MERRY CHRISTMASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM ME TO YOU AFTER A STRESSFUL, SLOW YEAR OF UPDATES I BRING A DOUBLE UPDATE ON THIS SPECIAL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjoy these Control chapters, especially the next one hehe, and on Patreon enjoy the Levi and Jayson try omega-alpha roleplay for all tiers BUT the Copper Tier!! Link in my bio!!!

Love you all and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!

——————-

Hagen’s P.O.V

I stare into the grey eyes opposite me, forcing myself not to crack. I wanted to run, to get as far from his attention as possible, but fuck that. I already knew that I couldn’t run from Nik and I’d be damned if I wasted the lifeline Zyair had gotten me.

I pull the paper between us forward along with the pen too.

“Rule one. When I say I don’t want you around me, you need to respect that and leave.”

Nikola blinks, his face painfully blank, “If I do that, we’ll never see each other.”

I don’t bother denying it.

“Hagen,” he says placatingly. I feel my eye twitch.

“I almost had a fucking panic attack earlier because you wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone,” I snap, not bothering to be gentle about it. Nikola at least had the grace to grimace. “When I say go, you need to fucking leave.”

Nikola is quiet at first as he stares at the paper and the pen in my hand. I wait for him to say no so that I can say, ‘see, Zyair.’ Instead, he nods stiffly but adds, “When youreallywant me to go, then you have to say, ′Nikola, it’s time. Leave’. Say it just like that and I’ll go.”

“When it’s—” I cut myself off to take a deep breath while the pen strains between my fingers. “What do you mean, when I ‘really want you to go’?”

Nikola stares blankly at me again and I have to fight the urge not to throw the pen at his stupid face.

“Fine,” I grumble, jotting down the new rule.

I’ve barely finished the last letter when magic tugs the pen from my grasp, sliding it along with the paper perfectly within Nikola’s waiting grasp.

When I look up, his eyes are already on me, “Rule number two. No more excessive drinking, Hagen.”

“These are rules for us,” I said through a clenched jaw. “Not for me.”

“It affects me too,” he retorts, his eyebrows dipping just a little. “When you drink as much as you do, I feel your nausea as if it’s my own and it muddles our bond.”

“Then I should drink more,” I retort with a smirk that grows as his frown deepens.

“No more excessive drinking,” he repeats. “Otherwise, I’ll be forced to be there to collect you every time you do.”

He says it with a slight tilt to his tone, almost like a taunt, or maybe a question. One that suggests him being there every time.

My memories of last night were a torrential mess of club lights, one too many Jägerbombs, and then Nikola. Nikola in the very last place I ever expected to see him. Then it was even more blurry. I saw pieces of it like shuttered film, and in those shots, I remembered my head on his shoulder, his eyes focused entirely on my mouth where he’d slide my toothbrush in and out my mouth.

I blink the memory away and nod stiffly. “I won’t drink too much.”

Nikola writes the rule down and while he does, I fail to draw my gaze away from him.

It had been a month since I’d seen him. A month I should’ve loved—didlove— but we were bonded, and that made a piece of me starved to lay eyes on him again.

He looked the same. Freshly-washed hair, combed and cut just an inch below his shoulders. His clothes were clean, in place as they should be, and there were no bags under his eyes. He looked fine, perfectly fine.

It was infuriating beyond belief.

It’d been a month since I’d seen him, and while I’d been drinking my way through every night and day because it was the only way to get through them without thinking of him, he looked… fine.

“What is your next rule?” Nikola asks, looking at me with well-rested, calm, not-totally-losing-his-shit grey eyes.

Rage and hurt swell again as I look into those eyes, the ones that made me feel so fucking safe and caged all at once.

Here he was,fineafter everything he’d done. Not a scratch I could see. He looked happier if anything. Happier!!

Nikola’s gaze darts between mine as he frowns, this time because he’s confused. Which just makes me all the angrier.

“My next rule is that I don’t want you touching me,” I half growl.

Nikola’s frown fades altogether, “That’s not possible.”

“It’s possible,” I deadpan.

“I’m not going to agree not to touch you when we both know I will,” Nikola says nonchalantly.

“You just will?!” I exclaim with a sharp laugh. “Against my will?”

He tilts his head slightly, “It wouldn’t be against your will.”

“You fucking-” Anger makes me choke on my own words and it builds so big I can’t do anything but react.

I kick my leg under the table, aiming blindly at some part of him. I hit his shin and Nikola jerks forward with a pained grunt. I grin but before I can retreat, large hands latch around my ankle.

