Hagen’s P.O.V

I remember the night I met Max.

Ruben had gotten us tickets for some event on the other side of town, and even though I’d been a dead man walking from the party he’d dragged me to the night before, I’d gone along. Max had been behind the bar when I’d gone to get us some drinks, not because he worked there but because he had a way of charming people out of their common sense.

The minute he’d seen me, he’d looked me up and down and asked if I’d “willingly chosen to wear that in public”. I’d said, “yeah”, he’d glared, then shrugged and said, “as long as you’re happy or whatever” as he slid over the bartop with a bottle he hadn’t paid for.

“Shots?” he’d asked as he lifted it over my head with a mischievous grin, and at that moment, I’d known we’d be good friends.

But now, that alleged ‘good friend’ of mine was cosying up to my mate, swinging from side to side on my fucking barstool like a kindergartener with a crush, while the two of them talked about…– what? The fucking water in their hands?!? I doubted it because, for one, water wasn’t fucking funny, and yet Max kept laughing.

Every other minute, he just kept laughing and laughing.

Because. Of. Nikola.

I knew Nikola was funny, but his humour wasn’tthatwell received by other people, not that he looked like he was trying to charm the pants off Max or anything. Nik looked like he always did- bored and a second away from disappearing, but hehadn’tleft.

There he sat, at the kitchen counter… with Max. Nikola- who absolutely hated being around new people, talking to said new people or holding a conversation for more than 5 minutes- was talking up a fucking storm with Max as if they were long-lost friends or some shit.

And Max, the bastard, was eating it right up. His attention hadn’t drifted from Nikola for a second- no, a milli-second. But of course it didn’t, the son of a bitch wanted him. He wanted my fucking mate.

Scalp him!–Zyair growls like a devil on my shoulder that had long since killed the angel so it couldn’t interfere.Hagen, scalp that fucking cunt or I’ll do it myself, and then we’ll have a real problem on our hands.

That’s real tempting –I admit, because my talons were aching to come out and do just that, but-He’s our friend.

Friends don’t flirt with other friends’ mates –Zyair snaps back and fuck, if that wasn’t the truth, but Max didn’t know that he was chatting up my mate because he didn’t even know what a mate was. I couldn’t blame him for that, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to rip his head off his body.

I wanted to go over to them and pull Nikola away. No, that wasn’t true. I wanted to go over, kick Max in the face and wrap myself around Nikola like a possessive mountain lion, but I couldn’t do that either, so I try the next best thing.

Blocking out whatever nonsense Ruben was saying to Jasper and me, I tune my hearing to the conversation on the other side of the room.

“…new to the city, what’re your initial thoughts on it?” Max asks, his tone casual but attentive.

“It’s loud,” Nikola replies plainly, and yet, Max grins as if he’d just heard the funniest thing in the world.

“Cities are loud,” he replies with a twinge of satire that grates on my fucking nerves. Nik could handle sarcasm most times- I knew that, but sometimes he couldn’t and I didn’t want anyone throwing things over his head without him knowing it. “It’s kind of part of the package deal. You have a whole bunch of people congested in one small space, and well,” he shrugs, “noise happens.”

“Not all cities are loud,” Nikola corrects while his fingers tap aimlessly on the counter. “That’s an unfortunate expectation on this side of the world.”

“And you’ve seen the other side?” Max prompts with a raised brow. When Nik doesn’t reply, he frowns a little, “Okay, where have you been?”

“That’ll require more talking than I signed up for,” Nikola replies with his usual bluntness that he hadn’t yet bared in front of my friends, but here it was with Max. I feel my nails dig into my skin.

Max chuckles, eyes practically sparkling as he twists on the barstoolagainuntil his knees knock against the counter. “Well, you’re the one who has to talk, so how about you start off your answer and see where you tap out?”

Nik eyes Max before his lips pull a little higher in the slightest hint of a smile.

Oh hell no.

I make a move to stand so I can interrupt the strange symbiosis happening between my mate and one of my best friends slash traitorous mate stealer, but then another best friend of mine suddenly leans over to make himself the only thing in my eyeline.

“Hagen? Hello?” Jasper calls while he snaps his fingers in my face. “Dude, are you having a stroke?”

I slap his hand away, and push him aside, “I’m fine.”

