Hagen’s POV

“You’re fucking animals.

“I know.”

“Do you?” Damon challenges as one of his dark blue eyes twitches. “‘Cause I don’t think you do?”

(A/N for Severance watchers— I’m afraid you don’t mean it.)

“It’s been two weeks, man,” I groan while I mentally try to melt into the floor. “I’ve said I’m sorry. We both have, and I came here to say that we’re done with the cleanup.”

I wish it was only an exaggeration to say that Nikola and I had almost destroyed the pack, but it wasn’t. It really fucking wasn’t.

If it weren’t for the witches, who I couldn’t look in the eye anymore, our new home wouldn’t have been the only place needing a serious cleanup. Goddess only knew if there would’ve even been a pack left to clean up.

They— Aunty Kat included— had mostly kept Nikola’s wildly spewing magic contained, but even with their help, fixing everything we’d broken hadn’t been easy. Nik and I had spent the last two weeks trying to put it all back together— the both of us, because Nikola’s magic took forever to replenish itself after both he and Neo had drained its reserves. And so, manual labour it was.

By hand, we had to replant the trees that had been ripped out of their sockets and clear all the debris cast about by the tornado that had allegedly sprouted at some point. The good news was that nobody got hurt— not seriously, at least.

Embarrassed didn’t even begin to cover how I felt, especially not after the very heated and very scary lectures we kept getting from Damon, but the very last thing werewolves were was prudish. Most wolves I saw laughed or smirked when they saw me, but those were the wolves. The witches still looked at Nikola and me like we were aliens.

“Why are you the only one here?” he asks with narrowing eyes. “Where’s Nik?”

“I told him to go home. You’ve yelled at him enough.”

Nikola didn’t care about a whole lot in life, but he definitely cared about Damon and his opinion. And all the scolding and threats left him quieter than usual, which was the equivalent of pouting for Nikola.

“I haven’t yelled enough!” Damon snaps, his anger flaring hot, until Will slides a hand over his shoulder. Instantly, it sputters out without a fight.

“Ease up, Damon,” Will chides as Damon falls back into his chair. “He’s sorry.”

Angel. Will is a fucking angel.

Huffing, Damon slides his arm around Will’s waist to draw his emotional-support-human closer. Beneath Will’s watchful eye, Damon glares at me with that same unforgiving scowl. The urge to snitch was tingling, but I was already low enough on Damon’s shit list.

“Are you really done?” Will checks, sounding hopeful, which just makes me feel like an even more bitter piece of shit.

“Yeah. All done,” I promise. “Everything we fucked up is as good as new. Matter-of-fact, it’s better!”

Will smiles while Damon hums non-committally.

“We really are sorry, Damon,” I mumble as I feel my shoulders drop. Sure, he was my brother but he was also my alpha, and Nikola and I were well aware that in another pack, the punishment would’ve been worse.

Damon eyes me for a long time, keeping me sweating beneath his weighted gaze before finally he sighs and eases his glare.

“Alright,” he grumbles, shaking his head. “Just—”

“Never let it happen again,” I finish while nodding. “It won’t, I promise. We promise!”

Lips quirking up, he sighs, “Then you are officially forgiven.”

“Thank fuck,” I praise as I deflate into the chair. “You won’t hear a peep from us.”

“I better not,” he growls even while leaning into Will’s hand. “I never want to know how crazy you two are again.”

Heat rushes up my neck just as it had for the last two weeks when anyone referenced what the pack was now calling ‘Armageddon’. I would end it all if not for Nik.

“Stop it. He’s already apologised,” Will scolds with a pat on Damon’s head that makes him shrink a little. Grinning at me, Will says, “Hagen, you’re free to go. Tell Nikola we’re not mad anymore, but your punishment still stands.”

Our punishments were fucking sick.

I was banned from the pack’s markets for the next two months, and Nikola wasn’t allowed in the libraries for three. My sentence had only been shorter because Damon feared that without me, some stalls might wither. Either way, they were cruel, and he hadn’t stopped there.

He’d chewed our fucking heads off for ‘jeopardising the lives of the wolves in his pack’ because we ‘were filthy, raging, hormonal psychopaths’. He’d vowed that if there was even a tremor from us, he’d revoke Nikola’s time with his family, which obviously would suck, but had surprisingly made Nikola blanche.

“I will, and thanks,” I reply as I vault to my feet and head for the door. “Thank you! Seriously! Thanks!”

Before Damon can curse me out again, I slip out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind me before I allow myself a breath. The last two weeks had been anything but a breeze, which was not what I expected after my birthday, but this had been our last step in tying this all up and moving on. Our community service was over and now, I could go home in peace.

I barely have the thought lodged in my mind before Nikola’s magic thrums from inside of me to transport me home. I fall into Nikola’s waiting embrace that has the two of us remembering how to breathe normally.

We were getting a little better at being apart, and by a little, I meant we were less likely to skin someone’s face off in the interim. Baby steps.

