Nikola’s P.O.V

“Nikola,”

Hearing my mother’s voice is an unwelcomed surprise, especially when it snatches Hagen’s attention from where it was comfortably fixed on me. Straightening from where he’d been slumped against my chest, Hagen glares at the door with clear agitation.

It makes something warm unfurl within my chest. Unfortunately, I did not have the time to explore it.

I sigh as I reluctantly ease my fingers back from Hagen’s wrists. The action claims his concentration quickly as he faces me again with a tight frown, but he doesn’t argue when he meets my gaze and spots his frustration mirrored within me.

With another faint growl, Hagen returns his glare to the door and my mother who stood on the other side.

“It’d be better to deal with her now,” I state as I turn him by his chin so that he’s looking at me. Hagen’s petulant frown makes me smile a little as I brush my thumb over his skin. “Then there will be no more disturbances.”

Hagen huffs a breath, “If that’s what you want to do, then that’s fine with me, but there’s this spell, Nik. She’s been working on it to break our bond.”

“I know,” I reply, which gives him pause. “She started working on it when we left the pack, but I will not let her use it.”

Brown eyes shift between mine for one moment before he nods, “Okay. I trust you.”

I trust you.

The words loop in my mind, making my body so heavy with pleasure that I almost sway under its influence.

“Are you alright to face her?” I ask with the uttermost seriousness once I’ve centred my mind again. This was not entirely all up to me. If Hagen wasn’t comfortable, then I’d teleport us to somewhere he would be in the blink of an eye. But Hagen nods instead as he evinces a smile.

“I don’t care if they don’t like me,” he declares readily. “I have you have now.”

I feel my smile stretch across my lips as my eyes glow. It was probably wrong to enjoy such an outlandish sentiment, but Hagen had vowed that he would no longer be holding himself back, and I planned to do the very same.

“But, I’m not doing it naked,” he states as he throws the shirt I’d given him over his shoulder so he can tug on my underwear and trousers. “That’s a non-negotiable.”

A heavy laugh bursts from my lips, coming so suddenly that it takes me by surprise as I mutter, “I would hope so.”

Hagen blinks at me as another chuckle slips free, and then suddenly, he’s pushing up on his toes and pressing his lips to mine. He kisses me with so much need and hunger, like he can’t help himself from trying to claim me once again, so I pull him closer so he can do just that.

Another knock comes, and this time, we both snarl as we pull away from one another.

“We are coming,” I call, my voice hard to liberate Ma of any disillusions of entering on her own. To Hagen, I remark softly, “Dress quickly. We’ll handle this now.”

With a nod, he tugs his shirt over his head and bends to fold the ends of the pants before he straightens for my perusal. The clothes were a size too big for him, but they were my clothes, and so, in my eyes, he never looked better.

I offer my hand, and Hagen is quick to take it and intertwine his fingers within mine. I unlock the door with my magic, letting it swing open once we’re stood on the the other side, bringing us face to face with my mother.

Ma’s brown eyes are already narrowed, but they turn into slits when they flit between Hagen and me. She looks between us clinically until her gaze lands on our clenched hands, and then her eyes flare with purple, but she does not speak.

I’d never known Ma to be the quiet type. She spoke her thoughts without restraint or fear, knowing she was strong enough to defend them, but she is quiet now as she considers us. Then she looks overhead, at the thin wisps circling over Hagen’s crown.

Werewolves had their sense of smell to examine others. With their noses, they could determine how others were feeling, whether that be fear or joy, and with that same sense, they could tell whether or not a pair was bonded.

For witches, it was sight. Each creature had their life force on display and we saw them as energy trials, a near-cloud-like substance that hovered over a being’s head to our eyes. They were usually light and thin, like translucent gases, and coloured depending on the species and powers, but like everything in this world, there were exceptions.

Damon’s beta, Mekhi’s energy trail, was like nothing I’d ever seen before, a wry, thick thing that resembled more of a liquid rather, and Ma’s, while proper in form, expanded far over her body and overwhelmed the general arena of any space she inhabited, letting all witches know of the unworldly degree power she carried.

Mine, like Ma’s, stretched far across the spaces I resided, but quietened when I shifted. It was the same hue as hers— a rich purple— or it used to be. Now, it was inked with the golden traces of Hagen’s as his was inked with mine where they converged.

