Hagen: 11, Nikola: 6

A/N – If Nikola’s alanguage or thought process is more mature than a six-year-old’s should be:

a) He’s a werewolf; I like to think they mature faster than humans

b) This is Nikola

c) I don’t fuck with kids. I don’t know how dumb or smart they are.

Also, I wrote this chapter to Don’t give up by Foreign Fields

Enjoy!

———-

Nikola’s POV

Hagen was late.

Well, Hagen was always late; it was something he said I was free to hate about him, but I couldn’t hate anything about Hagen, even if I did hate people who weren’t on time a lot. But anyway, Hagen was late, and while he usually showed up five minutes after he was supposed to, today, it had been far longer than five minutes and he still wasn’t here, so he was very, very, late.

I frown. Maybe something was wrong?

If Hagen couldn’t make it, he would’ve called by now, and if something was so wrong that he couldn’t, his parents would’ve called my parents, but that hadn’t happened, so everything must be okay.

I nod to myself and stare down the empty road that led to the house.

…But what if he’d run over a big rock while riding on our dirt road, hurt his leg, and was lying somewhere, too far away from his parents for anyone to know?!?

Something horrible squeezes down on my heart, forcing my fingers to dig into my bag straps extra tight. I shift on the porch step, suddenly wanting to run away from it and to wherever Hagen was waiting for me to save him.

I knew the way to get to Hagen’s house from mine. I could find Hagen if he was hurt without getting lost, but if Mama found out I left the house before Hagen was with me, then she would be very angry.

Since it was Christmas Vacation for Hagen, we were free to spend every single day together, and we did, but we had rules to follow whenever we hung out. Rules like not going close to pack borders’ and not staying out past four, and one of them was that I couldn’t leave the house until Hagen came because he was older.

I didn’t understand why that mattered, but Mama said it did, so I had to wait. Even though I didn’t understand the rule, I’d never found it hard to follow before, but today, it was becoming the hardest rule to follow in the world.

I shift on the step again.

Maybe I could run inside and ask Mama to look for Hagen with her magic. My magic was still too hard to control, but Mama would be able to do it in a heartbeat. But then, what if while I went to find Mama, I missed Hagen and he left because he thought I couldn’t hang out today? I couldn’t risk that!

Tightening my fingers, I stay put right where I am, but my feet still rock from side to side as I stare down the still-empty road.

Where are you, Hagen? Please be okay.

I hated waiting. It made my insides feel sticky like the way gum looked when it was pulled apart. It was horrible, and having the horrible-waiting feelings and the scared feelings too because of the new item in my bag was making me feel sick.

Every day I spent out of the house with Hagen, I only ever carried four things in my penguin backpack: my headphones, a book, wipes, and whatever lunch Dad packed for me in case I was hungry, but today there was something else in there, something for Hagen.

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the fuzzy noises that try to shout louder in my mind. Hagen would like it– he liked all my gifts, and this one wouldn’t be any different.

Or, I really hoped it wouldn’t.

A ringing bell chimes in the distance followed by the sound of harsh breaths and grinding pedals that make my ears twitch, and I’m on my feet in a heartbeat. My eyes are as wide as they can be as I wait and wait until I spot brown, wild hair, and then Hagen!

My lips pull wide as fireworks explode inside of me. They came every time I saw Hagen, but I still never got used to the way they lit me up inside like my magic was on fire and spreading everywhere.

Hagen’s frowning as he peddles towards the house, looking worried as he searches for something, but when I run down the stairs and he spots me, his worry disappears and he grins in a way that makes the fireworks in my chest boom like the ones we saw on New Year’s.

“Nikola!” he shouts, raising a hand to wave, and I wave back causing the items in my bag to rattle inside from my excitement and my dancing magic.

“Sorry, I’m late!” Hagen exclaims as he hops from his bike. His face is all red and he’s a little sweaty, but I don’t care. I run towards him, even while he keeps talking, “Levi used up all the hot water ’cause he’s getting ready for some stupid date he has tonight, and then Josey hid my—OH!“

I crash into Hagen and wrap my arms around him, hugging him as tightly as I can. I don’t mean to make him stumble, but I do, but Hagen doesn’t get mad. Hagen never got mad at me.

