DOUBLE UPDATEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HERE ARE TWO BRAND NEW EXTRA SPECIAL CHAPTERS OF CONTROL JUST FOR YOU GUYS!!! IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING AND IT’S A THANK YOU FROM ME, FOR STICKING WITH ME AND BEING PATIENT WITH ME!!!!

Good things come to those who wait

ENJOYYYYYY AND COMMENT!!!

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Nikola’s POV

Pressure was a simple concept. There was mass and force, and usually an object. As force was applied to that object, pressure was created.

More force, more pressure.

In this universe, as pressure grew on an object, eventually, that object began to strain— its composition giving way. A crack. A tear. A shattering. It didn’t matter how, all that mattered was that the object broke under the pressure.

Since the moment Hagen and I had met, or rather become conscious of one another and the bonds between us, there had been a pressure— the result of an uncontrollable force applied to both of us. And eventually, like all objects in this realm, the strain got too much for me and well, I’d… torn.

I’d always thought that once it happened— if I ever dared to tear— that would be the end of Hagen and I. Hagen would not yield under the pressure of staying together as mates because he was stronger than me, and he had always been. But that wasn’t what happened. In reality, he’d given in,yieldedto it to preserve our bond.

Now, the pressure was gone, and we were left with something entirely new, entirely foreign, because for the first time in our lives, there was no pressure on our bond.

—

I was not watching him.

I almost had many times and I wanted to, but I wasnotwatching him. But I wanted to. I could admit that in the quiet of my mind that only Neo had privy to, but I hadn’t done it yet.

Iwasobserving him, but that was different.

To watch Hagen has always required a spell, and what was happening now was from no pre-emptive measure of mine. I didn’t need to do anything when there was a link and a bond between us, and developed ones at that. Even with the distance between us and the muddled mix of rage, need and longing, those channels conveyed more than enough intel about him with me.

Hagen was still angry— angrier in fact, and that anger grew with each passing day. It was violent and claiming, vengeful too, and every time it engulfed him, I felt a shudder of something cold, like death over my bones.

It made it hard to breathe sometimes. It made it even harder to face myself in the mirror.

It was also what drove him to drink so excessively that my magic flared in a near-constant buzz. The protection spell over him did its job of driving the liquor from his system when it began creeping towards alcohol poisoning, but a werewolf could consume a considerable amount before they reached that stage. And so, Hagen drank, and drank, until our bond was at points too blurred for even me to comprehend.

Then, there washispain. I wasn’t the only one seized by it, day and night. Hagen was too. Hagen was hurt becauseI’dhurt him.

I hurt him.

“Get out!”

I rub a hand over my chest, trying to ease the ache in my heart that sparked incessantly now, but it does nothing. But of course not, the only thing that would ease this torment was Hagen himself, and that was not happening any time soon. So there was this new pain to live with.

It’s deserved. I’d hurt my mate, and it didn’t matter if it had been because of an admittance of my greatest flaws. I still hurt him.

In truth, I had known that Hagen would be very upset if he ever discovered that I’d known about the mate awareness between us— or lack thereof— for so long, but at the time, I thought he never would.

When I moved in with Hagen, I had expected that he’d want us to do regular tests to see if the chain forcing us to be together had disappeared, but he hadn’t. He had many rules at the beginning, but not even a stipulation for that.

Still, I assumed that eventually he would bring it up, but he never did, and then the days turned into weeks, and then quickly into months. Perhaps I should’ve said something then. I’d considered it, and knew it was likely the right move, but I never did. That hadn’t made sense to me before, but it did now.

I simply hadn’t wanted to. If Hagen wasn’t inclined to push us apart, then why would I?

Now, I sometimes wonder what would’ve happened if I’d lied about what I knew then. There were old sayings that said ‘the truth always emerged’, but I found it hard to see how when in that instance, there were no traces for someone to uncover.

I hadn’t done anything to our bond, to Hagen or myself, so there was no evidence other than my silence, and I knew how to perform when needed.

It didn’t matter though. It would’ve fallen apart one way or the other, as it had— as it always did. Examining the past would give me nothing, there was only the future now.