“How did it go?” Nikola asks as he draws back to look at me.

“Pretty good. All things considered,” I report with a smile. “We are officially forgiven and in the clear, but the punishment still stands.”

“That’s fair,” Nikola says, visibly melting with relief. “I can not recall Damon ever being so upset with me.”

“Me neither, but we did almost destroy his pack so it’s justified.”

My heart drops as I watch Nikola wilt with shame and I quickly bring our hands together as I slide my fingers through his. “Hey. I said we, Nik. We, as in you and me, ‘cause this is on both of us, and Goddess knows I’m always pushing you over the edge.”

Nikola stiffens before he slowly lifts his head and pins me down with a glare. “Yes. Yes, you are.”

“Let’s not point fingers,” I chuckle as I try to backpedal, but he just tugs me back. “The point is, it’s on the both of us and we’ve made amends now.”

“Okay,” Nikola allows as he softens his gaze. “The matter is settled.” I nod and Nikola grants us that fleeting moment before he straightens, his alertness suddenly redirected. “All that is left is our talk.”

I snort. Our ‘talk’ was what Nikola was calling the conversation I’d asked us to have once we’d finished our community service. He had taken it very seriously and had just barely managed to stop himself from combusting with anticipation.

“We decided on midday, today. We only have an hour,” he says as if that’s not plenty of time. “I need to prepare, but you should eat first. You will be hungry in an hour.”

“We’re talking, not attending a seminar, Nikola,” I remind him, but Nik’s already pulling away from me and making a beeline for the stairs.

“We will talk in the study. Do not be late.”

“I won’t,” I drawl while I watch him dart off. “I’ve got a whole hour.”

———————————

“Hagen.”

“It’s not 12!”

“It is not. It’s 12:02,” Nikola snaps back, which is to be expected when you try to lie about the time to someone obsessed with punctuality.

“It’s 11:02 somewhere else,” I stammer out while I retrieve my hot chocolate from the microwave. I hiss. “Hot! Fuck! Hot! Fuck! HOT!”

“We are not ‘somewhere else’!” Nikola scolds with a tone that tells me I’m a second away from bringing out Annoyed Nikola, who’s the very last person I want to deal with right now.

Muttering a curse, I speedwalk through the house while my mug unapologetically attempts to burn off my fingerprints. To add to the fuckfest, Wreck bounds ahead of me, almost tripping me up in the process, but I know his sneaky ass well enough to dance around him without spilling. I skid into the breakfast room just as Nikola is rising to his feet.

He sits back down with a scowl, and I, of course, beam at him.

“Sorry for the holdup. I just needed substance, and I forgot how long a good hot chocolate takes to make.”

“A good hot chocolate,” Nikola echoes while he eyes the mug I set on a coaster with an unimpressed stare. “I heard the microwave.”

I roll my eyes. “A good hot chocolate to me.”

Nikola hums in forced resignation before leaning back into his chair, his posture that of a perfect student— one who’d brought their snake in for show-and-tell. Knots is draped half over Nik’s lap, his head on the floor and his tail on the other end of the table. Nik sits at the head with his hands resting on either side of his makeshift workstation. He’s got a single notebook, one highlighter, and two pens spaced perfectly apart in front of him.

“Someone’s locked and loaded,” I tease while his magic withdraws my seat in a silent demand.

“You set an agenda. It is only right that I am,” he replies without missing a beat. I laugh as I fall into the chair before I smile down at the journal waiting for me.

It was the same book he’d given me months ago after I dropped out of school and he’d been trying to help me get my life on track. Somewhere in-between our many fuck ups, I’d tossed it aside without Nik there, but he’d apparently dug it up from some hidden corner and now, here it sat with an outline of my ‘agenda’ printed on top.

“You didn’t have to do all of this, Nik,” I whisper as I redirect my smile his way.

Nikola only blinks at me. “What else would I have done?”

“I don’t know, babe,” I reply with a wistful sigh that might as well be pumped full of my love. “I don’t know.”

I wasn’t a planner like Nik— as a matter of fact, I was the furthest thing from it. But I’d made an ‘agenda’ for this little session because I knew having it all on paper would limit his stress. The list was pretty simple:

– Careers

– Sex stuff

– You

Nikola had frowned when he initially read it but eventually nodded and left things be when I’d promised that none of it was bad. Now here he was, thoroughly prepped for anything, as always.

Opening his book, Nikola flattens the page atop its bind and clicks his pen before he looks back at me to begin.

“First off, I wanted us to do this ‘cause it feels like this is the first time we’ve been in a spot where we’re good enough to live our lives again?” I wasn’t sure if that was the best wording, but Nikola nods his understanding. “Me and you are solid. I feel safe in our relationship and I want to start working towards getting there with everything else in our lives.”

“This is why you listed ‘careers’ as the first topic,” Nikola acknowledges. “You have been trying to figure out what path is best suited for you for a long time, but our issues convoluted those efforts over the past months.”

