Zyair’s POV

…Hagen…

I call his name, but it’s muffled in the fog of his mind.

Hagen!

I try again, barging against the mental wall that had started to mount between us ever since Nikola had left. I hadn’t abandoned him— I never could— but I hadn’t realised it’d climbed so high either.

Hagen! HAGEN STOP!

Hagen jerks so hard the wash-cloth drops from his hand, falling onto the smooth shower tiles and splashing his foot with water that makes him jerk again. He stumbles back, hands grasping at the wall as he finally breaks from his trance.

Zyair? — he calls with fear as he mentally seeks me out.

I don’t shy away from his reach; I don’t dare. I take a firm grasp of him within our mind and soul, holding on so that there’s no chance of him slipping from me again.

I’m here. I’m right here, Hagen — I vow as I carefully press against his consciousness — Give me control.

Hagen’s gaze drops, settling over his inflamed arms that only grow darker with the water beating down on him — I… when did I…

Give me control — I repeat, pressing a little harder now — I’ll handle it.

Hagen wavers, stuck between the order I’m giving him and the scene he doesn’t remember putting himself in, but fear makes him withdraw, and I immediately seize the opportunity to take control.

At the forefront, everything is far too much— the hot water spraying down, the steam stifling the bathroom, and the raw ache over our skin, and it’s no wonder that Hagen hadn’t even realised what he was doing.

Zyair… — his confused whimper forms cracks in my heart ferociously from guilt.

I’d been negligent in my anger with Hagen. Present, but never fully, close but far, and supportive but still angry.

I couldn’t help it, not after what he’d done and how long he’d taken to spur into action, but Hagen was still my counterpart and I was supposed to see him through it all. Through every step of the way, even the ones that felt like walking over broken shards.

I’ll handle it — I promise as I take off the shower’s water and step out.

I dry us quickly, ignoring the aches over my skin as I step outside. The room is far cooler, and the rush of the rain-kissed air makes breathing no longer such a challenge. But even with the fresh air, exhaustion etches itself throughout my muscles, and hunger caves in my stomach.

Rest is what we need, and a lot of it if we were to face whatever was waiting for us tomorrow, but I couldn’t be there for Hagen until I knew that I still had Neo.

“I will always want you, Zyair,”

Goddess, I hoped he still did.

We’d made promises, but that had been months ago— before things had worsened beyond either of our estimations. Promises were lovely when they lasted, but how strong could they be when we hardly knew anything about each other outside of our incomprehensible love for one another?

Are you sure about this? – Hagen asks tentatively while I dig through the bedroom’s wardrobe. I grab the first shirt I find, tugging it over my head even while it scratches at my raw skin. He might not be very… receptive.

He will be. He should be.

Hagen and Nikola were always bound for a collision; the question was just when it would happen and if they’d survive it. But Neo and I? We wanted each other— always had and always would— that’s what we’d promised one another.

Neo and I had only spoken once, briefly, and though it’d not been like anything I’d dreamed of after years of pining for him, I still thought about it often.

About the serious look in his eyes as he looked down at me, about the way he clenched his jaw like his fists, trying to keep himself planted when he knew he only had to ask for me to spread my legs. But sadly, the conversation hadn’t taken that sort of turn.

Instead of a much-needed release, it’d been serious, and there’d been no fucking, only talking.

“Things are good right now. They are happy. Hagen is trying, Nikola is waiting while he finds his way. Things are good.” Neo had said the words like there was cement drying on his tongue.

At the time, I hadn’t known what he’d been getting at. I’d just been trying my best not to jump his bones while he stood in front of me with folded arms and the type of hard look in his eyes that made me want to fall to my knees.

“I… I just think that they’re playing pretend, Zyair. They’re going to hit a wall soon and it’s not going to be good.”

“Yeah, they’re fucked,” I’d agreed, because they were.

I still remember the way Neo’s mouth had fallen open and he’d blinked incredulously at me, “What?”

“They are fucked,” I’d repeated after being sure that the link between Hagen and I was shuttered. “You and Nikola are obsessed with us, to an unhealthy degree, but you’re trying to act like you’re not, for Hagen’s sake. It makes him uncomfortable because it reminds him of the past when your obsession was anything but comforting.

“But it can be good now, I know it can be good. The problem is, Hagen doesn’t, which just makes things a mess when he’s in love with Nikola. You have one person pretending they’re tamer than they are and another asking for space and time when really they need to be smothered with attention and love. So, all that being said, they’re fucked.”

