Nikola’s P.O.V

I stare blankly at the ceiling above me. The flat, white ceiling with its unimpressive presence while I ground myself back to where I actually was.

It would be so easy to let my tired eyes fall shut, to continue endorsing the illusion that I was floating in an empty bottomless pit, but it would not last forever. There was no barren, noiseless pit; that wasn’t real, and if I lingered in my own head for too long, it’d only become more difficult to come out.

But it was nice— hearing nothing and seeing just as much. I’d closed my eyes, lied down, and with my headphones firmly in place, everything else had just ceased to be. It was like a switch turned off, one that blurred out the rest of the world and blessed me with quiet and peace and… nothingness.

I sigh, rubbing my fingers over the edges of the coarse linen beneath me.

I was used to needing breaks from people and situations I didn’t like, but I’d never before needed one from Hagen. Hagen was my safe place. Hagen had always been my safe place. I shouldn’t need breaks from him, but today had been different and I had, desperately.

I didn’t like that.

I didn’t like that even as I was in his space, where I should’ve been happiest, I was alone, with a chest locked tight around my heart.

As cold scales slide over my fingers and a heaviness slithers across my chest, I shift my gaze to meet Knots’ patient stare. He’d been cooped up in here, hiding all 13 feet of himself while Hagen’s friends had been over, and yet, he still doted on me as if I were the one who needed company.

“I’ll take you out soon,” I promise with a pet that he leans into. “So that you can hunt properly.”

Knots squirms, clearly excited at the prospect even as his concern for me rises. I hadn’t been in the best state today, but he understood why, and it wasn’t anything he could fix himself. So he snuggles closer, cuddling me in the ways he can, and I almost doze off from the familiar comfort, but I can’t.

Even as exhausted as I was, I couldn’t pretend that Hagen wasn’t still waiting for me, waiting to talk. It’d been hours since his friends left and I’d locked myself away to breathe, and he was still waiting for me.

A few weeks ago, the prospect would’ve brought me enough joy to fuel me for days on end, and it was there, but there was little room to relish such a thing.

I pat Knots’ scales in warning before I sit up. Focusing only on the space in front of me, I take a deep breath before I remove my headphones.

It’s Knots that keeps it from all being too much, too quickly— the reawakening of every sound around me as the world makes its entrance with unabashed pride. His scales and grounding magic help me adjust enough that my breathing doesn’t run away from me as I send my headphones back into their rightful home.

It settles quickly, and as I look around and my focus settles instantly on him, I try to deduce how this might go.

Hagen wanted to talk before and I doubted that would’ve changed. I usually liked talking to Hagen, but not when it came to matters of discourse. For Hagen, it all came out one way or another— what he was feeling. For me, it was hard putting together the first sentence.

And besides, what good would talking do on a subject unlikely to change?

It would be easier to lie back down and go to sleep. But I could hear him out there— feel him as my senses tuned onto him with no effort at all. I could hear his heart thumping away, his shuffled steps and muttered rambles to himself as he moved anxiously just beyond the threshold between his bedroom and the rest of his apartment.

Pacing was what it seemed to be at first, but as I listened, it appeared to be something else. It was more like he was doing something out there that had him scuttling from side to side and quickly had my brows meeting as I struggled to figure out what.

I hadn’t left him alone forthatlong— what had he gotten up to in the interim?

I stand, curiosity making me move before I’ve fully thought it through, but before I can leave the room, Hagen zips into my path, stopping me from taking another step.

Even as my body tenses and anxiety binds my muscles, the moment his lively brown eyes meet mine, something unlocks and gives in the face of my mate.

Earlier, Hagen had looked just as tired as me, his eyes holding nothing but sadness and misery, but it was almost as if that had been vanquished in our time apart. His gaze was bright and attentive, his cheeks flushed red, and there was a random line of red glitter above his temple.

I frown.

“Hey,” he greets while he shifts around anxiously. “How are you? Are you… feeling better?”

I nod, “Thank you for giving me time.”