“Yeah,” I mumble as I flick through the pages of my journal, seeing all the things we’d planned to do together. We’d barely ticked a quarter off the list, but I remembered being so excited just to try.

“Do you wish to continue along that track?” Nikola asks, gesturing to my journal. “To continue attempting various activities to see what might fit?”

“Not really,” I answer as I turn to a fresh page. “I mean, it’s not like I never want to try Stone Keeping, but I feel like I don’t need to do it like this anymore? Some things in here I said yes to just because I didn’t know where to start. But I can say now that trying out surfboarding isn’t at the top of my priorities because that’s not what I want to do with my life.”

The corner of Nikola’s mouth lifts, stretching his lips into a wry smile as the rest of his expression brightens. It fills with that gentle glow I was learning to recognise as pride. It was becoming an addicting in its own right.

“So,” Nikola prompts while boyish joy rattles through me. “Where would you like to start, pup?”

I bring my cup to my lips for a hearty gulp that does absolutely nothing to help the butterflies in my stomach settle.

“Well, I already know that I like two things— food and people— and from all the things I did try out, I really liked training with your dad that day.”

I sometimes forgot how good that little trial run had gone, given the fact that when Nik and I returned to my apartment, he’d dropped the bomb about the mate awareness. With all the fuckery that followed after that, I’d forgotten about it, but with the smoke clearing these last two months, I’d begun to remember all sorts of little things like that.

“I don’t know if I’m good enough to be a pack warrior, but I’m thinking maybe I can find something that kind of combines that stuff?” I hazard as Wreck bumps against my leg. I scoop him up off the floor and settle him on my lap, forever grateful that he’d gotten over terrorising Knots.

After Nik and I, and Zyair and Neo, had almost fucked up our new house, Nik and I found the two of them cuddled together in a protective little barrier. Knots was used to Nikola enough to not be scared and it seemed like during the chaos, he’d gotten Wreck through it. Now my little terror followed Knots like he was his mother hen. It was cute, and sweet Knots loved every second of it.

“Can I be candid in this conversation, Hagen?” Nikola says, dragging my attention away from the finger I curl under Wreck’s purring head. His grey eyes are entirely serious when our gazes meet. “And not just as your mate or friend but… in a manner of which I would be if we were to add other… practices to our relationship.”

I snort as Nikola finishes jumping around the landmine that was ‘BDSM’. Surprisingly, we hadn’t talked about it much since the whole ‘Sir’ bomb that had granted me the best sex of my life but also almost cost me my life. We didn’t have time for it, not after what Neo and Zyair did.

What we did?! — Zyair exclaims as he rises up from the shadows he’d been hiding in, just waiting for this chance. You and Nikola destroyed our home long before I saw it! Neo and I at least kept our proclivities contained to the house! And ‘cost you your life’? Really?? You’re going to go there when I was the one who couldn’t walk when you fucked off after your NUMEROUS rounds of mania!

I’m the one that woke up with a stomachache ‘cause someone couldn’t be bothered to clean themselves out, which was fucking impossible because I had no control of any limbs! NO FUCKING LIMBS ZYAIR! At least you had the rest of your limbs to use! At least I left that!

Zyair screams at me and I scream right back.

“Hagen,” Nikola whispers, pulling me back to the present.

“Sorry, what?”

“I want to give you my candid opinion on what you should do, but I do not want to overstep. I’m asking if I can first, since we have not yet outlined our plans for that aspect of our relationship.”

Nikola didn’t even question whether or not we were going to start being kinky anymore. He was just waiting for the ‘when’ now, because apparently, even after I’d called him ‘sir’, he was still waiting for my go ahead. The man was an angel. A dark, sexy one, but an angel nonetheless.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I reply with a nervous smile. “You know me better than I know myself. I want to hear it.”

“You should study to be a linguist, Hagen,” Nikola blurts as if he’d been waiting months, maybe years, to say that. “You love languages, but you always forget to list it amongst the things you love, as if you believe it does not count. But it does. You pick them up very quickly, and you enjoy the process and the cultures they expose you to. It would prepare you well to be a warrior, and not just the typical type. There are scouts and envoys— you could be one. A role like that would be perfect for you.”

When he finishes, Nikola inhales deeply, trying to catch his breath while his glowing grey eyes stick to mine. He stares at me, preparing for my response, which he predicts might be a negative one. Meanwhile, I’m trying to let it all sink in.

“A linguist?” I echo as my brows dip. “Like I speak languages for a living?”

Nikola chuckles as he brings a hand to his lips. “No. Linguists aren’t only skilled in speaking foreign languages. Sometimes they study them.”

“Oh,” I reply while I feel my cheeks heat. Nikola slides his hand over to slip his fingers between mine. “So you think I should get really good at speaking languages— or understanding them, and then represent the pack and stuff?”

“The pack to start, and then, perhaps the Council and the Board,” Nikola lists casually while my eyes widen like saucers.