I catch movement in the corner of my eye and glance back at Nik, but he’s already facing Max again. My heart sinks as quickly as the hope I’d barely grasped onto.

Nik hadn’t looked at me since he’d come out of the kitchen with Max. He’d said he was going to get some water before he went to our room, but instead, they’d come back out together, sat themselves down at the counter, and he hadn’t looked at me since.

I knew he was hurt. I could feel it tainting our bond and my chest ached ’cause I knew I was the reason for that pain, but I couldn’t do what he wanted. I wasn’t ready for that- Nikknewthat for fuck sake! But it didn’t change the fact that he was hurt.

“Man, seriously,” Jasper groans as he takes hold of my shoulders and shakes me like a doll. “Can you tap in here for a second and stop worrying about your friend? Max isn’t going to maim him- there are witnesses present.”

“Witnesses or not, I’d still bury you in a heartbeat, Jasper,” Max says over his shoulder. He doesn’t look our way, and neither does Nik.

I force myself to look at Jasper, “Sorry. What were you saying?”

“We were saying how wi worry bout yuh,” Ruben fills in as he leans closer, his words slightly clearer now that he wasn’t so riled up.

I still remembered the first time I heard him speak in full patois. We were twelve, I was at his house and his little brother had spilt coke on his bed, and then I hadn’t understood another word. Thing is, before that, Ruben always spoke like me- no accent, no dialect.

“It’s easier just to talk like y’all. People here don’t understand me when I talk like that,”he’d told me when I’d asked him about the change.

“They’ll learn,”I’d told him with a shrug. It’d been an innocent sort of reply, but it had meant a lot to Ruben and after that, he’d started using a bit more of dialect here and there, and sometimes, when he was really comfortable, he spoke in full patois.

I still struggled sometimes, but like I told him, I learned.

“Yuh acting strange,” he continues as his sharp green eyes zone in on me. “You tuk a leave from school, den yuh nuh answering yuh phone-” he shakes his head, “dat nut lik yeh, Hagen.”

“What’s really going on?” Jasper asks as he shuffles a little closer as if to confine this conversation just to the three of us. “All jokes aside. Are you okay, Hagen?”

“I’m okay. I promise I’m okay,” I reply as I look between them, but I can tell they don’t believe me. “Seriously guys, I am. I took the leave cause I didn’t know what I was doing. I was going to waste another year on courses I hated, so I took some time to figure out what I actually should do. I dropped off after that because it was New Year’s and I went home a few times, and since Nik’s here now, I guess I’ve been spending a lot of time with him.”

“Wait,” Jasper whispers as he inches closer. He sneaks a glance back at Max and Nik to check that they weren’t paying attention, but that wouldn’t matter when Nik could hear every word of this if he really wanted to. “He’sstayinghere? Like he’s living with you?”

My heart stammers but I manage to stop it from taking off. Jasper would hear that and then he’d put together the pieces of a puzzle I wasn’t ready to face yet, let alone show to others.

“Yeah,” I manage, my voice calm unlike the storm fuelled by panic raging within me.

“Why?” Jasper asks and this time, I can’t stop myself from reacting. My heart races within my suddenly too-tight chest and his eyes narrow behind his contacts immediately.Shit!

“Hey,” Ruben snaps, flicking Jasper’s ear and making him jerk back with a scowl. “Don’t be rude. Cud be sup’m personal.”

“Yeah, but Hagen disappears, and this random guy we have never heard about-”

“Nikola is his friend from home,” Ruben bites out slowly, eyes piercing Jaspar’s. “He ain’t random, an even eff him is, dat none of fi wi bizniz, Jasper.”

“But-”

“None,” Ruben cuts in before he shifts his gaze to me. His expression softens then, the harshness in his eyes fading to something open and kinder, “Nuh unless Hagen want to tell wi.”

That gets both their eyes on me and I want nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die.

I wasn’t ready for this. Nik and I hadjustgotten together properly- I wasn’t at the ‘tell friends’ stage. I had barely gotten over how fucking terrifying it was to muster up the courage just to kiss Nikola, and now, there was all this attention on him and me and what we were…

I didn’t know what we were.