If only the future wasn’t quite so precarious.

Another grating wave of nausea echoes through me, and I have to breathe slowly to survive it.

Hagen had always been a drinker, but the awful habit had silently begun to curb when I’d been there to ward off his consumption. Now, it was as if he were trying to make up for the lost time in spades, or maybe just spite me.

I’d thought he’d stop after the first few days, but if anything, it was worse now.

I wanted to rip the bottles from his hands, but that would require facing him, and I had not managed that yet.

I would have to at some point, and it wasn’t that I did not want to. I missed Hagen like a demon missed sin, but I wanted to wait for the least volatile moment to approach him again. It never appeared, and if anything, the situation turned more capricious with each passing day. Beyond that, it was becoming grueling to wait, but not in the strenuous sense, more one born out of boredom.

That was one surprising outcome of… everything. I’d expected that after a single day, I’d be back in Hagen’s company, whether he wanted me close or not, but surprisingly, the compulsive need to be close wasn’t quite so compulsive.

I wanted to be near, desperately, but I was at peace knowing that I would be soon. It was the same peace that had surfaced when I realised that Hagen wasn’t going to break our bond.

I thought he might, at several points— had almost brought the moon and the sun crashing down on us as I spoke the lethal words— but he hadn’t.

Hagen had wanted to, I could see it burning behind his eyes, but he hadn’t, and then, there was peace— like that morning before it had all burned, when we’d been in bed and happy, it had been like that exact moment.

It had been the first moment of my life that I did not have to worry about maintaining Hagen’s happiness, about saying or doing the right thing. I realised that I had him at that moment. Even if he truly hated me, even if he wanted to kill me himself, I had him, and it was that knowing that made it so easy to breathe.

I recognised that was wrong. To find peace— joy even— whilst my mate was so upset, but I was yet to uncover a way to control my emotions.

So anyway, that was how I stayed still, how I waited day after day without losing my mind. Yet, I already knew somehow that tonight was the last day Hagen would be allowed his recess from us.

There was something in our bond, something erratic and sudden in its rush to the surface, and it was not from me.

I resist my mirrors and travel close instead. I mean to land myself in his bedroom or bathroom, some quiet place he won’t see me, but I end up right in front of him instead.

I suck a breath in, paralyzed for a moment being this close after being apart for so long.

Hagen shuffles around his apartment, dressed in his better clothes, though his hair is a wild mess because it hasn’t been cut in too long. And they’re bags under his eyes because he hasn’t slept in even longer.

I take a step forward. I want to touch him, to hold him and apologize, even if they were just pretty words. But my magic keeps my presence a secret because while I stare at Hagen, he keeps slashing through the disarray in blind urgency.

“Hagen! We’re here! Hurry up before we leave your ass!”

I startle a little at Jaspar’s shrill shout. It’s a slurred, extra-loud thing that makes me scowl automatically. Less so because of him, and more so because of what this means.

“I’m coming!” Hagen’s belted response is unfortunately no better.

Cans slide across the floor as Hagen rummages through his living room, looking for something desperately until he plucks his phone from its charger. Then he’s in the kitchen and grabbing his keys just across from me. He looks up then, stilling for a moment as his eyes travel straight through me. My heart jerks, my magic frays, but then he shakes his head.

“Too early in the night for that,” he mumbles under his breath before he drags himself to the front door. The second it’s yanked open, there is a chorus of excitable yells that make me tune my magic away, if only to preserve my hearing.

“Let’s go! Ruben is there already and you know he’ll go in without us if we miss last entry!” Max groans. As I peek around the corner wall of the kitchen, I spot a glimpse of a shimmery top and many bangles.

“Yes, mom,” Jaspar drawls mockingly. “We’re coming. Hagen’s here now, and— holy shit, is that a snake?!”

“You’re drunk,” Hagen mumbles before he slams the door shut.

My magic releases itself the moment he’s gone and not a moment later, Knots is on me. His weight almost takes me to the ground as he wraps himself around me, squeezing tight as the magic between us is reacquainted.