“…and you’re not worried?” He’d asked me so slowly, like he couldn’t believe it.

“I’m terrified,” I’d corrected, because I was. I’d never been more scared of anything in my life. “I’m terrified ‘cause I can see it coming, but I have no way to stop it. How can I tell Hagen to stop being scared when he has every right to be? How can I tell him to jump into this with everything when he deserves to take his time to make sure he really wants to? I can’t. I can’t do that to him. So I can only try to help and be there for him when this all blows up, because we both know it will, and hope that—” my voice had cracked and withered. I’d looked away, unable to hold his gaze for the first time, “that after whatever happens… that you’ll still want me.”

How could he? How could Neo ever want me when I’d just admitted that we were heading face-first into the potential end of us?

I didn’t think he could, but he did.

Neo had been the one to kneel then, taking my face in his hands as he’d guided my gaze back to him, where it didn’t deserve to be.

I could barely stand to breathe looking at him. He was so handsome, so perfect and mine, and I wanted nothing more than to be his forever.

“I will always want you, Zyair,” he’d said, so confidently. So strong. “Every bone in my body aches for you, my heart beats for you, I breathe for you. You could tear the world down and I’d still want you, Zyair. They could try to break the bond, but I won’t let them because you’re mine.”

“We wouldn’t,” I’d vowed quickly, meaning every word. “Hagen wouldn’t do that to me, and I-I’d never.”

“Neither would I,” he’d promised without hesitation. “Whatever happens, I am yours. I just needed to make sure you knew that.”

I remind myself of those words now, even while fear makes me think of the worst.

We had promised each other that we wouldn’t let it change us, but that had been before it’d all fallen apart— before Hagen hurt Nikola so much that he didn’t even want him touching him anymore.

Would Neo feel the same? Would he look at me the same way, with so much disappointment, and pain, and anger?

Hagen whines from inside and I force myself to shelter the thoughts for now. He was hurting enough as it was with Nikola’s treatment; he didn’t need me making it worse.

It’ll be fine — I promise him instead as I finish dressing myself — I just… I need to see him, Hagen.

I get it. I just don’t want you getting hurt — he replies, somehow still worrying over me when between the two of us, he’d been the one bearing the wrath of our mate.

Wolves were supposed to help, to support, and Goddess knew I was trying, but I didn’t how to help when Nikola’s rage was solely directed at Hagen. Even if I took over, it wasn’t as if it’d make it any better, but right now, I was not concerned about them.

I wanted to see my mate, my Neo, and make sure that he… that even after everything, he might still want me.

I’d waited long enough, Hagen. Months now, and with him so close, I need to see him.

Hagen hums, nudging me a little with his support before he lets himself sink back — If you need me, or can’t bear it… just put me forward.

It’ll be fine — I promise, and even if it wasn’t, there was no world in which I’d let him face Neo’s wrath for me. I love you.

A small burst of warmth explodes within my chest as Hagen fades away, giving me complete control — I love you too, Zyair.

It’d been a while since we’d uttered the words, not because they weren’t there, but because there was no room to think of ‘us’ when we’d been so distraught about our bond. But after tonight, after how Hagen had lost himself to panic in the shower, I wished I’d said it more.

I would. I’d be more present, even if it hurt. I’d be there. I’d do anything to stop him from hurting himself again. But first, I needed to know where I stood with my mate.

With a deep breath, I ease the bedroom door open and peer outside. The hallway was dead quiet without a soul to be found, but in a castle crawling with vampires, that could change in a heartbeat.

I didn’t know where Nikola had gone, but I had a nose and an innate guide to his soul; I would find him by sheer will alone, and when I did, I hoped beyond all reason that Neo would want to see me too.

He would. He would. He had to.

Clenching my hands tight at my side, I try to shake off the worries that make my heart pound in my ears. I need all my senses honed and extra sharp, but I can’t get myself under control.

After all this time, we were close again, and I wouldn’t be able to bear it if, when I finally saw him, he’d changed his mind.

I take a step outside and that’s as far as I get before familiar magic wraps itself around me and tugs me away. For a moment, in the split second that my mind registers the presence of magic, my heart drops, fearing that it’s Katernia’s, but it’s not the scent of packlands that greets me when I settle or the sight of trees, but my mate’s crouched figure in a room that is engulfed by his scent.