“Aw, hello to you too?” Hagen says between his happy laughs before he hugs me back, and the moment he does, the world hushes.

Everything disappears, going from loud and scary, to quiet and tiny, because Hagen was here and everything was better when Hagen was here.

My arms become a little weak as Hagen hugs me close, surrounding me in his warmth and his soft, calming scent that I wished I had always so that things could always feel this nice.

“You’re late,” I grumble against his shirt. I usually didn’t speak in other’s clothes– that was weird and rude– but I wasn’t ready to let go, so I had to make an exception.

“I know, I was trying to explain why,” Hagen groans above me. I didn’t think he was ready to let go either.

“I wanted a hug, I wasn’t listening,” I tell him and that makes Hagen laugh again. This time, I have to pull back to see it.

I liked when Hagen laughed. His brown eyes got lighter and when his cheeks bunched up, the warm feelings in my chest that he brought with him got even warmer. It made me feel like I might melt, but not in a bad way.

“You always want hugs,” Hagen replies as he eyes me with a naughty smile. I frown, of course, I always wanted hugs from Hagen— his hugs were the best. “Well, it doesn’t matter, I’m here now.”

I nod, reaching forward to take his hand in mine. Hagen grins and slips his fingers in mine, giving my fingers a squeeze. My lips pull apart and I look down at our hands as I give his back a squeeze.

I hated touching most people. Skin felt weird, especially hands. The lines there were all mismatched and confusing to feel and see, so I avoided them. For some reason, Hagen was different. Iwantedto hug Hagen and hold his hand, which was weird, but I always felt happy when I did.

A lot of things were different with Hagen, but that wasn’t why he was my favourite person in the world.

Hagen was my favourite person in the world because he was the only person besides Mama and Papa who made me feel safe. Plus, he was sweet and kind, and silly, and—

“Alright, let’s go!” Hagen shouts as he tugs me forward to head down the road he’d just come from. “I want to go swimming today!”

I feel the skin above my eyes pull tight.

I hoped he didn’t wantmeto swim too. I didn’t like to swim when the water was cold.

Hagen could swim and I could read, but—

“Hagen,” I call and he stops immediately.

“What’s up?” he asks, head tilting.

I point over my shoulder at the bike he’d left in the centre of the driveway.

Hagen’s expression instantly drops, and for a moment, I feel mean for bringing it up, but Mama and Papa had given him a place to put his bike away, and I’d think about it all day if he didn’t put it where it was supposed to be.

Hagen stares at me with narrowing eyes, before he throws his head back and groans, “Fine, fine.” He turns around and I follow quickly, keeping close when he lets go of my hand to pick up his bike. “You see how nice I am to you? Remember this when you’re older.”

I giggle, unable to help it. Hagen was nice to everyone, but he didn’t spend every day of his summer with everyone.

“There. All good?” Hagen asks when he fixes the bike into the space Papa had made for it in the shed.

I step forward, pushing it to the left a little before I step back and nod.

Hagen looks between me and his bike, “How is that any different from what I did?”

I shake my head. Hagen hadn’t done anything wrong, but I just wanted his bike a certain way and now it was.

“Alright,” Hagen says with a shrug as he turns and starts walking. I rush after him, taking hold of his hand again and smiling down at it when he squeezes. “So, swimming?”

I nod again and Hagen pumps his free hand in the air like he’d just won something, which didn’t make sense. I always said yes to whatever Hagen wanted us to do together since I liked any time we spent together, but if Hagen was happy, then I was happy too.

As we walk down the road and deeper into the packlands, I stare at our shoes. Hagen’s were dusty and mine were getting dusty too, but I wasn’t looking at that. I was looking at the way they moved at the exact same time.

It was weird but every step we took was together.

Left. Left. Right. Right.

Left. Left. Right. Right.

Left. Left. Right. Right.

Even the pebbles beneath our feet crunched together, adding a new sound to the creaking woods–

Crunch. Crunch.

Crunch. Crunch.

Crunch. Crunch.