“Knots,” I greet as he draws his face to mine. He’s so excited, he’s hissing and shivering. “I know. I didn’t mean to leave you for so long. I’m sorry.”

Knots’ tongue peeks out and though I know he’s upset, he only shakes his head a little.

“I thought having you with him would help, but I guess not.”

Alone now, I pass my gaze over the travesty Hagen’s home had become. It had always had a messy sort of feel to it that even I couldn’t comb into order, but that had felt like Hagen— wild joy. Now, it was simply chaos, miserable chaos.

There were more than just bottles and cans all over the apartment. There were empty food containers, discarded clothes, stains on his furniture, a splotch of something dark on the floor.

My fingers reach for my chest, but it meets scales instead. I blink back to where Knots rubs himself under my neck, offering his comfort.

“Thanks,” I mumble before I force my feet to the bedroom, but I don’t make it past the threshold when I reach it.

Where the rest of the apartment was a mess, here, not a thing was out of place. The floors were clean, bed made, pillows set just right.

It was like a showroom, not a bedroom, not Hagen’s bedroom.

“Has he not been sleeping here?” I ask, needing only to glance at Knots to receive my answer.

My mindhurts—that’s the only way to explain the way my thoughts and emotions crash into each other and simply rampage in my head. It’s too much to think past or organise, and it’s hard to breathe again.

I shouldn’t have stayed away this long. Especially not after everything. I’d opened a dam and then left Hagen to drown in the waters.

And I claimed I loved him.

I set myself to cleaning, not with magic, but by hand. I fill garbage bags with the discarded bottles and boxes, and handle the rest with care. I sweep, mop, wipe and dust every crevice I can, and when it’s all done, I sit on the couch and wait.

There was no doubt Hagen would be enraged to see me when he returned, but I’d be here, waiting, and I wouldn’t leave him again. Never again.

Time passes painfully, each minute stretching to the length of an hour. But I persist through it. I could wait—wouldwait. I’m prepared to wait, however long it takes, but as hours begin to dip into the early morning of the next day, a frown tugs at my features.

People were known to stay out late when they were enjoying a ‘night out’, but it was nearing four and there was still no sign of Hagen.

Be patient —Neo councils as my restlessness begins to stir.He will already be vexed by our presence, it’ll only be worse if it’s in the company of his friends.

Ifhe’s still with his friends. Men aren’t renowned for loyalty, what if they left him to his sabotage?

Stop crafting lies to suit your agenda— Neo snaps with some aggravation.He’ll be here eventually.

Yes, but who knew when eventually would be, and who knew what he’d do before then. Ihadfelt something volatile in Hagen’s bond earlier.

What if I’d left things alone for too long —I spit at Neo –What if we wait here and he does something tonight.

Neo’s quiet as our mind fills with the very worst. Hagen had just started becoming comfortable with affection from me, and then I’d ruined things. What if he sought it in another, what if he sought it for revenge?

“I will never love you.”

It’s more than just an ache that fills my chest then. It’s a frenzied desperation to stop any risk of losing Hagen, and it’s the same type of desperation that I’d known all my life.

It shatters the semblance of peace I’d been basking in and triggers my magic before I have a chance to rethink it, not that my decision would’ve been any different.

Where my magic deposits me is almost like a punishment in itself.

Music pounds all around, booming so loudly it sends vibrations scuttling up and down my legs. There are bodies all around me, sweaty, disgusting bodies as people dance or try to. There are flickering lights as well, coloured strobe lights that make me wince as they barely illuminate the masses.

I step back, wanting to run, but that only knocks me into another body. I shudder and step away, surrounding myself in a thin barrier that quiets the sounds and keeps a few inches between me and everyone else, and then I search for my mate.

I find him easily, and not because of the bond. Hagen is not in the centre of it all, but he might as well be. He stands against one of the far walls, nursing a drink that makes his usually-bright eyes, darkened slits. He catches the eyes of everyone who passes by him, but he doesn’t entertain any of them, he just stares ahead and gulps from his drink.

I breathe a sigh of relief and though I’m sure it doesn’t make a sound amidst all the music and bustle, Hagen’s eyes immediately shift to me.

