Hagen’s P.O.V

I didn’t sleep. I tried— Goddess knew I tried, but it’d been hours since I’d crawled under my covers, and I still couldn’t claim a single ounce of sleep. It was impossible when I could still feel him.

I could feel Nikola everywhere.

Under my skin, lodged in my lungs, buried beneath my veins— fucking everywhere. Every breath I took made the smokey traces of leather and rum lodge themselves deeper inside of me until I couldn’t breathe without feeling like I was sharing it with him.

Scent marking wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I’d seen plenty of mates scent one another, and yeah, it did look like it felt good, and everyone left the campsite happier than a fucking squirrel, but what happened last night was in a league of its own. It had been… I didn’t even know what that had been. All night I’d been trying to find a word to describe it other than good because that felt too small. ‘Good’ couldn’t encompass what Nikola had done to me.

No word could describe how I felt like Nikola had stepped into my body, and hours later, he was still here.

Swiping my finger over my wrist, I let a shallow breath out, but it doesn’t help calm my raging heart. It had been going crazy, which made sense since last night had been intense— more than that, it was intimate.

I’d been scared that Nikola would ask me for a kiss, but now I couldn’t help but think that a kiss would’ve been better. It couldn’t— kisses were special, but I found myself there again every time I closed my eyes. Stood on the back porch with Nikola’s grey eyes locked on me…glowing with want, those calloused hands wrapping around my neck… squeezing.

“Ughh!” I groan as I shoot up from my bed and physically try to wave the memory away.

I had barely survived the real thing, and my sanity really couldn’t afford to entertain the constant replays.

It wasn’t that I regretted last night or wished it didn’t happen. It felt too good to regret it, and I had agreed to it. I was just having a hard time actually computing it.

I mean, Nikola and I had sort of lost it a bit, or at least I did. As far as my memory went, we’d been close enough that I’d felt his body against mine, and our condensed breaths had mingled in the winter air, which was not how I anticipated our night ending. But things had happened so quickly that I didn’t even realise it, or maybe I didn’t care.

That seemed more likely since I’d been too sated by the feel of him to entertain a thought beyond how good it felt to have his scent overtake my own, but now that I could manage coherent thinking, the constant replays only made me feel embarrassed.

I could only thank Goddess that nobody had been there to witness it. My heart had been stuck in my ass when I’d finally managed to sneak inside my house after Nik left. I’d been shitting myself thinking that maybe I’d find my dad or Josey standing on the other side with a smug grin, but luckily, no one was there, and I’d managed to slip into my room undetected.

Lucky is the keyword because you were pretty loud last night.

Zyair! I thought we agreed on acting like the embarrassing shit in my life are just mirages?!

Last night doesn’t count. It was too good.

I stay quiet. I wasn’t going to blatantly agree to that, but I wasn’t going to deny it either.

Yeah, the ending had been… unexpected, but every other part of our… date had been fun. Shit, it had been even more fun than usual since Nikola had brought out the big guns for our bowling war. I still couldn’t believe some of the shit he’d said.

He’s getting comfortable with us — Zyair says in a happy squeal, and though I don’t make such a sound, I can still feel my lips spread as I slip out of bed and head for my bathroom.

Yeah, he is.

Nikola was a confident guy, always was, always would be. Even as a kid, he never once tried to dull his personality for others, but since the bond came into effect, he’d been more restrained. Which was a good thing, considering our history, but it was nice to see him relax last night. To see him laugh freely and not be so awfully stiff, to even goad me on in his own way. It was nice.

It was more than nice. Goddess, I wonder what else is under there— Zyair purrs, practically rolling over already. Hopefully, he’ll stop holding back soon.

Uhh, no. You and Neo can do what you like when you’re together, but for now, I’m happy with our current pace.

Zyair pouts like a baby, giving our link a mental shove — Boring, but fine. Once you don’t try to stop this.

That I wouldn’t do. I didn’t think I even could at this point.

Even though it totally freaked me out and made me feel like burying my head like an ostrich, I had enjoyed our scenting last night, and I already wanted it to happen again. Which was fucking crazy since Nikola’s scent was still stuck to me like glitter on glue, but I liked it. I liked the way it made my insides liquidate and my soul deliriously cheery.

Fuck, was this what crack felt like?

I hoped not because I’d only tried Nik once, and I could already tell I was an addict in the making.

══════════════════

Was I a bad brother for completely forgetting that my oldest brother, who I hadn’t seen in months, was coming home today? Probably.

