a/n – my editor is sick, so please blame any and all mistakes on me. 

ENJOYYYYYYY

——————-

Peter’s P.O.V

I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.

It’s nothing to be afraid of, not really. I have a plan. I’ve gone over it at least a hundred times this morning, and I have everything I’ll need laid out and ready. I can do this.

Yes, we can! — Joseph agrees, even while our bond trembles under the weight of his fright and mine, but I don’t let myself focus on it, and neither does he.

One way or another, we were doing this today.

Joseph whines softly but doesn’t let himself hide away because he knows I can’t do this alone. Even if I found the will to, there’s no way I can manage a shift without him.

And you won’t have to — he declares bravely. We’re going out there as our wolf. T-Today.

This time, I’m the one who whines.

It’s just first-time nerves. They’ll go away once, and I do it, and whether or not I’m ready, it’s time. With a great, deep breath, I shake out my fingers and open my door.

Movement floods my ears as the others shuffle about, getting ready to leave. As always, it’s accompanied by laughter and buzzing conversation as they prep to go out for the day. It’s not a typical field day since they won’t be collecting any data. For once, there’s no work. They’re just heading out to catch some amazing sights while they can.

We still had just under two months out here, but no one passed up a free expo trip when it presented itself. No one but Owain, and today… me.

“Oh, hey,” John says, spotting me in the doorway from where he’s knelt on the ground with his boots half laced up. “What are you doing lurking over there?”

“I-I-I—” I sputter, shaking my head quickly. I wasn’t lurking. I try to say that, but then he grins, and my panic stops so that I can frown. He’s been teasing me more these days, and somehow, I keep falling for it.

“Peter!” Sandra beams at me as she zips up her outer coat. “Has my favourite marine biologist changed his mind about staying in?”

My heart fills even though I know I’m her only marine biologist. Sandra had a way of making everyone feel loved and cherished, and for someone like me, it always helped me keep my head above ground.

“N-No,” I whisper sadly as I shake my head. “Sl-Sleep today, wa-work tonight.”

“Boo!” Jenny groans loosely. “You’re subjecting me to a day that’s literally destined to be mediocre because you’re not there.”

My hair falls to hide me while I bury my smile in my sweater. The others chirp disapprovingly, but Jenny doesn’t take her words back as she defiantly shrugs on her backpack.

“I—” I barely utter the letter before everyone quiets. They all still and peer at me, patiently waiting for me to speak. I duck deeper into my sweater, hoping to hide the way my face flames. “I-I just wanted t-t-to say, h-have fun a-a-and take p-p-pictures.”

“We will,” Baz says when he’s sure I’m done, and when I peek up, he’s wearing a massive smile that instantly relaxes me. “I’ll make sure to Photoshop you into them after.”

I sputter a laugh, and Baz’s grin grows wider as he cheers with triumph.

They fall back into their usual squabbling as they finish zipping up, and I watch from my corner, trying my best not to look nervous even while I tug at my sweater’s sleeves. Eventually, they’re all set and waddle out of the base with waved goodbyes, heading for the van already waiting outside.

I wave them off, keeping to my spot, huddled against the cold that rushes in before Sandra sends me one last wave and shuts the door behind her. My clock starts, and I run.

Heart pounding, I rush back the way I came, but pass my room and all the rest to reach the labs instead. I open the door as quietly as I can and peer inside, immediately finding Owain where he always is, hunched over a microscope at the desk he refused to share with anyone else.

“E-Everyone is g-gone,” I say as casually as I can. I try leaning against the doorframe only to straighten immediately. “I-I’m g-going to s-sleep.”

“Uh-huh,” he hums, eyes still on the petri dish he’s studying.

“I-If you come a-a-and I do-don’t answer, d-don’t worry. I-I’m just r-really deep in sleep.”

“Uh-huh,” he says again, not moving, and I shift on my toes while I glance between him and the hallway.

