(A/N – for those who like music, I wrote this chapter to two songs, the first half is to ‘I wanted to leave’ by SYML and the second is ‘Missing the mark’ by Aquilo. They’re both on my Spotify Control playlist, but I’ll link both and tell you when to play the second song below! ENJOY)

———

You can play first song if you please

Nikola’s P.O.V

I was supposed to close my eyes in these situations. The deep breaths wouldn’t work if I didn’t close my eyes.

They had to be shut, otherwise my mind would focus on all the things around me instead of clearing, and then I would become too overwhelmed to calm down. So I was supposed to close my eyes, take several deep breaths— counting each of them off, until eventually, the sharp pain tyrannising my chest would lessen.

I knew the steps— knew that they worked because I usually settled around my twentieth breath. So I should’ve been doing it now, but the millions of thoughts raging within my mind had already doubled, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find my way to that starting line.

I couldn’t find the promised shelter behind my eyes because every time I tried, I’d hear him, and a part of me fractures a little more. I didn’t quite remember unveiling the spell around the bathroom, but I must have, because each of his panicked groans echoed off the walls like the sniffs in between them, all slithering to my ears like haunting whispers.

He was crying.

I’d made him cry.

I jolt slightly when cold scales brush against my fingertips. Usually, the chilled traces of the magic living within Knots settled me, but now, it was too much. There was already too much— the spilt beer, his mutters, the cars outside— and adding the chilled ridges of Knots’ scales made me feel like I might break.

I shake my head, breaths too shallow to get words out between them, but Knots had never required me to speak to understand what I needed, which was exactly why he eased back, knowing that unlike all the times before, I couldn’t have him wrap around me to hold me steady.

This time wasn’t like all the rest. This time, everything was more than just loud, and I didn’t know how to make it stop.

Staring blankly ahead, my eyes settled on the countertop opposite me and in a heated flash, my most recent memories come back to life, reminding me of how Hagen and I had come undone there, how our lips had met and—

“Nik!”

“Please.”

“So good.”

“Stop!”

My breaths surface faster, my heart pounding so viscously my eyes stung. It all comes so quickly that I almost believe it was only in my head— a fantasy that had simply felt more real than all the others, that was all. But then I could still taste him on my tongue, his scent was buried under my nails, and the toppled beer bottle was still dribbling its contents all over the floor.

I hadn’t even noticed it fall.

I try to recall it, the moment it might’ve tipped over while our bodies were too webbed to notice, but there was no clear imprint in my mind after the moment Hagen fisted my shirt in his hands and pulled me into him. Following that world-altering moment, it had all become a blur, and now…. he was crying.

Hagen was crying.

My lips pull tight, but that just reminds me of how achingly raw they were. We’d been greedy with each other, taking and claiming all we could, but before that, for a moment, I could remember it had been bliss.

For one perfect endless moment, when our lips had first met, and a bolt of electric magic had zapped up my spine hitting every single vertebra on the way, it had been bliss— better than my most vivid daydreams, better than my most secret desires, and then—

“Stop! S-Stop! Stop!”

My stomach rolls, causing bile to climb up my throat as I recall the shock in Hagen’s eyes. It was panic and fear, and horror before he’d run. He’d run from me, and though I was certain that in a better state, I might figure out why, right now, I couldn’t. Right now, I could only worry that I’d done something wrong, that I’d hurt him in some way. But I’d thought he’d wanted it— wanted me… hadn’t he?

Or had he not? Had it all been in my mind? What if that was it? What if he hadn’t wanted any of it, and I’d only done as I’d pleased? Had I— forced him? Oh, Goddess—

Nikola — Neo calls, but his voice is quiet when compared to my internal calamity.

No. We’d both wanted that. We had. He’d pulled me to him, and then the feeble restraint I’d been clinging to had crumbled, but I hadn’t forced him.

I hadn’t.

I hadn’t. I hadn’t.I hadn’t.

I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t do that.

I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that.

I didn’t. I–

Nikola, breathe — Neo instructs, his voice firm now. You didn’t hurt, Hagen.

But he’d run. If I hadn’t hurt him, then why had he run, and why did he look at me like that before he did? As if I’d just broken his heart or torn out some vital part of him.

My fingers twitch at my side, aimless, lost, and still torturously warm.

Goddess, I’d touched him everywhere. I’d run my fingers over every part of him in the places I could reach, and my magic had ventured to the places I couldn’t. I hadn’t even thought about what he might want, I’d just done it. I’d just—

You did not force him, Nikola. You didn’t do anything he didn’t want — Neo insists desperately, but how could he be sure?