“Of course,” he replies without hesitation because, to Hagen, the selflessness and care he showed me was nothing.

Being kind came as easily to Hagen as breathing, whereas it was a greater feat in my regard.

I probably should’ve felt guilty. I’d never been capable of doing the same for him and likely never would be, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Selflessness was simply one of those traits I didn’t possess, but Hagen did.

When neither of us speaks immediately, Hagen’s hands find each other, fingers wringing as he tries for words. “Can we talk now, Nik? I’ll get it if you don’t want to yet, but…” he shrugs helplessly, “can we talk, please?”

I nod again. I’d already resigned myself to this conversation, but Hagen’s plea was like a hook snagging beneath my flesh. I step forward, moving towards the living room where I figured this conversation would happen, but Hagen suddenly jumps forth and spreads his limbs out like a starfish that blocks off the hallway.

“No!” he shouts as his arms and legs quiver a bit with the effort. “You can’t go in there.”

My eyes hone in on the red glitter and then Hagen’s starfish performance, “Why not?”

“Because…” he starts, stretching out the last syllable of the fairly simple word as he thinks. “I want to talk in here.” Hagen smiles nervously, “I mean, we can go there later, just not yet. We can just talk in here and head out thereafter.”

My frown deepens as Hagen tries to ward off Knots as well as his attempts to slip between us to see what all the fuss was about. A part of me wanted to ignore him, but Hagen seemed serious about whatever he was hiding, and I didn’t want to upset him.

“Alright,” I say, cutting off Knots and Hagen’s impromptu battle as I turn and click my fingers for Knots to follow.

Seating myself on the edge of the bed, I watch quietly as Hagen deflates with relief before he hurries to my side, seating himself right beside me. There’s barely two inches between us, but Hagen doesn’t move to do anything other than to mirror my position so that his feet are on the floor and he’s facing forward.

If not for the day we’d had, I’d have already pulled him into my lap and reacquainted my lips and fingers with his warm skin, but ignorance wasn’t quite as blissful as it sometimes pretended to be.

Still, I’m too weak to stop myself from inhaling the traces of his scent that his proximity delivers, even as I know it’ll lower my defences. I can’t help it.

“I don’t really know how to do this,” Hagen says with a nervous chuckle. He glances at me, “Talking things out is easier in theory.”

“Yes,” I agree.

“Do you want to go first?” he offers after a beat. We were taking turns? I shake my head. “That’s fine. I will. But when I’m done, you’ll say what you want?”

I didn’t want to. I didn’t see how it would change the outcome in any fashion. At the end of the day, I wanted Hagen to claim me before his friends, and he wouldn’t do that, so what difference would my saying that make? But I nod anyway, because denying Hagen wasn’t something I’d yet learned how to do.

“Okay,” he breathes as he locks his hands tight in his lap. He stares at them while he gathers his thoughts until he relaxes enough to speak. “I… I know I hurt you today, Nik. I know you wanted me to be open about us, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t, but I don’t know how to do that yet.”

I stare at my own hands, at the way they rest empty in my lap.

“I’ve never had to…claim you… to anyone before,” he continues carefully, his heart picking up slightly as he speaks. “We’ve had this thing— our bond—our whole lives, and everyone in the pack knows about it. They understand the mate stuff and some of the shit between us, and there’s no pressure on me to explain what I’m thinking. To them, we’re mates and we’ll either figure it out or we won’t.

“It’s different with my friends. They don’t know we’re mates, so I won’t have anything to explain why I— a guy who’s never shown any interest in another guy, is suddenly dating one.” My heart jumps at the mention of dating. It was the first time Hagen had used that word, but he continues before I have a chance to relish in it. “To them, I’ll have to ‘come out’ as something, and I don’t know what that would be. I know you and everyone else thinks I’m gay, but—”

“I don’t think you’re gay,” I cut in. I knew I wasn’t supposed to cut into others’ speaking, that I was supposed to wait until they were done to correct all the wrong things they’d said, but I couldn’t help myself here. “I’ve never thought you were gay, Hagen.”