“Let go of me,” I snap, trying to pull free but Nikola’s grip is unrelenting.

“Is this what you’ll be doing now? Hurting me?” He asks through clenched teeth. “I won’t mind if it’s from you, but just tell me now.”

“Asshole,” I heave while I strain against him. “It’s morning and I’m sober. I told you I’d make you pay in the morning.”

The fucker smiles. It’s a twitch of his lips that I’m all too familiar with and it makes my heart jump and fall all at once.

I try to kick him again with my other leg, but Nikola catches it before that blow can land. I slide down my chair just a little as he holds me captive. I glare at him and his gaze is all fire on me.

“Are we going to finish the rules you wanted?” He asks tightly while he slides a thumb over my ankle, forcing shivers to creep up my body. “Or would you prefer us to do something else?”

There’s an invitation there, one I swear to Goddess I could shoot him for.

More so, I might just aim the gun back at me for the way I actually consider it. It’s barely a moment, a millisecond if anything, where my brain wants to tell my mouth to say ‘yes’.

“You’re not touching me anymore,” I state clearly so he knows precisely what I’m talking about.

Nikola’s jaw clenches a little but he nods as he releases my legs, “I wouldn’t touch you sexually unless you wanted it.”

My cheeks try to heat but I duck my head as I straighten, tucking my feet under my chair, far from his still lingering warm grasp.

This is fucking insanity.

The way I hate him and want him. The way I still can’t get myself to get rid of him. The way I know I can but… just can’t.

It’s fucking insanity.

“What else?” Nikola asks and though there are a million other things in my mind, when I catch a glimmer of deep purple scales from the corner of my eye, something new takes priority.

“Knots stays here.”

Nikola jerks, looking genuinely shocked for once. “Knots?” He echoes as if he’d never heard the name.

Forgetting the window he’d been sliding back and forth against, Knots perks up and slithers over to us, all dark scales and big, loving eyes.

“He stays with me,” I state as I lower my palm for him. Knots quickly settles his head in the space just for him and peers up at me with pure joy, his tongue peeping out in a hello.

I never thought I’d ever come to feel comfortable around Knots, let alone love the guy, but I did. The day Nikola had left after dropping a bomb on me, I’d almost shit myself when Knots suddenly slid up to me. I hadn’t expected Nikola to leave him behind, but he had.

At first, I didn’t want him close. He was a python and he was Nikola’s, and everything close to Nikola made me want to rage and bawl all at once. But then Knots had followed me around everywhere and whenever I broke down, he’d always been close by.

Soon enough, I was crying with him wrapped around me. Then I was having ice cream with him and cuddling him and ranting to him. And well, now I loved him.

“I need him,” I say as I look back at Knots’ less-than-favourable owner.

Nikola shakes his head, “You do not need him. I need him. He is not a pet, he’s my conduit.”

“You did fine without him when you left him here for a month,” I snip while I settle Knots’ head on my lap. He snuggles up to me, hissing as I pet him gently.

“I left him here because I thought you’d appreciate the company,” Nikola retorts. “I’m glad you did but he’s my conduit, Hagen.”

Reasonably, I knew he was right. Knots wasn’t mine but damn it, I didn’t know if I could go back to living completely alone in this place after Nikola had made me so used to having him around.

“I don’t care. I want Knots.”

Nikola sighs, actually rubbing two fingers against his temples and I can’t help but grin a little at knowing I’m stressing him out. It’s not on purpose, but it’s a nice plus.

“You can’t have him,” he says again.

“Mondays, Wednesdays and weekends,” I offer. I could compromise.

“No,” Nikola groans.

Knots rears his head looking between us and my heart sinks cause he looks all confused.

“Fine,” I grumble for Knots. “Whatever.”

“If you want company-”

“I’m fine,” I cut in before he could say anything stupid.

I had my friends and my family, and though everyone knew something was wrong— they couldn’t seem to help saying so every time they spoke to me— I had them.

I still didn’t know why I hadn’t told my family what Nikola had done. I knew I should’ve and I wanted to, but I hadn’t.

′We’re not in the best place right now.′

Fucking understatement of the year, but it was what I told everyone on the phone. It was what I said to my dad when he called every other day to check in, what I said to Levi and Jayson when they tried to get me to visit their pack, and what I said to Peter on the rare chance I got him between classes.

