my gaze on Max, who was expertly weaving his web. This was how he did it. Max knew just enough about every fucking thing in the world that he could strike up a conversation with anyone, making them feel comfortable, and he was doing it with my mate.

“That’s really impressive. I did a module in food biotechnology, and I had to tap out after a year,” Max says with a chuckle, the sound sickly shrewd to my ears.

“Food biotechnology,” Nikola repeats, real interest sparking in his grey gaze as he focuses on Max.

My fingers itch as I look between the two, wanting to push them apart even though they weren’t close.

Why the fuck did it matter that Max did food biotechnology for a year? He only did it because there was a guy he liked, and he ‘tapped out’ when he ‘tapped him’.

Nikola shouldn’t actually be listening to him, he should be rude and abrasive like he always was with new people.

“While mi having di most spectacular time listening tuh di two of ya chat about dis shit, I’m starving,” Ruben says, cutting into the conversation in my time of need like the amazing friend he was. “Max, either yuh coming or I’m leaving yuh.”

“I’m coming,” Max replies, rolling his eyes before he looks back at Nikola and smiles again. This time, my growl almost slips free. “It was nice meeting you, Nikola. I’d invite you guys to come but—”

“We can’t,” I say, cutting in before he could go any further. “Josey’s waiting for us back at my place, so,” I grit my teeth, “tough.”

“Ah, tell Josey I sey hi,” Ruben says, already walking away. “Nice meeting you, Nikola. See yuh round, Hagen.”

“Say hi to her for me too,” Max says, backing up, his eyes lingering on Nikola for a second too long.

Let me out – Zyair whispers like the devil on my shoulder. Hagen, let me out, and I promise you… you won’t have to worry about a thing.

We’re not killing one of our closest friends, Zyair.

I didn’t say anything about killing, but now that you mention it—

“Those are your friends?” Nikola asks once we’re alone.

“Yeah,” I manage, scratching at the back of my head. “There’s also Jasper, but the four of us are pretty close.”

Nikola nods before he adds carefully, “They seemed… nice.”

I still, those three words sounding vile to my ears as I look at him.

“Nice?” I repeat, watching him like a fucking hawk.

Yeah, my friends were nice– that’s why I was friends with them, but why did he think they were nice? And did he mean Ruben and Max, or just the one he spoke to the most?

“Yes,” Nikola replies carefully, his brows furrowing a little. “They were amicable, especially Max.”

The world turns a nasty shade of green as Nik’s words rattle in my mind, innocent but yet so damn infuriating at the same time.

“Especially Max”. Rage swells inside of me like a typhoon with nowhere to go.

“Oh,” I reply flatly, my eyes seeing straight through him as anger becomes all I know.

I was mad, mad in a way I couldn’t even remember feeling in my whole life, but I wasn’t mad at him— couldn’t be, or with Max for that matter. Nik was just being Nik, and Max didn’t know about the bond between us, so he just saw fresh meat.

I couldn’t blame them, couldn’t hate them either. There was no one to be mad at, but it didn’t stop me from being mad anyway, which was fucking insane because why the fuck was I angry right now?! Because someone flirted with Nikola?!

I should’ve been fine– unaffected by the idea. Instead, the reminder just makes me see blood red.

“Hagen, ” Nikola tries, stepping forward, “are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” I promise, plastering on the biggest smile since Spongebob aired. “I’m fine.”

Nikola blinks at me, his concern, or maybe fear, seeping through as he mumbles, “Okay.”

Okay? Yeah, okay!

“We should go for breakfast,” I declare as I turn around and start walking, moving as fast as I can to get away from the path Ruben and Max had gone down. “I’m hungry, and I’m about to lose it.”

Literally.

—————————–

JEALOUS HAGEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAHHHHHHHH

Thoughts?!?@?!???!?!?!?!?

Thoughts on that bed scene? On Hagen sniffing the pillow??? On him just losing his shit in general???

Okay, so this chapter was a long time coming, but I really just wanted to get it perfect because it was the first time we’d be seeing Hagen’s emotions around the bond and SCREAMSSSSS I fucking love it!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVEE seeing him just being so into Nikola without knowing it and fuck, they really had me huffing and puffing some points here.

I’m just waiting for him to put the dots together that everything he’s feeling isn’t ‘more intense’ or some crazy shit, it’s just the bond as usual, and he’s just really into Nikola now. AHHHHHHH fucking losing my shit right now.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!!! I really really do!

If you did, please please leave your thoughts and vote for it.

Next up, I’ll be focusing on Patreon updates for a while before we come back for more Control!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeeee Humanssssssss