“The Board? As in the Supernatural Board?!” I shake my head quickly with a laugh. “No. I can’t do that. That’s way too… important for me. That’s for people like Jo and you. I’d fuck it up. I wouldn’t even get that far.”

Nikola’s fingers tighten around mine in a grip as unforgiving as his steel gaze. “You can and you would if you wished to. You are very talented and very smart, Hagen, and you are every bit as capable as anyone else seeking such heights.”

I look down, but a sliver of magic slides over my shoulder and under my neck to tilt my head up, forcing me to look back up. I stare at Nik, though it’s hard with the sinking feeling that settles between my heart and my ribs.

“Hagen,” he says very softly, almost too softly. “You always cut yourself down at the starting line. Always. And you compare yourself and your abilities to your sister to frame it in a negative light.”

“No, I don’t,” I mumble as my chest tightens and my lip wobbles. I bite into it, but Nikola doesn’t say anything. He just keeps looking at me.

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard those words. My old man had said the same thing to me when I was pretty young, and he’d worked really hard to get me out of that mindset. It had helped a lot, and for a long time, I’d stopped comparing myself to Josey. But then I moved out, kept failing to find my way in life, and well… old habits died hard.

“It is something we have to work on. Something I plan to work on,” Nikola states with the type of conviction he always held, the one that said this wasn’t up for discussion. “For right now, I need you to hear what I’m saying, Hagen. I asked to speak candidly, and I am. I would not tell you you could reach such heights unless I believed it to be true, and I do. These are not goals I am saying you should have to chase, but ones I need you to believe that you could if you wanted to.”

I try to look away again, but Nikola’s magic keeps my head firmly in place, forcing me to face the hard truths that feel so grand that they threaten to crush me beneath their weight. Only they can’t because Nikola’s here, too.

I nod stiffly, unable to get the words out, but it’s enough. Nikola eases his magic, settling it around my neck instead as he rubs his thumb over my knuckles.

“You should be a pack representative, Hagen,” Nikola whispers, not because he dares not say it aloud, but because he somehow knows the impact it has on me. “You can do it. I know you can.”

Somehow, that makes me believe it. The fact that Nikola thinks it’s not so far-fetched that this can be perfect for me. That he believes in me so strongly when I’m still scared to believe in myself.

“I know that it’s a big step forward and that it might feel too much at this current time, so I think it would be best to get you enrolled in classes again.” This makes me pause as I blink at him. How the hell did this get to classes? “Linguistic classes,” he says with a chuckle, hearing my thoughts loud and clear. “You should start a part-time course, something manageable to make the transition easier as you map out what your next steps might be.”

Nikola releases my hand to flip through his book. He finds a page with ease and turns it towards me. “I’ve already looked into a number that I think would suit you. Especially if you decided to start training with the warriors.”

“You… did?” I whisper as I tug the book closer. There were several courses and universities written out, some of which were entirely online, others in person, some hybrid, and even ones in my old university. “You did all of this last night?”

Nikola laughs, a big heavy thing that’s full of amusement and entirely rare for him. I savour every second of it. “I gathered this months ago, from the day you filed your leave. I knew even then that this would be perfect for you, but I was concerned that sharing it would be overstepping when we were so fragile.”

“And you were scared it’d be overstepping now when we aren’t?”

Nikola narrows his gaze for a moment, contemplating something before he sighs and just spits it out. “I was going to wait until we were in the ‘sex stuff’ portion of this talk to mention terms like ‘dominant’ and ‘sub’. But if I were to put it plainly, Hagen, if I were your dominant, I would make you take these classes depending on the terms we agreed on.”

My jaw hangs open as I stare at Nikola.

I was very much used to the bluntest version of my mate, but what I wasn’t so used to was him saying things so frankly about what he wanted to make me do.

“You need structure, Hagen, and this would provide a portion of that in a manner you would adore,” he continues plainly. “If you gave me such power over your life, you would not resent me for going to these classes because you would love every moment of them. You’d also love having the decision made for you.”

My face suddenly becomes stiflingly warm as my insides squirm anxiously. In my head— fuck, in my soul, I want that. I wish I could have that sort of confidence for myself, but I didn’t, and that was fine because Nik had it and he knew me deeply enough to use it properly.

I clear my throat as I bury my fingers into Wreck’s fur. “Um… what else would you decide for me?”

Nikola watches me quietly. He studies me until I squirm before saying, “We should save such things for the next portion of this talk.”

I have to bite my lip to stifle a groan, and this time, Nikola does glare at me, which does not help my case. I free it nevertheless and instead try to get back on track.

The prospect of being a member of the Council or the Board in any respect still seemed far-fetched to me, even with Nikola’s certainty, but the rest of it… I could just about wrap my head around it. Nik was right in saying that I never mentioned languages as something I adored ‘cause that just seemed so impractical in the grand scheme of things, but it wasn’t.

