A/N – in this chapter, you will see a character experiencing subspace and subdrop. I am in no way an expert on these things, but like in all things I write, I try to make it accurate. However, please note, these are supernatural creatures, and just as their emotions and relationships are more intense sometimes, this is an intense experience that might feel a bit dramatic.

A quick little explanation, if you don’t know, is that typically, in a BDSM setting, subdrop can follow a ‘scene’ once it is completed. The sub feels such intense physical and mental highs that after the rush of endorphins passes and the body tries to balance things out, they can experience a ‘drop’.

That’s a quick outline, I suggest researching more if you’re not familiar.

Now enjoy!

—–

Hagen’s POV

Everything hurts.Everything.

My back, my arms, my legs, my hips, between my legs. It all just… hurt.

It hadn’t before, when there was only a certain numbness and pleasure.So. Much. Pleasure,that I felt like I was made of cotton in a world with only wind to carry me higher, but then the numbness tapered off, and the ache began.

It hadn’t been so bad at first; the ache felt a little nice mixed in with all that pleasure, but then it grew, getting louder and louder so that it could drag me away from the wind and clouds. And now, that quiet ache wasn’t so nice anymore because it wasn’t mixed with the pleasure, and it wasn’t quiet— it was a gnawing throb intent on spreading all through me, so that I was forced to acknowledge it.

It takes a while to peel my eyes open. I have to think about it, to really force myself not to just keep them closed, but eventually, I manage to pry them open enough to look around. But when I do, there’s not much to see when Nikola’s chest fills my vision.

Nikola.

My body immediately relaxes, kneading out the binds I hadn’t even realised were keeping me all knotted up. They disappear now with my mate in sight. He— just him laying there— pushes away all the hurt, becomingeverythingas I stare up at him and wriggle closer. Instead of the aches, I feel his skin against mine, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, his legs tangled in mine, and his—

I hold my next breath as I squeeze hesitantly. The air slips out on a choked whimper as my hole pulses around the cock still buried inside of me. My brain turns to mush as my body burns with a whole new set of aches I adore.

It feels so good, so right, like when he’d first filled me up and made me see stars. I didn’t think anything had ever felt better, and that had only been the start.

My heart thumps against Nikola’s chest as my mind fills with all the pleasure again. I wanted more. I wanted it all the time. I didn’t want to ever stop, not when it felt so good.

I push back for more, and everything becomes easier again.

Inside, he presses against the places his fingers had reached before, but Nikola’s cock was much bigger than his finger. It stretches me open and rubs against my insides in all the most addictive ways.

It’s so good. I want more. More. More. More.

“Hagen?”

A shiver rushes through me as the gruff voice sings my name, the one that fills my heart with joy and pleasure and all it could ever need. I bury my face in his chest, breathing him in until my lungs are full of his scent, and I don’t let it go until they burn and I’m forced to.

Nikola…

My eyes fall shut again, and colours dance behind my eyelids as the world flutters out, becoming light and fuzzy again until nothing but Nikola and all the pleasure is let back in.

It doesn’t hurt anymore. It just feels good. Everything feels so good.

“Hagen,” he says again, groaning this time as he settles a hand on my waist. He grips it firmly, making me stop. I strain against him, but his fingers dig in until I can’t move or ignore how sore the skin beneath his fingers is already. “We have to stop. I… Goddess knows how long it’s been.”

I frown against his skin as his words drift by me. I hear them, but not really. Its hard to do that while I lap at him, tasting him and swallowing his flavour.

He tasted so good. He tasted strong, and dark, and like mine.

Groaning, I try to roll my hips, but he doesn’t let me. He stops me? But why?

I was being good. I was being so good— he said so. He’d said other things, too.

My greedy pup.

My heart.

My handsome slut.

Mine.

I shiver as I remember them all, and the fuzzy feeling grows until my head feels like it’s stuffed with cotton.

I shift my hips again, but they still don’t move, so I squeeze.

“Hagen,” Nik hisses against the shell of my ear, tickling it. I moan as I lap at the line in the centre of his chest, wanting to get inside. “Pup, stop.”

Whining, I tilt my head back to complain, but the movement makes something coarse scratch against the open wound at the back of my neck.

The fuzziness stops, the wind falls flat, and the gentle pleasure stumbles on itself until it just disappears. It all stills for a moment like it’s levitating in my head before it falls, and then, there’s only the pain.

