SURPRISE TRIPLE UPDATEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

PA! PEWDFQ24RE3JKNR1REWFJFNEFEFKJWENFEWFRNWE

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Y’ALL SAID YOU WANTED TO BE FED AND YOU WAITED PATIENTLY SO HERE’S YOUR TREAT!!!!!!!!

I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY MY BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL HUMANS!

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This chapter is written to For the Love of You by Victor Lundburg, especially the second half, where I recommend you play! 

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Peter’s P.O.V

There’s a buzz in the station. The type we’ve only really experienced once before, and that was about three weeks ago for Baz’s thirtieth. But this time, the streamers rustling about outside aren’t going up just for him, and things don’t feel nearly as candy-coated as they did then.

“Your father and I are getting there the night before, so we’ll be at the airport before you even land,” Dad says, continuing his ramble through the phone while I fold the last of my thermals against my chest. “We’re coming with snacks, pieces of home so you’ll be completely relaxed for the journey back, and don’t worry— we’re bringing Mr Fluff too.”

“Not in hand,” Papa rushes to clarify. “I don’t think we can bring a bunny into an airport, so he’ll wait for you in the car. But we’ll leave the window down so he doesn’t, you know… die.”

“Aiden,” Dad scolds, and the sound of slapped flesh breaks through the speaker.

“Ow! I was re-a-ssuring him!” Papa protests, and a smile spreads across my lips for the first time today while they go back and forth.

This day was always bound to come. I’d always known that. I just hadn’t expected it to come so quickly.

In my mind, just yesterday, I was looking at Antarctica for the first time through the window of Mateo’s shaking Julieta, and in the blink of an eye, I was already packing to get back on her tomorrow.

It almost felt unfair, like I’d been given a glimpse of this amazing world with all the things I ever wanted, and now, I just had to let it go?

I didn’t want to.

I didn’t want to say goodbye to this station, to my friends, to my special space in the lab besides Owain’s, to all our late-night movie marathons, or my runs— oh, Goddess, my runs.

That more than all the rest, I didn’t want to let go of.

I just… I wasn’t ready.

“…and I’ve got all our favourite karaoke tracks ready for the drive back,” Papa says as I pull my thoughts back to them. “So if you want to save your stories for when we’re with everyone else, we can just sing the whole way.”

My lips quirk again. “Th-Tha-That sounds, r-really nice. T-Thank you.”

“Of course,” Papa replies with an audible grin. “Everything is ready. All that’s left is you, Peter.”

My fingers clench around the shirt in my hand. I cling to it while guilt floods my chest, making it extra hard to breathe. It takes me a moment longer to be able to speak.

“I-I c-can’t wait to see you,” I whisper, meaning each word.

The last time I’d been home, I’d been desperate to get away from all the evidence of the love Goddess kept denying me, but I did miss my family.

The pain of leaving Antarctica was only bearable because I was lucky enough to have a home I loved just as much to get back to.

“Same here, pup,” Dad replies, and the tightness in my chest eases enough for my smile to return.

We talk a while longer before ending the call with gleeful goodbyes we’d soon amend in person. I have to take three flights to get to the airport closest to the pack, so it’ll be more than a whole day before I see them, but experience promises that I’ll be in their arms before I know it.

I pack away the last of my clothes, folding them neatly into my open suitcase before I sink onto the edge of my bed. I look around my room, taking in every inch of its bare walls with eyes that soon blur.

For once, I don’t resent my tears.

This was, without a doubt, my best expedition yet, filled with the very best people, and that made it so much harder to let go of than any of the others before. And I had had fun.

I could count the number of times I had fun in my life, and they were never as free and gratifying as this entire trip had been. And now, I had to let it all go, and go back to living a life I could barely cope with on my better days until I found another trip to escape to.

One where I was always slightly terrified of the wolves in my own pack, where each shift was a battle, where even surrounded by love and family, I was so alone…

Maybe… maybe it’ll be different this time — Joseph whispers around the knot in my chest. Maybe we’ll find ways to feel this good and happy at home. M-Maybe we’ll be the different ones.