I hadn’t meant to. After I’d showered and cleaned myself up for the day, I’d stayed glued to my phone, waiting for the usual morning text from Nikola, only for one not to pop up. But I knew last night had been a lot on him, so I tried not to panic about that.

I still did though, so I’d come downstairs in search of food to distract me, but I don’t even get a chance to open the fridge when I hear it– the joyful mix of laughter that could only belong to one couple.

Levi’s home!

Abandoning the kitchen like it was in flames, I dash down the hallways just like Josey, and I used to when Levi came home from university, but it was different now because it wasn’t just him. It was Levi, Jayson, his mate and my best friend, and my favourite nephews, Elijah and Kane.

I follow the sound of voices and laughter until I stumble into the living room, where I find everyone stuffed inside. Sprawled out on the couches, Damon and Will lay cuddled up, just like Levi and Jayson, while Dad and Pops sat on the ground playing happily with Kane and Elijah.

My heart squeezes at the site of my family. We were still missing two. Goddess knew where Josey was, and Peter wouldn’t be back next week, but we were almost there. Soon the whole gang would really be back together for the holidays, and things would be like they used to.

We may have been a bag of psychos, but we loved one another, and I never felt as happy as I did when I was with my family. Now, there was only one week left, and I couldn’t wait.

“Hey, Nikola,” Pops greets as he looks away from the toy he was shaking in front of Kane. He does an Oscar-worthy double take before his dark black eyes grow wide, and he gasps dramatically. “Oh, it’s you, Hagen! Sorry, I just didn’t smell you at all.”

“One point for Aiden!” Will cheers as he brings a whiteboard out from thin air to put a strike under Pop’s name in a table that held each of their names.

My excitement dies like a blown-out flame as all heads turn my way, their happy smiles turning into wicked, exhilarated ones that fucking sparkle like they’d just found gold.

Shit.

It was too late to turn around, too late to run. My first mistake was coming in here without preparing for death, and now, the only way was through.

“Don’t listen to them, Hagen,” Damon chides with an uncharacteristic amount of sympathy. “I think they just had too much rum last night.”

“Ayooo!” Pops cheers as he high-fives my evil older brother. “One point for Damon!”

Will dutifully puts the strike in, sending me an apologetic smile that I flip off. He may have married into this family, but he was just as bad at the lot of them. Stupid human.

“Alright,” I sigh, looking around the room of assholes I called family. “Let’s just get this out of the way.”

“Get what out of the way?” Levi asks, cocking his head to the side. “Is there something blocking the back door again? I head there was last night.”

Laughter echoes around the room, bounding off the walls while Will puts a strike under Levi’s name without being told.

“You know, I really missed you before this,” I say through narrowed eyes. “Now I just want to know when you’re leaving.”

“I’m kidding!” Levi promises as he gets up and comes running over to me. He crashes into me, and I don’t hesitate to wrap my arms around him as we stumble back laughing.

“Okay, I missed you a little,” I admit, and Levi squeezes me tighter.

“Good, ’cause I missed you too.”

Levi and I hadn’t always been the closest of siblings. With him being the eldest and me being the youngest, there were lots of years and siblings that stood between us, siblings that we were closer to. We’d always been on good terms, but it hadn’t become great until he met Jayson. That hadn’t been the best time for our family, but one of the benefits of me being their biggest supporter was that Levi and I had grown a lot closer, and well, I’d gotten a best friend out of the situation.

“You missed me too, right?” Jayson asks as he inches over, his height making me crane my head to meet his eyes.

Jayson was a, excuse my language, beast of a man, who towered over the rest of us like with the build of the most terrifying alpha, but he was the complete opposite inside. Inside, he was one of the nicest people in this world with a literal heart of gold, which was truly something after all he’d been through.

“Of course, I missed you,” I promise as I let Levi go to jump into his arms. It didn’t matter how many years passed or how old I got, I still hugged Jayson like I was a little kid, and he still picked me up like I weighed nothing.

“Good, ’cause life sucks without you, little man,” Jayson mumbles, making me grin from ear to ear.

I didn’t care that Jayson had more than ten years on me; he was my best friend and would be for life. Sometimes people just got along, despite backgrounds and age; they clicked on a base level, and Jayson and I were lucky enough to have that.

“This weekend is going to be amazing!” I promise him when he finally puts me down. “We’re catching up the second these idiots finish getting this shit out of their system.”

“Something’s in my system?” Will asks, and I look at him just in time to catch the concerned expression he shares with his mate. “Maybe I need to see a doctor, or better yet, a hybrid.”

Damon and Pops lose their minds while Will gives himself a strike, the three of them on cloud-fucking-nine. Stupid mutts.