Was that enough to convince him not to try to see me? Owain hadn’t gone past a closed door once before, but like my t-shirt said, there was a first time for everything, and if he made a breakthrough maybe he would come crashing into my room to share the news.

Only instead of me, he’d find an empty bed and an empty room.

I gnaw on my lip. “I-I c-can be a r-really deep sleeper.”

“Yeah…alright,” he replies, fingers lifting to adjust the scope. “You… do that. You…do that… sleep thing.”

I stare at him, trying to decipher what he means, until I realise that not only did Owain not care, and was very, very unlikely to disturb me, but that there was a very big chance that he didn’t really hear anything I just said.

“Oh-Okay. I-I’m off.” I say, and he tosses another ‘uh-huh’ my way before the door closes behind me.

Dashing off again, I head for my room as fast as I can, stopping only to grab the backpack already waiting inside along with my special boots. I’m standing at the main door a second later, the only thing left between me and being brave.

My heart hammers in my chest, beating wildly like it might just give out here and now, just so I don’t have to go, because there is a part of me that really doesn’t want to. A part of me that thinks only of how badly this can all go, and it’s pretty convincing.

We can do this, Peter — Joseph encourages, pushing past his own fears to make sure I hear him. Remember what Dad said. This is just one of those first hard times, and we just have to throw ourselves out there and do it.

I nod, forcing myself to replay those words along with the rest that Papa, Hagen, Damon, Will and even Nikola had shared.

They believed in me, more than I did myself, and maybe that could be enough.

I hug my bag to my chest, and tighten my grip of my boots, and maybe it’s that or Goddess trying to give me a push of my own, but a whiff of home travels up, wrapping around me in a phantom version of their warmth, and it’s enough.

I can do this.

I open the door and shut it behind me before Owain has a chance to feel the cold.

It slams into me instead. An invisible surge of icy wind that breaks past my clothes and skin to find my soul, so that it can freeze me out from the inside. My feet freeze instantly. With only socks on, the cold invades them first, tilting to one extreme so quickly that they might as well be on fire.

I almost turn, but my steps take me forward instead. I dart down the steps, and rush around the corner so that I’m out of sight and facing the empty plains instead. Cold, cold, cold, pounds in my head, an alarm so loud it causes my chattering teeth to grit, but I ignore them as I take a breath and strip.

Icy pins and needles stab into my skin all at once.

Biting into my lip to quiet any sounds, I force my trembling fingers to keep moving as I shed my clothes until I’m naked and with no barriers to strain my shift. The second I am, I reach for Joseph.

He’s already there, eager now, if only to help me escape the pain. We touch through the link, a moment of rightness, and my shift bursts out of me faster than ever before.

Shifting had always taken its toll on me. It never flowed as easily as it did for everyone else, not even other omegas. I had to take the time to make sure that my breaking bones didn’t stay broken after my shift, because that had happened after my second shift, and that had been one of the worst experiences of my life.

The healers in my pack said it was an effect of my premature and traumatic birth— another effect, since there were so many. And while it was annoying and took me several months to dare to try again, I had learned to live around it, like all the rest of my defects.

A slow shift was just another thing about me being me, and I loved myself not to resent that, but… maybe they’d been wrong. Maybe we’d all been wrong because for the first time in my life, the moment I call on my shift, I shift, and land on all fours a second later.

I blink my eyes open as my mind slots itself back into place, adjusting after so long spent unshifted. The cold is no longer so brutal, Nikola’s magic already roaring to life to protect me, but I hardly recognise that at all as I stare at my black paws.

They’re steady, sunk into the low snow and holding the rest of me upright. I used to hate the sight of them, but now, amongst the snow, they’re wonderfully familiar.

Joseph unfurls quickly, releasing himself from his tight cocoon faster than usual as he settles in too, feeling… Strong — he says, almost tentatively. I feel strong.

So do I.

I want to examine it, but I’ve already stood here long enough, and I don’t have time to waste.

Herding my clothes into a pile, I snag them up between my teeth and shove them into the open hole of my bag. I wiggle my paws into boots next, getting them in within my practised thirty seconds before I grab my bag up again and bolt.