I knew we were mates. I knew that I really liked him and that he really liked me. I knew that I was scared of what that meant because I’d never liked any guy before Nik. I knew that I was confused, so fucking confused- not just about being us, but about the form that came in, the way I was when it wasjustus.

And I knew that even though we really liked each other, we kept fucking up because we had more baggage than an airline warehouse tied around our bond.

But I didn’t know how to tell them any of that when I was still trying to figure out how to deal with it myself.

Ruben and Jasper stare at me, waiting for an answer, but I’m frozen.

“Is anyone hungry?”

I look at Nikola, surprised to see him on his feet and looking at us instead of Max who looked just as shocked by the sudden outburst as I did.

“It seems you all will be staying for some time, so we can order some pizzas,” Nikola continues in the silence he’d created. He stood as stiff as he sounded, but he was trying. “If everyone here eats pizza.”

“Would we be friends with Hagen if we didn’t?” Jasper retorts with a smirk and a snort. “And if we’re getting it from Isiah’s around the block, then hell yes.”

“Same orda as usual fi everybody?” Ruben asks, his phone already out to dial the number he knows by heart.

“Yes, but let’s not forget Nikola,” Max says as he slips off the stool and rushes into the kitchen. “Hagen, are your menus still in the same place?”

“Yeah,” I reply distantly, barely aware of the situation unfolding around us, with my attention hooked on Nik.

Nik didn’t want pizza. I knew that because we’d eaten just before my friends had shown up, and he definitely didn’t want any reason to keep them here longer than he had to. I knewthatbecause I could see it in his eyes, because he was finally looking at me.

Those grey eyes were on mine, and in them, I saw exactly what he’d just done for me. He’d saved me. I’d been stuck between Jasper and Ruben without the slightest clue of what to say, and Nik had swooped in and saved me, even though it was probably the last thing he wanted to do.

Warmth fuelled by pure adoration tries to overtake me, but I don’t let it, knowing if I did, I’d end up in Nik’s arms and three very confused friends.

“Thank you,” I mouth to Nik instead, while the others ramble off about what to eat.

Nik nods a little before he looks away again, and that warmth sputters out before I have a chance to grasp it.

I suck in a deep breath to ward off the fresh twinge of pain that causes, before I force my lips to stretch wide as I join the others.

It takes no time for us to order and even less for the food to arrive. Like Jasper said, Isiah’s was right around the corner from my place, and they’d dubbed me their ‘favourite customer’, so my orders always got here extra fast. Soon enough, my apartment smells like freshly baked, cheesy American pizza and we’re all piling around the TV with boxes in hand as Ruben searches for something to watch.

I end up squashed between Jasper and Ruben, which doesn’t bother me until I glance at Nik and Max-fuckingMaxwho couldn’t seem to unglue himself from my mate’s goddamn side.They each pull up one of the arm chairs I have, but Max just has to drag his right next to Nikola’s.

He’s asking for a fight and I’m ready for it! –Zyair declares as he paces relentlessly in my head –And I can take him. Oh, Hagen-he laughs maniacally.Werewolf or not, I can fucking take him.

We’re not fighting, Max –I say, but my attempt at swatting off Zyair becomes more feeble the longer I stare at the pair –…at least not yet.

You just say the word and I’m there.

Ruben puts on some sci-fi movie with Tom Cruise, and soon enough, all eyes are on the TV. As per usual, Jasper vocalises every thought and question that passes through his head as we watch, and while I’d usually be right there with him, tonight, I’m too focused on my mate.

He looked fine, like he had all afternoon, but something was wrong.

It was a gut feeling- not the bond. Our bond was still so hard to read, especially now with the jumble of emotions coming from each of us, so this was just a way of knowing that something was wrong, and it wasn’t me.

He was uncomfortable. All the noise, the chatter, it was too much, and paired with his frustration at this situation- at me- he was tired. Goddess, he was exhausted, and I knew he’d leave if he could- just teleport to some quiet mountain on the other side of the world, but our mate bond had us stuck together, and right now, we were stuck in this suddenly way-too-small apartment, with my way-too-loud friends.

My mind scrambles for a solution as his stress quickly becomes mine as well.

I could kick them all out. I could make up some excuse and just get them out so that he could breathe a little easier, and then I could talk to Nik- just Nik. If I did that, I’d probably just reset the worry they’d come in here with, but then at least they’d be gone and Max would have no excuse to stay that close to my mate.