It was how I’d known for certain we’d manage to complete our link. Our energy trials were connected, intertwined in moving wisps none could deny.

Twisting her lips to one side, Ma makes a small sound at the back of her throat that I recall to express displeasure and contemplation.

“I can’t say I’m surprised,” she mutters as she drops her gaze to me instead.

“Only disappointed,” I conclude, not that she confirms or denies it.

“We should have this conversation with your father. Then you won’t have to do it twice,” Ma states before she disappears. At my side, Hagen releases a heavy breath I hadn’t realised he was caging within himself.

“That went… well?” He asks sceptically. “I was expecting her to be way angrier, and maybe some magic.”

I frown, understanding his sentiment, “She’s a greater threat when she’s calm.” Hagen pales. I lift his hand for a kiss, “We will be fine.”

Nodding, he squares his shoulders, readying for war, and I smile a little as I take his lead. Teleporting us to where our family link flamed the brightest, I keep my gaze steadfast and my protections strong as we find ourselves in one of the castle’s lounges. Inside, Ma stands beside Dad, the picture of unison I’d always strove for but never imagined I’d have to face.

“You’re linked,” Dad states, not needing to ask. He couldn’t see the energy trails like Ma and I, but he was every bit conscious of the family link and felt Hagen’s small presence behind mine within it. “You’ve gone from stating his presence was temporary to being linked to him.”

“Yes,” I concede. He sighs, looking every bit as exhausted and defeated as he sounded. “I was not lying when I said that initially. I thought he’d give up eventually, but he didn’t, and he got to me in a way I did not expect.”

At my side, Hagen does a poor job of hiding his pride, though there is no reason why he should. He’d bested me in the one game I never thought he would.

“I asked you what you’d do if you were wrong,” Ma states, still too calm. I shift uncomfortably. “You did not even prepare for a reality where you might be wrong.”

“I didn’t think I would be,” I admit plainly. “I was wrong about that.”

It was not that I’d been stubborn. I’d simply not thought it possibly, but Hagen had proven me wrong, as he’d done with showing me just how dedicated he was to me.

He said he loved me.

“And now, you’re linked,” Ma concludes. “I prepared a spell to break your bond, not your link.”

The room grows heavier in the presence of the carefully placed threat. Ma had finished her spell— that was why she’d come to see me in the first place.

I strengthen my barriers around Hagen while I stare unblinkingly at my mother. If she dared to try now, without my permission and with the clear fact that we were already linked, then we would find out once and for all which one of us was truly stronger.

“You won’t be breaking anything between us,” I state unflinchingly. She remains quiet. “You won’t be breaking anything,” I repeat on the edge of a growl, but still, she remains maddeningly silent.

“Nikola,” Dad interjects, seizing my attention as he steps forward so that he’s standing in the space between Ma, Hagen and myself. “Tu as fais cette erreur trop de fois auparavant pour prétendre ne pas savoir comment tout cela va se terminer. Il va de nouveau te blesser. Il te blesse toujours.” (You’ve done this too many times before to pretend you don’t know how this will end. He will hurt you. He always hurts you.)

“Nous nous sommes blessé mutuellement, (We have hurt one another)” I correct while I rub my thumb over Hagen’s skin to rid him of the guilt I feel building beneath it. “Nous connaissons nos défauts, nous savons aussi qu’il est impossible de réparer ce que l’on s’est fait l’un à l’autre. Alors on cesse d’essayer. À présent, on avance. (We see our faults, we know there’s no way to amend for what we’ve done to one another, so we’ve stopped trying. We’re moving forward.)”

Sighing, Dad passes a hand through his hair, seeming to barely resist the urge to tug at the strands. “Vous avancez et ensuite quoi? Que se passera-t-il quand, pour lui, tu ne cesseras de tenter d’être la perfection incarné et que tu finiras de nouveau brisé? (You’re moving forward and then what? What happens when you keep trying to be perfect for him and you’re the one that breaks again?)”

“Cela n’arrivera pas (That won’t happen),” I reply as I glance at Hagen instead. “Ce ne sera plus le cas. Nous ne serons plus ce que nous ne sommes pas. On ne fera rien qu’on ne veux pas faire. (We’re not doing that anymore. We’re not going to be anything we’re not. We’re not going to do anything we don’t want to.)”