I just need to get far enough away to hide my bag somewhere without having to think about someone spotting it or me while I’m covered in fur, and that’s all I mean to do, but the second I start running, it’s like something inside of me frees itself.

It’s been a long time, so maybe it’s because of that. Or, it’s all the adrenaline pumping through me from sneaking out, instincts triggered in a new space, or all the open, untouched land stretched out before me. I don’t know which it is and I don’t care.

All I know is the second I start running, I can’t stop.

Tossing my bag aside, I race into the open snow ahead like an arrow from a bow. Shudders rake through me, but never slow me as my legs stomp beneath me, strong, not weak. Not even a little.

Giddy delight explodes inside of me, refusing to be tamed. I run fast— faster than I think I ever have before, and despite how the snow thickens the farther I get from camp, it barely slows me down.

I bound across the white lands, spurred on by Joseph as he and I switch out from one another without thought or fear. We’re both eager to be at the forefront which… we never are.

Joseph and I liked being safe, and since the day I got him, shifting never promised that.

Shifting was painful, and then it was shameful when we realised that we didn’t look right. Most werewolves had brown fur, and omegas something slightly golden that made them look pretty. I was closer to grey, a mix of my parents’ fur, with completely paws, that matched my black snout and the tips of both my ears.

I used to think it looked weird, the little splashes of black within my fur, but Papa said those were all the pieces of him which were hidden deep inside of me, and so those had become my favourite parts of my wolf, but even then, it wasn’t easy.

I had come to love how I looked as a wolf, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t always slightly afraid of what another wolf would think or do, seeing how I differed. Slowly, that turned into me searching for the scents I knew when I ran. I started chasing the safety of others because I always felt a little unsafe like this, but there’s nothing safe about being out here, and yet I don’t want to leave.

I only want more.

The wind batters into me, but I run against it and keep going until it glides through my fur instead of trying to drag it back. Shivers slither down my spine, making me alert, spurring me to go faster, to run harder. So I do.

I run like I never have before, and as I do, I look around for the first time in this form.

Antarctica never stopped being beautiful. No matter how many times I stepped outside of the base, or how many times I stared outside the window of the terrabus, everything I saw took my breath away.

It was, without a doubt, the most beautiful place I’d ever been— would ever see, and somehow, it’s even more beautiful now, like this.

Out here, without all the layers and gear separating us, I can feel the breeze, taste the salt in the air. It’s fresh and untouched and there’s nothing to stop me from enjoying every inch of it.

Miles and miles of open ice and snow stretch out all around me, disturbed only by the distant mountains that’ve breached the surface, the only thing here to dominate the landscape besides the sun.

I huff, running like I mean to touch it myself, but I still have enough sense not to let my excitement get the best of me. I was running further inland, away from the coastal bases and human activity in general, but I still needed to stay close enough that I could make it back before everyone else did.

They’d be out for at least four hours, and five minutes ago, that had seemed like more than enough time to get to know Antarctica. Now, it doesn’t feel like enough.

My throat strains, and if I could laugh, I would, but for now I settle on a howl I would never dare free on my own for fear of what other wolves it would attract or challenge.

But there’s no other wolf out here but me, and for once, that doesn’t scare me.

I’m completely on my own, and it’s everything.

──────────✧──────────

The original plan was to run whenever there was a convenient and air-tight opportunity to do it.

No more than once every two weeks until my stint was up. But the original plan sort of crawled out of the window after I discovered how much I loved being out there. I could barely stop myself from shifting whenever we touched the ice now, which was a real problem, so the new plan became to go at least once a week.

The new plan was working just fine until I came back after my second run and had to dive into the snow with only socks on and nothing else to hide from some passing Drivers.

While fighting hypothermia and struggling not to cry, that’s when I realised that there was no way to sneak out every single week without almost being caught so…

I may have started sneaking out… at night.