My heart stops this time; it really does because even with the magic around me, he sees me.

At first, he stills, his entire body freezing as he straightens. There’s a flicker of surprise as his eyes widen with some effort. And then, it seems to hit him— the fact that he hated me again.

His glare is like a slap, or rather a beating. It sprouts wounds all over my spirit that bloom into aching bruises. He hates me, really hates me, but that’s not all he feels for me and he knows it.

He tries to run, pushing off the wall quickly to disappear into the crowds but I appear before he can take a single step.

“Shit,” he startles as he steps back. He stumbles slightly, but rights himself, though he sways a little. My fingers itch to steady him, but I resist. His eyes lift to mine and they’re murderous. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

How to answer that?

“I told you I’d come back for you.” It’s the only thing I can think of, but I know it’s the wrong thing to say when Hagen’s lips spread into a hateful smile.

“Yeah, you did,” he nearly cackles. “A month ago.”

“I wanted to give you space.”

He laughs again, and it’s moving and cruel, “That’s a first.”

My lips part, but I clench them shut before I could say something that would make him less agreeable. I needed to get him home first and then the rest could come.

“Where are your friends?” I ask, frowning. “Or are you alone?”

“They didn’t leave me,” he snaps back and there’s an accusing insinuation to it. Hagen must miss it because he looks around, frowning a little when he realises that they aren’t as close as he might think. He sways again before his eyes spark with recognition. “Ruben is right there.”

I don’t look back. I didn’t care where Ruben or any of the others were.

“Are they as drunk as you are?”

Hagen’s eyes snap back to mine, “Fuck you.”

He tries to step past me but I grab his arm before he can. My fingers brush skin and for a moment, I forget all about the jarring club and the people filling it. There’s only Hagen and his too-warm skin and the familiar rush of rightness.

Hagen stills, seeming to feel the same for a moment before he shoves the feeling away. He jerks away from my grip.

“Don’t touch me,” he slurs as he stumbles back, but this time he can’t right himself.

I catch him easily, pulling him close despite his protests and holding him upright.

“You’re a drunk mess and I’m taking you home,” I tell him, leaving no room for argument. “When you’re sober, you can try to kick me out. But not until you’re sober.”

Hagen keeps trying to pull away from me, but the alcohol makes him weak and soon enough, he slouches, resting his head on my chest.

“Whatever,” he grumbles tiredly. “You don’t give a dam bout what I want anyway.”

I swallow past the hurt those words inflict on me and strengthen my hold on him. It’s not hard with the way Hagen gives me his full body weight, almost half asleep.

“Hey, what’s going on here?”

I turn with Hagen as Ruben races towards us. His face is all hard lines, his body tense like he’s ready to fight, but when he spots me, he relaxes in an instant.

“Nikola?” He blinks a bit, as if to think past the substances in his system. “What are you doing here?” He looks to Hagen next, “Shit. Is he okay?”

“I’m fine,” Hagen groans as he shoves from my chest, cheeks hot. I let him, but stay close in case he tries to run. “Just… going home early.”

Ruben flicks a gaze between us before he seems to settle on some kind of reason. He smiles a bit, just a little, but it’s enough for me to settle on two things.

One, I liked Ruben. Two, Hagen hadn’t told his friends a thing.

“Tell the others?” Hagen asks and Ruben nods quickly.

“Get him home safe,” he says to me and I nod.

As Ruben disappears, Hagen’s cordiality goes with it as he returns to glaring at me. I ignore it and release my hold over my magic. Even undirected, it beelines for Hagan, desperate to latch onto him like before. It feeds into the link, brightening the dormant thing and making my soul hum with pleasure. Hagen shudders just a little, eyes growing heavy, and it puts a quick end to this outing.

I take us home, to Hagen’s home, and the quiet that greets us is almost numbing.

Hagen stumbles away from me, putting as much space between us as he can and I let him. We were alone now and that was enough.

“I’m home, so you can—” he stops short as he looks over his clean living room. “What the fuck.”

Hagen rubs at his eyes before he looks again, and my heart warms just a little at his antics. But then he swivels to face me and the glare chills any heat.