Hagen nods, his lips pulling up in a faint smile.

“Et quand tu seras entièrement toi-même? Sans retenir tes désirs et que c’est trop pour lui, que se passera-t-il alors? (And when you’re unapologetically yourself with him? Unrestrained with your desires and it’s too much, what will happen then?)” Dad asks, cutting through our reprieve again. I look at him, meeting his unimpressed stare, “Que feras-tu lorsqu’il prendra de nouveau la fuite? (What will you do when he runs again?)”

I am not so quick to respond to him this time, because his words hit the most vulnerable part of me and make me falter.

Whether or not Hagen changes his mind in the future, he would never get rid of me again. I’d done my part in walking away from us once— I would never do it again. But that did not mean I wanted to ever endure his unrequited love, especially after tasting how sweet his freely-given devotion was.

Hagen said he loved me, and I believed him, but there was still a part of me that feared what I would do if when he truly experienced my love, unrestrained, he might find it to be too much.

“Je ne fuirai plus (I’m not going to run again),” Hagen interjects as he releases my hand and steps forward. Dad’s eyes widen, like Ma’s, as Hagen speaks in our language. “J’ai finis de fuir Nik, de fuir ce que nous sommes. Et me croire ou non est votre choix. Mais les années qui passeront vous le prouveront, nous voir nous consolider vous le prouvera. Nik ne sera jamais « trop » pour moi. Il est mon destiné, je suis son lié et la providence nous a unis. Il m’a fallut du temps pour le voir, pour l’accepter aussi mais c’est fait. Et même si vous brisez notre lien, je serais toujours là, à ses cotés. Donc je vous conseille de vous y habituer. (I’m done running from Nik, from what we are, and whether or not you believe me is your choice, but as the years pass and we only grow stronger, you’ll see it for yourself. And Nik can never be too much for me— he’s my mate, I’m his linker and we were meant to be together. It took me a long time to see that, to accept it too, but I have, and even if you break our bond, I’m still going to be right here, at his side. So I suggest you get used to it.)”

I don’t think I’d ever seen my parents truly speechless before.

Dad’s time as a warrior left him prepared for most situations and even in the ones where he wasn’t, his quick reflects took any shock off the table in an instant. Similarly, Ma’s checkered past made her incapable of not being ready in mind, body and magic for every situation.

It’s exceedingly clear that as they stare at Hagen now, neither of them had ever imagined such a scenario where Hagen could face them dauntlessly, speaking French as he did so.

“You learned French?” Dad asks in a near whisper.

“I did it for Nik,” Hagen replies readily with a firm nod. “Years ago, because even when I was ‘running’ from us, I knew where I’d end up.” Gaze sharpening where they linger on Dad, he adds, “I told you I loved him before, even without the bond.”

I find myself staring reverently at the back of Hagen’s head while I try to shuffle in another breath.

Since our “exchange” in the library, Hagen had been unrestrained in sharing his feelings and making declarations that I now recognised weren’t simply words. He meant them all, and in the face of such strong and raw emotions, I found myself struggling to function.

When he’d told me he loved me, I’d nearly fainted, and after, when he’d shared how he couldn’t sleep without thinking of me, I think a part of my sanity had slipped into the abyss, never to be found again.

“Hagen,” Ma calls, drawing the attention of everyone in the room to her cold demeanour. “Take the time to see it from our point of view. Your life and Nikola’s have been intertwined for years, and for the majority of your lives, Nikola has suffered for already knowing and accepting that. You claim you’re ready to do the same, and if you’re right, then that’s great. But if you’re wrong, if you pull away from him, you won’t just hurt him again.”

Broken was the word that had floated around since I’d left Hagen, and it had been the right one to use because in truth, what had happened between us had left me shattered. My parents had been the ones to pick up those pieces, the ones to bring them here to the castle and try to protect them in earnest while Ma formulated her spell.

The pieces had come back together now, and like the Japanese process of Kintsugi, the love that had been used between Hagen and me to stick them together left me in a new form— one that was real and whole in its own way. But if we broke again, there would be no protecting my pieces or putting them back together. There’d be nothing.

Hagen hears this from Ma’s words, and it makes misery wash through our bond to even imagine it.

“It would be the same for me,” he whispers after a moment. “This is it for me. This or nothing.”