We’d been slowly losing hold of ourselves from the moment we’d arrived at Hagen’s apartment. Living with Hagen, so close yet so far, was greater than a test—it was torture— and while we’d resisted the deep-seated need laced within our bond, Hagen had pulled me to him— kissed me, and it had snapped completely. After that, a desire so strong it hurt had taken over me, and I could only recall grasping hands and desperate moans. But what if that wasn’t the full picture?

“Stop!”

What if I had hurt my mate?

I don’t remember moving past Knots or the journey from the kitchen to him, but somehow, I end up in the bathroom, standing at the threshold of the clear shower doors. Startled, Hagen’s head shoots up from where he’s hunched on the floor, revealing watery brown eyes that make my world begin to crumble. I shift my gaze down, focusing instead on his chest which raged as hard as mine.

“Nikola, please— please, not now,” he begs, his voice trembling. I could smell it on him– his fears, it was a stench that rotted his normally calming scent.

My vision begins to merge, the world tilting.

“Look, I’m sorry, but can I just have a minute to—”

“Did I force you?” I ask, and I realise how stilted I sounded, but I’d been clear. I needed to be clear so that when he replied, I couldn’t doubt his answer. “Did you not want me to touch you?”

He stills for a breath, “What? Nik–”

“Did I force myself onto you? Did you not want me to touch you? Was what happened not something you wanted?” I ask, each question coming right after the other. Never-ending and layered, just as they were in my mind. “Was that not what you wanted?”

“Nikola, fuck, just slow down–”

“Were you uncomfortable? Did I hurt you? Did I–”

“No!” he cuts in, the single word causing everything to hush. It all stops, but I don’t dare to lift my gaze. Even as Hagen’s hands rise to wipe furiously at his tearful face, I keep my gaze pinned to his chest. “You didn’t force anything on me, Nikola.”

I manage a small breath, just enough to speak again, “It was consensual?”

He stalls again, and this time, I have to look at him. Where I spotted delicate fear in those brown eyes before, now there’s only the confusion that morphed his face into hard frown lines.

“That was–” he pauses, shuddering as he looks beyond me, lost in thought, “that was consensual… I wanted it.”

I breathe properly again only when I hear those words, and my lungs fill so quickly that my stance staggers slightly.

I hadn’t forced him.

I hadn’t hurt him.

I hadn’t hurt him.

I hadn’t hurt him.

I hadn’t. He said so. He said so.

He said I didn’t hurt him.

“Can you go now?” he asks as he rubs his palms into his eyes. “I answered your questions, so can you please give me just a second by myself?”

“If I didn’t hurt you, why did you run?”

Hagen groans then, the sound alarmingly distressed as his hands drop and he practically glares at me, “Really? Now? Now, Nikola? We have to do this right now?”

“Yes,” I answer, though I know it only makes it worse. “Why did you run away from me if I didn’t hurt you?”

“Goddess,” he curses, head shaking as he grips his hair.

“If it was what you wanted, then why did you—”

“Because I wasn’t ready for that, Nikola!” Hagen croaks, eyes finding mine again, wide and shedding fresh tears. “I wasn’t ready for any of that! A-And I didn’t expect to… to—” he falters, losing steam as his heart bangs against his chest and mine buckles. He sighs, shoulders slumping in defeat, “I didn’t expect things to be like that with you.”

As Hagen wipes at his face again, hastily trying to hide the tears I’d already seen, I slot the answers into my mind. ‘It was too much.’ ‘He hadn’t been ready for all that had happened’, though I hadn’t expected us to get so intimate so quickly.

It made sense. It was a relief, but my chest was still tight— too tight from the fear of what would happen after this.

We were already so careful with one another, following rules and not going too fast too quickly, so what would happen now? I didn’t want to go back— didn’t think I could. I was too used to Hagen’s small smiles and the way he lit up when it was just us.

I couldn’t let that go, but what if that’s what he needed?

“Any more questions?” he asks, sounding so exhausted it hurts. I shake my head, and he looks away, “Then please, Nikola. Please, can you just leave me alone?”

“No,” I reply, causing those brown eyes to fill with so much disbelief that it almost tips to hatred. That too is too familiar, and it makes my chest tighten even more. I look back at his chest, “I can’t go. If I’m apart from you, I will panic and I don’t know what will happen then.”

