Wrote this chapter to a track by Olafur Arnalds I can’t spell, it is on the Delicate playlist to my Spotify

PLEASE LISTEN TO SONG WHEN I SAY SO AND THEN THROUGHOUT THE CHAPTER, LIKE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

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Will’s P.O.V

With Adele’s 21 playing from my record player and a pan full of chicken sizzling to perfection on the stove, I find myself cooking dinner with my mind in an entirely, different place.

I’d already fed Blaze, making sure to send him back the same hateful glare he gave me the entire time I filled his bowl, ungrateful that’s what that bunny was. With the fatass fed and nothing to distract me, I was already about halfway through making the chicken alfredo for Damon and me.

Moving freely, I sprinkle some more basil and thyme onto the chicken thighs before I flip them and give the boiling Fettucine a stir. It had taken me some time to grow familiar with this kitchen, the layout a polar opposite to my apartment and much bigger as well. At first, I moved very carefully around the space while doing pretty much anything, afraid of sending things tumbling to the floor or burning myself back accident.

But that fear was gone now, even though my vision was still as fucked as always, being here had grown easier as all things tried to do with time.

“Oh no,” I warn as I look down at a certain fat fuck seated on my leg. “I am not Damon, you will break my foot.”

Blaze looks up at me blankly, large, black eyes blinking frequently as he shifted on my foot. I crouch down to give the big guy a little rub behind the ears, indulging in this behaviour just this one time.

“This cute act isn’t getting you any more food from me,” I say to him as he stares at me. “He’ll be back soon to spoil you to your heart’s content, okay?”

Apparently, that was all Blaze needed because he hopped away, disappearing into some hidden crook in the large apartment. I stand and wash my hands before taking the cooked chicken off the stove, all the while trying to believe in my own words.

Damon hadn’t been gone for too long, but still, with every passing minute, I felt a little bit more unsettled by his absence.

It wasn’t the usual annoying feeling telling me to find him when we were apart or my own oppressive nerves that came around when I was left alone in the suite, this was something else. It was a bleak, creeping feeling that settled inside of me. Only growing as the seconds ticked on, sinking its sharp, foreboding claws into me as if to prompt a warning scream from me.

Some twisted hunch that said that things weren’t going to go well between Levi and Damon.

But there wasn’t any apparent explanation that gave this line of thinking any room for purchase, yet it was still there, lingering in the background. Perhaps it was because I’d seen the way fear drifted behind those incredibly, fragile, blue eyes before Damon left or because I felt in my soul, spirit and on the edges of our bond, the twisted sadness that returned when Damon laid eyes on his brother.

Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that I knew, deep down, that Damon wasn’t ready to have that conversation. That he wasn’t ready to face his family the way he’d been doing when his worst wounds were nowhere close to being mended.

I push the thought away, not wanting to align my own experiences with Damon’s present troubles. They were different in every way, not a single similar factor that gave me the platform to teach him the lessons I’d learned.

Damon’s family loved him and they were trying, as he was… it wasn’t the same.

The door opens just as I begin to drain the large, pot of pasta into a colander. Looking over my shoulder, my eyes provide me with dark hair and blue eyes to confirm it was Damon, I offer him an honest smile, happy to have him back.

“I wasn’t expecting you back so soon,” I say as I turn back to the large pot, setting it down with the overwhelming need to see if he was okay. “How did the talk go?”

play song

Turning to face him properly, I don’t get another word out before I’m immediately taken into a pair of strong arms that squeeze me tightly, desperately. Stunned at the sudden embrace, I freeze in Damon’s grip before I quickly wrap my arms around his tense body.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask with worry instantly sprouting within my chest. It spreads uncontrollably when Damon’s large frame begins to tremble against me like a torn leaf caught in a violent storm.

My lips part to ask him what happened but shut the moment the first sob brushes the edges of my ears. The sound was muffled against my shirt and splintered in the way something worn out and tired was when it was about to break.

And that’s what Damon does, he breaks…

Harsh, ragged sobs quickly follow after the first and Damon’s trembling worsens within seconds, his sobs only growing louder, more unrestrained as he comes undone within my arms. I hold him even tighter, keeping him where he knew he was safe and treasured, and I try to bare the way his agonized sounds completely tore me apart.