Max was probably making it so much worse, being nestled up to Nik like that. I’d been annoyed before, but now, that annoyance was morphing into something far, far uglier.

Max had spent hours now with Nikola, talking and laughing, and earning Nikola’s smiles, while I’d barely caught his gaze once, let alone a smile. Mind darkening, I shift in my place, trying to keep myself from doing something crazy, but then Max leans a little closer to Nikola’s side.

“I’m gonna grab my second box, want anything?” he asks in a whisper.

Nikola only shakes his head, and then Max is on his feet and heading into the kitchen, and before I know it, I’m standing and doing the same.

The gunfire and shouting from the TV become background noise as I walk into the small kitchen, fists clenched at my sides. Max doesn’t notice me at first, too preoccupied searching the remaining boxes for his pizza, but when he turns around and finds me standing in the doorway, he jolts and slaps a hand to his chest.

“Fuck sake, Hagen,” he groans before he lets out a breath. “You little weirdo. Are you trying to kill me?”

Maybe –Zyair growls, trying his best to come forward so he could do something we’d both regret.No, only you. I wouldn’t regret a thing.

“We need to talk,” I say, my senses all honed in on him.

“Talk?” he repeats with a frown made of pure confusion. He glances at me, then his eyes quickly dart between mine before some sort of understanding settles there. It must be because he soon slides the box onto the countertop, props his hip against it and folds his arms across his chest. “Is something wrong, Hagen?”

The skin around my jaw tightens as I look at Max and the infuriating awareness in his eyes. He knew exactly what was wrong, he just didn’t care.

“I told you that Nik was off limits,” I grind out, trying my best to keep my volume down, but it was hard with the instinctual need to claim and ward off this fucker from my mate.

“I remember,” Max replies as he glances out to the living room before returning his attention back to me. “You said you’d tear my eyes from my skull, or something like that.”

“Something like that,” I repeat as I take a step closer to him, filling the space. “But you’re still trying to get with him and you need to fucking stop. He’s off limits, Max.”

“Off limits?” He tilts his head, frowning slightly, “You keep saying that. Is he dating someone?”

“Yes,” I grind out, canines aching to drop if only to scare him.

I knew he was a human, but right now, my logical thinking was taking a back seat to instincts that wanted me to keep any other potential suitor from my mate.

“Really?” Max replies, feigning surprise as he unfolds his arms. “Who?”

My lips part but nothing comes out.

“Don’t know their name?” Max prompts, his eyes narrowing as he watches me. “Or you just don’t want to share it?”

Me. It’s me.

I try to say it- those two letters, the one thing that would make it clear that Nik was mine, that I was the one he was with and there was no room for Max to butt in because it was just Nik and me. It was always Nik and me, but the fear squeezing my lungs stop those words from ever coming.

Max sighs as the tension in his body suddenly unravels along with the harsh look in his eyes, “I’m not trying to get with Nikola, Hagen.”

“Bullshit,” I snap and he laughs.

“No, it’s not. I was interested at the start, but when you marked your territory, I backed off.”

I pause, the anger and jealousy evaporating in a second as his words and their implications ring through my ears.

“I-I-”

“It’s not you? Yeah,” Max says, nodding even as his eyes call me a liar. “You’re dating some girl you won’t tell us about even though you’ve never been close-lipped about a chick you like, let alone one you might actually be with.”

I shake my head, fighting the panic that swells in my throat, “I told you guys there’s no girl.”

“Then who left all those hickeys on your neck?” he asks with a glance at my collar.

I lift it quickly, even as Zyair screams at me to do the opposite, “That’s not of your business, and it doesn’t matter. I just want you to stop trying to get with Niko-”

“I’m not,” Max hisses, stepping closer as anger flares behind his eyes. “I’m only trying to be his friend because he looked like he could really fucking use one.”

Fresh shame wells within my chest, joining the pain already festering there from what I knew I’d done today.

“Thing is, he seems to be in a relationship where the guy he’s with is keeping him in the closet,” he continues, the accusation as loud as his pounding heart.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snap, but it’s the wrong thing to say and I know it.

