picture of Zhoron in full battle armour – excluding the crown

———

Zhoron sitting on his patio, chilling by himself, when Tippy appears out of nowhere. 

While Tippy descends from the sky like a God, Zhoron freaks internally but remains seated in his cute rocking chair that he refuses to admit is a cute rocking chair.

Tippy: Hello, Zhoron.

Zhoron: *silently trying to pick the best way to kill me without making an unnecessary mess*

Tippy: I am not a threat! I come in peace! PEACE! Why does everyone try to kill me when I try–

Zhoron: *attacks with no mercy*

Tippy: *almost dies but manages to survive long enough to snatch his powers from him* See how easy that shit was for me?! STOP TRYING TO–

Zhoron: *gets up and attacks me with his feather swords*

Tippy: *sighs*

(Spongebob voice)A few moments later…

Tippy: Alright! Situation resolved!

Zhoron, whose memories have been mysteriously tampered with to think of me as just a strange passing dream, watches me curiously.

Zhoron: Who are you exactly?

Tippy: They call me all sorts of things, but the most popular at the moment is the Edger hehe *laughs in Chapter 19 of Control*.

Tippy: But that doesn’t matter. What matters is answering these questions that have been waiting for you since December! We’re already running behind schedule!

Zhoron: I am not familiar with the questions you speak of and- *looks around* if this is only a dream, why is it that everything feels so present?

Tippy: I don’t know, man. These are questions you should be asking yourself. I’m just a figment of your imagination.

Zhoron: And so, you should be able to answer it – as a figment of my imagination – a part of me.

*Tippy stares at Zhoron, mind completely fucked*

Tippy: Alright, so first question! How are you?

Zhoron: Zani is safe, his chosen clan is thriving, and many years have passed without any suspicion falling onto either of us. 

Tippy: I mean, that’s great to hear that my little Kalem is doing well, but the question was, how are you doing, not your brother?

Zhoron: *eyes widen a fraction* Well. I believe I am well.

Are you a coffee person? Or tea person?

Zhoron: Tea. This planet’s coffee bean is too forceful on one’s systems.

Tippy: Speaking of this planet, Do you like Earth?

Zhoron: I am content with it. Its natural inhabitants seem captivated with killing it, but Zani and I work to counterattack their stupidity.

Tippy: Thank you for your duty! Do you think of Earth as the opposite of your original planet?

Zhoron: That is a succinct way of putting it. Yes, Earth is the very opposite of Colony, though it does have its few charms.

Aside from Kalem, what’s your favourite thing about Earth?

Zhoron: I suppose I like how much death permeates the air here. The humans have not managed to create a ruling faction over themselves, so their wars are frequent and plentiful. It is very nourishing for my spirit.

Tippy: Death nourishes you?

Zhoron: It is to me what sunlight and water are to plant life.

Tippy: *flips through cards and tries not to be scared* Why don’t we work through all the Kalem ones now?

Zhoron: Zani. If you are a figment of my imagination, should you not refer to him by his proper name?

Tippy: I should, shouldn’t I? Moving on, Do you genuinely hate Aias, or do you respect him, but don’t let it show?

Zhoron: I thought I was respectful to Aias. I never hated him. When we first met, I thought he was a danger, but afterwards, when we spoke privately, he proved himself to be nothing of the sort. 

How did you feel when you learned about Lincoln and Kalem’s relationship?

Zhoron: Concerned and hopeful. Firstly, I worried that he’d taken advantage of Zani while he was at his most vulnerable, but that was not the case and when I learned as much, I felt hopeful. I’ve never known a nyphilim to experience love, our duties have always overshadowed such things, so I was hopeful… for him. 

Tippy: Yeah, sure. Hopeful for just him. Do you want to fall in love like Kalem did with Lincoln?

Zhoron: It is not a matter of want, it is simply impossible.

Tippy: More on that later in the Q&A, but for now, You seem smart… is it hard for you to interact with people?

Zhoron: Seem?

Tippy: *lifts hands* look man, I’m just asking the questions.

Zhoron: The answer is yes, but not because of intelligence. I simply find most interactions tedious. 

