Joseph’s POV

I am not brave, and I never have been.

I think I used to try to be— in the Plains— but I never liked how it felt, and afterwards, I always ended up wishing I had never tried at all.

Whenever I thought about the day I’d be paired up with my other half, terror would cripple me and not let me go.

Wolves were supposed to be brave, supposed to push their other halves to be the same when they didn’t think they could, but I knew I would never be able to do that, and so I prayed that day would never come, because if it did, then they would hate me and that would be worst of all.

But then the day did come, and I met Peter, and— Peter and I were a perfect fit.

Peter didn’t like being brave either, and it wasn’t only because he was an omega. There were plenty of brave omegas, like Uncle Mickey— we just weren’t one of them.

Peter and I were…well…Shadows still spooked me when they grew too big at night, and Peter would learn to fly before he confronted someone he saw littering instead of picking it up himself. I automatically searched for the best hiding place when I entered a room, and Peter always scouted for the backup.

Neither of us was the bravest, and even though I should be, Peter didn’t hate me for it at all. He never expected me to be fearless, not even when he started trying to be in his own little ways. He just knew it was harder for me.

But I did cheer him on always, because that, I could do, but that was as far as I could go, and for all our years together, that has never changed. So I don’t know what possesses me to take his place and take control when we’re in the middle of a nest of vampires, but by the time I remember myself, it’s too late.

Peter and I switch places, and while he settles into the safety of our mind, I slip into our physical skin and face the world for us. It does not hesitate to remind me why I barely came out.

Unfamiliar scents assault me one after the other, and they’re all wrong— they’re not pack. They’re dry and metallic, when home was woody and calming.

My stomach turns, and I take a careful step back while my eyes flit anxiously around the room. Ice lines every inch of it, and I’m the only one in here, but that was only for now. A vampire could dash right in here, and I was fast, but I was not nearly as fast as them.

My ears strain, searching for the coming steps, but there’s only silence outside of my racing heart, and for a brief moment, my budding panic stalls.

No one is coming. I’m safe and alone, but that peace lasts no longer than it takes me to remember the magic likely surrounding this room and purposefully keeping all sounds out.

There could be a hundred vampires outside, and I would never know. Not until they came with their fangs and—

I don’t mean to shift.

I don’t even think to do it, but my panic reaches its peak, and the next thing I know, I’m stretching out the coat around me and kicking off the boots awkwardly clinging to my paws as I scramble to hide under the bed.

I don’t fit.

My stomach drops.

No. No. No. No.

I had to fit. Under the bed was the best hiding spot in this room, but I didn’t think I would be on all fours when I spied it.

Whining, I pull myself upright and dash straight for the backup.

The furniture is sparse, but there is a closet, and it’s more of a wardrobe with the way it towers over everything else, but it’ll do.

I scratch at one of its crustal nubs with my paws until one side opens, and the second it cracks open enough, I immediately slip inside.

The interior is surprisingly not made of ice, but of wood, and that’s a welcome change, just like the warm scent that lingers inside, but it’s also dark, and I hate the dark. But it’s either the dark or braving the open, and I’m not brave.

Turning as much as I can inside, I spread my scent around until it covers every inch it can before I finally lay down, facing the door. It’s a tight fit and a whine tries to crawl up my throat, but I stuff it down before it can escape.

There was no point in having a super amazing hiding spot if you immediately gave it away. I remind myself of that as I stare at the slight gap between the wardrobe doors.

My heart pounds against the thick wood as I wait, but nothing comes. It’s just me, and rushed breaths that I see as much as I hear, with the way each of them puffs out of me

I’m safe, for now.

It takes a long time for me to calm down, and for the fear to recede, but the moment it does, I miss it because being afraid somehow was less painful than remembering why I was out here in the first place.

The whine escapes me this time.

I close my eyes, and bury my snout between my paws, but it doesn’t help keep me quiet, and it doesn’t help the pain.

Peter and I had finally found our mate, but he didn’t want us, and there was nothing we could do to change his mind.