Dark hair falls back as Nikola lifts his head, revealing grey eyes that aren’t full of hatred; grey eyes that aren’t his at all.

“Zyair.”

My name from his lips sounds like a symphony, like actual music to my ears after a lifetime without it. My heart leaps, and my soul follows suit.

“I’m sorry if I was too rough,” Neo pants as he tries to straighten. “I’m not as trained with our magic as Nikola is.”

I step forward, moving quickly as my heart skips and my chest tightens, trying to contain it.

Neo’s eyes widen even more as fear begins to seep in. “I tried to be gentle,” he vows, voice cracking slightly. “Zyair, I just needed to see you—”

I’m crying before I even crash into his chest, but it becomes sobs when I realise that I can. There’s no magic to stop me, no invisible wall that keeps us apart. There’s nothing that stops me from wrapping my arms around my mate and holding onto him for dear life.

Neo’s arms encircle me so tightly that I can’t breathe, and I don’t even want to.

I don’t worry about air as I clutch at his arms and rub my head beneath his neck. The tears stream faster as his scent invades my mind and system, growing stronger as I run my nose over his neck, scenting him with a desperation that he returns tenfold.

Neo’s hands move over my body, seeking out every inch of bare skin so that he can reimplement his hold over my body, and I’m so desperate for it that whines trickle out as we sink to our knees together.

His fingers trail over my too-sensitive arms, making me shudder as I nuzzle him. Our rushed breaths fill the air like the longing between us as we move higher and higher until his parted lips meet mine.

Then, it’s still. The rain stops. The pain stops. All the fear and guilt and shame, it all stops, and there’s nothing but Neo.

Neo, who still loves me.

Neo, who always loved me, even before we’d known a thing about one another.

Neo, who kisses me now for the first time and makes it feel like coming home.

His lips are soft, and perfect, and him, and it makes me tremble against him as I try to calm down. I’d always pictured that the first time we came together, we’d be ravenous, but as it happens now, it’s slow, painfully and perfectly so, as we handle each other like fine glass.

“Neo,” I whimper against him as he brackets my face with shaking hands.

“The whole world,” he whispers, shaking his head. I lift my eyes, blinking past the tears to meet his grey eyes that offer me the world within them. “You could tear it all down and I would still love you.”

Tears flood my vision of him, and I loathe them for being so cruel, but I can’t stop it.

I cry the way I’ve been dying to from the moment Nikola had parted from us. The way I hadn’t dared let myself with Hagen doing that for us both. But he wasn’t here now, neither of them were; this was just us, finally. Just us.

“I’m so sorry,” I sob against him as I take his face in my hands, keeping us close. “I-I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” He breathes against me as he pulls me closer so that I’m in his lap and wrapped around him. “You did nothing wrong. Nothing other than love me.”

“Loving you could never be wrong,” I vow as I dig my fingers into his arms and kiss him again. “Never.”

Neo’s hands tighten around me as familiar tendrils of magic swarm around me, taking a familiar grip and then seeping beneath my skin to tighten its hold. It’s all I ever wanted, all we’d craved, and having it now after so long apart, after waiting for so long, threatens to break me.

“You and me,” he whispers as we hug one another, taking each breath together. “It’s you and me, Zyair. I’m not losing you.”

“I thought I did,” I admit as I nuzzle him again, needing his scent. “I thought… I thought it was over.”

We’d been prepared for a break, but neither of us had been prepared for it to be as bad as it was.

“Never,” Neo vows with a viciousness that sends a shudder up my spine. “No matter what they do, no matter what they feel, I will always love you.”

I nod against him, trying to calm my breaths, but I’m shaking all over from sheer relief.

Outside, the rain pours, falling hard around us in a cruel downpour that felt far too much like the state of the bond we shared with our other halves. It was chaotic and confusing, deep and passionate, hurtful and wonderful, and nothing close to what I’d been prepared for.

In some ways, I loathed it. In others, I adored it because love like this… so deep it took the air from the universe when it fractured— it was rare and as brutal as it was, in its warmth was more beautiful than anything in this world.

I settle eventually, breathing a little easier as I look around the unfamiliar space that I somehow know with only a glance.

It’s Nikola. Everything about it, from the walls lined with thick books, to the martial-like made bed in the centre, and the single row of pictures on one shelf. In them, stages of a life I’d never known existed was captured in a laid sequence.