A grated cry escapes my lips as my body awakens fully, signalling alarms from where my aching body burns. It starts at my toes, travelling up my legs like a flaming arrow that shoots through my chest. It keeps going, seeking its target. Its heat passes around my neck and shoulders, crawling around my marks and making them flare painfully as it continues, closing in. I shift, trying to get away, but the movement only makes it worse. My skin burns as the scratching intensifies, and just like that, the arrow— throbbing pain— hits its target.

The mark at the back of my neck ignites.

My eyes bulge as agonising fire licks up my spine, forcing me to scream through clenched teeth as I cling to Nikola. My nails dig into his skin as tears spill free, and I beg him to make it stop, but nothing other than sobs slip free as the flaring white heat takes all the good feelings away.

Nikola speaks and the words drift past my ears, almost like they’re being spoken in another language. I can’t compute them, or hear them; they’re muffled behind the sharp ringing that makes me dizzy.

It hurts. It hurts much and I just need it to stop.

“Please,” I beg through the torment, but I can barely get the word out. “Please. Please. Please.”

Desperate fingers suddenly delve into my hair, pushing the wild strands up until my nape is free, and it’s like cold water crashes over burnt skin.

I suck in a desperate breath as I remember how to breathe, the relief so strong it leaves me shaking as I cling to my mate.

He soothes me, shushing me, but his heart is racing as hard as mine, and I can feel his panic surging within my veins. He’s worried, and that sensation sinks fast inside of me, dragging my world down with it. I didn’t want him worried, I wanted him happy.

“It was your hair,” he explains quietly. “The mark is still very fresh. It’s healing slowly. It was your hair brushing against it.”

I hear his words but struggle to understand them past the inkling that tells me he’s not happy.

We’d only just mated, and I was already making him sad. We were supposed to be happy now.

Nikola says words again, and they sound soft and sweet, making my heavy eyes flutter shut as he rubs my back. They push away the panic in my chest, patting them down before they can grow big. He keeps speaking, and I feel our racing hearts slow, but then something sad peaks inside of him. I frown, not understanding why until one of his hands drops to my hips, and he pushes me back— he pushes me away.

My heart plunges.

No. No. No. I needed him inside, needed us together. When we were together, everything was okay. When he was inside, everything felt better. I whine as I try to glue us back, to seam us as one.

“I need to cut your hair, Hagen, or it won’t heal properly,” I hear him grit out as he presses me away from him. “My magic is too weak. I have to do it myself, Hagen.”

I whine again, my heart pounding faster as I try to hold onto him, but he’s stronger.

Nikola slips out of me and pushes me away. It’s like he pummels my heart.

It’s a loss, more than just of him inside of me. It’s like I lose something else— like I’ve let something important slip through my fingers, like I’ve failed— like I’ve failed himagain;like he’s losing me again.

His grey eyes flash to mind, taking me back to when they were full of hurt and anger, and so much blame. The memory fades, but not without making everything fall apart.

I’m empty, in my heart, where he’s supposed to be. I’m alone even with him close, cold when he’s warm, and ithurts. Worse than the aches, more than the mark. It hurts so much.

My lips tremble as Nikola turns me onto my stomach. I don’t fight him, there’s no point. I’ve already lost him. The first sob slips free. I try to hold it, I really do, but I can’t, and once it escapes, I can’t stop the flood.

“I’ll make it better, Hagen,” he whispers while he slides over my back and scratches at the skin above my neck with his talon. “I’ll make it better. I promise.”

Nothing could make this better.

It was better before, when we were together, when it felt good, but he’d taken that away. He didn’t want it anymore.

I cry into the sheets as Nikola keeps scraping along my skin with his talon, making clumps of my hair fall beside my nose. When he’s done, both his hands slip from my hair, and there’s no pain anymore in my neck, but it’s everywhere else.

“Does it still hurt?” He asks as he crawls away from me and turns me again to look at him. His brows are clenched tightly and his brown eyes are filled with so much fear as he wipes my cheeks away. “It shouldn’t. I cut the hair. It was the hair. Right? Hagen?”

Nikola blinks at me, like he doesn’t recognise me, and that makes my heart clench even tighter because how could he not?

“Hagen, what’s wrong,” he croons as he holds my face steady and brings us as close as he can while his eyes bore into mine. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

It was a simple instruction. I wanted to answer, but I didn’t even know what was wrong. Everything suddenly felt awful. My skin was warm where he touched me, but I felt cold inside andwrong, and I wasn’t supposed to feel this way because Nik looked so worried, but I couldn’t stop it.

