Nikola’s P.O.V

“Nikola.”

I usually had a hard time cleaning anywhere other than my bedroom. It made me feel ill, but today there was no rumble in my abdomen or imagined worms slithering beneath my skin.

“Nikola.”

I flip the damp cloth before swiping it over the leather-bound grimoire. This one was in pristine condition. The owner— Azalea Grichen, clearly took the documentation of their life seriously, and for that, I was sure to show an equal amount of care.

“Nikola.”

Once I’m done with the outside, I lightly sweep across the pages to rid them of any dust before setting Ms. Grichen’s grimoire with the others I’d already gone through. I reach for the next but pause when I find my Ma standing in front of the waiting stacks.

I don’t bother asking how long she’d been there or how many times she’d tried to get my attention– clearly, it had been a while.

“Yes?”

“Tu fredonnais,” she states, and I immediately frown.

“I do not hum,” I reply because it was simply something I did not do.

“You did just now,” she counters, a way-too-proud smile stretching across her lips. “You’ve been doing it for a while. Oh– don’t make that face. It’s nice to see you so happy.”

“Because humming only occurs when one is especially thrilled?” I retort in French, and her smile becomes impossibly wider.

“In your case, it seems so,” she replies before her gaze shifts from amused to hopeful. “I take it things are going well? With you and Hagen?”

Well? The situation between Hagen and I exceeded the confines of ‘well’.

In all my planning, I’d never imagined that Hagen would be so receptive of me this soon. We did not fight or argue, and although that was an achievement in itself, somehow, I’d gotten to scent mark him as well.

A pleasant thrum settles deep inside of me at the thought of the memory that had been keeping me sustained for days on end now. Knowing that Hagen carried my scent was pleasing in ways I never imagined, and for the first time in my life, the constant burn to have him was quiet— sated.

“It’s better than I anticipated,” I admit truthfully, not inclined to share too much detail with my mother.

“That’s good,” she says calmly, her attention returning to the grimoire in her hands. “I hear it’s the same over on their side.”

I turn to stone before fixing my gaze on my smirking mother. Thankfully, she doesn’t torture me any longer or make me beg.

“My sources say that Hagen is the happiest he’s been in a while,” she reports calmly, and I envy her for being so controlled when her words were making me anything but. “Apparently, he’s glued to his phone.”

My lips twitch upwards as I recall the back-and-forth we’d been caught in last night after I’d accidentally mentioned my distaste for most animations. I’d ‘offended’ my mate and ‘almost got myself rejected through text’.

Somehow, I’d bought myself an hour of Hagen trying to sell me on cartoons, and I loved every minute of it.

I, by no means, was a ‘texter’ and generally hated using my phone, but for Hagen, I didn’t go anywhere without its weight overburdening my pocket.

“I told my source that I was happy to hear that because I know someone who’s the same,” Ma continues, her smile turning almost giddy as she drops the reporter act. “It was just nice to hear that this—” she gestures at me, “wasn’t one-sided.”

I don’t reply to that. I knew my parents wanted more for me, but I’d come to the conclusion a long time ago that I’d always feel more for Hagen than he’d ever be capable of feeling for me. I had more to give, I felt more between us, but I could agree that it was nice to be wanted, even if it were only the earliest stages.

“Thank you,” I manage eventually, and she nods.

I go back to cleaning, assuming she’d do the same, but when Ma just keeps looking at me, I stifle my sigh and spread my arms.

My mother wasn’t the most affectionate person in the world, and even for dad and me– the people she loved most in the world– she could be reserved sometimes. It was a product of the cruel life she’d endured before she found us, but sometimes, when her joys were greater than her propensities, she was like an excited child.

I loved seeing her like this, so when she rushes over to squeeze the life out of me, I hold on tight.

“I know it’s hard, but you’re doing everything right,” she tells me against my chest, her hand patting my back. “Just be patient for a little longer.”

“I will,” I vow, both to her and myself.

At first, the prospect had seemed near impossible without constant effort, but since that night Hagen and I had scented one another, it had become easier. I didn’t feel nearly as frantic inside or as desperate to see him incessantly. It was like I’d been given a tiny piece of him, and my body had calmed with just that.