“That’s good and all, but we’re not willing to chance that,” Ma replies sternly, a sliver of restrained anger slipping free. “We’re not willing to lose our son in his never-ending crusade to love you.”

Hagen nods, “I understand, and I know there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better about that. All I can do is act, and hopefully, over time, we can get along. We used to, and it might never be like that again, but I still consider you all family, and while I’m happy with just Nik, I would want you guys happy too.”

My parents don’t look too ecstatic about that notion, but once again, they don’t deny such a thing.

I don’t think they liked Hagen very much right now, but like Hagen said, there was a time when we’d been like a second family to him. He spent his days with us, he earned their trust as the person who made me the happiest, but that had soured into something vile over the years. But if Hagen and I could build a bridge over the past between us, then perhaps they could too.

“My priority is Nikola,” he continues in a deadpan, “but I think you’ll see that, and eventually, maybe that will be enough to earn your trust back.”

“You don’t have to,” I state as I step forward so that we’re standing together again. “You don’t have to earn their trust. This is about us. This is our relationship.”

“And you trust him?” Ma asks sharply, digging her teeth into that vulnerability the moment she spots it. I meet her gaze, wishing to deter her, but it’s already too late. “You’ve told him then?”

Tension claims Hagen’s body immediately, forcing some of his confidence to retreat as it does, and I know even before I look at him the worry I’m going to find there. He brushes it off quickly, forcing his expression to fall into something neutral, but I’ve already seen the damage done.

“No, but I will,” I reply through gritted teeth. “I likely would have done so by not if not for your disturbance and current meddling.”

“Speak respectfully, Nikola,” Ma warns tightly. “You can be upset, you can disagree, but you speak to us with respect.”

I take a measured breath. “I’m sorry,” I oblige. Ma was right. Even when we clashed and fought, they remained my parents, and that required that I paid the respect they’d earned throughout my life.

“We aren’t without fault,” Ma admits with a glance between Hagen and Dad. “We should have done a lot more for you, fought harder for you.” My lips part to deny that but Ma lifts a hand. “We did what seemed best at the time, but looking back, we see that we could have done far more.”

“That is why we don’t want to fail you now,” Dad says, drawing my attention to his heartfelt expression. “It is your decision ultimately Nikola; we could never stop you. But right now, we see danger lying in your path and we don’t want you running into it.”

I could understand that. Whether or not my parents agreed with it, I still thought they did all for me that they could, given the circumstances. I was a hybrid in love with the alphas’ son, which made things complicated. If they felt some need to atone for where they thought they faltered, then I could understand that. Unfortunately, there was no need.

“I’m choosing Hagen,” I state simply. “Again, yes, but for the last time.”

My parents stare at me, Ma’s expression still utterly cold while Dad’s sinks into something defeated, somewhat annoyed, but with an acceptance I realise was already there long before we’d even started this conversation.

“Hagen,” Dad says, shifting his full attention to my mate who straightens as Dad closes the space between them. “Make him happy…” he pauses, gaze turning slightly imploring, “love him the way he loves you.”

Hagen swallows before he gives a jerked nod, “I will. For now at least, I plan to love him even more.”

My heart seizes as I look at Hagen, but his gaze remains fixed on my father who nods in response. With that, Dad glances back at Ma whose expression has not veered in the slightest.

“There’s nothing to be done, Katerina,” he urges as he waves her over. “This is his decision.”

Ma barely blinks as she glances among us all, thinking, strategising. Half a minute passes before she starts towards us. I pull Hagen behind me from her first step, shielding him even as her gaze remains fixed on me.

She stops just before me, close enough that as Hagen peeks from behind my shoulders, she can look at the both of us.

“I finished the spell to break your bond 9 days ago, and altered another to break the link between you today,” she reveals with not nearly enough ardour for the impact the statement has on us. “I knew you were never going to allow it, even with how much you claimed you hated him, but I was going to tell you nevertheless. But then, you let him stay in the castle and I knew there was really no hope.”

Her gaze shifts to Hagen then, “It was always going to be you, Hagen. Always. What’s unfair is that you have so much power over my son and his life. It’s not right, but you do. So…” she peers closer, gaze flashing purple as she stares at him. “This is it. This is not your last chance, but it is his. Nikola’s life— his hopes, his dreams, his happiness and everything else, all rests in your hands, and that’s not fair to say either, but it’s the truth. So, handle him with care and all the love he deserves, because if I so much as sense that you can’t do that, I’ll do far more than break the ties between you to ensure that my son is happy.”