It was like our heartbeats— they were moving at the same time too. When I listened close, they beat just on time, and whenever one fell behind, the other did too. Itwasweird, but the more I watched our steps and listened to our hearts, the bigger my smile got.

“Nikola?”

I look up immediately and when I find Hagen already looking at me, my heart suddenly leaves his behind to beat super fast.

“Yes?” I reply as I try to get our hearts back together, but it was impossible since Hagen was still looking at me and smiling.

Hagen had a nice smile.

“Nothing. Just wanted to hear you speak,” he replies with a giddy look in his eyes. “I still can’t believe it sometimes.”

I had never realised I wasn’t talking like everyone else before everyone started getting excited about it.

I had been speaking, just in other ways— easier ways— but that was before Knots had hatched, and I had to introduce him to Mama and Papa. I just wanted them to get along, but then Mama and Papa were crying and I’d worried that they would never like Knots.

Mama said after, that it was because my lips had moved and I started speaking like them, but I still didn’t understand why that had made them sad, or the happy sad they said they were. And then Hagen came to visit and I tried to introduce Knots to him too, and then he’d looked at me like I wasn’t Nikola and he wasn’t Hagen.

That day, he’d spent hours by my side, asking me questions he already knew the answers to, just so that I would speak to him. He’d been so happy, smiling brighter than I’d ever seen before that I promised myself that I’d use my mouth to talk like him more. I would’ve before if I knew it made him so happy.

I still didn’t speak as much as everyone else did, even with Hagen, but it was easiest with him— him and Knots.

Knots!

“When are you going to meet Knots?” I ask, looking up at Hagen who makes a face before he looks away quickly. “He really wants to meet you! He doesn’t bite!” I promise while I tug on his hand.

“Yeah, the python snake does not bite,” Hagen replies with a laugh, but it’s not a real laugh. It’s one of the fake ones people do when they don’t mean it.

“Knots is very friendly,” I tell him, and when he frowns at me, I nod. “He is, and he’s my conduit so he’s with me forever. So you have to meet him and love him too.”

“But it’s a python,” Hagen groans. “Why did you pick a python of all things?”

I shrug. I didn’t know why. I didn’t like snakes– their scales sometimes made my head feel weird to look at, just like the way they moved. But when Mama and Papa weren’t listening to me when I said I wanted a penguin for a conduit and tried to get me to pick other animals, I’d woken up one day with an egg in my room.

I was pretty sure my magic had gotten it because Mama and Papa were shocked when they found me with it, but the moment I’d picked it up, I’d known that whatever was inside was my conduit.

Now I had Knots, and Knots was perfect.

“Well, I’m scared of snakes, so give me some time, yeah?” Hagen asks and I nod reluctantly. “But, do you know what’s another word for a python?”

I shake my head. I didn’t know pythons had another name.

“A mega-bite,” Hagen says with quivering lips that shake until his laughter spills out.

I frown at him. With anyone else, I would think maybe they were being serious, but Hagen made such silly ‘jokes’ so often that I knew that was what this was.

“That was a bad one,” I tell him, but Hagen’s smile doesn’t waver.

“That was a great one,” he corrects, “and I’ve got more.”

I groan in the dramatic way he did when he pretended he was tired of me, and just like him, I pretend that I’m not smiling as I look down at our shoes.

—————————————————————

Winter was the season I loved the most.

Everyone usually wanted to be warm, so they were inside. They were usually more sleepy too, so there was less talking and the pack was quiet. And best of all, it was cold. I liked the cold way more than the heat.

Right now, it was winter, so it should be cold, the sky should be dark, and the stream should be ice, but it’s not. It’s nothing like winter at all, because the sky is clear and bright blue, and the sun shines down on the rippling stream water that Hagen splashes happily in.

It is like the world knew that Hagen wanted to swim, and how much he loved the summer, and so it had turned itself upside down to make sure it was the perfect day for him.

It made me like the world a whole lot more.

While Hagen splashes about, I continue reading my book. It was an en-cy-clo-pe-dia, but not like one of the big en-cy-clo-pe-dias that Mama had. This one was smaller and ‘for kids’. I was on the page about the Sun that said that it was a star that powered our solar system, but it didn’t say anything about how it made surprise appearances on winter days.