Maybe — I reply, but his small flicker of hope is hardly enough to warm us both.

Straightening myself, I brush my cheeks, clear the tears away, and force myself to take a deep breath.

I could cry about it, and would, but sinking into a pit of despair wouldn’t help anything.

I was leaving, the best I could hope for was to find another stint soon that would make the sting of saying goodbye to this one just a little easier.

If only I didn’t already know that none that followed would ever be as special. Nowhere close.

A knock on my door forces me to swipe the rest of my tears away and get myself together as I stand and make for it. Jenny stands on the other side with red-rimmed, puffy eyes and a napkin held to her nose.

“It’s time,” she says before she blows.

I giggle and can’t stop as I step out and link our arms together.

We’ve been matching all week, the team’s designated crybabies, but it’s a title I don’t mind nearly as much as when I’m given it at home, because for once, it’s shared, and even if the others don’t cry, they get it.

“I can’t believe this is our last night,” she hiccups as we walk down the familiar path to the common room. “We just got here?”

“I-I know,” I mumble, and she hiccups again.

“We’re still going to keep in touch, right?” She asks before ducking to catch the eyes beneath my hair. I startle, but know her too well for any part of me to feel afraid. “And not just in that way people say they will, but then don’t. Like in the way that we meet, maybe next year for a crazy long weekend somewhere with everyone else?”

I nod quickly, lips splitting into a wide smile. “I-I vote G-Greece.”

Jinny smiles, but it wobbles like mine.

In the common room, everyone is already there and mingling with the remainder of our snacks and goodies spread across the centre table. Owain is studiously devouring his way through a bag of gummy bears, while Baz and Sandra lay into a can of barbecue Pringles.

“They made it!” Baz announces, spotting us first. “I had a bet out that you’d get stuck crying in the hallway.”

“You are such an asshole,” Jenny accuses as she slips away from me to stomp towards him. She glowers at him the whole way, but it shatters like the rest of her as she wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him close. “And I’m still going to miss you.”

While Baz struggles to breathe, I inch my way inside, smiling at the others, but I head straight for the man sitting on our favourite couch.

John smiles up at me, and my stomach flips as I sink into the space beside him. “Hi,” I whisper, peeking at him as I swipe my hair back.

“Hey,” he replies, nudging me gently before he lifts a small bag. “I kept Baz from finishing your favourite.”

My heart sets off as I take the bag of peanut butter cups from him and quickly steal a few for myself.

Of all the things I thought to get from Antarctica, this had to be the very last.

After the Scott Base station party, John and I had slowly gotten closer and closer, until finally, one night, he kissed me, and I felt it— the butterflies— and I never once worried about what to do with my tongue.

I hadn’t slept a wink the entire night after, and when I told Shilao, he’d almost shattered my eardrums with how he’d screamed.

Shilao wasn’t even a screamer, but that’s how shocked he’d been to hear that I’d even gotten that far with anyone, and honestly, so was I. But it happened naturally, and it was nice, and fun, and I deserved to feel something nice and fun.

John and I weren’t together. Somehow we both knew that wasn’t in the cards for us, at least not right now. He was almost always stationed in Antarctica, and when he wasn’t, he was living at home in Canada.

Meanwhile, I lived in a werewolf pack, and both of us were already looking for our next expedition, and none of that even mattered because something I’d learned with John was that sometimes, it was nice to just enjoy someone’s company and affection without trying to plan out every next step with them.

The night I realised he was attracted to me, I’d filled my head with thoughts of what he might want to do, or what he wanted from me, when in reality, it just ended up being that we were two people who liked each other, and that was enough.

We kissed, a lot, flirted even more, spent entire nights in each other’s rooms, and sure, we did some hand stuff, and he also did some amazing stuff with his mouth that made even Joseph squeal, but we never went further because I didn’t want to, and John was okay with that.

We just had fun, and I was going to miss that, too. I was going to miss him.

“Okay, I’ve been saving this bad boy for this very night,” Sandra says as she stands and fishes a golden magnum-sized bottle of what looks to be champagne from the fridge. “And I’m going to need everyone to partake so that I can make my toast.”