The first featured a smaller version of my mate seated beside a much happier version of Lincoln than what I’d glimpsed so far. It wasn’t that they were smiling, because neither of them were, but there was something in their eyes that looked happy and safe, and loved.

In the next, Nikola was older, a teen, and this time, Kalem was in the picture as well, and with the addition of his bright smile, Lincoln’s lips were curled up. Nikola looked a little annoyed at the smaller vampire’s presence, but I suspected that had something to do with the way he was curled over his shoulder.

In the last, the entire family was there, including Apollos and Katerina, and this time, there were smiles all around. Wide ones, bright ones, devoted, happy and carefree— a family we’d never even known existed.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” I whisper while my gaze lingers on the pictures.

Neo follows my gaze before his arms tighten around me. “It’s complicated, but there is a lot Nikola did not want to trust Hagen with before they were… safe.”

Safe, not happy or mated. But safe. Not without all the squabbles, the past, the pain; simply safe to love one another.

“There’s more then?” I hazard, my heart already breaking for Hagen. Neo nods against me, and I can’t quiet my sigh as I sink against him. “I don’t know how they’ll do it,” I admit in the quiet safety of his arms. “I don’t know if they can.”

We’d been so sure before that they’d find their way together, somehow, but now that we were in it, I couldn’t even picture a path out.

“He hates him, Neo,” I whisper, my heart breaking to recall the venom in Nikola’s gaze.

“He loves him too,” he promises quietly. “Nikola will always love Hagen, I just… I’m not sure if it’ll be enough either.”

I dig my teeth into my lip to stifle my whimper as my heart shatters for Hagen. It was a mercy he didn’t hear those words. They’d be enough to break him and he was already too close to that as it was.

I wouldn’t let a repeat of the shower happen again, but he was fraying… his mind, his heart, everything, all falling apart around the improbable resolution to win Nikola back.

I was glad for his devotion, glad to see it rise to match what Nikola always held for him, I just wished it hadn’t come so late. Because now… it might not be enough.

“He means it,” I promise as I look at him. “Just so you know, he does mean it, everything he says. It’s not temporary.”

Neo swallows before he nods. “I know. I can feel that and so can Nikola, but he’s afraid to believe it.”

That, I could not blame him for. If I was Nikola, I don’t think I’d believe a word of Hagen’s declarations, and even with the perfect words, he needed more.

That’s where they fell apart, the two of them— Nikola liked things put clearly, but to him, actions meant far more than promised vows. Whereas while Hagen liked a sweet gesture, it was words that he clung to, words that meant the world to him.

Over the last year, Nikola had tried to win Hagen over with his actions— that had been his apology. Hagen tried to accept it, but he couldn’t fully when he had unconsciously been waiting for a spoken one— a true, heartfelt and real apology.

“I’m sorry for all I did to you.” It would have been enough with how quickly he’d been falling for him. Only when it had come, it was after they’d already torn each other apart.

I take Neo’s fingers in my lap, intertwining them and pressing them to my chest as I suck in a much needed breath.

“How long will this last?” I ask, needing to know so I could prepare Hagen. “Us being in the castle?”

“Nikola is done chasing him away,” Neo reveals which makes my eyes widen as I look at him. He nods, “He thinks being in the castle with the family will break him and make him leave.”

I shake my head, “It might… but he won’t leave.”

Frowning, I try to think ahead. If Hagen had to, he’d spend the rest of his life in this castle trying to win Nikola back, even if he was stoned by everyone else in the process. But it would kill him, Goddess.

Hagen was too social, too soft to face isolation and hatred on a daily basis. If he had to endure that, for months or years, then what had happened tonight would only be the start.

“He needs to break Nikola first,” I whisper looking at Neo. “He needs to make him see that it’s not temporary, that he doesn’t just want him, that he needs him.”

Neo’s eyes glow, a quiet want teetering between our bond before he reigns it back.

“Don’t,” I whisper shaking my head. “That’s what got us here in the first place— everyone trying to be good. Don’t hold back with us, ‘cause we won’t hold back with you.”

I knew I wouldn’t. If we were to stay in this castle, then I’d use the time to see Neo as much as I could, and when I did, I wouldn’t waste the time I had with him. I’d waited long enough as it was.

Tilting my head up, I hesitate for a moment before I kiss him. Neo groans the moment our lips meet again and pure bliss overwhelms our bond, washing away the aches and leaving nothing but the rightness of this in its wake.