Dad tries to hide his laughter, but I still see the way his shoulders shake while he and Elijah play some hand game, but I knew my father— if he joined in, he’d be the worse of them.

For a moment, I wish I’d showered with a stronger soap before coming down here, but it’s fleeting and stupid. Even if I’d scrubbed my skin red, Nikola’s scent would’ve still lingered after how much we’d….

“Sorry I’m late, guys,” Josey’s voice comes, snapping me out of my thoughts as I watch her enter the living room.

My face twists into a hateful glare, “You have to be fucking kidding me!”

“What?” She blinks owlishly at me while she shakes the rum bottle in her hand. “Is it too early for a drink?”

A bomb goes off in the form of hollering and cackling that makes me want to pull the hair straight out of my roots. Pops rolls over, practically spasming from his laughter, while Will and Damon slide off the couch, laughing so hard the whiteboard clatters to the floor.

On the other side, Elijah stays with his grandad, patting his back to help with his coughing, while Levi shakily picks up Kane, saving him from the chaos even though he was a part of it.

“Okay, great. That’s it, you’re all done!” I say with an added round of applause for their trouble. “You’ve made all the scenting jokes in the world. I do not want to hear another one.”

I knew my family was the biggest cesspool of heartless assholes in the world, but good Goddess, sometimes they really took it to another level.

The laughing circus ignores me, or they don’t hear me, too wrapped up in their wheezing to notice. The only one who seemed immune was Jayson, who smiled sheepishly at me.

“Maybe we should do that catch-up now?” He suggests, coming over and settling a supportive hand on my shoulder.

“Please,” I beg. I couldn’t get out of here fast enough.

I’m about to make my escape too when Kane calls, “Haggennnn!!!” from Levi’s hip, his little hands making grabby motions.

Sacrificing my own sanity, I shout back, “Kane!!!” in our usual greeting, earning the massive grin I knew would come as he wiggles in Levi’s arms.

“Hageennn!!” He bellows again, and my soul fucking touches the clouds.

“Kaneeee!!!!” I yell, my escape officially put on pause as I head over to the little guy with a smile just for him. “Hi, buddy! I’ve missed you!”

Kane’s grin stretches even further while I rub a knuckle against his cheek, “I mwessed you too!”

Please, heart, be still.

“At least I have a friend in you,” I whisper as I lean in close to kiss his head. “You were always my favourite.”

Kane beams proudly, but then his little button nose wrinkles, and I know in a moment that he would be the one to kill me.

“Uncle Haggaen, you smell funny.”

Chaos erupts in the living room, wild enough to shake the entire house, and I pray to Goddess that it would all come collapsing down on us.

“I hate you all,” I mutter while everyone else screams and laughs so hard that tears sprout from their eyes.

“Hate!” I promise while Jayson turns me away, wisely leading me away from the wreckage before I have to take out his son.

I should’ve just stayed in bed.

══════════════════

“So, what’s happened since the last time you remembered I existed?”

Jayson hums around the rim of his wine glass, his eyes bulging wide, “I forgot you existed?! I call you all the time!”

“You haven’t in two weeks,” I point out, eyebrows raising pointedly while I tip my own glass back. I wasn’t really a wine person, but wine was all I had when I was with Jayson.

“Because I knew you and Nikola had that date,” Jayson explains with a nod to back himself up. “I knew you were nervous about it, and I didn’t want to put pressure on it if it went badly.”

I hum, eyeing him narrowly from my lawn chair. That sounded like a good enough excuse, especially with how anxious I could get, but I was still bitter.

“You didn’t have to ask about the date,” I mumble. “You could’ve at least sent a ‘hi, what’s up’ text.”

“So could you,” Jayson shoots back, forcing me to surrender. Sensing his victory, he grins, “To answer your question without the initial sass, nothing much. Life’s easy.” I wrinkle my nose, but he only laughs. “When you have a pack and two kids to look after, easy is the dream, Hagen.”

I shrug, giving him that much. I loved kids when I could afford to give them back to their owners, but I couldn’t imagine having ones of my own. I was barely getting through life as it was, and no kid needed to see that mess. But my siblings made it look good, fun even, and if they were happy, then that was all that mattered.

“Kane’s counting to ten now,” Jayson adds with the biggest smile, “and Elijah’s writing is getting better.”

“That’s good.” I guess. I didn’t really know what to say beyond that, even with how much I loved my nephews.

Jayson glances at me with a knowing look, “I won’t bore you with details about the kids’ education, and I won’t traumatise you by talking about how amazing, physically and emotionally, my own relationship is—”

“I would literally never speak to you again,” I say very seriously.