“I won’t be happy without him. There’s nothing you can do that will make me happy without Hagen,” I counter, but Ma’s gaze never parts from Hagen.

“What have I always told you about assuming you’re the smartest person in the room?”

I bristle as a cold shiver runs down my spine at the mantra she’d instilled in me from a babe. That we live in a supernatural world, so no room is ever as it seems.

“Do you understand what I’m saying, Hagen?” She asks while she stares at him. “Do you understand what’s required of you?”

“Yes,” Hagen replies unyieldingly, without fear or hesitation, and there’s no hint of him feeling overwhelmed as he does so. “I understand.”

Ma stares at him for a moment longer before she nods and eases back. With that, she passes her gaze over me before she reaches a hand back for Dad, which he happily takes.

“We’ll see you later then,” she states simply. “Hagen can join us for dinner if he wants.”

Dad nods his agreement before the pair of them leave, moving together stiffly but without any more resistance. They wanted to say more— to do more too, I could see it— but I was grateful for the unrelenting fact that no matter what happened, my parents always supported me in life.

I send a wave of gratitude their way as the doors shut behind them, and in response, a near-overwhelming tidal wave of love rushes to envelop me.

The moment they’re gone and we’re truly on our own again, Hagen slumps, his entire body seeming to succumb under the weight of his relief. He turns to me and the moment his eyes find mine, a wide smile pulls his lips apart before he jumps onto me. I’m quick to wrap an arm around his waist, keeping him hoisted against me while joy pours into my systems with abandon.

“You’re alright?” I don’t mean for it to be a question.

“Better than alright, I’m great,” he admits while he nuzzles me where he can. “That went so much better than I expected.”

“Better?” I counter. That was hell for me.

Hagen steps down to his feet, but keeps his arms around my neck as he peers up at me, “I thought they’d tried to separate us by force.”

My nose wrinkles, “My parents are not the type to do that.” That was his parents. “They may threaten it, but they know to leave me alone to make my own decisions.”

Hagen seems sceptical about that, but his smile remains firmly in place as he looks up at me, “So, we’re okay?”

“We’re okay,” I confirm.

While we were here, my parents would let us be, and I knew Appa and Kalem would do the same, though I didn’t doubt he’d find the time to bestow his own expectations onto Hagen. Ignorant of this, Hagen’s grin widens as he jumps to hug me again.

Hagen was a tactical person. I’d always known that and hated how he kept himself restrained in that regard when it came to me. He does not hold himself back now as he clings to me in all the ways he can.

It’s a pleasure I already find myself addicted to.

I glance at the low seats across from us, but purge myself of the urge to walk us there. That would require hoisting Hagen higher, and holding him in a manner that would likely embarrass him to the point of squirming. It was a thrilling prospect, but with the conversation we needed to have, I resist the impulse and teleport us instead.

Hagen shifts with a confused frown while he sinks into the space beside me. His legs remain draped over mine, his arms around my neck as he peers at me. “What’s wrong?”

I feel myself smile. He really did know me.

“I know you sensed that Ma was alluding to something I haven’t shared with you.”

What remained of Hagen’s earlier smile withers a little, though he tries to hide it, “And you don’t have to. I’m happy to wait until you’re comfortable.” I slowly blink at him. “Okay, fine. Maybe not ‘happy’ to wait, but I’d seriously wait. No pressure. I’m sticking beside you whether or not you tell me every little gritty detail about yourself.”

“While I appreciate that, I do not consider the details about myself to be ‘gritty’,” I deny, which in turn makes him roll his eyes.

“You know what I mean,” he groans with a pat atop my collarbone. “You don’t owe me anything, Nik. I’ll wait until you feel comfortable enough to share whatever it is with me.”

“And if I never feel that way?” That wasn’t the case, but I was curious to hear his response.

Hagen’s gaze narrows, “You will. I’d make sure you would.”

Groaning, I take him by his chin and kiss him deeply, with the very desperation and hunger he’d used on me earlier. I was already obsessed with Hagen, but now, with him so blatantly in love with me, I found myself dominated by his presence.