Luckily, I knew exactly what I had to do to collect more.

“Ah shit, y’all are melting my heart,” Ma and I look up just as dad lifts his phone and coos behind it. “This is going in the album.”

Ma gives me one last squeeze before she pulls away and frowns at her mate, “How long have you been there?”

“My answer doesn’t matter. I’m family,” dad declares while he pockets his phone. “I’m sorry to interrupt Grimoire Day, but I’ve got news.”

“Stop calling it that,” Ma groans, not for the first time. “It doesn’t even make sense.”

It wasn’t as if Ma and I cleaned the grimoires once a week or even once a month. It was more like whenever the cobwebs became annoying and we mustered up the resolve to do something about it. And yet, dad insisted on calling it ‘Grimoire Day’, and noting it down as if it were some big event.

“What’s the news?” I ask before they could fall into an argument I’d heard too many times already.

Pausing whatever rant he had geared up, Dad turns towards me with a bright smile that’s almost a perfect replica of the one Ma had earlier. “We have been invited to a Christmas Dinner tonight with the Heils and the Calderons.”

“Oh shit,” Ma says, caramel eyes growing wide.

“Why?” I ask, more suspicious than anything else.

There were only a few days left until Christmas, and though I was a fan of the holiday, my fondness for it was practically hatred when compared to the adoration from that family. Based on Hagen’s updates, Peter had returned home on Wednesday, and since then, there wasn’t a single thing the family didn’t do together.

I hadn’t seen Hagen in days, but I got regular reports on the chaos occurring now that everyone was back together and staying in the house; even Damon and Will were there. To think they’d invite us to join the madness, even for a meal, was hard to believe.

“Because we’re family,” Dad says in a tone that makes Ma and I grimace.

We were ‘family’, in a way, but that did not mean we went over there on their most sacred holiday to share ham.

“Who else is going?” Ma asks before I can.

“Just us,” Dad reports, eyes returning my way. “I thought maybe you’d heard something first.”

I shake my head, staying pointedly quiet. Now that I knew Ma and her best friend were trading information about their kids’ relationship, I didn’t want to say something that might find its way back to Hagen in the wrong manner.

“Free food is the best food, and you know with Peter being home, that shit will be amazing,” Ma says thoughtfully before she frowns. ”But staying in is also a very viable option.”

“I like socialising,” Dad says plainly. “That means you’ve got the final decision, trouble.”

My answer was easy, but I couldn’t share it yet.

Putting my cloth down in it’s designated space, I take a step back, “I need a moment.”

When they nod, I turn and make my way through the carved paths all the grimoires had made that take me deeper into the massive Atheneum. Once I’m far enough away, I pull my phone free and quickly type out a message to Hagen. I waver on it for a while before I delete every letter and instead do something different. I call the number at the top.

In the passing seconds that it rings, I falter on what I want to say. I did want to go, if only to see my mate, but if this was some sort of match-making trap, then I’d be selfless and warn him, and if he said not to come, then I wouldn’t.

“Nikola?” Hagen answers after the third ring. He sounded confused.

“Sorry, are you busy?”

“No, no,” he replies quickly. “You’ve just never called before. What’s up?”

Neo purs happily at the cheeriness in Hagen’s voice, and I’m right there with him. It didn’t matter how much he did it now, I still cherished every time he spoke to me without any of the tension he held onto for so long.

These days when we spoke, Hagen sounded as if being around me made him happy, and I adored it.

“We were invited to your home tonight for a Christmas dinner,” I report carefully.

There’s a moment of silence before Hagen replies, “Yeah, I know.”

I pause, “You know?”

“Yeah. What? Did you guys not want to come?”

“We do,” I reply while my feet take me deeper into the room. “I just wanted to make sure you knew so that you weren’t surprised if I showed up.”

“Oh,” It’s all he says, a quiet muffled ‘oh’, and then nothing.