“Whatcha reading?”

I look up, meeting Hagen’s eyes as he swims over. Water drips from his hair and lashes, but Hagen still smiles with all his teeth as he stops himself at the bank.

“Quoi?”

(A/N – translations will be in brackets in italics)

“I said, what are you reading?” Hagen replies a little louder.

I laugh, leaning over my bent knees to look right at him, “Je sais, et j’ai dit, quoi?”(I know, and I said, what?)

Hagen frowns at me and opens his mouth as if he’s about to yell his question before his eyes brighten, “Ohhhhh! This is— we’re—” he pauses with a nod. “Okay, okay! Give me a sec!”

Hagen’s face scrunches tight as he thinks hard on the French he knew and my laugh turns into giggles as I watch him think.

I knew most people in the pack spoke English, but Mama always spoke to me in French for four days of the week. She said she had to or else her Mama would rise from the dead to kill her, or something like that, so I knew French and English.

But I don’t think Mama realised how much I knew until I started speaking like her and spoke in French on one of our ‘French days’, because when I did, Mama had dropped the plate in her hand and then she’d cried for some reason.

Mama was crying a lot these days so I had to hug her more often.

When Hagen heard me speaking French to Mama, he’d gotten very excited, more excited than he’d been about the snacks she’d made us. Hagen said he liked languages, that they all sounded pretty to him and he wanted to learn more, so I started speaking to him in French too.

Hagen got excited every time I did, and now, I taught him something new every day.

“Okay, uh… I— je… Quoi… no, quels sont…?” Hagen glances at me and I nod. “Quels sont tu lis?” he finishes with a grimace.

“The words are right, but it’s, ’Ce que tu lis?”(What are you reading?)

“Ce que tu lis. Ce que tu lis,” Hagen repeats before he grins again. “Okay, got it.”

“Je lis sur le soleil,” I reply and Hagen frowns again.(I’m reading about the sun)

“‘Lis’ is reading, ‘sur’, about, so you’re reading about…” he pauses, rubbing at his chin with wet fingers. “Le soleil… le soleil… the sun?”

“Oui,” I reply and Hagen slaps his hand against the water as he jumps with a happy cheer.

“I’m going to be fluent soon, just you wait,” he says as he swims back. “Then we’ll be talking in pure French.”

I think of the way Papa spoke to Mama in French and the way she glowed whenever he did. “J’aimerais ça.”(That would be nice)

Hagen narrows his eyes, “I don’t know what you just said, but I will one day!”

I hoped so.

Laying on his back, Hagen sighs happily as his fingers trace the water line, and he looks up at the sky, “I’m going to miss this.”

“Miss what?” I ask, confused. I didn’t know the stream was going anywhere.

“This,” Hagen replies, “hanging out, doing nothing, vacation. I’ve got five more days left before school starts again.”

I look down at the grass at my feet to hide the sadness that wells inside of me.

Five more days and then Hagen would be spending all his time with his school friends instead of me, the kids his age, and I’d only get to see him sometimes while I stayed home, and in the pack.

“Hey,” Hagen calls as he sits up in the water. “We’ll still hang out.”

“But not as much,” I mumble as I pick at the grass and bite my lip to stop it from wobbling. “Not all the time.”

Hagen makes a sad noise, and my chest tightens, “I know.”

“I could come with you,” I say as I look up. “We could go to school together.”

Hagen smiles, but it’s not his brightest smile, it’s his sad one, “That sounds like fun, but I think you’ve got a few years before Aunty Katty would let you out there, and besides, we’d be in different years.”

I feel my shoulders slump as I look back at my fingers. I knew Hagen was older than me, and there was nothing wrong with that, but sometimes, it felt like if I was just a little older, things would be a lot easier.

“But like I said, we’ll still hang out, I promise,” Hagen says with a hopeful smile that I quickly return. I nod, and Hagen relaxes a little before he dives back under the water.