It wasn’t ideal! And it wasn’t my first choice, but in my defence, I didn’t have many other options, and even if I did, I couldn’t tame the itch to get out there, and no part of me wanted to.

Every time I was running through the snow, or I shifted without breaking, it was as if I sprouted wings.

I felt brave and strong, invincible. There was no room for fear because there was nothing to fear out there. There was just me and the ice and the snow, and it was everything I never knew I wanted in my life.

I never felt this confident doing anything, and I wasn’t willing to give it up, so sneaking out it was.

Again, not ideal, and I did feel a little bit bad about it, especially when I had to lie to Owain about taking early nights, but Levi always said that everyone had to sneak out of somewhere at some point in their lives, and since I’d never done it as a teen, technically, I was only being studious by making up for lost time.

But to be honest, even if there was a way to run in the day without being caught, I didn’t think I could go back to day runs after experiencing what it was like to run under the auroras.

Magical didn’t even begin to cover it.

Tonight would be my fourth run, and my second night of sneaking out, and while last week had gone off without a hitch, I was still a little nervous. My mind stirred up the chances of being caught on my way in, but just thinking about what it’ll feel like to be out there again— I take a breath, and let myself remember it— it all fades away.

I smile as I open my eyes and pick up my boots.

A knock on my door almost makes me drop them as I stifle a yelp. I fumble with them until they’re locked against my chest, hidden out of sight as I risk peeking over my shoulder.

It’s only when I see the closed door that I remember that the knocker isn’t already in here too.

“Peter?” John’s steady voice calls from under the door. “It’s me. John.”

I look around, and even though my tiny room is tidy with only my perfectly normal bag and boots out, they scream contraband to me. I scramble to tuck them under my bed, before I jump up and tug at my clothes, fixing myself so I don’t look like contraband too.

I make another fleeting sweep around before I finally shuffle over to the door.

It takes me a minute to calm my breathing down enough to open it and peek outside, but when I do, John’s still there. I have to take another breath before I look up, up, up until my eyes meet his familiar brown ones. They’re warm and friendly, just like they always were, and just like they were the day he came to pick me up.

“H-Hi,” I mumble, and he smiles.

“Hey. I just wanted to let you know that we’ve all been invited to a little get-together over at the Scott Base station,” he says, keeping his voice gentle, and I know it’s not because it’s a secret. “Someone over there is Brazilian, and they are demanding everyone in their vicinity head over to experience Carnival on ice.”

My lips twitch into a smile before a shot of nerves stabs through me.

Spending an evening in our common room with everyone present was one thing. I knew them. But spending an evening in an entirely different base with a whole new bunch of people I had never met or even prepared myself to meet…

I probably wouldn’t get a single word out properly. They would think I was rude or weird, and then I’d eventually end up in a corner by myself. Even if the others stuck with me at the start, they’d all splinter off and then—

“Hey.”

John’s voice brings me back from my spiralling thoughts. He’s no longer smiling, and that has my stomach twisting into cruel knots that tighten when I realise I started hiding behind the door at some point.

“It’s an invitation for all of us,” he says softly. “We’re all going, even Owain, which means we’ll all be sticking together. You won’t be alone.” My gaze drops, but not low enough to miss his tentative smile. “If you come, I personally vow not to leave you hanging.”

I look away as shame and relief take turns filling me up. It was nice to hear those words, but they were also the words I’d heard my whole life, just in another variation.

‘Someone always has to watch over Peter’

It never used to bother me when I was little. It was comforting in fact, especially when Damon said it and bared his tiny teeth like he would bite anyone who got between us. He had at least once or twice. But then time passed, and it wasn’t so comforting having your younger siblings adopt the same sentiment because no matter how old you got, it still rang true.

It rings true even now, with John here promising to look after me like I’m a child.

It wasn’t true out there though. Out there, I was so strong, and—

“So what do you say?”

I want to say no.

Every fibre in me begs for me to say no, especially with the easy out it promises for me to go for another run, and maybe the longest one yet, but I can hear the others shuffling about just beyond the hall, whispering to each other to shut up as they wait to hear my answer.