Do you think Lincoln is good for Kalem?

Zhoron: I’m not sure if ‘good’ is the word I would use. He is suitable for him in terms of strength, and he does make an exorbitant amount of effort to please Zani. So he is suitable.

Tippy: If he’s so suitable, Why do you hate Lincoln so much?

Zhoron: I do not hate him. Hate is far too beautiful an emotion to spear on the undead bloodsucker who has attached himself to my brother. I simply do not like him.

Tippy: Right, right. So, On a scale of 1 to 10, how much don’t you like Lincoln?

Zhoron: Ten.

Tippy: I’m honestly shocked by that. He’s everything you should like in a person. He’s quiet, he keeps to himself, and he isn’t annoying.

Zhoron: True. However, he is my brother’s lover. I would dislike anyone who was to fill that position.

Tippy: Awww! Protective big brother! You are soooo cute! 

Zhoron: Repeat that sentiment in any fashion, and I will tear your very cells apart.

Tippy: Okay, psycho. Sheesh. Not so much a question here, just a real sweet/sad statement — I’m sorry there’s no one to bare it so you don’t have to. You’re a great brother.

Zhoron: *falters* …Thank you.

A sweet word about Kalem? Just to make my heart melt.

Zhoron: One sweet word about Zani. Zani is sweet.

Tippy: They didn’t mean a single word- oh whatever; what is the craziest thing that you and Kalem did?

Zhoron: We did not make it a habit to do strange things. 

Tippy: People, remember, elves are literal creatures. He will take every question very literally. Let me reword, What is the most adventurous or out-of-character thing you and Kalem ever did?

Zhoron: We did not have much space for adventure, but once, we tried to sneak through Ythene’s Gates.

Tippy: And what happened?

Zhoron: We got bolted back to Colony by a series of lightning strikes that made me incapacitated for several days.

Tippy: Lol. Moving on to the questions about the Elven Realm! Favourite thing to do during your youth?

Zhoron: Fly. I loved to fly, though when I was particularly ‘young’ I did love to swim, though I lost such childish desires.

Tippy: What part of your old realm do you miss the most?

Zhoron: There was a… freedom, before the war. Freedom and peace. The days bled together, and yet each one was precious in its own way. Every creature was something to admire, and life was precious, so when it came time for me to take it, it did not feel like a task or an unjust act, rather an acknowledgement of the beauty they held. What I miss the very most is that endless sense of freedom and peace, that inhabited even the furthest corners of my realm.

Tippy: *quietly wipes tears away as I remember all he had to do during the war* ugh, nice. That’s really nice *sniff* kind of the same question here, but in case you have a different answer, What was your favourite part of Ythene’s realm?

Zhoron: My favourite part of the realm- that’s a rather vague question. If one were referring to all the planets within the realm, my favourite was Sheera, the ice fortress. However, in regards to Colony, I favoured her two moons the very best.

Tippy: Oh, that leads us nicely into, Favourite moon phase?- on Earth!

Zhoron: Waning Cresent. 

Tippy: Do you believe in God?

Zhoron: Yes. As there is Ythene for my realm, I believe there is a God for this one. 

Tippy: Odd question, but have you met Damon Calderon?👀

Zhoron: Yes. 

Tippy: Sad question incoming – How do you feel about leaving your planet?

Zhoron: I hate it. I wish every second of every day that I could return, but I am also very conscious that that is not an option. To return would be to die, and I can not abandon Zani.

Tippy: Does that mean that—

Zhoron: If it were not for Zani, I would go home. I would meet my end gratefully if my last moments were spent under Ythene’s Light.

Tippy: Holy fuck. That’s depressing as hell, I lowkey feel very bad.

Zhoron: And why would you feel regret?

Tippy: Let’s just call it some subconscious self-hatred on your part, anywayyyssss Who will be your ‘most likely’ best friend from all of Tippy’s characters?

Zhoron: What’s a Tippy?

Tippy: Don’t worry about it. I’ll just answer this one, it’s Colson which is adorable because, well, you know.

Zhoron: *more frowning* no, I do not. 

Tippy: You will soon! Have you made any new friends?