“I’m telling you now,” I whisper against his lips once I’ve found the strength to pull away. “Because I want to. Because I’m ready to, and because I trust you.”

Hagen blinks at me as we part enough to look at one another, his brown gaze growing heavy with pleasure, “If you’re sure.”

“I am,” I confirm as I take his hands in mine, settling them between us with a firm grip. I stare at them now, at the easy proximity and contact between us that I could never manage with another, and I know it’s true.

When he’d first agreed to give us a chance, almost an entire year ago, I’d kept the fact that I was autistic away from him, because I didn’t trust him. But I think I did in some ways. I think a part of me has always trusted Hagen with myself because he was the only person who understood me even without knowing about my disorder. That place of trust had been ruined after we’d grown apart, but now, after all the time he’d spent trying to win me back, it’d somehow been repaired again.

I trusted Hagen.

I meet his waiting gaze, finding it entirely serious, patient and open, ready to take on whatever I said with the utmost devotion. My lips twitch a little.

“I am autistic,” I share without hesitation or fear. “Officially, it’s classed as ASD, autism spectrum disorder. It’s a neurological disorder that can affect how one behaves, the manner in which they learn, and most noticeably, how they interact with others.”

Hagen’s eyes widen as I explain, and I don’t think it’s because he’s never heard of autism, but because he doesn’t seem to have ever thought to connect me with it.

“For me, I find expressing myself very difficult. My brain operates in a different manner than most people, and so it’s taken me a lot of time and effort to understand and adapt to why people operate in a certain manner and expect me to do or say things that do not make any sense to me.

“When I’m overwhelmed, I find it even harder to explain what I’m feeling or thinking, and sometimes, that makes me unable to speak at all. I have shutdowns. I know my triggers though, and I can usually avoid them. I don’t like certain textures; I also don’t appreciate too much physical touch, but with people I trust and feel safe amongst, it is easier. I don’t favour social situations. I find them taxing and confusing, mostly. I prefer routines and order and things that are familiar.

“There’s a lot more to share with you, and I will, but I wanted to tell you now that we are entirely committed to each other because… well, I feel comfortable enough to do so and I trust you to take care of this part of me as well.”

Hagen’s still staring at me with wide, unblinking eyes when I finish. At first, I’d thought he’d stayed silent to let me finish, but now I recognise, he’s entirely speechless. I wait for him to gather his thoughts as he would with me, and once he realises that I’m doing so, he quickly swallows and blinks away the shock.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude, I’m just—…” he sputters, blinking furiously again as he looks at me, “shocked.”

I tilt my head, “I function very well, given where I land on the spectrum, but I’m sure it’s obvious in some ways.”

“I mean,” he shakes his head, “as I think about it now, it’s very fucking obvious. Why you hate crowds, how you react to certain sounds, why you used to freak out as a kid if one thing was out of place.” As he lists some of my traits I nod, and he releases a shuttered breath, “It makes sense. I don’t think I’m surprised to learn you’re autistic. I’m more surprised that I never thought that you might be.”

I hum, acknowledging that, but not saying any more as I let him work out his thoughts.

“You’ve known since we were kids?” He asks after a beat.

I nod, “My parents received my diagnosis when I was five.”

“Oh,” Hagen breathes, his gaze turning distant as he likely tries to recall what our relationship was like at that stage. “You understood that you were?”

“Mostly,” I admit with a slight frown. “They explained it to me and I understood that I was different, at least in the way I operated. I already knew that to a degree, so it was mostly a relief to have it confirmed. It was a reason, rather than some strange unfamiliar thing they’d have to contend with.”

Hagen nods with understanding and curiosity passing through his gaze before he speaks again, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I did. I told Jacob, and I told Damon.”

“Damon?” Hagen echoes, his surprise returning with a hint of jealousy.

“He’s my mentor,” I remind him. “It seemed best he understood all the facets of me to advise me, and… he earned my trust for me to tell him. If you mean why I didn’t tell everyone else in my life— well, it simply was not their business. People become pitying when they hear it, especially in our world, and I did not need it.”

Hagen’s lips part, but he stops whatever he’s about to say before it can touch the air.

“You think it would’ve made my life easier?” I hazard, which makes his cheeks fill before he nods sheepishly. “Damon thought the same thing, but I disagree. Perhaps if I weren’t a hybrid, but I do not see how sharing such a thing would improve how people treated me when they already did so with assumptions.”