Everyone looks to Owain, and he’s too engrossed in his feast to notice at first, but when he does, his eyes dart between each of us before he sighs. “Yes, to whatever was decided. Only because it is the last night.”

There is a group cheer, one they keep fairly quiet for me, and my heart squeezes all over again.

Sandra passes out cups, and we all hold them up as she gives each cup a way-too-liberal pour. When the bottle is empty, and the fizzling champagne is as equal as she’s going to get it, she stands at the front of the room, exactly where she first brought me the day I arrived.

“When I got offered the role of field leader, I was pretty psyched,” she starts, hugging her cup to her with a bittersweet smile. “It wasn’t my first time as one, but it’s Antarctica, and I mean, everyone in our field aims for this gig sometime in their career. But truth be told, I was also terrified, because I thought if I lucked out with this position and this placement, there’s no way I’d get a great team as well.”

She passes her kind smile around, making sure we all know she means these words for each of us.

“How lucky was I that I got you guys?” She says, chuckling, and I’m swiping at my cheeks again. “What a team. Diligent, hardworking, kind, and a good time. There is not a goal or objective we did not meet, and even on our off days when nothing seemed to be going right, you all put your best foot forward, and I thank you for that.

“You guys made these last three months the best they could ever be, and as we all split off to do other things, I hope you remember these days as fondly as I will. Keep in touch, and most important of all, never forget how talented you each are.”

She looks around again, this time with an even brighter smile. “Never ever doubt that you belong in any of the wonderful rooms you are bound to step into. Never doubt your brilliance.”

She lifts her glass high, sniffing just like Jenny and me do. “To us… to us crossing paths.”

“To crossing paths,” we return in a clammer.

We drink, and I wince, but I get two gulps down, and when I rise, John already has a tissue held up for me.

“Thank you,” I mumble, and he nods quietly while I wipe my nose and clean myself up.

The rest of the night continues almost like all our other free ones, but instead of talking about anything that comes to mind, we recount all our favourite memories of each other, laughing so hard that the tears that do sprout are happy ones alone.

The hours pass, but we don’t move, not even when all the snacks are emptied and the weight of the night begins to sag our limbs. It’s not until the early morning that everyone begins to peel off with sad smiles.

We’d be clearing out mid-day, and the best anyone could hope for was a couple hours’ sleep before that.

I stay behind to clean up, and smile gratefully at John when he does too.

We clean in silence, a familiar routine that I’ve always enjoyed, and savour now until it’s as if the goodbye party had never even happened, and all that’s left is us.

“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” He frowns a little. “Or this morning?” I giggle, and he smiles.

It should be yes, because I do. I want to spend the last few hours I can with someone else, with him, but… if I only have a little bit of time left, there is only one thing I want to do before I say goodbye to this wonderful world of ice and wonder forever.

I shake my head, “N-Not tonight,” I say as gently as I can, but there’s no reason to worry, because John’s smile does not waver an inch.

“I’ll see you in the morning then,” he says, and I nod quickly as I watch him step towards me.

Heart flipping, I try to get it under control as he slides a hand over my cheek before pressing a kiss to my forehead. I fail, and so does Joseph, who squirms from the delight that rushes through us.

John parts, and I watch him go, waiting until I hear his door click before I grab one of the discarded bags in the room and head out for one last run.

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Cold air whips across my face, lashing me as I race across the open snow.

So used to the night, I can’t pull my eyes from the skies as I watch the day set in. It’s been a while since I ran under the sun, but it feels fitting for my last outing.

I follow the invisible paths I’ve run too many times to count, and then even further when I reach the end of them.

I’d gotten stronger out here, but faster too, enough that I stopped using my boots when they started slowing me down. The cold nipped at my paws without them, but once I ran fast enough, I hardly felt it.

The sun paves the way, and I shine under it while I keep my mind on the time.

I couldn’t stay out as long as usual, but if I’m late or anyone checks on me while I’m out, then this is the one time whatever I say will have to stick.

In a matter of hours, we’d all be gone, and the reminder of that is all I need to keep going.