I was already panicking, I could feel it— the way I was barely breathing, the way my magic was rattling within my veins. It was already bad, but if I left now– if I took my eyes off him, my mind would construct every possible scenario of what might happen when he did want to speak to me, and right now, none seemed good.

I would panic, and then things really would be worse.

From the corner of my eye, I catch the way Hagen’s trembling lips hang open for a moment before they slam shut in an angry line that shatters as he releases a frustrated sob.

“Nikola,” Hagen breathes like a broken plea. “I need a minute alone. Just one fucking minute!”

“I’ll stay here,” I say, sitting myself down on the floor with my back against the shower door.

My insides twist the moment I settle on the frigid bathroom tiles and alarms readily sound, but I ignore them, shoving the queasiness down into a box. The box is already bursting at the seams, but I ignore that too, instead focusing on the smooth curve of my index finger’s nail.

“I’ll stay here and I won’t say a word,” I state clearly, head nodding as I trace the nail. “I won’t look at you. I won’t speak or make a sound. I just need to be here. I need to be close.”

If I were close, then eventually the rope that kept tightening around my chest would loosen and the panic constricting my heart would come to a stop. It didn’t matter that my skin felt like it were on fire, or that the world was tilting and becoming a nauseating swirled mess.

If I was here, I could smell him and remind myself of his words that promised I didn’t hurt him. He said I didn’t. He did.

It was consensual. I didn’t hurt him.

He was crying. He was still upset, but maybe I could think of a way to fix this if I stayed here. I just had to stay right here.

But the floor. I didn’t want to stay on the bathroom floor. The tiles were cold– too cold, and there were germs I couldn’t see on them. I always hated being in the bathroom for too long. Hated the guaranteed filth of it, hated the sound of the toilet when it flushed and the water in the drains. Hated it. Hated it.

I wanted to get out. But I couldn’t leave, couldn’t leave Hagen.

I’d already made him cry. I already–

“Nikola.”

I blink, and then blink again when I find Hagen hastily kneeling in front of me. There were the wide brown eyes I loved, still wet and scared, but he looked more fearful than he had before, as though something terrible had happened.

Had I made it worse? I had.

I should’ve gone. I should’ve left him alone.

“Shit. Nikola. Hey, hey. It’s okay. It’s okay,” he promises while his eyes dart around frantically before he mutters a curse and looks only at me again. “Let’s try deep breaths. Okay? Deep breaths help with panic attacks, r-right?” he tries for a smile, but it’s shaky. “Do you think you can breathe with me?”

He settles his hand over my thundering chest, the touch lighting a torch of blazing fire within my heart that burns everything else away. I zone in on that, focusing on every detail of the stretch of his palm, of his fingers splayed over my heart.

“We’re gonna do some deep breaths, okay, Nik?” Hagen shuffles closer until his knees nudge my thighs. “Look at me. Yeah, just look at me and breathe when I do. Let’s take one in.”

Hagen sucks in a breath, a deep one that fills his lungs so much, the width of his chest spreads visibly, and I feel my body struggling to do the same.

“And out,” he exhales, letting it out in a steady flow. “Yeah! Just like that. Let’s just do that again. We just have to do this together.”

Again, Hagen takes in a deep, and I follow, inflating my lungs as he does and holding it just the same.

I don’t part my eyes from his, needing to see them, needing to see that there wasn’t fear in them.

Nodding, Hagen releases his breath, and again, I do the same. I keep doing it, following him with each deep breath until we’re breathing together, our souls and hearts settling into the same gentle thrum. We breathe, slowly, and eventually, the chaos in my mind begins to muffle.

It quiets, all the noise within the world turning mute as I focus on the brown irises that become the centre of my world.

“There you go. There,” Hagen whispers, his smile shaky as he takes my hands in his. The touch is warm and distracting as my heavy eyes settle on them. “Hey, Nik. We’re okay. I’m sorry, I….”

Hagen keeps talking to me, his voice so gentle that it begins to lull me. He was saying all sorts of things about being scared, about it being him, but it didn’t hear it all. With my mind finally a little clearer, exhaustion was free to make itself known and I couldn’t fight it like this.

My eyes begin to flutter close, and everything suddenly becomes heavy as I feel my body sway. Distantly, I recognise hands propping me up, but with the scent of ocean spray surrounding me, I quietly fall asleep and finally… finally, it isn’t so loud.