Hagen stares at me as if I’d just sprouted horns from my head and their tips were dripping with honey.

“You… you don’t?”

I shake my head.

“Really?” Hagen squeaks with such disbelief that I can’t help but feel offended.

“Like you’ve said, you’ve never been interested in men, even remotely. You have always been attracted to females,” sadly, “and I know I am the exception, but only because of the mate bond. But even with the bond, you weren’t attracted to me until you got to know me better, so I’d think you might be demisexual like Damon, or bi—”

“Demi-what?” Hagen cuts in with even wider eyes now, his eyebrows hiked up. “Wait, Damon’s what?”

I open my mouth to explain, only to stop myself at the realisation that this would take us far off course if we went down this road right now. Not to mention, I had absolutely no desire to explain how his older brother had worked out his sexuality.

“I do not think you’re gay, Hagen” I say instead. “I never have.”

Hagen blinks at me, still stunned beyond articulation and I fear he might insist on my reasonings, but then he sighs and shakes his head. “You know, I think you might be the only person who thinks that besides Josey and Levi.” He unlocks his fingers to rub at his forehead, “Everyone else thinks I’m in denial.”

“Everyone else is stupid,” I reply and Hagen laughs, his face shaping into a brilliantly-spirited thing that almost takes my heart out completely. I rub my hand over the aching spot as I look away from him, “I don’t care what you are. I don’t need a label for it. The only thing I care about is that you end up with me.”

I hear the breath Hagen sucks in beside me, and the way his heart races faster until it’s beating as fast as mine, the two locked together in this cruel race.

He coughs a little, “Well, um. T-The point is you might not care about the label part, but my friends would expect something. I mean, even Max did and I thought out of all of them, he’d be the most chill about it.” He sighs, slumping again as he looks blankly at the floor. “But what I am or am not is just one piece of it. There’s still your age and—”

“I can’t control when I was born.”

“I know that,” Hagen replies with a scowl, “but you’re eighteen, Nik.” It’s my turn to scowl but he carries on, “If one of my friends was dating an eighteen-year-old, I’d ask them what was going on and why the hell they couldn’t find someone their own age.”

I don’t say anything to that, knowing nothing I could say would change his thoughts on it.

“What else?” I ask, looking directly at him. “You said my age, your sexuality and—?”

Hagen’s eyes settle on his hands once again as his face begins to heat, “Our relationship.”

“What’s wrong with our relationship?” I snap, unable to hide my panic and annoyance.

“Nothing,” he replies quickly. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?” I ask as I stare at him.

“Like…” he pauses, biting his lips as he thinks. My fingers dig into my skin. “I guess I meant our dynamic.” Hagen quiets a little then, the colour in his face rising to the tips of his ears, “The way we are when we’re together… the way you are… with me.”

I stare at Hagen for a long time, struggling to determine whether or not he was being purposefully cryptic or if exhaustion was making me uncharacteristically slow.

“Hagen, what are you trying to say?” I ask, exasperated. Hagen squirms, and it takes a great deal of effort not to settle a hand over his thighs to calm him. “How am I when I’m with you?”

He mumbles something too quiet for even my ears to pick up on.

“I can’t hear you,” I tell him and his squirming worsens. “Hagen.”

“You’re… in charge,” he whispers, and this time I do hear it.

Hagen doesn’t look at me, he refuses to, and for the first time since his uninvited friends had popped our private bubble, I feel familiar pleasure unveil itself at the sight of my blushing mate. Neo sits up quickly, sensing the shift in the air and loving it as much as I did.

I part my lips but a hand suddenly covers my mouth as Hagen all but glares at me despite his adorably reddened face.

“No,” he snaps, with amusing seriousness. “No comment from you. No teasing, no eyes.” he says and I can’t help but chuckle. I didn’t know what ‘eyes’ I made towards Hagen, but I was glad to know they could have such a delightful effect on him. “When we’re together, like together-together, you get… bossy, and I… I…”Come on pup,“I let you.”