“I don’t?!” Max exclaims in a harsh whisper that makes me wince. ”Idon’t know what I’m talking about when last year I was the one who was still hanging around Ash and all his friends, pretending to be one of them while he promised-”

Max stops short, letting out a short breath before he shakes his head and looks down to stop me from seeing the pain I already knew was there. I glance into the living room, and when I find everyone still looking at the TV, I turn back to Max.

“It’s not like that, Max,” I start but he just scoffs. “It’s not. It’s different.”

“Different,” he mumbles with a dry laugh. “Yeah, it looks real different.”

“What happened with you and Ash isn’t what’s happening here,” I shoot back, just barely holding myself back from saying that Nik and I were mates. It’d make it all so much easier if I could because then he’d know everything.

But I couldn’t, so he was left with the pieces lying in front of him- the ones that showed that Nik and I were together, but I wasn’t openly claiming him, and so now, he was thinking of the worst possible situation.

“A friend from home?” Max repeats like the words are venom. “Where have I heard that before?”

“It’s different!” I groan while my world begins to shake at its edge. “I-I’m… I’m-”

“You’re what, Hagen?”

“I’m figuring it out, okay?!” I exclaim as I glare at him, my heart racing in my chest. “I’m figuring it out, so can you try having some sympathy for me-your friend, while I try to figure out what’s going on here?”

Max stares at me, a whirlwind of emotions flashing through his eyes before he looks back down to where his fingers were flicking at his pizza box. His lips twist to one side, “I want to- I mean, I will. I’m sorry, Iwill, but this is-” he stops short to look back up at me with confusion rattling through him. “Hagen, you’re the one who helped me get out of that mess.”

“I know,” I say, hating that he could ever think what I was doing was anything like what Ash was doing to him. “I know, and Ipromiseyou, it’s not like that. I’m not using him or promising him things I don’t intend to ever do. We’ve got… we’re figuring it out, we both are. And it’s nothing like what happened with Ash because this- Nik and I- has been going on foryears, and there’s a lot of shit between us stopping me from coming out and telling the world that I’m with him. So, would you please,pleasestop looking at me as if I’m some monster, ’cause I’m not. I’m just trying to figure it all out and I do not need you butting in on shit you don’t understand.”

I’m panting by the time I finish, my blood pounding within my ears as I look at Max. Max, who was always perfectly dressed, cool and collected unless asshole guys were breaking his heart or evidently, he realised that he’d fucked up somewhere.

I remember too late where we were and who else was here, and my soul almost leaves my body.

For a second that feels like an eternity, I’m too scared to look. They must’ve heard everything and now they knew, now they all knew, and the questions would start, and I’d-

“Where’s the fucking remote?! My eardrums are going to burst!” Jasper yells as he scrambles over the couch, looking between cushions.

“I’m looking! I’m looking!” Ruben declares as he also looks, the two of them frantic to quiet the impossibly loud television.

They were too preoccupied to notice that Nikola wasn’t helping, or to remember the fact that the remote had been in Ruben’s hand when I’d left, but even if they did, they’d never suspect what just might make me cry.

Nik had hid it away to save me, again.

“Fuck,” I mumble as I press my back to the wall and try to remember how to breathe as the panic gushes out of me. “What the fuck is happening?”

“Your TV is broken and one of your best friends just proved to be a bit of a self-absorbed asshole,” Max replies as he leans against the wall opposite me. I have to laugh, but it’s almost as exhausting as this whole day has been. “I’m sorry. I was… self-projecting.”

“You? Self-projecting? What gave you that idea?” I reply as dryly as I know how. Max scowls at me, and my lips try for a smile, “It’s alright. I know it’s still fresh.”

“It shouldn’t be,” Max sighs as he looks up at the ceiling as if asking Goddess for help. “It really shouldn’t be, but either way, I just put Nikola in my shoes and you in Ash’s, and that’s not cool.”

“No,” I admit, “but I won’t hold it against you. Call it a freebie.”

Max’s eyes find mine again, lighting up, “I thought I’d used mine for the year.”

“Who the fuck cares,” I reply with a groan that pulls a real laugh from Max.

Max and I’s friendship was… peculiar. We fought more than we got along and most times, he found me as disgusting as I found him prissy. We overstepped, a lot, and sometimes it turned out for the best, like me breaking Max’s phone so he couldn’t fall for his ex’s bullshit, and sometimes it didn’t quite work out, like today, so we had to give each other freebies for when it didn’t.