It was harder with Josey and Damon. Josey knew, even if I refused to admit it, and Damon, well… he was my brother, but he was close to Nikola too, and I didn’t want anything getting back to Nikola.

I just couldn’t tell them though. I told myself it was because I couldn’t stand the thought of having to see their faces while they either gave me the ‘I told you so’ or the ‘mate bond’ bullshit.

But the truth was, I knew my family, and I knew they would all tell me to break our bond if I told them the full story, Damon included. But I couldn’t, and I was already ashamed of myself for not being able to do it. I couldn’t bear their shame too.

“Do you have any more rules?” Nikola asks, jolting me out of my mind.

“Not right now,” I grumble, half because it’s true and half because the sooner this was over, the sooner he’d be gone. “I’ll tell you if I think of any more.” He nods and begrudgingly I ask, “You?”

“Yes, one more for now. I want to see you every day,” Nikola states and I almost choke.

“Absolutely not.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No,” I repeat. “I don’t want to see you every day.”

“Well, I need to,” he replies stiffly and his eyes glow as his gaze travels over my body like his fingers used to. “I need to see you every single day, Hagen.”

I swallow, my throat suddenly too tight, and Zyair purring in my head doesn’t help.

“You don’t need to see me,” I correct sharply. “In case you forgot, you went an entire month without seeing me.”

Nikola eyes me, his gaze narrowing as he thinks. “Are you…” He stops, head tilting. “You’re mad I left you alone for so long.”

I laugh and almost choke again, “Oh, you fucking wish.”

“You are,” he insists, looking at me. “You keep emphasising how long we were apart and last night, you were especially mad when you mentioned it.”

“I don’t know how you can be so far up your own ass as you are, and still manage to function.”

“You are mad at me for what I want with you,” he continues, gaze darkening slightly. “But you’re also upset that I left you alone afterwards.”

“Fuck this,” I snap as I push to my feet. “And fuck these stupid rules.”

I don’t know where I’m going but don’t make it far as Nikola’s chair shrieks behind me and his hand latches around my arm. He turns me around to face him even as I push against his chest.

My world quickly becomes spices and magic and he’s too close. He’s too damn close.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his expression open and mournful.

I glare at him even as something in my chest unlocks and a pain I’d been trying to ignore flares.

I hadn’t been mad about being left alone. I hadn’t. That would be madness and Nikola already made me crazy enough, but what else explained the way that along with each day that came and went without him, I felt as relieved as I felt betrayed.

“I won’t leave you again,” Nikola vows wholeheartedly and I hate him and myself for the way my soul warms in response.

“I don’t-” The lie sticks on my tongue and I groan as I drop my head. “Fuck, I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this.” I shake my head as a hoarse laugh escapes me, “This fucking bond isn’t normal or right.” It’s not normal to feel this way.

“It’s right,” Nikola replies as sure as ever. He pulls me closer, “I know you don’t see it now, but you will.”

I lift my head to glare up at him. “Don’t talk to me like that. Ihatewhen you talk to me like I’m a fucking child.”

“Okay,” he notes gently while his free hand raises to my cheek. I pull back and he holds still, waiting as if I’m some startled stray before he tries again. I smack his hand away, and even as his eyes linger on his surely aching palm, he smiles again.

“I told you not to touch me,” I spit.

“And I promised not to do it if you didn’t want it,” he replies before his eyes dart to mine and then suddenly I’m in his arms, wrapped in them, and Nikola is all I can see or feel. “But you want it.”

My body burns for him, coming alive from every place his skin touches mine, and I have to bite back the needy moan that gathers at the back of my throat.

“I don’t fucking want it,” I growl as he draws closer, his eyes glued to my lips. “I don’t want you.”

“No you don’t,” he agrees mockingly and the hairs on my neck lift in response. “You don’t… and yet, you do.”

I settle my palms on his chest, meaning to push but my nails dig in instead, enough to make him suck his teeth and then groan. I know that groan. It’s the one that goes straight to my dick.

“I hate you,” I bite out but my eyes are stuck on his lips now. It’d been so long.

“No, you don’t,” he replies as his cheek brushes against mine.

A god-awful whimper escapes me and Nikola grunts in reply as our bond burns from the connection. It’s nothing like a kiss or his hands on me, but it feels like so much more.

I groan as Nikola nuzzles me, rubbing his cheeks and nose against me like he might if we were shifted. Zyair purrs his pleasure and I’m not far behind.