There were just some lines that should never be crossed, and talking about a relationship that included my brother was one of them.

Jayson laughs heartily, his smile not wavering in the slightest as he gestures at me with his bottle, “So, why don’t you tell me about your own? It must be going well if you’re scenting one another.”

“We don’t have to talk about relationships at all, you know. I heard about this troll who plans to trample New York. We can talk about that instead.”

Jayson doesn’t budge, which is a slightly troubling testament to his interests. Jasper and I had talked about that shit for weeks. Hell, we were still talking about it— we had our calendars marked and everything.

“Hagen,” Jayson starts with a sigh. “I’m playing it cool because I’m older, and Levi says that makes you more mature, but you should know that I’ve been badgering him for details about what happened between you and Nik since his birthday. I’m on my last leg. I want to know everything.”

“Fine,” I sigh, “just–” I raise a finger before I drain the rest of my glass in three gulps. “Alright.”

With as much detail as I would physically allow, I delve in headfirst and bring Jayson up to date on everything that had happened between Nikola and I since his birthday.

Like Josey, Jayson had always known the worst details of what it’d been like growing up with Nikola’s ‘attentions’, and though he always played devil’s advocate, he understood my reservations going into things.

Which was probably why he looked like he’d learned a new language by the time I finish telling him about all that had happened with Nikola over the last two weeks; all the meet-ups, his promise to do better and mine to try, the weight of the bond on him— the whole shebang, and finally, the scenting.

“Wow,” he breathes out, laying back down in his lawn chair and staring up at the sky.

“I know.”

“I mean—” he blinks, ”wow… it makes more sense now why you smell like you’ve been secretly rolling around in his bed.”

I choke on air, “Goddess, Jayson! It’s not that bad!”

Jayson’s dark brows dip low before he gently sniffs the air, “We’re only feet apart, and I can’t smell you, Hagen. Not even a little bit.”

I slump, “Okay, maybe it is, but it just sort of happened, and when I agreed to it, I didn’t expect it to be so much.”

Jayson nods a little while he absentmindedly palms his empty glass, “Levi and I have never experienced anything close to what you described from scenting one another. Maybe from touch, but not from just scenting.”

“But you guys are Crescent Mates; Nik and I aren’t, so this shit is just crazy.”

Jayson laughs a little, “Maybe, but it also makes sense. Like Levi and I, the bond between you and Nikola has been there for many years, and yet this is the first time you’ve done anything. Maybe that’s why it hit you so hard.”

“I guess,” I agree while I nibble on my bottom lip. “We’re mates, but I was the only one who could feel the bond for the last five years.”

“And Nikola has felt his link to you for his entire life. Not to mention, the bond now, too,” Jayson sighs sadly, “it must’ve felt even stronger for him.”

It had been, again, which was why he’d left so abruptly and probably why he hadn’t messaged me today.

I didn’t know how it started, but at some point, Nikola and I had started texting every single day. Most times, it was just a simple morning text or to make plans to meet, but sometimes Nik just wanted to say hi. It was such a crazy contrast from when we were younger, and Nik would keep messaging me, no matter how many times I blocked him.

Now we were talking all the fucking time, but it wasn’t until today that I realised how Nik was always the one to reach out. It was always him, and now, my phone felt like a bomb in my pocket, and I was still working up the nerve to pick it up.

I knew I could text him first, it wasn’t that big of a deal, but after last night, I didn’t want to make things worse if he was struggling to deal with the bond and all the other shit. I had planned to wait at least until tomorrow, but following Jayson’s words, I was starting to worry.

If I had been a sleepless, anxious mess last night, then what the hell was Nikola like right now?

“Nikola is strong,” Jayson says into the quiet, bringing my gaze back to him. “He always has been, so he’ll know how to deal with it.”

I hoped so. I really did because while I barely had a handle on myself through all of this, I wished every day that I could do more. If I could, I would take a bit of this unfair bond-link burden from Nikola, even though I knew it would suck, and I’d hate every second of it.

I just didn’t like that Nikola had to deal with it all on his own while I… drank with my best friend on the porch.

Sighing, I press my wrist to my chest and slump further into my chair. “I never knew dating was this hard,”

“Dating?” Jayson echos, wiggling his brows.

“I’ve only just come to terms with it, so please don’t start.”

“I won’t. You know I’m not as bad as the others.” I snort, and he laughs. “But dating?”

My brows pull closer in a tight frown at the sight of his slightly troubled expression, “What?”