It brings a smile to my lips as joy in another form trickles into my heart.

I had at least another month and some out here to run, but I doubted I’d have another chance like this to hang out with my team, see another station and talk to a whole other team while I was here.

“Okay,” I whisper, almost regretting it, but that regret turns to dust as John steps back to whoop, a signal that soon has the entire base cheering as everyone rushes out with big smiles. I’m helpless not to match it with one of my own.

──────────✧──────────

They sing the entire way over, hollering a bunch of songs I don’t know but enjoy anyway.

They’re all so cheery and warm that it feels like Christmas, just without Damon’s hunt for Santa. I still love every second of it, and stay curled on my side from the front of the bus so I don’t miss a thing.

The station we arrive at is a much larger version of ours, where every building is the same shade of lime green. It sits beside a sloping hill that must look amazing in the day, but for now, it’s a solid black outline that shadows the entire station.

We clamber out of our bus like school children, but barely have to deal with the cold as we’re quickly ushered into the biggest of the buildings by a thin man with a gap-toothed smile, who sings “Bem-vindo!” to every single person who passes him at the door. And inside—

“Oh, Christ,” Owain mutters at my back.

I don’t know what the base usually looks like, but for tonight, the lights are dimmed to make room for the disco ball, spreading its strobe lights all around. Then there’s the music coming from deeper inside. It’s loud and very lively.

A few unfamiliar faces linger near the entrance, but they are quick to come say hello and shake hands with the one that isn’t holding a cup. They all have one, and I’m entirely certain there’s no way it’s actually alcohol until I get a whiff of tequila so strong it forces me to breathe through my mouth instead.

Then a woman dressed in feathers, and a sequenced skirt spread over her normal layers, appears and introduces herself as Maria, the host of the party, and who we all have to thank for bringing a piece of Brazil to Antarctica.

Her smiles and energy are enough to cause almost everyone in my group to slide right into the mood as we all shuffle further inside. We end up in their common room, which is far larger than ours, and already teeming with laughter and conversation that dies down only for Maria to introduce us.

After that, it’s basically a rendition of every single university party Shilao ever dragged me to.

People split up, start making new friends, drinks are handed out, and I’m left awkwardly trying to follow along. Except instead of Shilao manning my side while he makes friends for us, Owain remains a stiff shadow on my left, and John, a laxed one on my right, and it’s him who makes friends for Owain and me.

He introduces to the Drivers of this team, and then introduces Owain and me too when they all say hello and we just hover awkwardly beside him. We get away with waves instead of ‘hi’s, and when someone aims a question specifically at one of us, Owain takes the fall for me.

It’s… not bad. I expected to be abandoned or to have a mini panic attack with all the new faces and scents, but it’s not so loud now that I’ve adjusted. There are familiar faces dotted among the ones I don’t know, and between John and Owain’s familiar scents, it’s okay.

The night carries on as everyone settles in, the alcohol doing its job, and eventually, I follow suit too, only with water. I let myself get dragged away by Sandra to meet the other team’s marine biologist, and immediately get sucked into hearing every detail I can about their research expedition.

While we were studying the behaviour and movements of a specific cloud of krill in response to the planet’s rising temperatures and its effect on the ice, they were mapping out a canyon beneath the ice sheet, and the potential lifeforms it could support should it rise.

I listen eagerly to each word, and when they ask to exchange details as colleagues, I don’t even hesitate. Bit by bit, I meet more of the other team. They are nice, and nobody presses when it takes me a little longer to get my words out. They listen patiently and don’t make jokes, so maybe it’s not a perfect rendition of university parties because I’m not leaving with tears I try to hide while Shilao guides me away with a bruised fist.

Time passes on, and I enjoy every second of it, until eventually, I claim a quiet corner in the back to sink into. It’s just small enough to hide, and I’m grateful for the reprieve the second I have it.

I’d never been great at socialising for too long, not even when it went well.