“Where is it? What hurts, pup?” He asks as he wipes my tears, his gaze darting between mine. “I can’t— I can’t understand your thoughts.”

Neither could I.

My heart hammers before it gives and I wail as fresh tears trickle from my eyes. It startles Nikola, making his eyes widen, so I try to stop it. I bite my lip, but I wasn’t supposed to do that.

I was supposed to be good.

The cry escapes, and more follow, and nothing feels good anymore. I close my eyes as I try to push away from him, but Nik doesn’t let me go. Nik pulls me closer, tucking me into the crook of his neck while I fall apart in his arms.

I know I shouldn’t be. Iknowthat… it doesn’t make sense, but it’s like I’m trapped behind a wall in my own head because that single effortless thought never gets through all the icy darkness sweeping across my mind. It wreaks havoc, making me feel small and sad and then insane for feeling those things, and that just makes me sad all over again.

“I’ve got you,” Nik whispers as he rocks me, kissing my forehead. “It’s okay, Hagen. It’ll stop… I… I am sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Nikola holds me close, never releasing me while I cry against him. I try to make it stop, but that only makes it come faster, so I stop trying. I stop trying to fight it and just let it all drown me instead.

–

It takes a while for the tears to stop and my cries to quiet, but they do, only they don’t take the awful emptiness in my heart with them. That stays, like an oppressive shadow that nothing could cast away.

Nikola tries. He tries to make me look at him as he struggles to talk to me, to get me to talk to him. His voice is gentle when he asks why I felt so sad, what he’d done wrong, but I couldn’t get myself to answer. My tongue is heavy, like wet cement in my mouth, and even if it wasn’t, I didn’t want to talk. Talking right now seemed like such a horrible task.

It hurts because it makes him worry more, and I don’t want that, but I can’t stop it. And what pains me the most is that he thinks it’s somethinghe’sdone, that I regret our first mating when I just wanted it back—all those good, floaty feelings that came when he took me apart and broke me down so that I didn’t have to worry about anything else but him— but they were gone.

He still tries anyway, talking to me while he decides to do what he can to help, even though he doesn’t know what’s wrong. He tells me as he does, annotating his thoughts to calm himself, I know that because while my thoughts were a strange mismatch I felt lost in, his were clearer in their hysteria.

“I will clean you up first,” he states as he stands with me tucked in his arms. “We’re filthy, and I’m sure a warm bath will help.”

I feel his cum slip out of me, but Nik doesn’t try to stop it. I curl closer to him as a fresh tear springs free.

Nikola takes us into our makeshift bathroom, climbing into the deep stone bath with me as he pulls together words for a spell. Usually, Nik was strong enough to make anything happen with a thought, but I could feel how drained he and his magic were after our mating; he couldn’t muster it so easily.

He speaks unfamiliar words aloud several times before water gushes up from between the stones, and when it warms, he sighs a breath of relief.

Sinking down carefully, Nikola keeps me curled close against him while he rubs my sides and nuzzles me where he can. “I can feel you reaching for me,” he whispers, sounding sad, too, “but it’s a blur beyond your side of the bond, pup.”

My chest eases at my special name, slackening like a loosened rope that allows me to nuzzle him back.

“I’m not leaving you,” he promises as his thumb gently traces over my hip. “I’m not letting you go.” My heart surges, “Is that what you’re afraid of?” A small whine slips free, and I hate the sound until Nikola responds with one of his own. “We are bonded, pup. You’re my mate, my linker, andmyHagen.I am not leaving you, pup. I am never letting you go.”

My eyes blur again as I shift, moving until I fit into all the right spaces so that every inch of him touches some part of me. I loop my arms around his neck and hide in his chest as I hug him. Nikola hugs me back, keeping me tight against him so that I can’t breathe without feeling his arms caged around me. A heavy breath slips from me. It feels like home.

“Is that better?” He murmurs as the water laps over our legs. “Is that what you needed, pup?”

It was. I needed him close; I needed him touching me all over, so I wouldn’t feel so alone and empty.

As if hearing my thoughts or ripping them from the trench they’d been lost in, Nikola keeps his arms tight around my waist while his fingers caress me where they can, tracing over my skin as the water climbs up my back.