Zhoron: I suppose I do have a friend. Helinele says that’s what we are, even if neither of us like it.

Tippy: OOOOO SPILL!

Zhoron: Helinele is a siren who pays me visits from time to time, and when she does, I do not try to kill her. 

Tippy: That’s your best friend. 

Zhoron: I wouldn’t–

Do you remember anything when you were all cocooned up?

Zhoron: No. However, Zani has told me that he felt my presence within that time, so perhaps I felt him too and was trying to reach him. But to me, it was as if I only lost a second.

Tippy: Damn. Is what Kalem did to you similar to what Lincoln did to Malcolm? No conscience??

Zhoron: I would not know for certain, for I am not a vampire. But I believe, yes, the pisen is asleep without having to bare the pain of what happened to him.

What are your feelings about Kalem sacrificing himself for you when that’s what you were doing for him?

Zhoron: Rage. It was foolish and dangerous. He knows not to do such a thing again.

Tippy: You’re not grateful?

Zhoron: Why would I be grateful when he suffered so greatly because of me?

Tippy: Maybe because it shows that your little brother loves you as much as you love him, and for once, you didn’t have to suffer. So even though it sucks, maybe you can be a little grateful that someone out there loves you that much.

Zhoron: *quiet* Next question, please. 

Tippy: Well, you asked for it. What do you think of Wequie? (Psst, you are so hot)

Zhoron: I am not heated in temperature, however, thank you for your concern. I think Wequie is a dangerous imp with a sex addiction, even for his species.

Tippy: How could you not be attracted to Wequie? Are you asexual!? How could you not find him sexy?!

Zhoron: *frowns* I am attracted to Wequie. 

Tippy: Zhoron, do tell the class, what were your first thoughts when you first saw Wequie?

Zhoron: I believe my thoughts were somewhere along the lines of, ‘What a delicious creature. I wonder if he could take me all.’

Tippy: Hehe, I love how open you elves are with sex. What do you like to do most with Wequie?🫣

Zhoron: *lips quirk just a tiny bit* I like to have him until he passes out.

Tippy: You’ve made Wequie pass out? Wequie?!?!?!

Zhoron: I am an elf, and though he might try his best, he tires before I do.

Tippy: Poor Mekhi. Next up. Do you have any hobbies?

Zhoron: No, though. Helinele is trying to encourage me to swim ever since I told her I used to.

Tippy: I love this woman already. Tell me Zhoron, how sadistic are you?

Zhoron: Pleasure doused in pain is quite an enjoyable thing. 

Salty or sugary foods?

Zhoron: Sugary.

Tippy: How surprising! Who is your crush?

Zhoron: I do want to crush anyone at this time.

Tippy: No, who do you like-like?

Zhoron: I do not like anyone.

What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever witnessed?

Zhoron: I do not wish to share that. 

Tippy: Fuck, marry, kill? Lincoln, Aias, Diablos, go! Wait Diablos?!? Who the fuc-

Zhoron: Kill, Diablos. Marry, Aias. Fuck, Lincoln.

Tippy: How the hell did you reply to that with no hesitation? 

Zhoron: This question was to force me to marry either my brother’s best friend or his partner. I would marry Aias because it would be a very calm marriage. 

Tippy: I happen to think you and Aias would be a mess and have amazing hate sex, but that’s just me. Zhoron are you ugly, or do you have khakis on?

Zhoron: I do not understand this question.

Tippy: That ain’t even an elf thing, cause neither do I. Will you have a book?

Zhoron: I have a number of books in my collection.

Tippy: *facepalms* it’s not confirmed, and nor will it be any time soon, I already promised you guys way too many books.

Is the d*ck big?

Zhoron: Quite. 

Tippy: *swoons and stares at print* Are you gay?

Zhoron: I am attracted to who I am attracted to. Their gender is of no concern to me.

Tippy: So there’s a chance! When you masturbate, does your thing come out black too?😭👀

Zhoron: My cum is white.

How nasty are you lol????? 😜

Zhoron: *frowns in disgust* I am a clean individual.

Tippy: UGHHH – HOW KINKY ARE YOU???

Zhoron: I am a Dark Nyphilim. 