I thought we could, at the start. Even with how scary he looked standing above us, I thought that there was hope because we were his mates! And we’d been looking for him forever.

And I know he said he didn’t want a mate, but plenty of people didn’t want mates, and also— Peter was amazing! Everyone loved him, and I thought he would too. He was supposed to. He just had to spend a little time with him, and he would see it, but Luciel didn’t want to spend time with us.

He didn’t even want us here.

Tears wet my paws as the knife in my heart sinks a little deeper.

What were we going to do…

This was when I was supposed to come up with a solution, or use the strength that Peter didn’t have to fix everything, but I didn’t even have the strength to stop hiding in my fur.

I couldn’t go out there, and even if I somehow did, I definitely couldn’t go find Luciel for us and get him to change his mind. I probably wouldn’t ever be brave enough to face him because if he didn’t want Peter, then he definitely wouldn’t want me.

Peter and I were similar, and a good match, but Peter was stronger. I only brought him down.

Peter, at least, pushed himself even when he was scared. He was the reason we went to university, and why we travelled the world, instead of staying home in the safety of the pack forever.

If it was up to me, we would’ve never left, but Peter wasn’t so weak.

When we first looked up the path to becoming a marine biologist, I’d been ready to quit and become a healer instead, but Peter had decided that somehow, we would get there.

I couldn’t see how at first, or even during it, and I hardly came out when we were in university, but then one day, he was walking across that stage with all of our family screaming in the back, and he’d done it.

That was Peter. He might be frightened and afraid to do something, but even if he cried the whole way through, he did it.

Peter wanted to be a marine biologist, so he became a marine biologist. He wanted to come to Antarctica, so here we were. Peter made himself chase the things he wanted, even if they scared him.

Peter was brave. I… I was anything but, and if he didn’t want Peter, then I already knew that he wouldn’t want me either.

A new blade joins the first, and I curl myself up tight, wishing I could just disappear forever.

Next time I saw Neo, I would ask him to tell Nikola to start making two-way spells. If he had, then we’d be home already. But maybe it was for the best that he hadn’t, because then Peter might actually hate me forever.

My whine climbs higher, and a burning starts in my chest that I don’t know how to fix.

We were thousands of miles away from home, and all its comforts, and the people who knew how to make every terrible situation better. If we were home, Papa and Dad would be there, and Theo and Zyair too, and they would know what to do. They always did.

If they were here, they would be able to help us out, but Goddess was mean enough to make sure that we did this all on our own, at least for now.

I still, mind pausing like the hurt for the first time as it chases a new thought.

Peter and I were supposed to be on our last flight back home by now. Dad and Papa would already be waiting for us, and when we didn’t arrive, it would only take hours, if so much, before they and Aunty Kat, and all the witches in the pack found us.

And if Luciel and his clan didn’t like just Peter showing up here, then Goddess knows what he would do if more of us appeared.

I lift my head as a fresh wave of anxiety ripples through me.

On the one hand, if everyone came, then it wouldn’t just be Peter and me. We’d have our family— our pack, and maybe Dad and Papa could talk to Luciel for us, and better explain what we couldn’t. But… no. Just the thought of that was more humiliating. But maybe, at the very least, we could find common ground about our bond, and leave to recharge before we came back to try again, if  Luciel ever let us try again.

He probably wouldn’t.

No, he definitely wouldn’t.

On the other hand, if everyone showed up, none of that would matter because there was no way it would end well.

No one would hurt him, as he feared. They never would. They would hate him for not wanting us, but nobody in my family was cruel enough to hurt him or the people down here just because he didn’t want the bond as I did.

But that didn’t mean that chaos probably wouldn’t follow their unexpected and unwelcome arrival, and I didn’t think the clan would welcome them as ‘guests’ either.

I squirm in my place as I try to calm down, but before I know it, my mind is conjuring up images of bared fangs and snapping canines.

I scramble out of the closet as fast as I can.

I slip on the ice, but manage not to fall as I scuttle over to the room’s large doors. I shift just as easily as we have these last three months, only to immediately start dancing on my toes.