It tapers off just below my shoulders as I breathe in against Nikola until his scent fills my lungs again. It pushes the cold away as my muscles unwind and the aches in my body seize before they begin to lessen.

“That’s it,” Nikola whispers as he strokes up my torso. His hold loosens slightly, and my heart drops until his thumb rubs against my inner thigh under the water, directly over my scent glands. My body slumps against him and unravels in an instant. “Good boy.” A fresh sob slips free, but Nikola understands it before I do. “You’re a good boy, Hagen. My good boy.”

It makes me cry again, but it’s not like before. It’s not painful and maddeningly random. This feels like arelease.

Rubbing my already flooded scent glands, Nikola covers me with his scent, until my brain feels like mush again, and I feel safe, so safe and not alone.

Nikola doesn’t stop. He keeps whispering the sweet words that slowly push the shadows away from my mind and soul. Each one is like a stream of light that pierces through, pushing it back further, and further, and further, until I canbreathe.

It all still feels so strange, but it’s better.

Nikola holds me close. Even as he cleans me, he keeps one arm around me, and plants his words in my ears so I can’t slip away again. His hands are gentle as he soaps my skin and then wipes me down with a cloth. He doesn’t scrub hard, but carefully, like I’m precious, and that makes my heart flutter in my chest as I cling to him.

He washes between my legs too, and inside my hole, cleaning me out despite my protests. I hate that part, but when I look past my own frustration, I can feel his. He doesn’t want to, he wants to leave it all inside of me, but he has to. I don’t know why he has to, but it makes it easier knowing that he doesn’t do it simply because he wants to.

When he takes us out of the bath, he sets me down on my feet for the first time but fixes an arm around me to keep me standing. I lean into it as he dries me down, carefully and gently patting me with a towel.

I focus on the sensations, how warm and safe it feels in his bubble.

I stare at him throughout it, never wanting to miss a thing, and Nikola focuses on his task— on me. My chest fills and his eyes dart up, sensing it. Lips quirking up, he straightens and pulls me closer. His hand cups my face, and I immediately lean into it.

“Feeling better?” He asks while his thumb passes over my cheekbone. I nod, eyes closing as my body grows heavy with exhaustion. “I think you need proper rest.”

I raise my arms, and Nikola lifts me without question. Gathering me in his arms, he nuzzles me gently, “Such a good boy. You took me so well. You took everything so well.”

Another whimper slips free as he takes me back to bed. It smells like us— like both of us, like our mating— and it makes my soul vibrate ecstatically as Nikola carefully lays us down, keeping me plastered against him. He tilts my chin up, waiting until my eyes find his before he leans in to kiss me.

It’s soft and gentle, and it pushes everything horrible away as I feel his claim hook inside of me, dragging me free of everything else so that all of me is his, as I should be. And it’s exhausting to be free, but it feels so good.

Nikola brushes his thumb over my shoulder, away from my marks, but close enough to make me feel safe. He grazes my lips before he tangles our legs and cuddles me close. He keeps me.

“I love you, Hagen,” he whispers, and it sounds like a song, like a lulling whisper that pulls me away. “You are all I need. You’reeverythingto me.”

My eyes close as he sings to me, but he doesn’t let me go as I drift away. Nikola never lets me go.

—————

Waking up again isstrange, especially when déjà vu slams into me at the sight of Nikola’s chest, only this time it isn’t accompanied by all the odd, sad feelings.

Blinking quickly, I dart my gaze around, noting the sunlight crashing inside our semi-trashed escape that looked like a tornado and a jackhammer had teamed up and passed through it. I shift, but that reawakens my body to the still-flaring aches rattling through me.

“Careful,” Nikola whispers, drawing my gaze up. He’s awake and watching me cautiously. “You’re still sore.”

I stare at him, stunned for a moment as I try to retrace my steps from our mating.

I remembered poking Nikola, trying to coax the beast inside of him out while he’d fingered me— fuck Nik had fingered me. I’d wanted it, but nothing prepared me for just how good it would feel to have something in my ass. Eye-opening, to say the least.

I’d wanted more, naturally, and after I kept poking, then… then I learned exactly why Nikola was always so afraid to lose control.

My skin heats as I remember the way he’d handled me, taken any semblance of self-ownership from me, and then forced me to take him as he… Goddess, have mercy.

Fuck, he’d wrecked me. Wrecked my mind, my spirit, and my hole. I clench, wincing a little at the ache still waiting there.