“You were here,” he accuses with a pointed finger. “I knew I saw you, I just thought…” he shakes his head. “You can’t do that.”

“I just wanted to check on you,” I reply imploringly.

Hagen’s arms spread before he drops them limply at his sides, “Well, you checked on me. You can go now.”

“I’m not leaving, Hagen.”

The quiet returns, but it’s unmoving this time. Hagen stares at me, his gaze giving nothing away while his heart thumps anxiously in his chest.

It’s something I would have never said before because it might scare him, and I think it does now, but Hagen stays where he is.

“Of course not,” he mumbles as he wipes a hand over his eyes. “Of course you won’t just leave me alone.”

I swallow past the ache of that, “I’ll help you to bed.”

“I don’t need your help,” he snarls, eyes glowing.

I take a breath and rephrase, “I’m helping you to bed, Hagen.”

Livid, Hagen’s chest puffs up and I know he’s about to explode on me, but before he can, Knots slithers up to him like the personification of a white flag.

“Knots,” I warn, knowing how Hagen startled when he got too close, but to my surprise, Hagen welcomes his presence like a long-lost friend.

“Knots,” he half coos, half whines as he drops down to his knees. He opens his arms and Knots squirms into them and around Hagen. “Knots, he’s back.”

Knots,myconduit, desperately comforts my mate the same way he had me just an hour ago. He hisses and wraps himself all around Hagen who sags under his weight.

“Why can’t he be as nice as you?” He whines with a hiccup.

I frown, suddenly annoyed with this new development, even though it had been what I hoped for initially.

“Knots,” I call, but instead of coming to me, he gazes guiltily at me from over Hagen’s shoulder.

Hagen grins like a menace and curls a finger under Knots’ neck, “Good Knots.”

Knots hisses his delight.

Enough of this. I cross the room to where Hagen slumps on the ground as if he had every intention of laying right there, and pick him up, Knots and all.

“You—” he starts only to close his mouth in alarm.

That look is all the warning I need. I take us to the bathroom, and set him just in front of his sink so he can throw up.

He wretches up all the alcohol he’d consumed, and it had likely been only alcohol for a while since nothing else but liquid comes up. Knots slithers away, no longer interested in sticking around with all the sickness, but I stay close.

I rub Hagen’s back while he heaves and keep him propped up when his knees give way. By the time it’s all over, his eyes are teary and he looks so tired.

I tear free some tissue and clean the corners of his mouth before I wipe his tears away with my fingers, and all the while, he stares up at me.

“What?” I ask when his eyes fill again.

He sniffs, and frowns, “You’re the worst.”

“I know,” I reply, and I try to hold him closer, but my hands are already too tight around him to tighten anymore. “Let’s brush your teeth.”

Too exhausted to be anything but compliant, Hagen stays quiet as I ready his toothbrush with some toothpaste. I wet it and hand it to him, or try to, but Hagen just opens his mouth instead.

I pause, alarmed for a moment, and then suddenly I’m starved to do this. I tilt his head back and slip the toothbrush carefully into his mouth, and then, I’m brushing his teeth.

Neo stirs with a growl as something gathers between us, sickly twisted and delighted in this simple task. It’s mundane, but it makes me exceedingly happy.

I’m careful and meticulous, and Hagen is perfectly still, or as still as a drunk wolf can be throughout. He’s pliant.

I have to swallow past the sudden arousal that comes over me and clear my throat before I say, “Spit.”

Doing as he’s told, Hagen spits the paste from his mouth and then leans back, looking at me.

“Rinse,” I whisper and he does that too.

Good Goddess.

As I clean his toothbrush, I wait for him to try to shove away from me again, but he remains right where he is against my chest, between my arms.

It’s a heaven I don’t deserve but enjoy every second of it.

“To bed now,” I instruct as I step back, keeping a close hold on him.

I walk Hagen to his bed, making sure his steps are sure-footed and straight, and then carefully sit him down on the edge. I kneel down to undo his shoes and Hagen sways, this time for exhaustion, until finally he flops back.

My lips twitch as I slip his shoes and socks off before I straighten and stare down at him.