While Hagen swims, I close my book and slip it back into my bag. Hagen and I had been here for hours, and soon, it’d be time for him to take me back home, and while I could read more there, I wouldn’t be able to give Hagen my gift if I missed my chance now.

I pass my fingers over the rough paper waiting inside my bag, and my heart takes off again.

What if he didn’t like it?

What if he gave it back?

What if he said no?

I tug my hand out of my bag and twist my fingers in my lap, trying not to clench them too tight, but it’s hard. I wasn’t used to feeling scared about anything when it came to Hagen. Everything was easier with Hagen, not harder.

I frown down at my hands. Maybe I shouldn’t give it to him. That way, I wouldn’t have to worry about his reaction, because there wouldn’t be any.

“Alright, alright, I’m getting out,” Hagen suddenly shouts, making me jump.

“You don’t have to,” I say, but he’s already pulling himself up from the bank.

“Yeah, but you look worried,” he says as he jumps out. He’s dripping wet, but you wouldn’t think Hagen knows it with the way he pulls on his dry shirt andthenshakes his shorts out. “I’ll get you back in time, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried about that. You always get me back on time,” I reply with a frown. “It’s the only time you’re not late.”

Hagen sputters out a laugh, “Because I have to. It’s one of the rules, remember? Don’t you like rules.”

“I like spending time with you more.”

Hagen’s quiet for a little while before he says, “I like spending time with you too, Nik,” and then he’s grinning and drying himself off with nothing but determination.

Hagen was so silly sometimes, but I liked his silly parts most.

Hopping on one leg with his head bent to the side, Hagen asks, “If you weren’t worried about the ticking clock, then what are you frowning about?”

My heart jumps and falls inside of me as I shift under Hagen’s attention. I could lie to him, but I never lied to Hagen and I didn’t want to start now. So that left only one option– the scariest one.

“I have a gift for you,” I say, glancing between him and my fingers.

“A gift!” Hagen exclaims, forgetting about getting the water out of his ears as he dives down into the spot just in front of me, his brown eyes flashing gold. “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!”

“I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

“I love your gifts!” He goes on with a confused frown, “Just like you like mine. Right?”

“Right,” I reply. Hagen had never given me a gift I didn’t love, like my penguin backpack he’d given me for my birthday last year. “But this one is different. I made it.”

Hagen’s brown eyes soften a little, going from excited to, I think, awed and then excited again, “Then that just means I’ll love it more than all the rest.”

I grin at him, hoping that was true.

I reach down into my bag and take hold of the card waiting inside before I glance at Hagen, “Dry your hands.”

Hagen shakes his fingers out before he quickly rubs his palms against his already wet shirt, but it’s the best we’ll get because he wasn’t going to dry his fingers onmyclothes.

Opening his hands wide, Hagen makes a ‘gimme’ motion with his fingers as he bites on his lip. I take a deep breath before I quickly yank the card out and drop it in Hagen’s hands before I can stop myself.

Hagen stares at the big red card in his hands. I hadn’t done anything on the outside, so he frowns suspiciously at me before he carefully opens it and jerks a little as the heart cutout pops up and his eyes pass over the picture I’d glued inside of it.

It was of us from my last birthday, when Hagen had arrived first thing in the morning and we’d spent the morning eating the breakfast Papa made for us. I didn’t know Papa had taken the picture, but I was happy he did because it was my favourite picture ever.

All sorts of looks pass over Hagen’s face. First, he looks happy, then he looks confused, then he looks happy again, and then he’s frowning, and then he’s smiling, and it’s all very confusing.

“Is this….“Hagen pauses to look at me. He lifts the card, “Is this for Valentine’s Day?”

I nod, “I want you to be my Valentine.”

Hagen’s eyes widen, and suddenly his face turns as red as his card. He laughs, but not in the fake way– in the nervous way. “Do you even know what that means?”

“Yes. Your valentine is the person you love the most and want to be with always,” I answer while my chest does something weird and fluttery and my stomach twists. “I love you the most and want to be with you always. I want you to be my valentine.”

Hagen smiles. It’s small and only there for a little while, but I see it. “Nik, this is really sweet, but I can’t be your… Valentine.”

The fluttery feeling inside stops, turning cold like the wind should’ve been.