Freebies were like lifesavers for our friendship. A pass to wipe the slate clean of situations that would otherwise cost us our friendship. We were supposed to only have one a year, but sometimes exceptions had to be made.

“What did you tell him?” I ask as the fight leaves me. “When you weren’t hitting on him.”

Max smiles, but this one wavers and becomes something much sadder as he looks at me, “The same thing you told me.”

I understand him too quickly, and I almost hate myself for it.

Just because someone is treating you like a secret, doesn’t mean that you have to act like one.

I nod and Max whispers an apology that I wave off. What was done was done.

“I am sorry, Hagen-”

“But?” I prompt, because there was always a but.

Max grimaces, “I’m sorry I went about this the wrong way, and I’ll try not to overstep again- the key word being try, but-”

“There it is!”

“BUT!” Max repeats, unfazed. “Be careful, Hagen. Maybe Nik agreed to wait, but people get tired of waiting.” His gaze turns imploring, “From someone who was on the other side of this, nothing feels worse than the person you’re into hiding you from the people close to them.”

“I know,” I mumble, remembering the look I’d seen on Nikola’s face earlier.

Nikola was always so sure of himself, bold, frustratingly unapologetic and confident, so it was almost earth-shattering to see what he looked like when he was hurt.

I try to blink it away, just to manage a breath, but it stays at the forefront of my mind, ever-present and haunting.

“And I am your friend first, but if Nikola needs a friend, then I’ll be his too,” Max says before quickly raising a hand, “an unbiased, listening ear type of friend.”

I chuckle, about to tell Max that he couldn’t be an unbiased listener anything, but before I can say another word, Jasper rushes into the kitchen with his hands clasped over his ears and his face redder than his pale ass should’ve been capable of.

“How are you two just standing here?!? My eardrums are going to fucking implode!” he shouts loudly before he grabs his pizza box and runs for the door. “I’m out! Fix your fucking TV, Hagen!”

Ruben soon appears after him, “I’m leaving too, but mi had fun an it did nice seeing yuh, Calderon. Memba tuh stay in touch.”

“I will,” I promise.

Ruben nods before he looks at Max, “You wa wah ride back or yuh walking?”

“Ruben, be so real right now. I amnotwalking when you have a car with gas in its tank,” Max replies with a scoff that makes Ruben laugh as he heads out the door. Max hastily grabs his pizza box and rushes after him, but he stops before me, “Are we good?”

“Freebie,” I remind him.

“Does that mean my eyes are safe now?” he asks mischievously. “No one’s going to tear them out.”

I give him a shove, “Get out of my place.”

Max smiles, forcing me into a hug that I cling to for a moment longer than I probably should before he too is heading out the door with a wave and a “Bye, Nikola!” that doesn’t grind my gears.

As the door shuts after him, silence enraptures the entire apartment in an almost deafening way. It’s piercing, like the quiet that follows after a ruler has been slammed down on a table to hush a noisy classroom, except there’s no one left seated but Nikola and I.

I turn in the hallway, looking down the length of it until I spot Nikola. He stands on the other side, his expression unreadable, but the mask he wears shows me more than he could ever know.

“Nik,” I start, but when he raises a hand, I find myself quiet.

“Today was a lot for me, Hagen,” he says very carefully, his eyes not on mine but on something just behind me, as if he needed something to look at that wasn’t me. “A lot happened, and there were a lot of new things in this space. I need some time to reset.”

“But we should talk about today,” I try as I take a step forward.

Nik’s gaze darts down to my feet, “I can’t now.”

I frown, “Nikola-” I start, but Nikola disappears before I can say another word.

For a moment, fear wells inside of me that he’d just left, but I hear movement close by that has me moving to the bedroom. Nik sits on the edge of the bed with a small dark green box in hand.

“Nik,” I try, but he doesn’t reply. He doesn’t even look at me, he’s too focused on the box.

I walk further in, drawing closer as he takes a large set of headphones from within it and slides it over his ears. The moment they’re on, his body unlocks. All the tension that kept him ramrod straight evaporates as he closes his eyes.