I could feel Damon’s heart beating frightfully against my chest, beating erratically as if it too was trying to escape all the pain and misery as he was.

“I’m here,” I promise as I rub his back, my other hand keeping his head against my neck where he tries desperately to hide himself from everything that kept finding him, only to hurt him again. “I’m right here Damon, I’ve got you.”

Damon cries even harder as he takes us to the floor, not able to hold himself up anymore. Still, I hold him close, as he sinks further into me, giving me his full weight, I hold him tighter than ever before so that he’d know I truly had him and that I would protect him.

“Will,” Damon croaks and the desperate plea brings tears to my eyes.

“It’ll be okay,” I promise, swallowing my own tears knowing just how much he needed me right now.

“W-Will,” Damon sobs, his tears running down my shoulder in a troubled cascade of torturous emotions.

“It’ll be okay,” I repeat, not knowing what else I could say to make it better. “I’m here and I’ve got you, forever, it’ll be okay.”

It hurt. It hurt so much to see him like this, torn apart and in so much pain. To have him barely hanging on and begging for me to help him, to save him. It made me want to scream for him, to take all his burdens and carry them, to keep the entire world away from him so this could all end and he’d be okay.

I just wanted him to be okay.

Damon sobs carry on, each twisted in misery and telling the story of a certain sadness he kept hidden deep inside of himself when he could, but it was coming out now and there was no controlling it.

“I-I did what they w-wanted,” He cries, his voice trembling against me. “I d-did… e-everything he s-said to…everything, but s-still…”

Damon lifts his head then, revealing to me a version of him that broke my heart.

Soft skin was wet with honest tears, blue eyes full and still bleeding their agony as he looked at me with trembling lips, only sobs escaping them. Damon looked at me with more fear in his eyes than I’d ever seen in another, and it clouded those deep blues, making that flicker of hope he’d carried with him since we arrived, dwindled away.

Damon was ready to give up, I could see it.

“I…” My words escape me as I stare into miserable, blue eyes I knew to be filled with joy and laughter, happiness that overwhelmed the pain. Eyes that completely opposed the ones I saw now, the ones that had taken over recently and rendered me speechless now.

“They don’t…..t-they,” Damons tries, his voice choked as he swallows deeply. “….n-nobody Will, n-nobody b-but…. you.”

I pull Damon back against me before I press a gentle kiss to his head and lean against the lower cabinet as he sinks back into me. Holding him steady, I let him pour it all out. Everything he was feeling or had felt, all the haunting thoughts and taunting expectations, the pain and the sorrow; he lets it all out with his tears and I hold him the whole way through.

With my arms wrapped around my breaking core, I make a promise to myself to never leave him and to always listen first as my own tears rush down my face.

———

A knock on the door makes my grip around Damon tighten, causing a soft groan to pull from him. Not wanting the knocking to wake him, I pull away from Damon’s back and throw the sheet back over him when I slide out of bed.

Looking down, Damon’s face was still wet with tears that poured even as he slept, a small frown pulling his eyebrows together as he cuddled Blaze to his chest. I press a kiss to the crinkled spot before I step away and head for the door.

Sassy was at my side in an instant, ready to face the unknown visitor with me. Taking a breath, I try to lessen my anxiety as I unlock the front door and open it.

Damon’s parents stood on the other side.

I recognised Julian’s blonde hair immediately as he shifted nervously beside his mate whose stance was rigid while his fingers seemed to twitch at his sides.

“L-Levi told us what happened,” Julian starts in a voice tight with his panic. “We want to talk to Damon, e-explain.”

“He’s sleeping,” I say as I step out and shut the door behind me.

It’d taken hours for Damon to settle. We’d sat on the kitchen floor with Damon sobs the only sound for hours before they finally perished and he let me pull away from him enough to get us onto our feet. He’d still sniffled quietly as I took us to bed, tears still ran down his face while I wrapped myself around him, moulding my figure to his.

It didn’t stop until he fell asleep, and even then his body still trembled against mine as he wept.

I wouldn’t wake him to face it all again, alongside whatever would come from what his parents wanted to stay. No amount of anxiety or taunting thoughts would steer me differently.

“Okay,” Julian says after a moment, seeming to pick up on my thoughts. “When he wakes, c-can you tell him we came and that we want to t-talk to him?”