——————————————————

a/n – you can play second song from here, I recommend listening to the end – Missing the Mark by Aquilo

The sky outside is dark when my eyelids part, with all the apartment buildings lit up entirely by the lights inside. I’m not sure how long I stare at them but eventually, I catch movement behind some of the pulled curtains.

Some of the silhouettes were on their own while others were joined by another, and my waking mind wanders to the whereabouts of my second silhouette, but when fingers trace down my spine, those feeble worries trickle off.

He was here. Hagen was right here, and I didn’t have to worry if he was here.

My eyes slowly shut, my body relaxing all at once as I breathe him in, his scent soothing every cell inside of me.

Whatever dream this was, I hoped it didn’t end as badly as the last.

I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep, but it felt like it had been years. It made sense, seeing as for the last four nights, sleep had evaded me while I replayed the conversations between my mate and prepped for the ones to come.

It had been a long time since I’d scripted. I’d thought I’d outgrown it, but as was proving the norm lately, my preset failsafe became redundant when Hagen entered the equation.

Hagen….

I stifle a sigh as my eyes grow heavy again, the escape of sleep so close and yet….

“Nik,” his voice is a gentle whisper, but it’s still enough to rouse me. “Are you up?”

My eyes open fully this time, and my brain starts churning enough for me to recognise that this was not a dream. Hagen and I were lying atop his bed, and he was in my arms. I had him clutched tight against my chest, my arms keeping him plastered there without a chance for escape.

My widening gaze drops until they settle on Hagen, where he was squashed against me, and our reality quickly makes itself abundantly clear.

We’d been lying together, in his bed, no pillows between us, and Hagen had… allowed it.

“I’m sorry,” I breathe as I free him and shuffle back before I can listen to my instincts that said to never let him go. “I didn’t realise.”

“It’s fine,” Hagen says as he awkwardly sits up as well. He shifts back a bit, adding to the space between us, and I notice how his eyes barely find mine for more than a second.

There’s something new between us– an unease that promptly reminds me of all that happened this morning, from when we’d run into his friends to being crouched on the bathroom floor.

“What happened?”

“I think you had a panic attack,” he replies, guilt flashing behind his gaze before he looks away again. “You calmed down after, but then you sort of… passed out.” My eyes widen, and he quickly tacks on, “I brought you to bed so you could sleep, but you wouldn’t let me go, so….”

“I’m sorry,” I start again, but Hagen shakes his head.

“It’s okay. Honestly. But—” gaze lifting and finally lingering for more than a second, he frowns and asks, “does that happen a lot? Your panic attacks, if that was what it was?”

“It was, and no,” I reply with a stiff shake of my head. “That was the third one I’ve ever experienced in my life. They don’t happen because I know how to calm myself before I reach that point, but today—”

I didn’t need to finish. We both knew what today had been like.

Head falling, Hagen stares at his fingers while they dig into the covers, but he doesn’t say a word and neither do I. Despite all the events that had passed between us, I didn’t know what to say that would ensure that he stayed right here. So I don’t say anything at all.

I could sit here, in silence, forever, if it meant I shared my muted eternity with him.

“I’m… going to take a shower,” Hagen says, and I nod.

Of course, an eternity like that could only be a fantasy.

Sliding off the bed, Hagen heads into the bathroom, and I watch him go, unable to do a thing. In the silence where he leaves me, I stare back out at the distant lights, and single and paired silhouettes, acutely aware of which I was.

A gentle hiss draws my attention to the side of the bed where Knots peers up at me, black eyes steeped with his worries as he maintains a distance between us. I offer my hand and he all but dives for it. Sliding up the bed, Knots wraps himself around my arm and as much of me as he can before he presses his head under my chin and squeezes. It’s a tentative hug, a hold flooded with so much care I can’t help but sink into it.

“Thanks, Knots,” I whisper and he hisses again.

We stay like that, spectators in the ever-encompassing silence, until Hagen eventually emerges from the bathroom. His eyes widen when he spots us, possibly shocked that we hadn’t moved or that Knots was hugging me now, but he doesn’t say anything.

His messy curls were a damp mop atop his head, his fingers were slightly clammy and there was a puffiness beneath his eyes that I hoped was only from earlier.

Standing aimlessly, Hagen looks from me to the hallway that led into the kitchen, looking for something to say or do that would make this all easier, but things between Hagen and I would never be easy.

“Do you want me to put the barrier back between us?” I ask when he says nothing. I pass my fingers over Knots’ scales to distract myself as I force myself to speak again. “So you don’t feel the effects of the—”

“No,” Hagen interrupts, his brows quickly dipping low. My head tilts slightly as I study him.