Pride blooms within my chest and I can’t help but kiss his palm.

I was no better acquainted than Hagen with the ‘dynamic’ we shared, but I knew that such an admittance did not come easy to him, and I couldn’t help but feel proud that he’d managed it on his own.

“Sometimes,” I add against his palm because the truth was, even when Hagen gave in, it wasn’t without some resistance. “You fight me,” even when you know it’s useless.

Hagen nods stiffly before he forces himself to continue, “The point is, I’m now sort of adjusting and accepting that that’s our relationship— our dynamic— and I don’t know yet how I feel about being like that in front of other people,” he finishes as he drops his hand. “This, us, it’s all a big adjustment for me.”

“I know,” I reply as some of the tightness in my chest eases.

“And I know you’ve been waiting for a long time, and I know I must be moving at a snail’s pace to you, but I am trying.” he says it imploringly, like a plea that carries through in his gaze. “I really am trying, Nikola, and I don’t mean to hurt you when I meet these bumps. I’m sorry that I do, and that I hurt you today. I didn’t mean to— I never mean to. I-I’m just a million steps behind you, but I’m getting there, okay? I’m trying.”

I nod, reaching over to cover his hands with my own and to stop his desperate explanations.

“I know,” I promise as I smooth my fingers over his palm and his wrist. The familiar touch eases some of the tension between us, the one that had wedged itself between our bond from the moment Hagen had covered his neck up. “I know you’re trying, Hagen.”

Letting out a breath, Hagen nods as his fingers tighten within my own, clinging to me in ways I’d only dreamed of before.

“Now, it’s your turn,” he says, looking up at me with some combination of nerves and fear.

My gaze narrows as my brows draw closer, “My turn?”

“Yes,” Hagen replies with a frown of his own. “I said my part, now you say yours.”

“What’s left to say?” I ask, as confused as he seems to be. “I understand your actions today. I’ll be more patient.”

Hagen’s face crumples, and the light that had been there just a moment ago fades slightly. Freeing his hands from under mine, he covers them instead as he peers closely at me, “Nik, you were really hurt by what happened today. We should talk about that.”

“It won’t change anything,” I start, but he shakes his head before I can finish.

“It’ll help me understand you more,” he tries with a slight tug to my hands that quickly sprouts an image of him trying to pull words from my mouth to mind. “I’ll be able to take that in for the future, so we can avoid things like this.”

I find myself frowning again, but there’s something else there. Something else that was fragile in nature with the fear that came with the attention Hagen was paying to me. But he wasn’t paying attention to me, or only to me, but to my feelings as well.

He cared. He cared about how he made me feel.

He cared about me.

“I can’t kiss him yet,” I mumble as a thought escapes its confines without permission.

“Nikola!” Hagen scolds, rolling his eyes as he shakes my hands as if it were an eight-ball. “We’re not doing anything like that until we’re done here.” He could be persuaded. “Come on, Nik… talk to me.”

“Fine,” I sigh, submitting to my fate. I take a moment to think, knowing Hagen would settle for nothing else but my honest thoughts here. “Logically, I suppose I didn’t expect you to tell your friends that we were together right that instant. I know you’re still putting things together and I did agree to give you time at the start of this. I think…” I pause, taking a moment to confirm the thought, “I think I was surprised by how far apart we suddenly became after how close we had been.”

“Over these last few days?” he hazards and I nod.

“We were very close, Hagen. We were very intimate, and that intimacy was gone in an instant,” I continue, which reignites the pain that had only just quieted. “I did not like that.”

“I’m sorry,” Hagen apologises, and when I look at him, I see nothing but honesty behind his eyes. They’re just words, words I didn’t think I needed, but they cull the pain somewhat. “I’m sorry that I handled it in a way that hurt you so much. It was just a lot and I panicked.”

“I understand,” I promise him, because I did. But it still hurt to be the one to face the brunt of it.

“But it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you,” Hagen finishes and as my eyes widen, I find myself nodding again.