I look between the two, struggling to continue biting my tongue and just nod in understanding. I hadn’t interfered in their attempts to mend their relationship with Damon, hadn’t said anything when the family made comments that they didn’t see hurt Damon.

I’d kept quiet and planned on doing so, but as the sounds of Damon’s sobs replayed in my mind I couldn’t stop myself.

“Damon’s in a lot of pain,” I say as I look up at the pair, unable to read the expressions and for once, I wasn’t mad about that. “He wants so badly to make everything right with you all, that he’s putting all of you ahead of what he needs. He needs time, to fix himself before he tries to fix what’s broken with your family. Damon’s still hurt about all that happened when he left here and until he deals with that, he’s only going to keep getting hurt.”

I release a small breathe as Damon’s parents stare at me, blurred expressions keeping me from biting my tongue or feeling too nervous. As much as I wanted them to like me because of how much Damon loved them, he came first in my world and I could do with them hating me if it meant he was okay.

Damon was my priority, always.

“When I met Damon, he wasn’t like this,” I say as I raise my hand weakly before letting it fall as I tried to keep back the tears that were brimming in my eyes. “He wasn’t so closed off or careful with everything he said and did, he was annoyingly open and perfectly honest. He made jokes and he laughed. He didn’t hide pieces of himself away, he let himself feel whatever he wanted to… he was happy.

I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, I’m saying this so that you know that there’s another side to Damon. A goofy one, full of light and love that you all don’t know because he’s scared to show it to you. He wants to, I know he does, but he doesn’t because of the side of him you already see…

But that’s not Damon, or at the very least, that’s not all to him. From what Damon’s told me, from what I see in him, I think he’s afraid to show the rest of him to you because he thinks that nobody would like those pieces of him when they already hate the ones they see.

He needs to be who he is without being afraid and he won’t be able to do that until he deals with all the problems that got him to this place. He needs to take it all at his own pace, so he can show you how much love is inside of him.

So I’ll tell him you came and I’ll tell him you that you want to explain things to him, but if it’s only going to make things worst to do that right now, then please don’t, at least not now.”

Before my nerve and confidence can peel away from me, I bid them a good night and go back into the suite. Sassy is waiting on the other side, seated patiently as she looks up at me almost expectantly. Running a hand over her head, I release the breath I’d been holding that entire conversation and try not to feel guilty about the things I said.

Maybe it wasn’t my place or maybe it was the wrong thing to say, but they needed to hear it.

So I try not to dwell on the exchange as I head to the kitchen and clear the forgotten dinner away to deal with tomorrow. I clean the kitchen quietly before returning to my source of joy and happiness in this world.

Damon’s still sleeping, curled under the covers with Blaze still to his chest but the frown was thankfully gone. Sassy heads to her own bed and I slowly undress before sliding back into bed, holding Damon tightly to my chest.

I inhale him deeply and let myself sink into his warmth as I rest my head to his back.

—

When I open my eyes next, Damon is no longer in my arms and the space he slept is empty, barely warm without him there. I sit up sleepily, rubbing my eyes as I look around the room but there wasn’t a single sign of him.

Sliding out of bed, I check the bathroom first before making my way out to the main area when I find it empty. I don’t find Damon in the living room or kitchen, the small office and movie theatre was empty as well. I check all the rooms before I find Damon in the last one at the end of one of the halls.

Pushing the door open, my eyes immediately settle on Damon who was on the floor with his back against the wall, seated just underneath one of the large windows in the room. He looks up at me, his gaze empty at first before he really looks at me and smiles sadly at me.

I cross the empty space and slide into the space beside him, resting my head on his shoulder as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in.

Looking around the room, I try to figure out what it used to be. There was no furniture besides a small table that was shoved in a corner and nothing that gave me any hints right away besides the soft blue walls.

“This used to be my bedroom,” Damon fills in after a few minutes of measured silence.

With this new information, I try to see the room in a new light, in its own light. I try to imagine where the bed went, where all Damon’s toys would be placed and if it was a clean space or completely messy.

“It seems so much smaller now,” He continues as he studies the room with me, seeing it for what it used to be. “Smaller than all the memories make it seem.”