“It would mean that I’d leave and things will return to how they were,” I continue but Hagen just keeps shaking his head.

“No. No, Nikola,” he sighs, keeping his tone firm. “I don’t want that, Nik, and I know you don’t either, so just… no.”

I frown a little, “Then what do you want?”

“I don’t know….” Hagen replies with a shrug before his brown eyes find mine, “to say sorry. To tell you thatI wish I wasn’t such a fucking mess who runs away from everything.”

My lips part and the very core of me aches for my mate, “You’re not.”

“Oh yeah?” Hagen challenges with a mock laugh as he rests his back against the wall. “I literally ran from you today, just because we kissed, and I ran the minute I knew we were mates.”

“I was not the most appealing mate to have back then,” I reply carefully as Knots slowly undoes his hold on me and slides to the floor. “So you running in that instant was valid, though unpleasant. As for today,” I take a moment to think, “it wasn’t just because we kissed, because we did a lot more than kiss.”

Throat bobbing, Hagen’s gaze darts away from mine again, a newfound skittishness keeping them off me. I wanted to ask for them back, to ask him to look at me and only me, but I knew he was trying.

“Just so you know, I did not expect things to be like that either,” I admit as I recall just how quickly things had escalated between us. “I think we both we’re shocked.”

I wished ‘shocked’ could encompass how it’d felt at that moment to feel Hagen’s fingers curl my shirt and tug me to him. How it felt to feel the first sparks of his lips against mine, soft and giving, gentle like him before they’d claimed me entirely. I wished it was enough to describe how my body had lit up as if waking for the very first time, as pieces I’d never known were there slotted together.

Nothing had ever felt more right, more perfect, than Hagen’s lips on mine, Hagen’s breathless sounds, Hagen kissing me.

“I didn’t think we’d—” his breath catches a little as he scratches at his neck, “go that far.”

“Neither did I,” I admit and that seems to help him relax a little.

“Honestly, I didn’t even expect us to kiss,” he mumbles, head hung low. “Today was just shit from the start and with the bond, and Max and fucking everyone, I felt like I was going crazy, and then I just needed to.” He lets out a long sigh, the confession like a relief while it made my insides tighten for so much more. “I’m sorry I dashed.”

“It’s alright,” I reply, and his eyes lift to mine. “I’m just happy you’re still here.”

Hagen’s expression crumples a little as he pushes off the wall and comes to sit on the edge of the bed. There’s still space between us, but he’s closer and looking at me, and it makes my heart beat that much faster.

“I’m sorry, Nikola,” he starts, sounding now like Hagen, the 23-year-old university student and less like Hagen, the energetic wolf without a care in the world. “I freaked out and I didn’t even think that maybe you were too. I’m really fucking sorry, I just up and left.”

“It’s hard to think of others when you are also panicking. I did the same with you–” I remind him, “I stayed despite you needing space because I was thinking of what I needed. I’m sorry for that.”

Hagen’s lips tug up just a little, “Forgiven.”

“But—” his smile wavers, “I either need to put the barrier back up and leave, or we stop resisting our bond.”

Hagen’s lashes flutter quickly against his cheeks as he sits up a little, looking uncomfortable again, “I-I don’t understand.”

“Hagen, living with you but not being able to be with you, is far harder than being away from you and dealing with the bond on my own. If you need space, I can leave.” I didn’t want to, but “I can do that. What I can’t do, is stay here and ignore our bond. I can’t do that, not after—” I drop my gaze to his lips, body igniting from within before I force it back up, “so choose.”

I knew I was putting him on the spot; I also knew it was unfair to do this so soon after all that had happened, but I couldn’t stop myself from being selfish.

“I’m not ready for what we did today,” Hagen manages after several breaths, his body slowly curling tighter. “I-I need time to think about that, and I can’t—”

“That’s fine,” I say, stopping him before he can spiral. “I don’t want anything to happen between us that you don’t want.”

“So then, what do you want?” Hagen asks, sounding half-afraid, half-curious, and I realise that I haven’t once told him what I wanted. He knew I wanted him above all else, but I’d never told him what I wanted from us right now.

“I want to be able to hold your hand when I please. I want… to hug you, and kiss you, and scent you. I want to know our bond is growing, and that you feel it too. I want to know that you’re happy, with me. I want to know when you miss me, if you miss me. I want to know if you’re jealous or sad. I want to know when you’re struggling and need my help, so I can make it better.”