I look down at my hands, finding it too hard to look at Hagen, “Why not?”

“Because,” Hagen says as if that was the answer. “We’re… I’m… I just can’t.”

“But I love you most,” I whine, moving down from the stump I’d been sitting on to kneel in front of him. “I love you most and you’ll be my mate.”

“Mate?!” Hagen exclaims with a sputter.

“Yes. You’re my mate and my linker, so only you can be my valentine,” I state as I shuffle closer, pushing up on my knees.

Hagen’s mouth does a weird thing where it opens and closes, but it takes him forever to actually say something. “Look, I barely know what mates and linkers are, so I knowyoudon’t.”

I frown, “I know some things.”

“Oh yeah?” Hagen prompts with a smirk. “Like what?”

I look down, suddenly finding it hard to speak too as my face gets all warm.

It was hard to say what I knew about mates to Hagen. Hagen was my friend– I didn’t want to tell him we were supposed to kiss one day like all the other mates did.

“Things,” I mumble and Hagen laughs above me.

“Well, until we know all the ‘things’, I think it’s a bit early to say that we’re mates,” Hagen says as his fingers pass over the card, “and as for valentines—”

“It’s the ones you love most,” I say because I knew that one for sure. “I love you most, and you love me most, right?”

Hagen’s eyes move between my own, the brown in them clear enough for me to see the scared feelings there, and it makes scary feelings creep up inside of me too.

I sit down slowly, settling on my heels as I look at Hagen, “R-Right?”

Hagen’s heart finally catches up to mine, beating faster now as he nods, “Right.”

I smile bigger than ever before as the fireworks set off inside of me again. “Then, we’ll be valentines always. You’ll be mine and I’ll be yours.”

Hagen stares at me, his neck becoming as red as his face and ears before he glances down at the card again and smiles, “Alright. We’ll be valentines, always.”

I squeal and jump on him.

I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even know I was going to, but when Hagen said the words I’d been dreaming about since I learned about Valentine’s Day, my body and heart took over.

Hagen falls back with an ‘oof’, but laughs as I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him as tight as I can. “Hey! You’re crushing my card!” Hagen whines as he tries to peel me back.

“I’ll make you another one,” I promise.

“No, I want this one,” he says, pushing me back just enough that he can pull the card out. I look up, happy to see it wasn’t bent. “It’s very ‘you’, so I like it. Plus, it’s the first card I’ve ever gotten from my valentine, so I have to treat it special.”

“Promise,” I beg as I shuffle closer until we’re so close, I can see every pretty brown spec that made his eyes. “Promise you’ll be my valentine, always.”

Hagen’s big smile softens a little but he nods, “On one condition.”

“Anything.”

Hagen watches me closely and my heart beats faster than ever as I wait for what he’d say. The only things I couldn’t give him were my parents and knots, but I didn’t think he’d ask for those.

“Promise you’ll be with me, always, and you’ve got a deal.”

I squeal again and Hagen winces, but he still laughs as I hug him and he hugs me back.

“I promise,” I tell him as I try not to kick my feet out below me, but it was hard with all the sparks rushing through me. “Always.”

Hagen hugs me even tighter, and I melt again, but not in a scary way. I melt in the best way.

—————————————-

BE STILL MY FRAGILE BEATING HEART!!!!!! UGHHHHHHH

Thoughts??????

Thoughts on Nik and Hagen’s former relationship???

Thoughts on their day together??? On their dynamic??

On the card!!!!!

Please, this chapter really hit me in the feels. From the hand holding to the hanging out by the stream, ughhh, I CAN NOT!! and don’t even get me started on Nik wanting to go to school with Hagen!!

They were just too damn cute, I can’t. Fuck.

I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, if you did please leave your thoughts or vote for it!

I know this was short, but I wanted to keep it short and sweet so you had context before we moved into the next chapter, which I’m excited for as we travel back to the present. What will Hagen do for Valentine’s, and how will Nik respond hehehe.

But before that, it’ll be some Patreon updates! I have no idea when the next Control update will be, but as always, I will keep you all posted as I go!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humansssssss