“Good memories?” I question since Damon had mentioned that this entire suite was only good memories, it was where he grew up before the family got bigger and they moved into the house the rest of his family resided in now.

“Yeah,” He answers fondly, and as I look up at him I catch the way his eyes glimmer with imprints of his past. “Levi’s was the room right next to this one but it was practically mine too, I was there so much.”

I slip my fingers between Damon’s open palm and he squeezes it softly.

“We used to sleep in the same bed because I refused to sleep with him,” Damon says with a light chuckle. “I didn’t care how much anybody teased me about it, Levi was my big brother and I loved him so there was no other option.”

“How long did that one carry on?” I ask and he laughs again but his fingers tighten around mine.

“For a while, couple of years,” He admits gently as if he were handling a fragile fraction of the past. “It stopped sometime after dad woke up from his coma, I don’t remember exactly when I stopped sneaking into Levi’s room but I just did one day and it just stopped…”

We stay quiet as we both ponder Damon’s words, the reasons unattainable to me but I could tell he was searching for it now, the reason he broke his childish habit. He was trying to find the precise moment, the exact day things took a turn and the reason why.

That was why he was in his old room, he was trying to retrace the steps of his past.

“A lot of things changed during that time,” Damon carries on in a whisper while he stared straight ahead. “We weren’t allowed to go outside on our own, so we spent most of our time inside with dad. He was still recovering, adjusting and there was Peter, he was still a baby so he didn’t play around with us as much. But he tried his best, to handle all he’d woken up to, scars and all.

Pops was always out, training and hunting, strengthening the pack. We saw him still, it wasn’t like he wasn’t home… but it wasn’t the same. Whenever the two of us spent time together, we were training, he was teaching me how to fight and get stronger. I enjoyed those sessions, wolves my age weren’t training so I thought I was something amazing.

Levi used to spend a lot of time on his own. He’d draw and paint a lot, they were really nice paintings. It was how he said all the things he didn’t really say himself, I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s how it looked to me.

I remember once he drew me, he came to watch Pops and me training with dad and he drew me. It was the first time he ever drew me so when he showed it to me, I freaked out.

I loved that drawing,” Damon says before releasing a shaky breath. “I loved it like I never loved any gift he’d ever given me. It was perfect, it looked just like me and I looked so strong in it, but that wasn’t why I loved it. I loved it… because Levi drew me and I saw the way he saw me.”

Lifting his free hand, Damon brings an old, tattered paper to his lap. I could only make out the prominent pencil lines on it but saw enough to see that it was the drawing Damon was talking about.

“I loved it so much I hid it away,” Damon explains as he carefully smoothens the edges with trembling fingers. “I’d started to lose control sometimes, my new strength not mixing well with my temper and sometimes I broke things even when I didn’t mean to. It was the beginning of the violence and all the rage and anger I couldn’t tame. So I hid this paper away, put it under the flooring when we moved out so that even I wouldn’t be able to destroy it, it was too special to be ruined… because it was proof, that Levi saw me before things changed…. it was proof of h-how things used to be.”

A single teardrop meets the treasured drawing as Damon studies it through small sniffs. A few more bleed into the paper before Damon folds it carefully and slips it back into its hiding space. Once it’s covered and safe, he falls back into my awaiting arms without another word, only silent tears.

Tears for the boy in the picture.

———————-

I’m crying, so there’s that…

Thoughts?????

Did you cry? Do you miss those happy days when Will and Damon just met? How the fuck are we going to get through Will’s side of the fucking acre if this is all Damon?!?!?!?

I’m a mess, let me just tell you that.

Is Tippy sobbing? Yes, yes she fucking is. Ya know what, I didn’t expect all this from this chapter, I really didn’t. So when I started typing it out, I wasn’t fucking ready.

Remember those days when I used to write mostly smut and the biggest heartbreak was some stranger touching your mate’s knee, I miss those days too cause this shit is starting to cut a little too deep for me. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL JKJKJKJKJKJ, no shade Jewels/Aiden, no shade.

Anyways, vote up and comment your thoughts if you liked this chapter.

I know this was a shorter chapter than usual, I know. BUT, I wanted this chapter to end right here, I feel like a lot happened emotionally and any more would’ve been too much to me.

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humanssssssssss