Tippy: Enough said – What’s your body count?

Zhoron: I do not count. 

Tippy: I do! It’s 17,654

Zhoron: How do you know that?

Tippy: I keep telling you! I’m in your head!! In an alternate universe, who would win in a fight, you or Kalem?

Zhoron: This is tough, Zani is extremely strong, though I believe his heart would be his weakness. I would take advantage of it and feign an injury, to which he would try to help me because he would try to help anyone, and then I would strike and kill him. 

Tippy: I can very much see that. Or you could just take out a sunflower. 

Zhoron: That is a wicked tactic. But yes. 

Can I move in with you?

Zhoron: If you wish to die. 

Have you ever been in love with anyone? (Besides yourself OR do you *hate* yourself?

Zhoron: I do not hate myself, though I do not love myself either. And no, I have never been in love. 

ARE YOU CAPABLE OF BEING LOVED, ZHORON?

Zhoron: Why am I being yelled at?

Tippy: Sorry. I got to read these out as they come. Sorry.

Zhoron: You are not forgiven. Dark Nyphilims are not creatures to be loved.

Tippy: You are! You just haven’t had the chance to be yet! But if you could, Do you want a life partner?

Zhoron: No.

Tippy: Why not? 

Zhoron: There are no other nyphilims, so if I were to, somehow, acquire a life partner, their life would end before mine. I would not want that kind of pain.

Tippy: UGHHHH! You poor thing! JUST YOU WAIT! 

Zhoron: Wait for what? 

Tippy: For J and C.

Zhoron: *frowns* you want me to wait for letters.

Tippy: Ugh, you elves. Forget that. Will you teach whomever you love — if you could love them — your language? 

Zhoron: In this impossible universe, if they wished it, I would be honoured.

Tippy: You’re a sweet talker, I can tell. Thoughts on celery? Thoughts on cucumbers?

Zhoron: I prefer cucumbers, though both are suitable.

Hey Zhoron, why aren’t we soulmates yet???

Zhoron: Likely because if I were to touch you, I would drain your spirit and be left with your carcass.

Tippy: DAMN! Have you ever thought of having a linker/mate or whatever?

Zhoron: No. It’s not something I can have, and I do not waste my time wishing for things outside of my reach.

Have you had any romantic relationships?

Zhoron: No. 

Tippy: Why not? 

Zhoron: I have had relationships, but as I’ve said, there is no love to be had for Dark Nyphilims.

Tippy: Okay, let’s say you weren’t a dark nyphilim, and you could be loved as you claim you can’t now. What is your ideal partner?

Zhoron: *goes quiet* 

Tippy: Come on. Spill the beans! 

Zhoron: I suppose, I would want someone jovial and yet unfriendly. 

Tippy: You’d want an unfriendly person?

Zhoron: *nods* friendly beings invite conversation and trouble, and I’m a fan of neither.

Tippy: *jots down* alright, what else?

Zhoron: I would want someone who enjoys the quiet and would show me places beyond what I’ve known.

Tippy: Adventurous… shut in… keep going.

Zhoron: I believe that is all.

Tippy: Got you *giggles in J and C* What is your favourite animal?

Zhoron: On this planet, whales.

Tippy: That’s interesting and very informative. What’s your favourite genre of music?

Zhoron: I try to avoid noise.

Tippy: lmfaooo. What is your love language?

Zhoron: What is a ‘love language’?

Tippy: It’s the way you show your love to others you care about. There are words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, physical touch and acts of service.

Zhoron: I believe gifts are pointless. I prefer to be alone. I do not find exerting myself rewarding. I have never received words of affirmation, and many can not withstand my touch.

Tippy: Ah! Stop with the guilt-tripping! I’m sorry, okay! So you have absolutely no love language cause you’ve never gotten to experience love really. For now, let me just tell you, you’re an absolute sucker for physical touch and you become a big cat when Jacob touches you and when Colson praises you, you lose it!

Zhoron: *blinks at me* Who are Colson and Jacob?

Tippy: DID SOMEBODY SAY FUTURE ZHORON?!?!?!?!? 