Hagen stares at me, his cheeks as red as his ears, his heart pounding inside of him, but he doesn’t say anything so I continue.

“I want as much of you as you are willing to give me. And— this one is important— I want to be able to sleep with you, without a wall of pillows between us.”

I take a breath, realising I need it if I were to continue my rambling, which I fully intended to do before Hagen laughed. It’s a short, sweet sound that stops my world as he tries to quiet another.

“I don’t know if it’s a ‘wall’ of pillows,” he mumbles a little shyly.

I look towards the stationed pillows beside the wall just waiting to be stacked and cemented. “It’s a wall.”

Hagen shakes his head, his smile widening before his eyes find mine, holding and imprisoning them, seeing all the truths I’d laid bare. I’d meant every word I’d said, and he knew it. They were all the things I wanted with him, things I couldn’t hide or resist anymore

“Um,” he bites his lip, gnawing on it while he thinks. “I can…” he pauses, mind racing a million miles a second while I hold my breath. “I… can do that,” he says on an exhale that I mirror, “I mean, I can try, and I will, but scenting on the wrists only!”

“Done,” I agree, shifting closer.

His eyes dart down and then back to me, “A-And I don’t know how the hand-holding will go.”

“We just have to try,” I whisper, eyes glued to his.

“And…” Hagen’s words fall apart as I settle beside him.

“And?” I prompt, breathing him in.

His gaze drops to my lips, and his throat bobs again, “The kissing…” he shakes his head a little, “today was too much. I-I can’t— I need time.”

“It doesn’t have to be like today,” I promise, meaning every word. “That wasn’t how I intended to kiss you for the first time.”

Hagen’s breath hitches as his eyes dart between my own, “No?”

“No, Hagen,” I confirm, setting my hand over his. Sparks jolt between us, making me tense and melt all at once as our fingers catch, the smallest hooked in a feeble hold.

Hagen studies our fingers with sharp interest, “So, how did you ‘intend’ to do it?”

My lips quirk a little as I shift just a little closer, “It’ll be better if I show you.”

Breathing fast, Hagen groans slightly. He looked like he wanted it, like he wanted nothing more, but at the same time he looked a little scared, like he still wasn’t sure if that would be too much– if he was ready.

He was ready.

“Can I?” I ask, but it’s more like a plea.

Hagen groans again, but nods his head slowly. Neo presses against me like my magic, both eager to get out and claim our mate in every possible way, but I don’t allow it. I don’t lean right in and kiss Hagen, or pull him to me. I stay perfectly still, keeping my eyes on his until I spot the need hiding there.

Then, and only then, do I lift my free hand to cup his cheek. I’m gentle, loving with my caress, and when Hagen leans into it, I almost forget how to breathe. Still, I keep myself calm as I slowly lean forward, my eyes growing as heavy as his until we’re just a breath away.

“I love you.”

Hagen sucks in a breath and that’s when I kiss him. It’s a soft press of his lips to mine, but it still causes colour to explode inside of me as his hand comes to rest atop mine. Holding steady, we breathe together, bodies trembling in equal measure.

I press a little harder, the kiss still a sweet, gentle thing, and Hagen hums, the sound almost as happy as the joy inflating my soul. We hold one another, with our fingers, our souls and our lips, basking in this meeting that was far more tender than the last.

It’s all the things I wanted to be for Hagen but never had been, kind and gentle, treasuring. I treasure him, his lips on mine in soft, loving caresses. I kiss Hagen with all the love stored inside of me just for him, and I treasure every second of it.

I treasure every second he lets me love him.

———————————————————

Ya’ll thought it was going to be awful but seeeee, it wasn’t that bad!!! You guys need to trust in me!!!!!

Thoughts?!!?!?!!?

Thoughts on Nik’s panic attack??? Thoughts on Hagen’s freak out??? Thoughts on the two of them talking????

I know a lot of you expected a lot worse, like them being distant but I just couldn’t because then we’d be going in circles and with Hagen being 23, I can’t see him truly running away from their relationship at this stage. Like, he’s afraid and nervous obviously, but he’s trying and I just love that.

But when he said he hadn’t been ready for what happened ughhhhhhhh MY FUCKING HEART!!!

Overall, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and are excited for what’s to come with Nikola getting more of what he wants from this couple.

It’s so sweet I just can’t imagine how things could ever go down 🙃

Until next time,
Byeeeeeeeee Humanssssssssssss