Truthfully, I thought it should change that fact. In most instances, once I understood one’s actions and the way things worked, it usually absolved any personal faults I may have with a situation. But this wasn’t a puzzle or a problem to solve, rather emotions, and those had always proved to be fickle and enigmatic.

I stare at Hagen, wondering how he had become better attuned to my own emotions than I currently was.

“You said you’ve never had to ‘come out’ in your life,” I add, unable to stop myself now that he’d endorsed my array of my thoughts. Hagen nods quickly. “Well, equally, I’ve never— or we have never done that.” When Hagen’s head tilts to the side, confused, I continue, “Everyone in the pack knows about us, and I’m sure many beyond do too. Even when you didn’t accept me, people knew we were mates, and when we’ve gone for meals and shared outings here in your city, we haven’t had to pretend to be anything. Today, we pretended, and it was horrible.”

Hagen makes a soft keening sound, one that matches Neo’s whine of discomfort.

Now, as I examined what had happened, I think that was what had hurt the most. Not claiming me was one thing, but pretending that I was only a friend when I’d just become far more was nothing I’d been prepared for.

“I would like to avoid that in the future,” I state after clearing my throat. “I do not want to be put in a situation where I have to pretend. I would rather leave than endure it.”

“I understand. I won’t make you pretend to be just a friend again,” Hagen says immediately, to my surprise. He smiles sadly at me, “I can’t ask you to pretend you don’t know who you are, just because I don’t.”

“You know who you are,” I tell him, freeing my hand from his to palm his cheek. “You are just figuring out how it all goes together.”

Hagen smiles, leaning into my palm as he looks at me, “You know, for a pessimist, you are always so optimistic about my future.”

“Because your future is bright. There’s a lot to be hopeful for.”

The brown in Hagen’s eyes becomes deeper as he peers at me, his gaze unwavering in the way it holds me captive. I can barely breathe and when he leans forward to wrap his arms around me, I’m sure I forget how to carry out the function altogether.

“I’m sorry I made you pretend,” he whispers against my neck, almost nuzzling me. “I won’t do that again.”

I hug him back, holding him close as the restlessness within our bond grows quieter and quieter until finally disappears, allowing our bond to return to the vibrant hum it’d been before everything had gone awry.

“I’m sorry as well,” I whisper as I press a kiss to his cheek. “I know you’re trying your best.”

And he was. It was hard enduring it— having to wait, but it was what I had agreed to when Hagen had promised to give us a chance.

When we part, Hagen’s smile is back in full force, and it’s a sight so bright and beautiful that it’s enough to completely vanquish any lingering misery within me. For all my insistence that nothing would’ve changed, I couldn’t deny that speaking to Hagen had made me feel better.

We’d found a line in our relationship, which was interesting and revealing when I’d thought there was no line I wouldn’t cross for Hagen. I had nothing against Hagen figuring things out, but I would not lose pieces of myself waiting for him.

“So, we’re okay?” he asks, his nerves making a reappearance as his nails scratch against the base of my neck.

I shudder, fingers tightening reflexively around his waist. I swallow, forcing my mind to clear, “We’re okay.”

“Good,” he sighs with obvious relief that’s apparently abundant enough for him to look at Knots with a grin. Knots straightens, happy to see all was well and that Hagen’s favour towards him was growing daily. Hagen’s grin returns my way, “Okay, now that that’s all sorted, I have something for you.”

“For me?” I ask as he pulls away, slipping free from my grasp before I can pull him into my lap like I’d be dying to since he sat beside me. “But it is not my birthday, and Christmas has passed.” I frown, thinking of other possible events where gifts might be exchanged only to come up empty. “My birthday is in November, Hagen.”

“I am aware, Nik,” Hagen drawls as he rises to his feet and pulls me up with him. “You’ll figure it out soon enough. For now, close your eyes.”

I do as I’m told and Hagen steps forward, pulling me behind him. I stop immediately.

“I would rather walk with my eyes open,” I say, eyes still dutifully closed.