Neo’s fingers curl around my neck, holding me in place as he deepens the kiss, parting my lips and taking what was always his. I go limp against him, surrendering to his claim that he ensures is a thorough one.

His tongue slides over mine, his lower hand grips my thigh until it aches, and our bond ignites, burning at its brightest as we give each other everything we were meant to. We fit like this. Hagen and Nikola would too, they just needed to give each other a chance now that they both knew it.

“Nikola has only ever wanted one thing,” Neo pants when we part with ragged breaths. “Only one.”

“Hagen,” I fill in but he shakes his head.

“To be loved,” he reveals sadly. “To be loved the way he loves. He doesn’t only want Hagen, he wants him to love him as deeply as he loves him. The dedication. The devotion. The recklessness. He tried convincing himself at the start that anything Hagen gave him would be enough, but it could never be, not for him.

“Love makes him greedy—” he admits as he pushes the hair from my face with a small smile, “it makes us both greedy.”

“We love you,” I promise. “Both of us, and I know Hagen would say it. The only reason he hasn’t said it yet is because he was scared Nik won’t believe him.”

“He wouldn’t,” Neo admits. “He’d ignore it, only to protect himself. It’s not time yet. He has to wait for the moment that it’s right, but to get there, he has to show Nikola he loves him, so he believes it even before he hears it.”

I nod. Hagen was already on that road, he just needed to stick to it and go forward full speed ahead, no holding back.

“If he loves him, openly, without shame… it might work,” Neo whispers with a grim set of his jaw. “I hope it does.”

“Me too, but not only for Hagen,” I admit as I palm his cheek and look into his eyes.

Goddess, they were gorgeous. Grey seemed like a simple colour, muted and silent, serene, but in Neo, grey was an entire universe. Bright, smart, strong. Grey took new life in these eyes.

Grey was love. Grey was my world. Grey was Neo and Nikola, and all we needed in this universe.

“I choose you,” I confess, heart racing. “Before them, before anyone else, I choose you, Neo.”

Those grey eyes widen, exposing worlds beyond my knowledge as he takes in my words. It was wrong. We were the wolves first and foremost, always, but… I was just as selfish as the pair of them.

“You, Neo,” I promise. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

If they broke the bond, which I knew neither could do, I would leave Hagen and this realm in a heartbeat to find Neo in ours. I could sacrifice much in this world, do what I was made to, but not at the expense of Neo.

Neo, was mine… mine to love, and I’d missed enough of him as it was.

“You mean that,” he whispers, not as a question, but a statement. “You really do.”

I nod, swallowing against the fingers he has wrapped loosely around my throat.

“Anywhere.”

Neo’s lips tug up into a brilliant smile, so bright it makes the rain fade away as I stare at him, wondering how I’d gotten him. There were a million wolves, all who claimed to be loved, claimed to have a great bond, and they likely did, but none could possibly be loved the way Neo loved me.

He didn’t know me. He just knew I was his and that was enough.

“Anywhere,” he replies, sealing the promise. “I pick you as well, Zyair. I pick you; sweet and strong, powerful and stubborn. I pick you.”

My heart bleeds for him. It cracks open and bleeds for him and I sacrifice it willingly as I meet his lips again, desperately kissing him with everything I have.

I hoped this story would end happily for Hagen and Nikola, I truly did, but I could only thank Goddess that mine had done so before we’d even met.

“Never let me go again,” I breathe against him, warning making my tone harsh.

Neo chuckles before he kisses me deeply, “Never, dear. Never.”

In this tragedy, Neo was my calm, my centre, and as selfish as it was, I would not part with him for anything. Not even for Hagen.

———-

I don’t know if I was happier or sadder after writing this, but I’m glad for the perspective!

Thoughts???????????

Thoughts on Zyair stopping Hagen?? On his reuniting with Neo??? On their thoughts on the relationship??????

Zyair – I love him even more now because yeah he’s silly and horny, but he’s also lovely and strong when he needs to be and I love that he can be so strong when things are so rough

NEO!!!!! Ugh, his thoughts on Nikola’s feelings were rough, but his advice was much needed.

I’m so glad I made this a chapter in the end, because it is a vital paart of the story, and we’ll see it in how it affects them in the following chapters!

That’s it for now!

Love you all,
Tippy