Jayson shrugs a little, “Nothing. It’s just… dating is such a human concept. Werewolves don’t date.”

“Then what would you call it?”

“Courting,” he answers without hesitation. I blink at him, trying to convey with my eyes that he sounded stupid to me right now. “I’m being serious. Dating doesn’t really apply to us.”

“And why is that, professor?” I drawl sarcastically.

Jayson scowls but continues anyway, “For those of us with mates, we try to wow them at the beginning. You want to prove you’re a good mate, so you show them that you can provide, that you care and whatever else you have to so that they wish to complete the bond with you.”

My lips twist to one side, “So what, I’m courting Nik—”

I stop as a small sound escapes Jayson– it’s like a cough and a giggle mixed in one, and I hate him for it.

Jayson closes his eyes and gestures for me to continue, but it’s sort of impossible to do so when I can see the way his fists are clenched at his sides, his body shaking from the effort of keeping himself together.

“You’re a dick,” I spit. “What happened to not being as bad as the others?”

Jayson raises a hand, but it shakes like the rest of him, “I’m not, but you can’t say things like that and expect me to stay unaffected.”

“Okay, whatever. Fuck you. You’re saying Nikola is ‘courting’ me?”

It takes a second for Jayson to get himself under wraps, but when he does, he nods. “Every time he takes you out, he’s trying to prove that he’s a good mate, one that you should want. He’s showing you that he knows you, that he can make you happy– keep you comfortable and safe. I guess they are dates, but knowing Nikola, he’s thinking of them in a much bigger picture.”

He was. Even when he was relaxed, Nikola’s brain always seemed to be thinking two steps ahead. There probably wasn’t a breath he took that he didn’t plan beforehand.

“And you like him, so it’s working.”

“I don’t–”

“Hagen,” Jayson cuts in, the look in his eyes daring me to say otherwise.

I couldn’t, so I shut my mouth. I did like the Nikola I was getting to know. We just fit in the way people always said mates were supposed to, which was something younger me would’ve called an obvious hex, but it wasn’t. It was just us, which meant that I just had to work on getting comfortable with what that would mean for the future.

So far, the future seemed to look a lot like last night.

“But whether it’s dating or courting, I think it’s always good when both sides make an effort,” Jayson finishes as he gets to his feet. He stretches and yawns wide enough to swallow a hornet’s nest. “I’m sure Nikola is more than happy with where you currently stand, but I’m also sure he would be very happy if you showed a bit of initiative.”

Pointing his gaze at where my free hand was palming my phone, Jayson gives me a knowing look before he heads back into the house, leaving me to ponder his parting words on my own.

‘Taking the initiative’ sounded so serious, but I knew he didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t have to go get down on one knee or anything dramatic; I could just reach out like I’d been secretly dying to all morning.

Maybe a text wouldn’t be so bad. I could leave a message, and if Nikola didn’t reply, then I’d know he wasn’t doing well, and I’d give him space. And if he does, well….

I pull my phone out from my pocket and open up our chat with hasty fingers.

Me: Hey Nikola you okay? I had a good time last night but I know things ended weird and shit, so I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Let me know. Hagen.

I get to my feet to follow after Jayson, but I don’t even make it to the door before my phone buzzes.

Nikola: Hi, Hagen. I’m fine, more than actually. I really enjoyed last night, and I’m glad to hear that you did, too, even though you lost so spectacularly. Loses aside, thank you for checking in on me. I appreciate it. Nikola.

Me: I’m never checking on you again, asshole.

Nikola: I thought you weren’t a sore loser?

Me: Fuck you.

Me: Good luck trying to get me to play bowling with you ever again.

Me: In fact, good luck trying to get me to hang out this week.

Nikola: Is that so? I was planning on picking you up tomorrow afternoon. Can you be ready for three?

Me: Wait, why? What are we doing?

—————————————

When these two stop dancing around each other and get comfortable, I’m going to be feral.

Thoughts??????

Thoughts on the family scene? Thoughts on the Jayson-Hagen moment?

Like I told the people on Patreon, I wrote this chapter from Hagen’s POV, solely because I wanted to see the family’s reaction to smelling Nikola all over Hagen, and I was very much entertained. I really hope you guys were too.

Also, how do we think Hagen will react when he finds out that Nikola has been hiding the mate awareness thing from him? I already have the scene in mind and …. 👀

Next up on the update rota is the Levi losing control Patreon extra, and then either another control or an AM Rewrite Chapter. We’ll see where the inspiration takes me.

Until next time,
Byeeeeee humanssssss