I had sex, anal sex, and I was the one receiving and it’d been… fucking incredible.

I loved it. I loved being filled, loved being taken— being forced to take it, loved feeling him cum inside of me. Goddess and Nikola’s dirty mouth had been its own aphrodisiac. I could barely take it, with him whispering taunts to me while he fucked me senseless with that perfect cock.

By the plains, it was filthy— we’d been filthy, but I loved that too.

I’d always thought my first mating would my mate would be a sweet thing. I wasn’t a romantic by any means, but I thought, it was one of those occasions everyone sort of had to be.

Even after I’d accepted Nikola as my mate and didn’t know exactly how it would all go down, it would at least be sweet.

It was sweet, for us. As it turned out, Nik and I’s version of sweet wasn’t ‘making love’. We fucked. We fucked desperately, without shame, and a little violently. And apparently, we did not like to stop.

“Fuck,” I whisper as my mind grows dizzy with the memories.

Nikola frowns a little as he eyes me, his face a mask of pure concern as if he wasn’t the one who’d quite literally fucked me into a coma.

I didn’t remember the mating stopping. I try, but I can’t remember the end. I could only recall it getting wilder, with Nikola’s magic pouring out of him with reckless abandon, and then… and then this morning.

This morning! I match Nikola’s frown with one of my own as I try to decipher what had happened there.

“What—” I start only for my voice to break as my throat flares painfully.

“You’re sore,” Nikola repeats, his fingers darting down to my thoroughly abused neck. “Come here.”

Dragging me up the length of his body, Nikola fixes me in his lap and my lovesick body follows with ease. I try to help out, but I’m like a slug— big and useless. It takes effort to keep myself upright, but I manage as Nikola reaches over for an awaiting mug. He brings it to my lips, forcing me to drink.

I glare at him from over the rim but swallow, moaning greedily as the warm water slides down my throat and fills my stomach. I drink it all and then more when Nikola refills it.

“What happened?” I ask the moment I can, but Nik is busy wiping my wet lips for me. “This morning?”

“I don’t know,” he replies, grey eyes lifting after a moment. “You…” He frowns again. “I don’t know. I was hoping you’d tell me.”

Considering I’d been the one who’d turned into a big, slobbering baby the second he’d pulled out of me, that was a reasonable expectation.

Heat races up my neck as my mind forces me to relive it all— clinging to him, crying, and needing coddling until I’d fallen asleep again.

I had sex with my mate and then had a major breakdown.

“Hagen,” Nikola calls, recapturing my attention. “What happened?”

“I…” I didn’t really want to share the thoughts that had been running through my head at the time, but Nikola had no doubt caught pieces of them, and he was scared— I could see it in his eyes, and that was the last thing I wanted. “You… I already felt weird when I woke up, but then, when you pulled out of me, it felt like you were breaking our bond.”

Nikola’s eyes widen with horror, “What?”

“I don’t know why,” I rush out quickly. “I know you weren’t. I know we’re—” I glance down at his neck and my heart surges at the sight of the mark there. Smiling, I whisper, “—mated.”

Our conversation slips from my mind entirely as I look down at my mark. It sat on Nikola’s shoulder, fully healed, larger than most, andperfectlyin place.

My mark.

My chest floods with unearthly warmth as I stare at it with rapt attention. We were mated— I’d gotten him back, earned his love— and the proof was there for all to see.

“Hagen,” Nikola grasps my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I need to know what happened. Before anything else.” His gaze softens, turning imploring, “Please.”

Heart squeezing, I nod in his grasp, “It was like… falling. We were happy and in a great place, and that felt, I guess like a high? I don’t know. I just felt good, and then you pulled out of me, and I felt like I was falling on my own.”

Nikola’s fingers clench around me as if he’s trying to catch me now that he understands. But it had already passed, and he knew that.

Sadness flashes within his solemn gaze as he swallows, “I don’t understand why this happens when we’re intimate.” I frown at him, and he continues, “After our encounter in the library, you reacted similarly, but not so… sad.”

I remembered that. I’d felt amazing, and for one second, I remembered almost feeling terrible, but then Nikola had swooped in and held me close.

“I will look into this,” Nikola promises with sudden determination. “When we return. It will be the first thing I do, and until then, we won’t be intimate.”

Tires screech in my horny mind as I gape at him, “You can’t be serious?”

“Exceedingly so.”