I watch everyone else while I sip my water, wondering how they’ll each remember this night and what kind of memory it’ll become. For me, I’ll probably remember this moment right here or the drive over with everyone singing, and I hope it never fades.

“There you are.”

I blink away from my stare, looking up as John drags a free chair beside mine and sinks into it. I squirm, barely resisting the urge to drag my knees to my chest. We still had our shoes on, and I didn’t want to dirty anyone’s chair, but it was hard to sit still when I was in a corner, and John was now bracketing me into it.

I breathe through it, reminding myself that it was just my genes, and what they said could be ignored.

“I’m trying to keep my word, but you either disappear or get dragged off by Sandra and Jenny,” he says, and I smile a little as I glance at the pair. They’re bent over a laptop with someone from the other team. A wicked laugh bubbles up from Jenny, and it’s one I know well. “God help us, I think they’re getting karaoke ready.”

“I-I didn’t know they d-did that a-at Car-Carnival,” I whisper, and John chokes a little on his next sip of— I sniff— soda. I glance at him from the corner of my eye and have to bite back my smile as he blinks stunned eyes at me.

“The group is going to lose it when they hear you told me a joke,” he says, and my grin grows alongside his.

We stay quiet, watching as the others eventually get karaoke going. It’s met with a mix of applause and dreaded groans that don’t have any real venom in them. Then, people start singing, and trying to sing, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to control my giggles as I quietly cheer them on.

“What will they do if they come for you?” John asks as we watch Owain bat every hand that tries to get him up with the ferocity of a wildcat.

“Die,” I admit, and he chuckles.

“Don’t worry. Sandra loves you too much to do that to you,” he says, and sure enough, when Sandra’s eyes flick over the room for another target, she spots me but keeps searching.

“W-Why don’t y-you go?” I ask, pushing my hair back so I can peep at him.

He shrugs his large shoulders. “I don’t think it would be very conducive to the research to deafen everyone mid-way through the expedition.”

I giggle, and his grin returns, triumphant, but then… something in his eyes softens.

I blink, not sure I saw that right, or saw anything at all, but when I risk another glance, he’s still looking at me, and it’s still there.

Oh.

My gaze drops to my feet, and my hair falls faithfully to hide me and my warming cheeks. My fingers twist in my lap, going from twiddling to strangling each other, and I quickly sink them between my thighs so he can’t see.

I… I hadn’t expected that.

If there was anything to expect, or see, but maybe I should have because when I thought about John with an adjusted lens, he was usually somewhere close, checking in on me and being kind.

I thought it was just his job as a Driver, which it was, but maybe there’d been more than one reason behind it.

My fingers squeeze tighter.

I glance at him again, but he’s watching Baz sing with a phone lifted to capture the evidence. I breathe a little easier, but my mind doesn’t stop whirling.

It sprouts questions of whether or not he liked me, or just wanted to do something with me, which was always hard to tell with humans. Werewolves were always more straightforward, especially when they wanted to tick an ‘omega’ box. In those times, I could just say no and mention my last name if they tried to dismiss that, but in either case here, I wasn’t sure that it mattered because I wasn’t sure I could do anything with John? If he wanted to do anything?

Goddess, why was I thinking so hard about this?

It doesn’t matter because now that I am, I can’t stop. My mind just keeps tugging on the string of thoughts, unravelling them all for me to dissect.

I wasn’t very… practised or experienced in much of anything, and that accounted for both love and lust.

I had been kissed a total of five times in my life, and only one of them I remembered actually liking. With all the others, I spent half the time wondering when I would start feeling butterflies, and the other freaking out about what I should or shouldn’t be doing with my tongue.

Other than that, I hadn’t passed any other lines besides letting one person put their fingers in me. It had been one of those rare kissers— number three to be exact— and she had known what to do, so that had been nice too, but that was precisely where my experience with stopped.

The thought of expanding it, which I really shouldn’t even be thinking about just because John looked at me differently, was enough to leave me in stitches.