“Damn. That’s too bad,” he mocks as he continues onwards. I take small steps as Hagen guides me from the bedroom, trying my best to quell the anxiety licking up my spine. “Trust me. You won’t fall or anything.”

I hit a wall and my lips immediately twist downwards.

“Ow,” I grind out as I stare with shut eyes at where I knew my mate stood.

“Okay, my bad,” Hagen grimaces and I can so easily envision a guilty smile on his face. “But you didn’t fall and I didn’t say anything about hitting things.”

I stay quiet, keeping my amusement to myself if only to discourage Hagen from walking me into another wall. Eventually, my secretive mate stops me in what I assume to be the living room, and it takes all my self-control to keep my eyes closed.

I’d never done well with handling curiosities, and not having the slightest clue of what was going on was driving me crazy.

“Alright, I’m going to let your hands go, but you stand right there and keep your eyes closed,” Hagen instructs, not waiting for a reply before he does just that.

I remain exactly as he’s left me, eyes closed and palms facing up while I hear him scuttle around. A light switch flicks and the light against my eyelids diminishes.

What is he up to?

Hagen curses as he hits something, and my lips immediately tilt upwards, but I manage to quiet my laughter before he returns my way. By the time he stops before me, short pants escape him and there’s something anxious about his energy.

Before I can question it, something lands in my hand, making me jolt slightly. I just barely keep my eyes from opening as I examine the item with my fingers. It’s a rough paper, thick and jagged and bumpy, and it only deepens my confusion as Hagen’s nervousness rattles through our bond, strong enough to be my own.

It’s like he’s handing us the nuclear codes— Neo says, slightly on edge.

I’d be less nervous to get those— I reply while I curl my fingers over the edge of the paper.

“Okay, are you ready?”

“I believe so.”

“Okay, then you can— wait!” Hagen’s hands suddenly clamp down on my shoulders and bear down. “Sit.”

“I can sit without you trying to dislocate my shoulder,” I inform him as I carefully sit myself down on the rug beneath us while balancing the paper in my hands. Hagen doesn’t reply, waiting until I’m settled before he too sits down.

Hagen takes a breath before he whispers, “Open your eyes.”

My eyelids lift with the intention of looking straight at what’s in my hands, but I can’t when I spot something flickering in the corner of my eye. I glance at the television to my left, perturbed beyond belief as to why there was a video of a campfire playing. But that wasn’t all— there was a plate to my right with crackers and marshmallows and steaming mugs of what looked like hot chocolate.

Strange. It is all very strange, and misplaced, and it didn’t make the slightest bit of sense to me until I finally redirected my attention to the paper in my hands.

If I were the type to scream, I just might’ve. But even so, my throat becomes so tight that there’s no hope of any sound coming from my parting lips as I stare at the card sitting atop my stiff fingertips.

The card is black, but you wouldn’t know it with the red glitter covering it in random dots and shapes that surrounded the Happy Valentine’s Day that was also made of red glitter atop glue. There’s an indiscriminate set of cutouts stuck all over the cover, with hearts drawn on and little smiley faces, and dashes that I’m sure are meant to be fireworks.

It’s a complete mess, but as I peel the front open, I handle the paper as carefully as I would if I were handling a butterfly’s wing, and inside, a zig-zag cutout heart pops out of the page at me. There’s no picture, but they’re words that are strong enough to kill me.

Whether you become my mate, my friend, my boyfriend or anything else, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ll always be my Valentine.

I look up at Hagen with an open mouth I don’t know how to close, and he just stands there, smiling at me as if he hadn’t just handed me a gift so precious it was beyond articulation.

“I couldn’t find red paper, or white, or any paper other than black,” he states with a frustrated huff. “So I went with black, but I think I redeemed it with the glitter which, by the way, far harder to handle than it looks. But I made it work, I think.” A blush envelopes his face as he seesaws on his feet. “I mean, you’ll have to let me know. I hope you like it. It’s not much and you might not remember—”

“I remember,” I say before he could suggest such a thing. “I remember, Hagen.”