“You can’t do that,” I protest with a hysterical chuckle. “You can’t—”fuck me so good that I fall in love with your dick and then take it away.

I frown, realising then that I’d filled in for one of Zyair’s usually depraved comments because Zyair was—

I poke in my head, tugging on our bond as I search for my wolf, but all I find is a conked-out sloth that’s barely breathing.

Zyair? Are you okay? —I ask, with a poke.

A strange giggle-snort-laugh returns —He fucked me against a tree.

Oh.

“Nik,” I breathe carefully while Zyair fades away with a gleeful giggle. “How long were we… mating? And did we let our wolves out?”

Nikola’s expression twists a little with a funny-looking mix of pride and shame, “Several days.”

“Several days?!” I sputter, and there’s that flash of pride again. “How many, Nik?”

The shame fills in a little now, “Three…I think.”

“You think?” I echo.

“The wolves did take over at the end when we were particularly…overcome, and I can’t recount the time in that period,” he explains as his lips clench into a frown, “Neo is entirely unhelpful in his current state.”

Well, that explained Zyair. At least they had the decency to come back to bed if they were apparently fucking outside against trees.

“Perhaps that also influenced your state afterwards,” Nikola muses thoughtfully. “We are all clearly very ‘eager’ in bed, and it is having an effect on you.”

“Then,we’llbe looking into this,” I retort, correcting his earlier misstep. “Andwe’llbe doing it as soon as possible.”

Nikola blinks at me, confused before I feel a part of his consciousness poking around mine. I shudder at the strange feeling, but it’s gone as quickly as it’d come as Nikola’s lips tilt sadistically.

“You enjoyed our mating that much?”

Why did he even bother asking?

Looping my arms around his neck, I stare him down, “Understatement of the fucking year, Nik.”

Nikola laughs and as he does, his face brightens for the first time since all this mess this morning, and witnessing it is like standing under the sun in the middle of winter. But it doesn’t last very long as his attention drops and immediately claims his light.

With a sobering breath, he blinks sadly, “I thought it was the marks.”

Following his gaze, I look down, but I can barely catch a glimpse of the marks around my neck at this angle. My heart leaps with excitement as I crane back, trying to get a better look.

“I thought you regretted them.”

Nikola’s misery wipes out my excitement as his anguish crests in my heart as if it’s my own. It topples into my chest, creating new wounds to match his.

“No,” I whisper, taking his face in my hands so he’s looking at me. “No, Nik.Never.”

We’d never discussed it beforehand because why would we ever think we’d mark one another more than once when no one else did, but at the moment, I’d wanted it, and I still did now.

“I love them,” I promise as I kiss him gently. “I love them all. They’re your marks. They show how much you love me.”

And that was the truth of it.

They were a lot, but that was Nikola and his love, a lot, which was great cause when it came to him, I was learning to be shamelessly greedy.

Nikola’s eyes search mine, looking for a lie or hidden secret, before he feels my earnestness through our bond and smiles hesitantly, “Do you want to see them?”

“Please.”

Wasting no time, Nikola slides from the bed with me in his arms. I try to walk, but I don’t make it past a step before I almost kiss the floor; he carries me the rest of the way. In the bathroom, Nik sets me down on my feet but keeps a careful arm around my waist as I zone in on the mirror across from us.

My jaw hangs at what stares back. Forget the marks, we looked like we’d been hit by a bus, and I clearly took the brunt of the hit.

Even as my genetics sped along my healing, my body was still black and blue all over, with indents of Nikola’s hands where he’d grabbed me and held me down, and they were everywhere— under my thighs, over my calves, up my arms, and my waist. There were bite marks too, over my nipples and across my waist, around my index finger that I raise to examine with my own eyes. When the fuck had he done that?

My gaze lifts again, and this time, it settles on what it should have in the first place— on what made my heart race. My marks.

There were five. Five marks. Two deeply imprinted ones on either side of my neck that had already healed, one just below the first on the right side of my neck, another a little lower beside that— where most marks were— and one near my left shoulder blade. All five were sealed, they’d all taken.

There was one more. I couldn’t see it, but it felt it pulsing at the back of my neck.

My trembling fingers lift, wanting to touch, but Nikola grabs my wrist before I can. His grey gaze meets mine in the mirror as he frowns at me.

“It’s the most sensitive,” he states and it comes out clipped, like it hurt to say. “It’s still trying to heal.”

My excitement tumbles out of me, “Trying to heal?”