Boots. Boots. I need my boots!

I look around the room and spot them lying beside the bed and tiptoe my way over until I sink each of my feet into their wonderful heat. The coat flags around my chest, way too big now after the shift, but it’s still warm, so I gather it close and keep a fistful of it to my chest as I scramble back over to the door.

“P-Ph-Ph-Phone!” I babble as soon as the door opens, and I come spilling out of it.

The previously empty hallway has only two things— Maeve and the neat stack of my belongings piled beside it.

Maeve is closer than the pile, and I shrink under her piercing gaze the moment it lands on me. I stifle a whine.

I already want to die and crawl back into the wardrobe.

She’s somehow even scarier up close, and bigger too. When I was in the background, everything was a little further away— filtered, but now, I see her and all her muscles for what they are.

Her arms are like two cannons, and the bitterness of her scent is pungent enough to let her disapproval be known.

Breathe, Joseph. Breathe.

You can do this. For Peter!

“…Phone?” She repeats, and to my surprise, it’s not said in her usual, exhausted tone.

She sounds a little more alert, which in turn pushes back some of my fear as I raise a shaking finger to point at the pile.

“I-I-I-I—” I swallow and try again. “I-I… need m-my… phone. I-I have… to-to-to t-tell…” I take a deep breath. “My f-fa-family. I-I’m okay. O-Or…t-th-they… will come.”

Maeve stiffens, going from rigid to stone-still. It lasts only a second before she phases out of her space in the hall and reappears in the one in front of me.

I yelp and jump back, slipping on the ice again as I try to dash for the wardrobe, but I’m only just turning when I notice the travel backpack she holds up for me. Peter’s travel backpack.

Relief pours through me, and I manage my first breath since I opened the door. “T-T-Thank y-you.”

I don’t lift my eyes past our hands because if I do and actually see fangs, I’ll forget all about this, and go back to hiding, and I can’t do that right now.

Luciel agreed to give us time, but we would lose it all if I messed up now.

My phone is freezing when I find it in the front pocket of my bag, but I still hold it tight while I wait for it to turn on. It is the longest, most gruelling fifteen seconds of my life, especially with a _ vampire hovering over me.

I survive it only by pretending that she’s not actually there.

Nope. No Maeve, the vampire. There was only an ultra-real figment of my imagination.

My phone pings to life and I’m in my chat with my parents and typing out a message that would work in record time, the only one they would believe from us.

Please do not hate me, but Mateo invited some of the crew to spend a week in his place in Chile with Julieta, and I said yes at the last minute. I am so sorry. I won’t have wifi for a while, but I’ll call as soon as I can, and I’ll send letters if I can’t.

Everything is okay.

I bring my phone a little closer to my chest, hiding the screen from Maeve as I type the last word.

Avocado.

I stare at it, wondering if it’s too much, but they knew about Mateo, the team’s pilot, and that he did live in Chile when he wasn’t doing runs to the base, and they knew how spontaneous the rest of the crew was.

And if they didn’t believe any of that, which I was pretty sure they wouldn’t want to, they would believe avocado.

It was our code word— the one we’d decided on from the day Peter first left home.

We had two of them; one to say we were in danger and we needed help, and another to say that everything was okay, really!— and that was avocado.

Maeve’s hand appears in front of me after a moment, the palm facing the ceiling. “I will take it to the surface, near your base and the towers. It will send from there, yes?”

Oh. Oh… “…No.”

“No?” She retorts and I have to hug my phone to my chest to keep from dropping it as I shrink.

Goddess, why did you put me here? Why?

“I-I…” I didn’t trust her, and I knew that wasn’t nice, but it was the truth.

The only person who didn’t want us here more than Luciel was her, and I was pretty sure that she would do anything to get rid of us, including throwing our phone in the ocean so that it never sent and everything turned for the worse.

“Th-They-They m-might reply,” I stammer out after about a million tries, but even after, her hand stays where it is.

“I would bring it back to you as it comes,” she states. When I do not reply, she adds. “I am quite fast.”