His own father spoke a bigillion languages as a pack warrior, and I had liked what I’d learned in our training session. Maybe being a pack warrior wasn’t such a crazy idea, especially if I was one that got to travel to a bunch of places, meet new people and yeah, maybe languages could open that door for me.

“It sounds good,” I mumble after a little while. “I’ll have to look into it more— what you researched and stuff, but… it sounds nice.”

Nikola grins at me, snatching my hand up so that he can kiss my knuckles, and I’m back to blushing like a virgin.

Darting his eyes up, he steals my next breath as he asks, “What’s next on the agenda?”

You. If I had even a modicum less of self-control.

“When I said careers, I meant for the both of us,” I clarify as Nik settles our hands back down with a grip too tight for me to pull away again. Goddess, now my ears were hot too. “I-I want us both to find something we enjoy, but I don’t want to do anything that’s going to keep me away from you.”

The sliver of magic around my neck warms like the essence of our bond that leads to my heart. Nikola’s gaze softens into a loving thing as he smiles at me.

“I appreciate that, Hagen,” he says softly. “I have known for a long time that if I had to work, I would only entertain three roles. One of those is a pack warrior. If it is the path you choose, we can work together, but I would take a more removed role. ‘Part-time.’ Damon would adhere to this.”

I snort into a laugh at that because, of course Nikola wasn’t going to do anything full-time. That would take up way too much of the time he spent in space or with his nose in a book.

“You’ve got it all figured out then,” I joke, but it’s also the truth. I’d been prepared to start all over again, but Nikola spoke like he had written out each of our steps with precise directions. Knowing Nik, he probably did.

“Yes, I do, but this is only a suggestion. You are and always will be free to find the path to what will make you happy on your own.” Nikola says this kindly, supportively, but all it does is trigger a dormant fear in my chest, because I had tried to walk the path alone. The last five years of my life had been me trying to piece it all together and failing at every turn.

I didn’t know what to do with my life, and when I tried to figure it out, I struggled to hold myself accountable in almost every instance. Even now, I… I knew it’d all be the same without Nik’s help. He just got it— the world and me, and where I was meant to fit in it, and now, I trusted him enough to let him put me where I needed to be.

“Okay, I’ll think it over,” I say even though I already know that I’m going to follow his lead. How could I not when I already wanted to follow him everywhere? “

“If that concludes ‘careers’. Next up is ‘sex stuff’,” Nikola recites, tugging his book away and flipping back to a clean page. I bite back my smile.

“Well, first off, we’ve got to get a handle on this.”

Usually, talking about what Nik and I were in bed embarrassed me so much, I tried not to acknowledge it, but it was hard to still feel embarrassed after the last two weeks.

“If you are referring to the side effects of my magic when I lose control with you, I took Damon’s threats seriously,” Nikola replies with a stern front meant just for him. He still had not forgiven himself or Neo for losing control like that, and I doubted he would anytime soon. “I am developing ways to tame my magic when I am with you.”

“It’s not all on you or your magic. Except for that one time, we lose it almost every time we have sex. We lose days— literal days, Nik! People aren’t supposed to do that.”

Nikola’s frown deepens as he puts his pen to the paper. “No. I suppose they are not.”

I lean over to follow the scratch of his pen and find myself smiling as I read, ‘Losing multiple days to sexual intercourse is not common amongst our species and thus, unacceptable to Hagen’. This cute nerd.

“The overall point I’m trying to make is that we can’t keep doing this. So, I’m thinking that when we’re in bed or even getting a little frisky, we rein in how much we scent one another.”

“What?” Nikola whispers as if I’d just told him I was part Martian.

“I’m not saying we never scent each other. I’m saying maybe we watch how much we do— like, how far we take it.”

“Because when we are unrestrained while scenting it often leads to more?” Nikola hazards and I nod quickly. “This is not a matter I consider to be problematic.”

“Of course you don’t,” I reply with a chuckle. I knew damn well how much Nikola loved scenting me when he was already inside of me, but that kind of thing turned my brain to mush, and that state always had me acting a little more…

Whorish — Zyair supplies, at the ready.

I don’t think you’re in any position to call anyone a whore, Zyair. Not after what I woke up to.

Ha! — Zyair exclaims with a laugh that’s anything but humoured. You didn’t like it? Well, tough sticks, bitch. I didn’t like waking up to my body melted on the floor, but you’re a whore and so am I! We’re riding the same boat, Hagen!

Ignoring him, I focus on Nik and what we’re actually talking about— shit that actually matters. Zyair gasps, but I shove him back before he can start another rant.

“Look, Nik. We just need to put a lid on it in bed. Like stop right before we reach the point of no return.”

Nikola’s scowl doesn’t fade, but he still jots down, ‘Limit scenting in bed,’.

“Scenting is not all that leads us to such enjoyable lengths,” he says once he’s done. “What are we to do about the way you challenge me?”