I stare unblinkingly ahead while I mentally will him to say anything at all, but he doesn’t. In my mind, I replay our exchange so far, looking for something odd, but fail to find a single peculiar word.

Maybe he wants you to surprise him — Neo suggests unhelpfully. Hey, it’s possible!

Yes, but not at this stage.

“Thanks, Nikola,” Hagen says finally, “but… um, I actually was the one who asked to invite you guys.”

The world shrieks to a halt around me, and so does my brain.

It’s like a mini-shutdown without all the disarray, just a momentary lapse that makes me think maybe that had been a figment of my imagination, but no. Hagen had been the one to ask, which meant he wanted me there.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths are all that keep me stationed exactly where I am rather than appearing at Hagen’s side.

“I hope that’s okay,” Hagen says in a rush. “I mean, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. No pressure.B-But if you do, then yeah… Okay, I’m going to stop talking now. Unless—”

“I want to come,” I reply, cutting him off before he ends up reclaiming the invitation. “You’ll be there, so I want to come.”

A shallow breath sounds from the other end of the line, and in my mind, I picture Hagen as he’d been a few nights ago, clinging to me as I buried my scent deep into his being. Then he’d asked for more.

I clear my throat, fighting the increasingly familiar lust flooding my system, “Thank you for the invitation, Hagen.”

“It’s nothing,” Hagen replies with an awkward laugh. “Seriously, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. You know how manic things get over here when it’s Christmas.”

“It will be entertaining.”

Hagen laughs dryly, “Let’s see if you still think that later.”

“Let’s,” I reply, the smile on my lips carrying in my voice as well. “I’ll see you tonight, Hagen.”

“Okay,” Hagen replies, and he stays on the line for a few perfect seconds before he ends the call.

I glance at the time and start counting down the minutes.

A dinner with Hagen’s family and mine— it sounded like trouble waiting to happen. Knowing Hagen’s family, they would pounce on any trace of familiarity between us, and knowing my mate, that would only make him feel insecure.

It probably took much for him to ask, and I would not waste that by doing anything tonight that would make him uncomfortable or give his family something to talk about.

No. I’d stick to the plan and be the ideal picture of courtesy.

—————————————

It’s Peter that opens the door after dad knocks, and to my surprise, it’s with a big smile.

It wasn’t that Peter wasn’t friendly– he was. He’d just never been so confident in all my years of knowing him. I suppose that age-old sentiment that university helped people grow had some truth to it.

“H-Hi,” he greets as he steps back to let us in.

“Peter!” Dad goes right in for the hug, even when Peter seizes up slightly. Thankfully, dad checks his strength and gives Peter what I’m sure is the most gentle hug he’s capable of. “You’ve grown!”

Peter pets his hair shyly, “B-By a c-centimetre?”

“A centimetre and a half,” Ma replies with a gentle pat on his shoulder before she heads inside the familiar home. “We’re here! I brought eggnog, Aiden!”

“Fuck yes! We’re in the living room!” A booming voice hollers back, clearly just as excited to see his friend as Ma was to see hers, even if they both refused to admit that that’s what they were.

As Dad follows after her, Peter smiles at me with that same smile he’d always shared with me throughout the years. And as always, I wave just a little, and his smile becomes beaming in a heartbeat.

When we reach the others in the large living room, I stay within the doorway, not particularly excited to join the battlefield of children, board games and an excessive eggnog station. Against the wall, a massive Christmas tree shimmers above a stockpile of presents, and on the opposite side of the room, a fire roars its flames.

With everyone dressed in red and green, the home radiates the perfect picture of Christmas.

My eyes find Hagen without effort. He’s sat beside Jayson, the pair wearing a matching set of poorly knitted sweaters, and though they were absolutely hideous, Hagen looked cute wrapped in so much wool.

I’m taking in every inch of him when his brown eyes lift to meet mine. Everyone’s too busy greeting my parents to notice the way we stare at one another, gazes locked so tightly it sends tingles down my spine.

I look away first and reluctantly move just a little further inside so that my feet don’t have a chance to march me directly to him. I only meant to put space between us, but served to put myself right in the jaws of Damon and Will, whose eyes light up in a way only alcohol could explain.