I step back, but don’t give her the phone.

So am I, is what I want to say, but I do not dare. I’m not crazy, but I think it, just like I think of all the ways she can sabotage us, and she must hear it through my blood, because her hand slowly lowers back to her side.

Seconds tick by around us, and they’re each worse than the one before it as I wait for her to impale me on her sword and take my phone anyway anyway, but in the end, when Maeve does unsheathe her large, curved sword, and I scream, she points it towards herself rather than me.

I still, holding my breath, only to scream all over again as she presses it to her palm until it draws blood. Horror bleaches my insides, and I scramble forward and pull at both the handle and her wrist before I can logically consider what Maeve might do to me for touching her, but it doesn’t matter because she does not move an inch.

I might as well be pulling at a mountain.

“S-Stop!” I beg as I look up at her for the first time.

Her eyes are not cold. They are at first glance, but inside, there’s something not so frigid in there, and that’s what stares back at me as she keeps her palm nestled to her blade.

“I make this vow in blood. If you lend me your trust for this one mission, I will not interfere with your message or the device you mean to send it in. I will be faithful to your trust in every way.”

I gape at her, mouth lolling while I keep yanking at the blade. She was hurting herself and witnessing that as an omega was torture, even if she was a scary vampire.

“Should I not be, I will return this blade to an eye,” she finishes, and I sputter out a gasp as I shake my head.

“O-O-Okay,” I stammer out desperately. “Tr-Trust lent. Trust i-is lent, so s-s-stop h-hurting yourself.”

Maeve lifts her blade, and I almost fall on my butt, but instincts keep me up, even if I do slide away from her slightly.

She does not make fun of it or me. She doesn’t even acknowledge it. She just wipes her blade clean on her sleeve, sheathes it and holds her palm out.

The cut closes in before my eyes, leaving nothing behind but blood that’s already flaking and frosting over.

My stomach turns, but I had agreed, and I would probably faint if she did that again. Begrudgingly, I stretch my phone out, and she takes it from me with… care?

I frown, but she’s already gone.

My hand comes to my chest in the empty room she leaves behind, and I cling to my raging heart while I stare at the open doorway.

What in all the realms just happened?

I barely remembered leaving the wardrobe, but panic had led me out, and then the next thing I knew, Maeve was cutting open her palm.

I sway slightly as the world blinks in and out of focus, and my brief spell of energy drains out of me. Exhaustion is quick to claim me instead, and I crave nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep forever, but I have to wait for Maeve to come back, and the bed still smells unfamiliar.

I stare at it, glancing between the open doorway and the massive bed.

It would be nice to sleep there instead of the wardrobe… and I could push it against the wall so I wouldn’t have to watch my back while I slept.

Peeking out the room, I look both ways, making sure it’s empty before I hastily drag my trunks in, one by one. I close the door behind me, and try not to panic when I realise there’s no lock and now, no Maeve either.

She would be back any second now… probably.

Fear crawls up my spine, but I shake it off as I pop open the first lid and tug my clothes out. I grab as much as I can, not bothering with picking out the best. They pile over my head as I drag them to the bed and dump them off.

They smell mostly like me, but also like the humans I’d spent the last three months with, and had come to trust and love in ways. It’s familiar, and as close to pack as I have right now.

I cling to that piece of safety as I pick the clothes with the strongest scents and climb onto the bed to begin making my nest.

It’s awkward at first, since I only nested during heats, but instincts soon take over and the next thing I know, I’m nesting, and it… It feels so good.

My muscles unwind, and my body relaxes as it focuses on something it can control and get right. It’s comfort, and absolute bliss, and it’s only made better by the scents that rise and all the memories they bring of it.

Antarctica hadn’t been my first choice, or my last. I didn’t even want to come, but Peter did, desperately, and so I made my greatest fears mute as we got on that flight, but in the end, it hadn’t been nearly as scary as I thought.

It wasn’t even scary at all.

Antarctica was beautiful and clean, like an entirely different planet made of ice and open seas. And it was so wonderfully quiet too— I loved that most of all, I think. But I also loved the Auroras, and all the many animals that lived in this corner of the world.