It wasn’t that I was saving myself for my mate. I had grown up in a house far too progressive to think I had to, but the thought of having sex with someone I didn’t really know or care about had never felt right, and since I’d never had a proper girlfriend or boyfriend, I’d never gotten the chance to see if I even would in that case.

It was all one big blur of messy confusion that I tried not to look at.

“Refill?” John offers, and I nod quickly, handing him my cup without really meeting his eyes.

The second he’s turned, I lift mine to look at him.

John was handsome and big in a way that used to feel scary, but now felt closer to safety. I knew he was strong, having watched him pull and lift all kinds of equipment for us, and okay, that had been nice to watch. Especially when he turned around and somehow packed all that strength away to be gentle when he needed to.

I could imagine being with him, even if it was just for one night, and enjoying whatever we ended up doing, but even as I let myself consider it, I’m not sure that I can.

For one, we worked together, and in my field, it was always better to keep your workstation sterile. Plus, I just…

You were supposed to, weren’t you? A bit of a spark? Raw desire? Or just anything that makes you want another person?

I was pretty sure you were, but I was yet to feel that about anyone.

My older brother Levi used to tell me that I didn’t have to. He said I could and should do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and never feel guilty for it, but I didn’t want to do whatever with just anyone.

I wanted to experience love, not lust, and I wanted it to be real.

Levi got that and tried to help me where he could, but his advice about love outside of mates had lost a lot of its strength when I passed the age he was before he found Jayson, and I still hadn’t found mine.

So, here I was, stuck in limbo at twenty-six.

It wasn’t so depressing when I didn’t think about it, but now that I am, I can barely meet John’s gaze when he returns with a fresh soda for him and a cup of water for me. But then I spot the crown of feathers propped in his hair that he must’ve picked up along the way, and can’t help but laugh as he wiggles it about for me, and I think, maybe I can.

Maybe I would feel something for him with a little bit more time. Maybe now that I know there is room for something there, a part of me will wiggle itself free, and maybe something could happen before the expedition ends.

Would that be okay? — I ask Joseph, because there’s nothing I would ever do that will make him upset or uncomfortable.

Just as okay as it was to let Sage Askari’s fingers…— he doesn’t finish, and I don’t try to make him before he scurries away.

I send a grateful wave of love towards him instead and Joseph doesn’t hesitate to return it in spades. 

He understood, but he always did.

We were the same in almost every way, and just as I once believed that I would never ever ever do anything with someone who wasn’t my mate, he did too. But that was back when we used to think that we were promised the same wonderful love we watched our parents nurture for our entire lives. 

Time had since proved that I wasn’t, so… maybe.

—————————————-

ya know what Peter… hell yeah. HELL YEAH

Thoughts????

Thoughts on Peter’s first run??? On the team’s outing??? On the ending with John???

I was curious how I should/would introduce the topic of Peter’s love life and sexual experience before he meets Luciel. Like one of the major reasons I do like Peter being older is because he’s not holding onto outdated perspectives as someone who doesn’t even think they have a mate.

He just wants something real and wholesome, and I find that incredibly real, and it’s made me like him a tiny bit more loool

Whether or not he does anything with John (idk tbh we’ll see). I like that he’s even considered it and letting himself be open to it. I think it all plays into him strengthening himself as a person, just like he did with his run which-

ahhhh. I almost put that into a chapter on its own because it was such a lovely moment and I guess knowing Peter the way I do, it’s such a big moment, but I like it flowing with this chapter as a big moment of growth overall.

I’ve written his struggles with shifting in extras, so seeing how easy it can be here was really nice, and ahhh I’m rambling

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please vote and comment if you did because we’re getting closer and closer to these two meeting up!!!! 

Next up on my roster is an extra with the OG gang (Aiden, Julian, Kat, Apollos, Beckett and Emitt) all going out on a group date and that’ll be up on Sunday! Link in my bio for anyone interested!

Until next time,
Byeeeeeee Humanssssssssssssssss