Hagen’s eyes glow for a moment, the gold in them like treasure before he ducks his head, scratching at his heating ears, “Good. I hoped you would or else this would all seem stupid.”

“This is not stupid. This is everything, Hagen” I correct, my voice wavering in ways I wish it didn’t, but I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t control it any more than I could control the magic rising inside of me, spurred by the overwhelming rush of happiness. “I thought you would’ve forgotten.”

Hagen lifts his head to show me the shock on his face, “No way. I made a promise. You’re my Valentine.”

My heart does crazy, unnatural things at that statement, and it’s a wonder that I don’t combust in flames on the spot.

“Things may have changed, but I never celebrated Valentine’s without you,” Hagen admits, his voice quivering slightly as he shifts in front of me.

“But you’ve had girlfriends,” I remind him and myself because if this were true, then—

“That didn’t matter,” he replies, his gaze flicking to and from mine. “I said no to Valentine’s gifts, didn’t ask anyone on a date, and I even lost a girlfriend cause I refused to do anything.” He mumbles as he shrugs a little, “I just couldn’t.”

Because of me. Because I’d been his first Valentine and he’d promised he’d always be mine.

The truth was, when Valentine’s Day rolled around each year, it was the one day I stayed as far from Hagen as I could. I could never bear to witness him be with another when some of my most treasured memories of us surrounded that day. To see him share our day with someone else was out of the question. So I’d stayed willfully in the dark, afraid to hear a truth that would break me.

“Never?” I ask, leaning forward.

Hagen sucks in a breath, his heart like a pounding drum next to mine, but his gaze is unyielding as he stares at me, “Never, Nik. I made a promise.”

A promise I’d never dared forget.

“I know you asked first, but if you’re still up for it and if you liked my card,” he smiles shyly, “will you be my Valentine, Nikola?”

I don’t bother replying. Even if I mustered up words, there were none I could speak that would do justice to the surge of pure joy currently overwhelming every vein in my body, so I kiss him instead. I pull Hagen into me, slide my lips over his, and I kiss him with everything I have.

My body vibrates as muscles come undone and organs work harder, jolted by the shock of pleasure the contact brings. Hagen moans, wrapping his arms around me and holding me just as tight as we claim one another in every way we can.

I kiss him deeply, tenderly, and while his heart sings with mine, I fight the wetness gathering behind my eyes.

Pressing closer, Hagen fists my shirt in his hands as he parts his lips, deepening the kiss and dragging a moan from me as I try to fight my card free from between us.

“The card,” I groan against his pliant lips. “We’re crushing it.”

Hagen pulls back with a frown, but then something sparks behind his eyes and he grins, “I’ll make you another one.”

“Dear Goddess,” I huff, closing my eyes in a desperate attempt to find my footing, but then Hagen’s lips find mine again and I’m drowning. With an arm around Hagen’s waist, I hastily set the card down somewhere safe before I wrap both my arms around him and pull him into my lap.

Hagen comes without a fight, settling with his legs on either side of my waist while his fingers slip into my hair and over my face. We kiss fervently, desperately, and I forget how to think as our tongues meet and I’m reacquainted with the taste of his pleasure.

“Goddess, Hagen,” I curse as I settle my hands over his thighs. “You’re killing me.”

Hagen chuckles, but I was being serious. I felt a heart attack pending.

“This was supposed to be a date,” he whispers between kisses to my neck that verged on bites with the presence of his teeth. “But I…” he stops so suddenly my breathing stutters until he pulls back to look at me with mournful eyes, “I really missed you today.”

As if I were not teasing death enough before…

“I missed you too,” I admit and my heart gallops at the confession for some odd reason.

Hagen blushes beautifully, his entire body seeming to warm up from the attention that I can’t help but want to draw out more. I settle my hands over his thighs, squeezing them tightly and languishing in the shudder it pulls out of him.

“I’ve missed kissing you, and touching you,” I whisper as I slide my fingers under the hem of his shorts. Hagen shudders, his hips jutting forward. “But I missed you most of all.”