“What?” He grumbles, not quite asleep yet.

“I don’t support your drinking, but right now, you’re cute,” I reply, not bothering to hold my tongue.

Hagen frowns and rolls his eyes, “I’m not fucking cute and I’m not sleeping ere.”

“Why not?” I ask as I watch him flail about, trying to sit up and failing at every turn.

“..sleep …here,” he grumbles under his breath but I only catch a few words.

“What?”

“Can’t sleep here!” He snaps. “I don’t sleep.”

Hagen goes back to grumbling and flailing while I belatedly realise why this room was so pristine earlier.

We’d shared this bed for many nights, enough for me to have a side and him to have his, and then I’d left and it’d been just him.

Had he missed me? Or more likely, loathed the reminder of me too much to sleep here on his own?

“Stop squirming,” I urgw as I sit on the edge of the bed to take off my own shoes.

“I can squirm if I want to squirm,” he snaps defiantly before he starts jerking in the bed, kicking his legs all about. He aims a pointed look my way and I have to fight the urge to laugh.

Once my shoes are off, I stand and lift a corner of his big blanket, “Get in, Hagen.”

“No,” he retorts as he begins shuffling up the bed. “Fuck that.”

In no mood to argue, I do something I wouldn’t dare to do a year ago. I encircle my magic around Hagen, lifting just enough to tug up the blankets. I drop him back in the bed, climb in and throw the blankets over the both of us.

“Oh hell no!” He barks, back to his squirming but this time with the intention of escaping.

Hagen claws at his bedding but I grab his wrists before he can tear them back. Wrapping myself around him, I keep his arms locked against his chest and his legs locked between mine.

“Get the fuck off of me!” He snarls viscously, and I know he’s angry but I don’t care.

“You can hate me in the morning but for now, you’re getting some sleep,” I tell him plainly. “I won’t let go, so you might as well give up now.”

“You’re so fucking annoying,” he groans, still fighting.

I shift, getting comfortable while I hum absently.

“Wait ’til I’m sober,” he threatens. “You just fucking wait.”

I nuzzle into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply and shuddering as the scent of salty ocean breeze invades my system. Sparks explode inside of me and I pull Hagen tighter.

“Fuck you, Nikola,” he growls but it’s a sleepy thing and he’s relaxing too, his breaths noticeably deeper.

Neo purrs his pleasure at being close to our mate again, and I can’t help but do the same.

“I missed you, Hagen,” I whisper against his skin.

He’s quiet, disturbingly so. I press a kiss to his neck and he makes a keening sound.

“Well, I didn’t miss you,” he mumbles and I know it’s not the truth, but I let him have it.

“Sleep, Hagen,” I instruct again, breathing him in. “We’re both tired.”

Hagen huffs, but he doesn’t snap at me again or has another go at getting free. He just relaxes and soon, too soon, he’s fast asleep.

It leaves me with my thoughts as I fight against my own exhaustion. I was tired and desperate for rest, rest that would come easy so close to Hagen now, but then I’d lose this.

It’s strange. I’d been here for months before and had only had the pleasure of holding Hagen while we slept once. That had been after the first time I touched him. When he’d bowed in my arms, moaned my name and spilt in my hands. I hug Hagen closer and in his sleep, he whines.

Was it wrong to suddenly not feel so bad? I hated the new distance and strain between us, but it also allowed me this.

I was touching him as I pleased, and he was allowing it. He hated me, but he wanted me too. It made room for things like this, things I desperately wanted.

Goddess, it was wrong, but I couldn’t find it in me to stop myself.

I settle my nose back in the crook of Hagen’s neck and locked around him, I sink into the unabashed joy that invades my mind and soul.

Yes. I would never let him go again.

———-

I love Nikola like this I can’t lie. I’m weak, what can I say?!!?

Thoughts???????

Thoughts on the time jump?!?! a whole fucking month?! Can you even believe it?! Thoughts on their reunion??

This might make me a weirdo, but I thought it was HOT when Nikola was brushing Hagen’s teeth. Don’t ask me why, I was just very very turned on.

Anywayssssss

Enjoy the next chapter!!!!