“I just don’t get why,” I manage eventually, even though my voice is a strained whisper. “I was getting there. We were good, Nik. Why couldn’t you just wait a little longer?”

Nikola’s grip on me eases and I mourn it quietly as he pulls back to rest his head against mine. Sighing into the silence, Nikola closes his eyes and my heart clenches with the way the skin around them crinkles from his frown.

“The morning of our first date, I volunteered to patrol the pack lands. I ran the perimeter seven times before I went to see your brother.” I frown up at Nikola but his eyes remain closed while his thumb traces my shoulder slowly as he speaks, the touch gentle. “We spoke about all the things I would do and say, and then I went to drain my energy banks. Not long after that, Jacob came over to siphon as much dark magic as he could from me.

“I thought that was enough but I still almost burned my house down before I even got to you, and when I did arrive and you opened the door and I saw you, it was as if I hadn’t tried at all.”

“Tried?” I repeat in a confused echo.

Nikola’s gaze parts then and he smiles again, but this one is sad. “Tried to calm myself to see you.”

When I don’t reply Nikola laughs a little and pulls away, taking a step back that hurts for some reason.

“I thought about exactly what I’d say to you and how I’d say it for weeks,” he continues. “I planned every little detail because I was petrified of doing anything that would make you run.” He shakes his head a little, “We weren’tgood, Hagen. I was not good.”

I can’t speak. I want to, but I don’t even know where to start.

I knew Nikola struggled to be around me with the bond and the link, but I hadn’t known it was to this extent— and this was before the bond even took effect on his side.

“That…” I swallow hard, fighting the sudden clogging in my chest. “That makes it sound like the last few months have been—”

“They weren’t a lie or fake,” he finishes before I can. “I know you don’t believe me, but I was not pretending to be someone I am not. I was trying to show you the ‘best version of myself’, only I was doing itall the time.”

And Nik’s best version was amazing. I couldn’t deny that because I’d been falling for that version of him. I’d sworn up and down my whole life that I’d never be with a man, be with him, but when it came to him— sweet, considering, addicting Nik— it’d gone out the window.

But there wasn’t only the sweet side to Nikola. There was a possessive, overbearing, selfish side that he was claiming freely now.

“I told you before, you wreck me Hagen,” Nikola reminds me, and even though it’d only been a few months ago, hearing the words again feels like being taken back to another lifetime. “You do. I need so much more with you and I know it’s not fair, but I can’t help it.”

He’d said that before but it had sounded like an excuse. I’d been too hurt to notice how sad he sounded or to let myself remember the tears in his eyes.

“As for your second question,” Nikola says, voice growing tighter as his eyes avoid mine, focusing on my collar instead. “I did wait for you. Iamstill waiting for you. All I’ve ever done is wait for you.”

Nikola’s gaze flicks up to me and I almost don’t recognise him. His grey eyes are clouded. More than stormy, they’re raging with a quiet anger. It lingers for a moment and then it’s gone, as if it’d never been there before.

I stay still, too afraid to move.

I’d never seen Nikola angry, at least, not at me. And those few times I had seen him influenced by his emotions, he was upset at the very most. But that had been anger. Raw and true, and hurling straight towards me.

He clears his throat, “I’ll leave Knots with you today. I’ll come for him in the morning.”and for you. He doesn’t say it but I hear it.

He glances at me and I realise belatedly he’s waiting for a response. I manage a nod and then, he’s gone.

I remain still for a few beats before my body deflates as all the anxiety buzzing inside of me slips away at once. I breathe deep— I hadn’t even realised I wasn’t— and air floods my lungs.

I stare aimlessly at the empty space in front of me, glad it’s so and wishing it wasn’t all at once. There’s so much anger and pain, I can barely remember what it felt like to live without it, but… Goddess have mercy, now I felt miserable too— sad for him, for us, sad abouteverything.

“You must hate us,” I whisper to Goddess herself.

Cold scales brush against my fingers and I can’t help but smile as I look down and meet Knots’ quiet gaze.

“I’ve got you for one more night—” I whisper, “let’s make it a good one?”

Knots hisses and I smile for him

———–

And we’re back to rules, except these aren’t only Hagen’s rules so let’s see how they go??

Thoughts??????

Thoughts on Hagen trying to steal custody of Knots???

Thoughts on Nikola cracking a little at the end there and being like, shit ain’t good bitch loool

This is more of a filler chapter to me, with important components that are necessary for the next chapter lfmaooo

Yall ain’t ready!

ENJOYYYYYYYY