“Nikola!” They chorus, moving like the unit they were to pull me into a hug. I sigh, resigning to my fate while they hug me as if I were their long-lost pup.

“You came!” William cheers when he pulls back and then reaches up to pat my cheek. “You look good, Nik! Have you been eating?!”

“Yes, William. I have been eating,” I reply, lips tugging upwards because when William was drunk, he was particularly amusing.

“That’s good. We’ve been drinking,” Damon states as if there wasn’t an enormous mug in his hand filled to the brim with evidence. “But we haven’t harmed the kids.”

“Why would you even say that?” William chides, looking around for his girls who were all chatting with Josey.

“Just slipped out,” Damon mumbles, blue eyes growing wide with worry. “Wait, are they okay?!”

While Will tries to calm his mate, my eyes drift again to my own before I can stop it. He’s standing now, locked in-between my dad and his, who laugh raucously in a way that makes me cringe. But Hagen smiles and laughs with them, and then his brown eyes dart my way. They seem to brighten just a little, or maybe that was my imagination?

I force myself to look away again as Damon and Will stumble over to Hagen’s other dad, Julian. Conversation fills the room quickly, but I muffle it with a sound-cancelling barrier that stops me from leaving entirely.

On one side, my mom pours something red and glowing into the eggnog, igniting excited cheers from her closest friend, and on the other, my dad delves right into the Christmas cheer as if we really were a part of this family. It somehow felt like we were now– it was a warm feeling, or maybe that was just the fireplace.

From my fixed position against the wall, I watch as catching up with one another postpones the promised dinner, but not my mate. Though I feel his eyes on me every now and again, as do I notice the way he slowly seems to be getting closer and closer to me, until—

“Hey.”

Turning, I meet my favourite pair of chocolate eyes that quiets all the commotion around us. Hagen smiles awkwardly at me, his hand rubbing against his hideous sweater’s sleeve.

“Hello, Hagen,” I reply, already smiling despite my efforts not to give his family material to work with. I couldn’t help it though, because I found that while I liked Hagen to be comfortable around me, I also enjoyed it when he was slightly off-kilter.

“I didn’t think you’d come,” he admits quietly.

“I said I would,” I reply, but that’s all I let myself say.

I wanted to tease him as I’d started to do more often, to coax out his adorable huffs and outraged glares, but then I remember myself and our company.

Hagen stares at me expectantly, but I stay quiet, and an unfamiliar silence settles itself between the two of us.

I’d gotten comfortable talking to Hagen without having to think about each word before I spoke them, but it wasn’t just Hagen right now. We were in a room of people with too-sharp ears, and I didn’t want to give a single one of them any content to work with, for Hagen’s sake.

But the longer the silence continues, the closer Hagen’s dark brows get until he’s almost glaring at me. For some reason, he’s angry, but I can’t imagine why for the life of me.

“Can you come with me?” he asks, already moving before I can answer. Not that it mattered I supposed– we both knew I’d follow him anywhere.

I take a look around as we leave, and though there are eyes on us, Hagen doesn’t seem to notice. He moves quickly down the long hallway, and I follow quietly behind him until he opens the door to what looks like a small sitting room I’d never noticed before.

When I’m inside, Hagen shuts the door behind us and whirls towards me. “What’s wrong?”

I blink at him, confused to hear him sound concerned, angry and annoyed all at once. “Nothing is ‘wrong’.”

Hagen’s eyes narrow, “You’re not acting like you–” he states plainly, “you’re quiet.”

“I’m always quiet.”

“Quieter then,” he counters. “You were avoiding me too.”

I don’t deny it because I had, on two occasions, moved opposite of him when he’d been inching his way towards me. But I’d only done so because I thought his movements were involuntary, and I didn’t want to put him in my space when he didn’t intend to be there.

Apparently, I’d been wrong.

“Why?” he asks, a spark of hurt joining his warring emotions. It makes my heart bleed.

“I know how your family is,” I reply truthfully. “And I know how I am around you, and I wanted to avoid giving them things to tease you for.”