Zhoron: There is no one else here—

*SHOVES PRESENT ZHORON UNDERGROUND (LMFAO PTSD) AND PULLS FUTURE ZHORON OUT TO TAKE HIS PLACE*

Tippy: Hello there!!!!!! Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Future Zhoron, where he’s only just met Jacob!

Future Zhoron: *stares at me through narrowed eyes, trying to pick the best way to kill me without making an unnecessary mess*

Tippy: WAIT! PLEASE JUST WA-

Future Zhoron: *attacks with no mercy*

(Spongebob voice) A few hours later…

Tippy: *panting, trying to work lungs again* alright… um, here we go, you fucking LUNATIC! Do you know Jacob is your mate?

Future Zhoron: He is not my mate. I am his linker, and yes, I do know because he’s currently trying to paint my walls, and I have to allow it because I must keep up this pretence.

Tippy: um *wheezes* can you explain what pretence for the people not on Patreon?

Future Zhoron: I have taken on the skin of a dark warlock for many years. When Jacob accosted me in the street, he made a scene which led others to believe that we are linkers. I had to go along with it to not raise awareness of the fact that I am not are a warlock and I do not feel the link between us.

Tippy: Yeah, but that was a time ago. Why are you still letting him hide out at your place?

Future Zhoron: *quiet* Next question please.

Tippy: You are sooo cu— *cuts self off in a cough* okay, how do you feel about having a mate?

Future Zhoron: Again. We are not mates. I am his linker, and I feel… disordered. He has completely interrupted my lifestyle.

Tippy: And do you hate it?

Future Zhoron: Not necessarily.

Tippy: So then, he makes you feel…

Future Zhoron: …alive, I suppose. 

Tippy: For the next questions, we’re going to have to go to Future-Future Zhoron. So… 

*KILLS FUTURE ZHORON FOR REVENGE AND BRINGS OUT FUTURE-FUTURE ZHORON AND TIES HIM DOWN FOR GOOD MEASURE*

Tippy: Question, Do we get clues about if you’re also mated to Colson?

Future-Future Zhoron: Colson is not my mate. However, he is mated to me as well as Jacob. 

Tippy: And what’s that like?

Future-Future Zhoron: That was not the question.

Tippy: Fine. What do you think of having two mates?

Future-Future Zhoron: They are not my mates, simply chosen life partners, and I think they are magnificent.

Tippy: Be still my heart! What’s your favourite thing about your mates?

Future-Future Zhoron: They are not my mates. My favourite thing about Jacob is his ability to make any situation, no dire, somehow a hopeful one, and my favourite thing about Colson is his inability to break a promise.

Tippy: Inability?

Future-Future Zhoron: *smiles a little* Colson never breaks a promise. Never. 

Tippy: Why do I feel like understanding that is going to hurt for some reason in the future? Anyway, Have you met Jacob’s family/pack?

Future-Future Zhoron: Yes. It was… eventful.

Tippy: *laughs in Emitt losing his shit* Okay, last one to end it off nice and sweet ’cause I know what you’ll say.

Future-Future Zhoron: Then why would you—

Tippy: Do you have any regrets?

Future-Future Zhoron: Not since Colson and Jacob found me.

Tippy: AHHHHHHH! YOU ARE SO FUCKING CUTE-

Tippy escapes before Future-Future Zhoron can kill her.

——-

Welp! There you have it people!!! A Zhoron Q&A! 

I’ve been meaning to write this FOREVER but you guys know life got crazy in December and I’m currently trudging through the worst months of uni life, but I’m almost at the end so hurray!

I felt like I hadn’t uploaded in forever, but you guys know I’m working on a Control Double Update and I thought, why not knock this out while I can!

That being said, I really hope you guys enjoyed this Q&A even though I almost lost my life several times writing it. I loveeeee Zhoron so much so I loved this and all the little Easter eggs we got about his past, and future, and also his personality.

If I ever get to write a scene of Zhoron being cuddled or praised and being all awkwardly adorable cause he doesn’t know what to do with it, I will ascend.

Make sure to like and leave a comment if you enjoyed! This has made me so excited for his extra this month, but before that, I should have the Control Double Update up!Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humansssssss