I remember that now as I build my nest, and for the first time since we’d crawled under the surface, I feel a small smile pull at my lips.

Peter would love the nest when he came back around. It would make him feel better, enough that maybe he could use the little time I bought to figure out a game plan.

Maybe I could too.

“It made a—”

“AHHHHH!”

I jump, almost shifting in mid-air before I turn and see the vampire standing just past my room’s threshold with my phone in her hand.

Maeve blinks at me, unimpressed, and I drop my gaze while my face burns.

Mentally, I nudge at Peter.

I knew he was hurt, and wanted a break, but I didn’t know how much longer I could do this. I wasn’t used to being out so much, or with new people.

“…The device made a sound, many times,” Maeve finishes after a moment, still stuck in place. “I did not spy it.”

Nodding, I clamber off the bed, rushing over as fast as I can despite the way my heart rate peaks. I didn’t like racing towards a vampire, but I didn’t want her near the nest and there was a lot on the line.

Maeve holds it out for me and I unlock it in a flash before I read the message from Papa.

Papa: Noooooooo! You little shit. We’re here with Mr Fluff and everything!

Papa: Don’t worry, we don’t hate you. We’ll make a vacation out of this random ass city.

Papa: Your father’s panicking, but I’ll keep him from doing anything crazy. Just try to get one of those calls in soon, or he’ll do it anyway.

Papa: Stay safe, and have fun, Peter.

Papa: You deserve it.

My knees wobble, and I fall to my knees.

“What is it?” Maeve asks, alarm peaking in her voice. “What has occurred?”

I shake my head while I hug my phone to my chest. “I-I b-bought t-time.”

Maeve slumps as well, relief pouring from her in spades, and I almost smile as I look up at her. She feels a little more human for a moment, not so hateful and rigid. Her eyes find mine, and they’re not happy, but they’re definitely relieved.

“That is good,” she states as she straightens herself, moment past.

She is halfway to the door when she turns and looks to me. I don’t meet her eyes, but I can scent the interest that wafts off of her.

“…Something about you is different.”

My heart falters, and my chin tilts closer to my chest.

For werewolves, no word or action was needed to know when which half of a person was at the forefront. It was instinctual like scenting, but most species did not have that ability.

More often than not, I could fill Peter’s shoes when he needed me to, and nobody would ever know. It helped that we were so alike, but I was used to being Peter with no one knowing that it was actually me.

I thought I could do the same here, but Maeve eyes me as if she sees exactly who I am.

I part my lips, but nothing comes out.

Maeve waits, lingering for as long as it takes for her to realise that I’m not going to say anything, and then she nods. “If you need to send more messages, I will ask for your trust to be lent again. Until then, it is not needed.”

She leaves without waiting for a response, and closes the door behind her.

I stare at it for a long moment, wondering how I just survived an entire exchange with a vampire— and not just a vampire, but who hated me— without shifting or curling at her feet.

It’s a mystery that goes unanswered as I drag myself over to bed and my nest. It’s perfect, and smells of home, and comfort, and peace, and right now, I need peace.

I slide under the covers, and the mounds of tied clothes, and my body melts as if there’s lava bubbling beneath it.

My eyes close before I can even struggle against them.

——————–

Joseph… I love you in ways that can not be articulated

Thoughts????????

Thoughts on our first Joseph POV??? On his thoughts on everything??? On him jumping into action and being brave in all the ways he doesn’t think he is???

it breaks my heart how he was talking about himself in comparison to Peter, and thinking Luciel definitely won’t want him ughhhh this sweet baby. Not to mention him being so scared his first minute out he shifteD????? I LOVE HIMMMMM

I know, crazy I love him and not Peter, but the heart wants what it wants

I did like seeing a more upbeat chapter slightly and also the interraction with Maeve. I love that woman IDC

Please remember to vote and comment if you enjoyed!! And the next chapter will be out next weekend!!!

Until next time,

Byeeeeeeeee Humanssssssss