“It is trying to take,” he replies encouragingly. “It’s healing around the edges, but it needs to be kept clear. That is why I cut your hair, but it’ll hurt all over again if you touch it.”

My hair? My gaze drifts, realising that some of it was shorter at the back, just above the mark. Was that what he’d done earlier? That’s why he’d been trying to push me away.

Nikola waits until I nod before he carefully releases my wrist. I let it drop as I try to turn my neck for a glimpse, but I can’t spot more than the edges that a red and puffy. If there’s more, it’s lost to me as my gaze snags on Nikola’s arms, and my lips part in shock at what I find.

I turn, needing to see it for myself.

Nikola was black and blue all over too, because I’d been just as rough in our mating as he’d been. Evidence of where I’d grabbed him and tried to keep him close was everywhere, but there were also marks all over him. They weren’t like his— not bites. I’d bit him just once, but I’d marked him in other ways.

They were thin lines, racing up his arms and over his shoulders. They were so faint that they seemed drawn on, like they could be rubbed off, but when I swipe a finger over one, it stays in place.

“My magic seemed to have responded when I bit you, and you held onto me,” he explains, as he raises his arms, his eyes following mine. “They’re on my back too.” He twists for me to see, and I gasp as I spot the lines running over his shoulders and down his back.

I trace them carefully with my fingers while I try to map them out. They’re intricate, spidering, crisscrossing webs that look a bit like a tattoo when put all together.

Nikola turns back with a smile, “I love them.”

I look up at him, scared to believe that’s the truth. They wereeverywhere, and while we didn’t talk about multiple marks either of us, I loved his on me. I wasn’t sure he’d love mine. They weren’t even bites. They were lines, fucking claw marks and—

“Hagen,” he whispers, taking my face in his hands as he stares down at me with a warm smile. “I. Love. Them.”

My heart jumps, leaping for him as I feel my lips pull into a small smile. Nikola returns it with one bigger that makes me want to squirm out of my skin as I hold onto him.

“Do you…” his smile wavers before his gaze drops. “Are you sure you’re okay with yours?” Nikola’s fears spill through once again, almost choking me before he tries to hide it. “If you don’t want the last—” he swallows, breathing harshly, “I can use my magic and—”

“Don’t you dare,” I bite out, cutting him off before he can say another word.

Nikola’s eyes meet mine, and just like me, he looks scared to hope.

“I love them,” I promise again. “I love themall. I hope it takes.”

If it was not healed already, that was because my body was trying to decide whether or not to allow it or to erase it entirely. It was an omega mark afterall, but the fact that it wasn’t gone already gave me hope.

Nikola’s eyes flash purple, and as they do, the lined marks all over his body illuminate, glowing in thin, breathtaking streaks of purple before they sputter out. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.

“They will,” he whispers, and I know it’s a promise.

Lips spreading in a true smile, I feel his worries slink free so that everything else can take its place, and… Nikola’shappy. Happier than he’s ever been. Fucking ecstatic because we’re finally mated. And I’m okay, and even now, after seeing the marks, I still love them— I still love him.

I hope he feels my emotions just as clearly.

I hope he feels how much I love him, how I regret nothing but wasting so much time when we were meant to be forever, and nothing felt as good as when we were together.

I think he does because his eyes grow wide before I push up to meet his lips. I kiss him slowly, tenderly, and with all the emotions roaming through my chest that he knew exactly how to tend to.

“I don’t think I could love you more,” I whisper against my lips as my nose brushes against his. But I would. Somehow, because we were only at the starting line of us.

Warming, Nikola nuzzles me back as his smile brushes my lips, and he doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t need to. In our bond, I hear his unspoken words.

————

Starting Control month off with a BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts?????

Thoughts on Hagen’s initial reactions, emotions???? Thoughts on Nik’s aftercare??? Thoughts on the conversations after???

I love the two of them being clueless and still figuring it out together because they have established such a good chain of communication and trust!!! It’s so sweet!!!

Nik’s words of affirmation!!!! I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOUR!!

Also, also!Hagen’s marks on Nik!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I also love his reaction to being fucked, so real and so fair. Live, love, laugh, Hagen!

OH AND JUST SO YOU KNOW!

At some point I’ll write an extrain the bookof Neo and Zyair’s first-time!

I am very excited to hear everyone’s thoughts and reactions!!!!!!!!

HAPPY CONTROL MONTH!!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humansssssss