Hagen’s eyes widen, and all the agitation clears from his expression almost instantly. His concern shifts to understanding, anger to gratitude, and his annoyance to amusement.

“Nikola, they had a field day— no, field days when they smelt your scent on me,” he deadpans with a small laugh. “And they’re sure as shit going crazy right now. So don’t waste your energy worrying about those idiots. They will always find something dumb to say.”

I’m… surprised, to hear him say that.

Hagen had always cared so much about what people thought, and though it was not something I could understand, I had learned to work around it. But now he was practically saying that he didn’t care, and that was odd for Hagen.

“Are you sure?” I ask, and he nods fervently.

“Don’t worry about them, just—” he looks at me, lips crooking just a little, “be like you always are.”

“Like I always am?” I ask, amused.

Hagen folds his arms, “Yeah, that secret asshole you keep under wraps. You should’ve told me how ugly my sweater is by now.”

I look down at the monstrosity, “I like your sweater.”

Hagen scowls, “No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t,” I admit with a chuckle. “It’s horrendous.”

“I know, but Jayson made them for us, so I have to wear it,” he replies with a grimace as he tugs at the ends. “Not all best friend duties are nice ones.”

I nod my agreement thinking of all the disasters I’d had to withstand for Jacob.

“But now that I’ve got you talking, tell me the truth. How horrible has this week been?” He asks, eyes turning mockingly sympathetic. “You haven’t seen me since that lucky break at the bowling alley. You must be distraught.”

I choke on a laugh, the sound freeing itself before I know it. “It was challenging,” I admit for his benefit, and he hums proudly. “But luckily, I had your scent to keep me sated.”

Hagen stills, his big brown eyes focusing on me as his cheeks warm quickly. “It’s um… faded now.”

“It is,” I agree sadly while I watch the way his throat bobs. “But it was nice while it lasted.”

To my surprise, Hagen nods, and that’s the very first piece of the puzzle that is my undoing.

“You liked it?”

As Hagen looks down, his fingers fiddling with his sweater, lust begins to stir inside of me, and it builds quickly.

“Hagen,” I whisper, and he immediately looks back at me. “Did you like it?”

Hagen’s throat bobs again, and my ears catch the way his heart skips a beat. “Yes.”

I step forward. I’d meant to keep space between us, but it’s impossible when my mate stands before me as a vision of temptation.

“I liked it too,” I confess, holding his gaze. “I loved waking with your scent and knowing you were waking with mine.”

Hagen’s chest pumps with each quick breath, and I bask in the display of want written all over him. It was not in my head, not a fantasy I’d concocted or a dream. It was all Hagen.

“When you’re ready, and only when you’re ready,” I drop my gaze to his neck, breathing in deep, “I’d like to do it again.”

“Nik,” Hagen breathes out in a rush that draws me one more step closer to him.

“Would you like that, Hagen?” I ask, voice dropping lower while my magic simmers just below the surface, desperate to reach out and take him apart. “Would you like to carry my scent again?”

A soft sound escapes my mate. It’s tortured like a whimper, and it makes my blood boil, “Yes.”

Goddess. I grit my teeth and bite back a curse while Hagen and I share hurried pants, so close now although I didn’t even remember how we’d gotten like this.

I needed to step back, to get a handle on myself before I gave in to this insatiable ache, pulled him flush against me, and did things to him he wasn’t ready for. But I don’t. I don’t because I can’t, but more than that, I don’t step back because I don’t want to.

I wanted more, and I’d take it if Hagen didn’t stop me.

In the quiet of the heated room, I stretch my hand towards his, slow enough for him to pull away, but he doesn’t. Hagen stays perfectly still, only watching on as I take his fingers into mine.

Sparks erupt between us, unbridled and restless, causing my entire body to tremble as I carefully intertwine our fingers.

It was just a touch, but it felt like so much more– so much it was overwhelming.

I didn’t think I was a greedy person, but right now, all I can think is more, more, more. So, I take more.

Tightening my grip, I tug Hagen closer, and he stumbles into my space, his breaths coming even faster now.