Our gazes meet again for one moment before our lips find one another once more, and we’re lost to it.

Hagen whimpers and moans, shuffling closer and closer until I’m pressing on my back with him atop me. I tremble at the feel of his weight, his need, and settle a hand over his back and another over his ass. Hagen bucks and moans, arching into the touch with such ease I can’t help but dig my fingers into the plump flesh.

We kiss until it turns lazy and slow, until we’re almost learning each other all over again and kissing the pains away. It’s intimate and soft in a way that makes my stomach flutter as Hagen kisses me with the same care.

When we part again, there are matching smiles on our lips that make me almost believe this is a dream.

“A date?” I prompt as I run my fingers through his hair. “Is that why there’s a fire on the television?”

Hagen’s smile turns adorably bashful, “I thought a fire and s’mores would be great. We can make the s’mores on the stove, but I can’t start a real bonfire, so that’s the next best thing.”

“It’s great,” I promise, not wanting to give his doubt a chance to present itself. “So this is a date? Our Valentine’s Date?”

“Yeah?” Hagen says hopefully.

Elation runs through me like a breaking wave, one that tries to drag me with it, but I manage to stay afloat as I sit up with my mate in toe and kiss him gently once more, “I love it, Hagen.”

Hagen relaxes atop me, grinning, “Okay, good!”

“There’s only one problem,” I admit, which quiets his smile in an instant.

“What?” he asks, looking around. “Is it the hot chocolate? We can warm it back up.”

By the Plains, he was perfect.

“That’s not it, Hagen,” I reply, smiling as I pass my thumb over his chin and lips. “If this is our date, it’s amazing. It’s so amazing that I don’t think mine will have a chance tomorrow, and that… is a problem.”

Hagen frowns, confused at first, but I leave him to work it out, and soon enough, his eyes widen as if the honey-horns had reappeared. “You… you have a date planned for us… tomorrow?”

“Yes,” I confirm. I’d had it planned for weeks. “Is that alright?”

He nods quickly, not even bothering to think about it as he shuffles closer again, as if he finally understood that any space between us was too much.

“It’s fine— it’s great!” Hagen replies, grinning again. “It’ll be our first Valentine’s Date in years.”

My heart speeds up at the thought, and Hagen’s is quick to follow.

“Second,” I correct as I glance at the setup beside us. “We have to have this one first.”

Hagen beams and the world becomes a beautiful place in his presence as I hold him close.

Never had I thought I’d see the day when Hagen might be so excited at the prospect of a date with me, but here he was, excited and all mine. And he’d made me a card.

My eyes dart to the waiting card and I forget how to breathe just looking at it.

“Thank you, Hagen,” I say, unable to look at him for the fear that the emotion gathering might escape in a tearful flood. “Thank you, so much.”

Hagen doesn’t reply.He just leans close, nuzzling me as his fingers settle over my collar and his scent invades my system. I close my eyes, losing myself in the gesture I once had to beg for, one that he now offered freely.

Hagen was trying. This was proof enough.

I just had to be patient. I would be patient.

————–

When I tell you, this couple has a hold on me…

Thoughts????

Thoughts on the conversation?? On both of their thoughts???

On the Valentine’s surprise??!?!?!?

I know some of you expected more angst here, but I know where I expect angst with this couple and its definitely not here when Hagen is so good at communicating with Nikola, especially when Nik’s a bit reluctant.

I love love love the fact that Hagen’s sexuality was addressed here because for so long so many people have been saying how he’s gay as if that is the only sexuality that exists where a man could be attracted to another man.

There’s a big big spectrum out there and Hagen’s just starting to approach it, and I just love how understanding Nikola is of that reality.

LOVEEE the date idea, and tho we didn’t see much of it here, the next chapter has lots of fluff sweet times and some other not so fluffy, yet sexy times coming hehehe.

As always, like if you enjoyed and please comment any and all thoughts!

Not sure what I’m working on next, but another Control update will come soon enough!

Thank you all for supporting and your patience with my writing! It is not taken for granted!!!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humanssssssssss