I feel my heart drop and then leap back up. “That, I’m obviously not stopping, but if it’s not too much on your magic, we can bounce over to our secret place when things are getting crazy.”

Nikola ponders this for a long time before nodding. “I am constructing a spell to syphon my magic into a suitable avenue when it is out of my control, but this will work as a plausible alternative in the interim.”

“Great!” I cheer with an eager grin. “I do want us to keep—” I falter. Okay, maybe I hadn’t completely lost the ability to be embarrassed. “You know… having fun and stuff. I just don’t want to lose days over it and let every know when I’m getting railed to heaven.”

Nikola huffs a laugh as he nods once more. “I understand, Hagen, and I agree.”

“Good.”

“What is next on the agenda?” He asks curiously.

I pluck Wreck up to set him down in the chair next to me. No telling how the next part would make me react and I wasn’t up for scaring him.

“I think the next part is yours to lead,” I mumble as I fidget with the raised ceramic design of my mug. “It’s time we talk about all the kinky shit.”

Where Nikola had been a more tense, watchful version of himself since we’d started talking, he transforms back into his regular self as his usual confidence slots into its rightful place.

His lips stretch into a humoured smile as he closes his notebook with a thud. My pulse spikes as I watch him trace his fingers atop it.

“Are you saying that you’re ready to discuss the full scope of this, Hagen?” He asks, voice surprisingly calm. “That you are willing to begin exploring this side of our relationship?”

“Taunting me?” I challenge with a raised brow. “When did you learn to do that?”

“It came with the latest update,” Nikola retorts steadily, making me burst out laughing. He grins at me, clearly proud of himself for that one. “But I was not taunting you. I was being serious.”

“You want me to say it verbatim?” I retort with what is meant to be received as sarcasm. Only this is Nikola and he instead hears it as an honest offer.

“Yes.”

“Really, Nik?” I whine as I thumb the pages of my journal.

“Yes, ‘really’,” he replies while his grey eyes remain fixed on me with a predator’s leer. It was like he was holding himself back by his own leash. I realise belatedly that he is.

In my head, the minute I’d called him sir, I’d given him the ‘yes’ that I was willing to explore this, but that wasn’t enough for Nikola. He needed to hear me say it.

“I’m ready,” I breathe as I shift in my seat. “I’m ready to talk about how this… BDSM thing will work between us, and in our relationship.”

I wait for Nikola’s magic to surge or for him to lunge at me, but nothing like that happens. Nikola only inhales deeply before he nods and falls back into his chair with deceptive calm. For some reason, that’s more terrifying than if he’d dragged me in by the throat.

“Firstly, this is not something that will be decided within a day. We will have to conduct numerous discussions before actually applying it within our lives, but I can tell you right now what I would like from this.” When I realise that he’s waiting for me, I force myself to nod. “I would like a lifestyle dom-sub relationship that coincides with our relationship as it currently is. That means I want a certain level of control over your life as I have over your body.”

Well, fuck. I had seen this coming. I mean, I read his little black book and he’d all but written this down, but it was easier reading it than hearing it.

“Okay,” I force myself to reply after swallowing. “How much control?”

“Nothing like I sought as a child,” he clarifies quickly. “I understand now that your life is your own, and while I want you in every way, I never want to take away your choices.”

I nod quickly and smile to ease his worries. Even without him saying that, I knew that was the case, but it was still sweet that he’d vocalised it.

“I would primarily want control over your daily routine. Structuring it, endorsing it, and removing anything from its path that might interfere with it. I would do so strictly within the confines of what you allow me dominion over. We will have to establish rules to construct these confines.”

“Rules like before?” I ask with a small frown. We’d tried the rule thing before, and it had never really lasted.

“Not quite,” Nikola denies readily. “The majority of those rules were not helpful to our relationship or personal development. These would be. For example, I would like to maintain the rule that you should not drink excessively, but I would also like to add a new one that would require you to get my approval before confirming any plans made with others.”

I feel my frown deepen. “Why?”

“Because as your dominant, I would dictate whether it is appropriate or beneficial. I would not deny you your friends or for personal reasons. I would only deny you if it might hinder your overall progress. For example, if you wanted to spend a night out with friends, and it was the night before an important event or exam, I would deny you. Either that or enforce a curfew. I believe this would be the biggest adjustment to our relationship— applying rules to daily life. In bed, our roles are unusually adept to those in a BDSM relationship.”

Nikola spoke without pause or hesitation. He never faltered, never doubted himself, because he knew exactly what he wanted, and he wasn’t afraid to say it. It’s not until he pauses that I realise that I’m staring vacantly at him.

“I don’t like the word curfew,” I blurt. That, out of everything, stood out to me.

“Because of its connotations?” Nikola asks with a tilt of his head. “You do not like what it implies?”

“I guess. I’m 25. I don’t need a curfew.”

“It would only be a time we would both be required to be home,” he replies almost innocently. “It could be adjustable depending on the occasion. But even so, we can call it something else. These are details we would need to iron out, but it was only an example of something I would implement to maintain a healthy routine in your life and mine.”