“Nikola,” Hagen breathes, voice shaky with nerves and maybe fear.

I still, “Do you want me to stop?”

With his eyes glued to our hands, Hagen doesn’t say a word for a few measured seconds, but then he shakes his head. “No… I… it’s okay.”

“Just okay?” I ask, and his eyes lift to mine, narrowing.

“Stop fishing.”

“Stop making me,” I reply, passing my thumb over his knuckles. Hagen’s eyes flutter close, and it takes real effort not to swipe my thumb higher over his wrist.

If I scented him now, we’d end up like the other night, except perhaps with hands in other places.

I wondered… what would Hagen’s lips taste like…

“We should go back,” I grind out.

“We should,” he mumbles, but neither of us makes a move at doing so.

Instead, we draw closer and closer, until our bodies are almost plastered together and my nose is only inches from his hair, as his is from my neck.

We could scent one another right now, delve right in and get lost in pleasure until we didn’t know where either of us started and ended.

Goddess, that sounded like a dream, but what little shred of logic remained told me that would make things awkward when we returned, so this was the next best thing, and it was perfect.

“I like this, Hagen,” I tell him because honesty usually yields good results. “I like this very much.”

Hagen’s lips part as he whispers, “I like it too. But… I don’t understand why it’s always so intense when we t-touch. We’re just—” his cheeks heat, and he ducks his head a little, “holding hands.”

I bite back my laugh at the whisper and rub his knuckles again. “It’ll get better with time.”

I sincerely hoped it never did.

I hoped every time I touched Hagen, I felt like this— like I was watching a star being born and feeling its energy ripple inside of me. I hoped this feeling never faded.

Cocking his head back, Hagen lets our eyes meet again, and it’s that look— the very same one he showed me on our first date and a few times since.

It’d been weeks, but I still couldn’t decipher it no matter how much I tried, and it irked me to not know what he was thinking.

“Do you want to stop?” I ask again, just in case that was it.

“No,” Hagen whispers, his breaths brushing against my skin and setting me ablaze.

If I leaned in now, I’d taste his lips, but no. Not yet.

“I…”

I wait at first, not wanting to force him to say what I knew he was too scared to admit. But then, my desires weigh in, and at this moment, I want to hear it more than anything else.

“Say it,” Hagen’s eyes grow even wider. He looks at me like a deer caught in headlights or perhaps a nefarious sinner pleading for one last act of grace, but I don’t grant it to him. Instead, I lean closer and bring my lips to his ear, “Say it for me, Hagen.”

Hagen shudders hard, his chest meeting mine as his body gives in and falls against me, fingers still clenching onto mine.

“I… I never… want you to stop.”

My grip on his hand turns vice-like, bruising, but Hagen just groans, sounding almost as drunk on the pleasure as I did inside.

I inhale him deeply, while my free hand finds his hip and settles. Goddess, he fit perfectly.

“When I have you, Hagen, and I will,” I brush my lips against his cheek, sealing the oath, “… I promise I’ll never stop.”

——————

MR AMORENIA NEEDS TO STOP!!!!!!!! HE NEEDS TO FUCKING STOP!!!!!!!!!!!

Thoughts?????

Thoughts on the mother-son moment at the start?!? Thoughts on the Heil invite??? Thoughts on the last scene???

If you can’t already tell, Hagen and Nik are a bit of a slow burn to start, and so to me, these little moments feel monumental. You’d swear they’re doing the filthiest things and their just holding hands and I LOVE IT!!!!!!

AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUXH AND WE’RE JUST STARTING!!!!!!

I really hope you guys enjoyed this double update!!!!!! That is was worth the wait, and that you are enjoying it as much as I am, even with Hagen being in denial and a simp for Nik all at once. Lmfaooo.

I have no clue when the next update will be, but tomorrow I post another AM rewrite chapter on Patreon, and then I’ll be working ok the Josey-Kai + Hagen-Nikola Patreon extra.

I do have a lot going on with university so thank you to those of you who are always patient and kind in-between updates.

Until next time,
Byeeeeeeeee Humanssssssss