Noise-cancelling headphones. When Nik was little, really little, Aunty Kat always had two things with her when they came around: noise-cancelling headphones and a small fuzzy ball. It’d been years since I’d seen Nik with either, but there he was, with those headphones on and a box with all sorts of trinkets, including a familiar certain ball.

I draw back slowly, realising even while I wanted to stay beside him and talk it out, that wasn’t what he needed right now.

The rest of the apartment is a mess that I’d usually leave as is, but then Nik’s words about ‘new things in this space’ ring in my head and I find myself slowly cleaning it all up.

Remember how good today was when it started? –I ask Zyair as I pick up the cups and soda cans.Maybe I should’ve just taken Nik’s offer to leave when they showed up.

You don’t mean that –Zyair replies– I mean, I was all for it, but you weren’t.

How bad do you think it’ll be? –I ask, not bothering to try to hide the fear I knew we both shared.When he’s ready to talk.

It might be okay –Zyair tries, but it was his lying voice.

Zyair, come on.

He’s hurt, Hagen –he deadpans and it sparks another round of guilt inside of me.Look, I know you’re making loads of headway here, but Nikola’s been waiting for us for years. The big things for us, aren’t so big for him. He’s all in and you’re still… figuring it out.

You mean I’m holding it all back –I sigh as I drop the pillow in my hand.You’re all in, Neo is, and Nik too, and then there’s me.

Hey! No self-deprecation! –Zyair scolds.That is too ugly an emotion for someone with a wolf as amazing as me.I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me and Zyair beams with pride at being the cause.You are allowed to take all the time you need, no one can fault you for that. But, with everything that happened today, it might be good to do something nice for him to show that you’re in it too, just getting to the ‘all in’ bits.

And how do I do that?

You know what tomorrow is.

Oh Goddess.

I knew exactly what tomorrow was, but I’d been hoping against all odds that it’d just pass us by with neither Nik nor I acknowledging the fact that it was the 14th of February.

I hate Valentine’s Day– I groan, shuddering at just the thought of all the hearts and couples frolicking with decapitated roses.

Why? It’s so sweet! –Zyair exclaims, already swooning at the possibilities.And in case you haven’t noticed, you have a Valentine this year!

Technically, I had a Valentine every year, but I hadn’t had Zyair before those vows were shared.

I feel my lips spread a little as the memory that had become the root of why I hated the holiday for years resurfaces quickly, but now that things were different between Nik and me, it didn’t seem all that bad anymore.

What’s this tingly feeling?!? What are you thinking about and why don’t I know! –Zyair whines.

It was before your time, but I think I know what I can do for Nik.

Zyair squeals his excitement –Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! I want to help!

If you want to help, remind me where I put the craft paper left over after Christmas and the zigzag scissors.

Confusion swells inside me from Zyair’s side as he tries to figure out where I was going with this, but he wouldn’t get it, even when he saw it. He’d think it was childish and stupid, but it would mean the world to Nik.

I glance at the time on my phone and wince when I see it. There were only a few hours left til midnight, but it should be enough time to make this and maybe throw in something special on the side.

Valentine’s Day wasn’t my thing, but it once had been, and it would be again for the same reason it was before. For him.

————–

Jesus H Christ, what a chapter!!!!

Thoughts?!!?!?

Thoughts on Hagen’s jealousy returning??? Thoughts on Nik consistently stepping in for him, uh my hubby?!?

Thoughts on the little tiff in the kitchen??!?!

I personally was hoping for more fireworks, and even though we had that, I was hoping Max would leave with him and Hagen on the outs, but the fingers do what they want and at the end of the day, these guys are 25 not teenagers so they’re mature or whatever. Bleh.

I still enjoyed it anyway, and I hope you guys did too!

And in case it wasn’t exceedingly obvious, the next chapter is a memory chapter and it’s going to bleed your hearts dry because SPOILER, we’re going to be going back to a time when Nikola and Hagen got along and were super closer. UGH

If you liked this chapter, let me know your thoughts. And if you hated it, be gentle haha

I want to say we’re almost a 1/3 through the plot of the book, but there’s still much to come, I’m estimating this will be somewhere between Rogue and Master in length. We still have so much to cover, smut included hehe.

Until next time,
Byeeeeeeee Humanssssssss