“How would that help you?” I ask, not to be a dick, but because right now this all seemed like ways to help me, not him.

“We are mates, Hagen. Seeing you happy and successful would only make me happy. This would make you happy, and by extension, me as well— more than you could ever know.”

“I thought this was going to be kinky,” I deadpan as I stretch my hand out to pet Wreck. “I thought I’d be fighting a boner.”

“It’s not all about sex,” Nikola deadpans.

“No. Yeah. I thought that. I just… I don’t know. I get what you want and I like it— the lifestyle stuff, ‘cause I mean, we already do a lot of it, and it does help. It just feels different hearing it all laid out, I guess.”

Nikola contemplates that, remaining silent while Knots peeks up and plops his head on the other side of the table. I grin at him and he lets his forked tongue slither out.

“Let us try this another way,” Nikola says suddenly, encouraging my gaze to find his again. “I want to be your dominant, Hagen and I want that to mean a certain number of things. I would like to help you obtain your goals, both big and small, and I am happy to do that in ways you will like and ways you won’t. I want to be there when you are happy and help you when you’re lost. I want to reward you when you’re good and punish you when you’re bad so that you can keep being good.

“I would like these things because I love you most when you are happy, but also because there is and will always be a part of me that longs to own you. Having such control would calm that part of myself, but in a way that ensures I will never hurt you, because that is the very last thing I want. I never want to hurt you again, Hagen.”

Was it possible to fall in love with the same person more than once? It had to be, because right now, I feel myself falling for Nikola for the hundredth time in my life.

I fall in love with the man who sits before me, the one who wears his heart unapologetically on his sleeve. I fall in love with this grown version of the kid who used to sit on his porch steps waiting for me. This complete version of him who understands his love in all its many forms and wants to mould it to suit me.

I fall in love with Nikola Amorenia all over again.

“Okay,” I whisper as a smile pulls my lips back once more. “I-I like the sound of that, Nik.”

“You do?” Nikola asks, his words breathless as his eyes shift between mine.

“Yeah,” I admit with a chuckle. “We have to piece it all together and figure out how it’ll work for us, but yeah. It sounds good to me.”

Nikola fucking beams at me and Goddess help me, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful.

“We will take our time to work the rest of it out,” Nikola vows like he’s a knight and I’m his ruler. “But this… this is a wonderful starting point, pup.”

“I agree… Sir,” I reply, trying the word out here because if we were going to do this lifestyle thing, then it wasn’t only going to stay in the bedroom, right?

I squirm in my seat as Nikola’s gaze bores into me, but it takes me forever to actually meet it, and when I do, Nik really looks like he’s about to lunge across the table this time.

“Please do not call me that until I have finished my spell,” Nikola requests, his voice strained with effort. I probably shouldn’t feel as giddy as I do watching him struggle. Nikola’s gaze hardens, “I am serious, Hagen.”

“Okay, I won’t,” I promise reluctantly, though I guess it’s for the best ‘cause saying it there just now had felt more intense than when we’d been in bed. Back then, I could tell myself it was to make Nikola lose it, but like this, at our table, it felt a whole lot more real.

“I would like to talk more about this, but there is the last remaining topic of ‘you’ as in ‘me’, and I am afraid I am out of patience,” Nikola reports dutifully. “What is this subject?”

I laugh again. Goddess, I’d been laughing non-stop with Nikola for months now, ever since we mated. Even while we’d suffered the embarrassment of pack cleanup, I’d laughed in the moments in between as I’d watched and listened to Nikola come to terms with how strenuous every activity was without his magic.

I’d laughed nonstop when he dragged his feet into our home at the end of the day, only to throw a fit at finding it still in the haphazard broken form he couldn’t fix until he was strong enough. And I’d laughed every morning when he woke up and groaned, knowing we had to do it all over again.

Nikola had brought so much joy and laughter into my life that it felt almost unfair to enjoy it on my own. But I was a greedy fucker, so I do.

Standing up, I circle the edge of the table and pull Nikola’s chair back with a look that prompts him to slide Knots to the floor and out of the way so that I can fill the space instead. I settle in his lap with my legs hanging over the edge of the chair, and my arms wrapped around his neck while Nikola helps me into place.

I twirl his hair around my fingers while I look at him, greedy as ever to know every inch of him.

“The subject of ‘you’ is my request that you start living your life not only for me, but for yourself as well,” I whisper in this bubble that’s ours alone. “I want you to start putting you first.”

Nikola’s eyes widen quickly as he stares at me, his lips sputtering as he tries to say, “I do not know what you mean.”

“I mean exactly what I said, Nik. Put you first,” I slide a hand over his chest. “Start thinking about things that you want, not only me.”

Nikola frowns and he looks so lost it hurts.

“When we had that fight that almost tore us apart forever, you said that you’d never had a life before me,” I remind him gently. “You said that it was me, always me, and it was all you had ever known.”