Hagen doesn’t argue that, but I can tell he’s doubtful.

“I wish I knew,” he mumbles before he seems to hear himself. His eyes widen before he inches a little closer to me, “I don’t mean as in I wish you told me before you were ready. You didn’t have to tell me a thing. I get why you didn’t and I’m happy you told me now, I just… I mean I wished I knew because maybe I could’ve done more for you.”

“Done more for me?” I echo with a humoured laugh. “I can’t imagine what else you could’ve done when you already did so much for me as you were.”

Hagen frowns at me preposterously, his gaze teeming with disbelief.

“Hagen, everything I learned about communicating with people and reading people, I learned from you,” I reveal with a small smile. “You were always the exception in my life. You could scream and shout, run me through a mud field and provoke every trigger, but once you were holding my hand, it didn’t matter to me. As kids, being friends with you, that’s how I learned how to read people, because I could look at you and know exactly what you were thinking or feeling. Being around you made it easier being around others, and eventually, that led the way for a path I could follow to figure out the rest of the world.”

“Really?” Hagen echoes while a sheen slips over his eyes. “B-But I didn’t even know.”

“No, you didn’t,” I agree, “but looking back now, you always did to some degree. You always made sure I was comfortable. Even when you didn’t know what were my triggers, you knew how to avoid them. Even when you hated me, you never took advantage of the things you knew I hated. Do you remember when I was ten and I tried to follow you into the marketplace, then I got overwhelmed with all the noise—”

“You started having a panic attack and I pretended I broke my ankle to get everyone’s attention so they moved away from you,” he finishes, his eyes widening at the memory.

“You always knew, and you always did what you could to help me,” I reiterate as I tighten my hold over his hands. “I didn’t realise that until recently when you brought up all the things you did for me. Getting rid of your coat because I hated the sounds it made, separating the legos for my gift. You’ve always behaved like you already knew.”

“I just…” Hagen’s eyes dart between mine, softening as he comes to some realisation. “I just thought that was you, Nik.” He laughs a little as he rubs at his eyes, clearing the tears before they could fall. “I guess that’s why it never clicked that it was autism. I never thought that something was ‘wrong’ or there was some explanation for the way you were. I just thought that was you.”

Hagen will never know what his words do to me. He’d never know, neither could he ever begin to imagine it. In Hagen’s mind, I was just Nikola, and there was nothing else. I was flawed, I was selfish, I loved him too much, and even on the spectrum. For him, that all settled under the umbrella that was me in his eyes.

I just thought that was you, Nik.

Pulling Hagen into my lap, I hug him as tightly as I can, almost like a child clinging to their favoured teddy. I hold him, I need to, because my heart is beating too fast and I fear that if I don’t, I might just implode from the inside from all the love coursing through me.

He would never know.

“I’m happy you told me,” he whispers against my neck as he hugs me back with equal ferocity. “And when you’re ready, you can tell me every little thing about it so that I never do wrong by you.”

I kiss his collar, right over the space I wanted to mark already, “I’ll tell you now.”

And I do. I tell Hagen every little thing I can think about in relation to my autism, and as he listens intently, without judgement, without pity, but simply open ears, I thank Goddess yet again for blessing me with him as a mate.

There would never be anyone like Hagen, and somehow, as unfair as it was, he was all mine. I planned to take full advantage of that fact.

———————————-

WAR IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts?????

Thoughts on Kat’s reaction????? On Apollos’ words????? On Hagen?!?!?!??! I LOVE HAGEN SO MUHC UGHHHHHH he’s really standing on business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND NIKOLA TOLD HIM ABOUT HIS AUTISM!!!!!!!!!!!! We’ve really made it through the war zone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With that all cleared up, I feel like there’s only room for up here, and trust me, we’re gonna enjoy the happy times after all that suffering!!!!!!!

If you don’t know, next month is another Control Month on Patreon and my website, which means we’ll be getting 4-5 updates of Control – each chapter will be coming out in advance for the tiers over there before it comes out here for free!

Follow the link in my bio if you’re interested!

Before that, there’s one extra left for the month – Kenzo and Apollos take turns on Kat and that’ll be out this week!

Vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter! You know I love to hear your thoughts!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeeeeeee Humansssssssssssss