I run as hard and as fast as I can, and I don’t slow, not even when my tears find me here. The wind takes them away, but it doesn’t take the pain with them.

How was I supposed to go back to running in the pack? Where there were so many noises and scents and wolves bigger than me at every corner?

How could I run between trees when I knew how good it felt to run with nothing standing in my way? To running atop the grass when the snow felt like home?

Or to barely shifting at all, because it hurt so much…

I blink my tears away and race onwards until my legs buckle, and I’m forced to stop just so that I can breathe properly. I slow to a trot and then into a complete stop as I drag in a desperate lungful of air.

My body aches all over, the muscles within burning while the shards of the cold prick inside of me. That, at least, is familiar enough not to be terrible after so many runs out here.

I slow myself, forcing each breath to be deep and measured while I look around.

I’m well away from the station now, or any station for that matter. All that’s left out here is the view of the endless ocean, its bobbing icebergs on my right, a mountain’s peak breaking from the ice just up ahead, and—

I freeze.

My nose twitches, ears perked as Joseph stirs within, but that is all, because I’m suddenly too terrified to make a single move.

Out here, there were only natural scents— the saltwater, distant penguins, and maybe on sadder days, blood on the wind, but even those scents belonged to animals.

There was never, ever, the scent of something so sweet.

I hear my heart in my ears, the way it hammers and does not stop as I try to gather up the courage to look for it again. To try scenting the one thing this could never be, but… what if?

What if that was… what if…

I breathe in deeply, and a sharp whimper leaves my throat as the flickering traces I’d barely caught within the air fill my lungs, and there is no denying or mistaking it.

I’d heard the stories. I knew the steps. I’d waited my whole life to feel them for myself, and now—

I inhale again, and then I’m running, sprinting as fast as I can towards it.

I race towards the mountains, heart pounding against my chest as the scent thickens and blooms, growing stronger the closer I get to it. It was just a thread of sweetness before, but now, it’s bloomed into a mound of sharper scents I can barely pick apart.

It’s strong and salted, like the sea, but it also reminds me of spices in the market, cinnamon and something sharper and almost foreboding.

I skid to a stop near the base of the mountain, nose to the snow. My paws scratch, already digging, and there’s no room to think of how pointless or unlikely this is— to think the worst.

I have the scent, and I refuse to let it go.

I keep digging until the snow gives, and so does something beneath.

An opening suddenly gapes from the ground, drawing in the rest of the snow, and I just barely dart back to keep from falling in too.

It settles as a small cavity, no larger than a crawl tunnel, but there’s an opening.

I step carefully towards it, staying at the edges as I duck my head to peer inside.

There’s thick ice, curved all around like an underpass, one that starts small but seems to widen into a passage like nothing I’ve seen before.

I’d seen the caves of Antarctica on our excursion days, the ones that were made of ice and warbled around you like a wave frozen in motion, but this was not that.

This was something completely different, something unnatural, and it gave way to a myriad of scents I’d never once even whiffed above the ice.

I was out here enough that I should’ve, but for the first time, I smell the one I first caught, the one that keeps my heart battering against my ribs, but there are others too— many others— with notes that I can not recognise, no matter how hard I try.

Unease slithers within me as I feel myself take a careful step back.

Why was there a tunnel hidden beneath the ice? And where did it lead to?

I glance behind me.

I’m too far to see the station, but it’s there, and soon enough, everyone will be waking and packing, and they’ll notice I’m gone.

I look back into the tunnel and pace around its edges while my mind whirls, sprouting questions that almost push back my excitement as fear trumps my spot of bravery, but then the air within rushes out, and I smell it again— the scent, their scent, and I am half crouched inside with my heart beating in my throat.

My mate is in there.

Somehow. Somewhere. My mate is down there.
I know it in my heart, I can feel it in my soul as it calls for theirs, and after years of searching, the last thing I’m going to let stop me from finding them is myself.

I have to be brave.

If not for me, for them.

Taking a deep breath, I muster up my courage and hold fast to it as I hop anxiously on my paws before I force myself forward and burrow inside.

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GOOOO PETER GOOOOO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GO FIND YOUR MANNNNNNNNNNN