“I was angry and hurt,” Nikola dismisses quickly, ready to swat it away as he did with so many things that put his pain at the forefront.

“And it was still the truth. I’ve always been it for you, even before we knew what we were— before you understood it. You’ve always wanted me to make me happy. You put me before yourself, before anything.”

“You are my everything,” Nikola replies as if that’s answer enough.

“And you are mine,” I reply while I rub my hand over his racing chest. “But… we could still mean everything to each other and have wants outside of each other. We can still crave things that won’t make the other happy. I do because I learned to want and live before I fell in love with you, but you never had that chance.”

Nikola’s lips part, but he remains silent this time.

“I want you, Nikola, to start living a life outside of me. You said earlier that one of the careers you were open to was a pack warrior, and you’d do that if I chose that path, but what if you didn’t? What if you picked one of the two even if it didn’t coincide with what I wanted?” I prompt with a small smile. “What if you just started trying shit for the hell of it?”

This makes Nikola’s expression twist into alarm, and again I laugh.

“Okay, you don’t have to do that part, but my point is, as we start piecing together what our lives are going to look like, I want you to start adding pieces in there that are solely for you. If you think those pieces might be unpredictable and that they won’t fit in this perfect thing we’ve made, I promise you they will. I’ll force them in there if I have to.”

Nikola blinks at me, and I frown.

“Did I lose you there?”

“No, I am following with this puzzle analogy,” he replies quickly, his lips quirking. “You want me to be selfish.”

“I want you to be selfish with yourself,” I correct. “I want you to find things you love, and do them. I want you to have a life, Nikola. A life that’s all yours.”

Nikola nods, his expression softening as he slides his hand over mine, locking them together over his heart. “Even if this was to be at your expense?”

“Even if it is,” I vow.

“What if this path led to my love for you lessoning?” Nikola challenges.

I scoff, “Like it ever could.”

His heart hammers beneath our fingers as he pulls me closer. “You speak as if you know all the possibilities.”

“I don’t, but I know one certain fact, Nikola,” I rasp as I draw us so close, we’re breathing the same air. “The way you love me will never change. I fucking wreck you, and don’t try to deny it because that’s fact and I’ve never known you to run from facts.”

Nikola’s eyes darken, deepening into a muted purple before gold flecks rise, swirling in his gaze. It’s a piece of me in him. A real tangible piece that I get to see for the rest of my life.

“You’re wrong,” he whispers while he breathes me in. “I’m finding my love for you growing even more in this moment, and that’s a change.”

I bite back a smirk, “You’re such a little smartass.”

“The update,” he sings, and fucking hell, I love this man.

“Outside of that love, I want you to find yourself, Nik,” I whisper as my soul meets his through our bond and refuses to let go. “There will always be me in your life, Nikola… but it shouldn’t only be me.”

I twisted myself around there, but somehow, Nikola gets it all the same.

I see it in the way he relaxes beneath me, thawing like he did whenever I crawled into his arms at night. I see it in the way his lips tug into that smile that made his cheeks hurt. I see it in the way his eyes fill, as they did whenever I proved to him that this love I had for him went far beyond what our Goddess intended for us— that it was true, and unbreakable. And I feel it in our kiss when he leans in and kisses me. I feel it.

“Thank you, Hagen.”

“Always. Always for you.”

---

MY SHAYLAAASSSSSSSS!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I can feel the book getting closer and closer to the end, and it’s starting to hurt. 

Thoughts?????????

Thoughts on the DamonxWill scene at the start???? Thoughts on domestic Hagen and Nikola??!? Thoughts on their BDSM talk????

I initially thought in this conversation, they’d lay the groundwork down with the rules and all that, but I started writing and was quickly reminded of how deeply people need to prepare when participating in BDSM. It’s not just a quick, ‘I like this’ okay, cool. It can’t be if everyone wants to be safe and satisfied and happy.

I love that Nikola is the type of character that is ticking every box with this. It’s his personality and that works well here cause he’s not going to let them do a thing until they are both prepared in every possible way.

So, while we didn’t get the rules and stuff, we got the groundwork anyway cause we got a peep into what their dynamic is going to be. Also, I never expected us to fully explore their BDSM relationship in this book, so it’s nice to at least see the start.

Now, for my actual favourite part of the chapter! Hagen telling Nik he wants him to start living for himself!??!!? Are you fucking kidding me?!?!? That was sooooo sweet.

We know Nik will always be obsessed with Hagen, but I love Hagen actually acknowledging what Nik said in their fight and aiming to fix it. I love how caring he is and how he’s giving that love to Nik now!

I’m aiming to have the next update up by the 27th! In the meantime, I’ll be working on the AM Rewrite and this month’s extras. I’m halfway through the ‘Damon meets Kai’ extra and 2 chapters away from the Chapter 57 rewrite! 

Link in my bio for those interested!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humansssssssss